Date August 14th 2018 / Time 1:30PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Wylde Residence – New York, New York

You look rather happy today, Lucille.

I smile broadly and nod my head as I bring the cup of coffee to my lips.

“I am.”

You’ve made your decision?

“I have.”

I take a moment, inhaling the bitter-sweet scent of the drink within the cup, wanting to take a moment to file the memory of it away inside my head before putting the cup back down onto the table.

I’ve made my decision. After last night, after my final match.. I came home and I realized that today was meant to be the day. I can’t quite put my finger on why, but I just know. I woke up this morning feeling so at peace with myself and everything that’s been plaguing me for months now. I went through this day so far, reflecting on everything that’s happened and everything that I’m about to give up… and instead of feeling bad, I feel calmed by it.

Everything is about to be okay.

Everything is about to be the way that it was always supposed to be.

Today, hmmm? Good, good.

It is good. It’s good to finally know. It’s good to finally be able to look at everyone else through a different lens. A lens not filled with anger, sadness and hatred. A lens of love and appreciation… and consideration, because I know now as well, that this world is going to be a much, much better place without me in it. Zane, Alan or Maggie will take what I’ve earned and they’ll forge a much greater and more meaningful path than I could have ever imagined. They will slowly push my name from existence, or at the very least to a small asterisk at the bottom of the UGWC history books.

And I’m okay with that. It’s for the best.

I turn my head, peering across the room at the kitchen counter where a large bottle of whiskey sits, along with two full pill bottles – my newly refilled prescription of pain medicine and an over the counter sleep aid. My plan, coming together.

Your plan looks like it is ready to be put into motion, Lucille.

I get up from the table and move across the room; grabbing all three bottles and taking them over to the giant glass door that overlooks the patio and the New York City skyline. I take a deep breath, sitting down on the floor and slowly opening each bottle as I stare out at the world outside of this place.

I can’t call this place a home. Not anymore.

I can call it a beautiful place to see the city, or a lovely place to lay my head at night.. And a nice place to have a party.. I can call it all of those things… But now all it is is the perfect place to die.

I take a quick sip of whiskey and stare down at the pills.

You’re not having second thoughts, are you?

I shake my head almost immediately.

“No.”

I upturn one of the pill bottles, dumping some of the contents into my mouth – chasing the pills down my throat with a big take of whiskey. I close my eyes after I swallow, feeling what feels like each individual pill sliding down my throat towards my stomach. I do that again, and again until I’m now staring down at two empty pill bottles… and a half empty bottle of booze.

I move to put the cap back on the bottle, thinking about putting it away for another time – until I remember that there won’t be anymore time after today… So I slowly, yet surely polish off the last of the bottle.

How are you feeling, Lucille?

I nod my head, sitting the nearly empty bottle on the ground beside the others and I glance outside at the rest of the city.

“It’s beautiful.. Isn’t it?”

I say out loud, trying to keep the cityscape from moving around too much as I slide my body closer to the door. I lay my hands against the cool glass, followed by my forehead. I take a few deep breaths, wondering if the pills were taking effect already.. Or if it’s just the incredible amount of alcohol I’d just ingested that’s making me feel this way.

Perhaps it’s both.

I nod my head as my phone rings from inside my pocket. I reach down, trying not to fall over in the process as I pull it out and turn the screen on.

There’s no need to look at that right now… Let it go.

My eyes widen as I look down at the phone to see Joe’s message. When I sent those earlier, I honestly thought that he’d see that I was feeling better and he’d leave well enough alone. Now he wants to come over?

Tell him you’re busy.

I press send and I lay the phone down on the ground beside me, noticing that my hand is shaking. I’m sure he’ll see that I’m… busy… and he’ll just go back to whatever he’s doing today.. Maybe he’s spending time with Stacy and Lizzy. That’s good. I’m glad she came back to him. He’s a good man. He’s a great man… Someone I’ve grown to…

Don’t even say it, Lucille. You know you are nowhere near as important to him as his wife and child.

I nod my head again.

“I know.”

 

I don’t know how long it’s been… as I lay here on the floor, staring up at the sky as the sun begins moving across the sky – bright blue, painted lightly with wispy clouds. Such a beautiful sight.. The perfect way to spend my last…

However long I have…

I smile softly, as the suns rays stream through the clouds.

It is beautiful.

“I… I know…”

I say quietly, holding my eyes closed for a few moments, letting the contentment wash over me with each soft breath. I’m at peace with what I’ve done and the path that I’ve set myself on. I pull my eyes back open, although it’s a struggle to do so… I just want to look at the sky one more time.

The same sky that everyone I’ve ever loved is looking at. The same sky that will see me leave this world and all of those same people’s lives for the better.

God, I’m tired.

So tired.

It’s time, Lucille.

He doesn’t have to say it… I know it. I feel it, and I welcome it.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!!

My eyes open again as I hear the knocking on the door. I roll my eyes to the side, trying to look towards the door. My entire body feels like it’s stuck to the floor as I smile and shake my head.

“I’m.. I’m sorry…”

I say quietly, turning my sight back to the view outside.

“No one’s home…”

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!!

I take in a small breath and try to ignore the knocking as it grows louder, more desperate as I hear someone yelling outside the door.

Whatever.

Whoever it is… they’ll go away eventually.

CRUNCH! CRASH!!!

I hear the door splinter and fall to the floor – and a voice, a familiar voice accompanying a set of familiar footfalls.

“LUCY!”

“Hi…. Joe….”

I reply softly, closing my eyes and smiling to myself. It’s getting harder to breathe and to keep my eyes open as I hear him run up to me, kneeling beside me. I turn my head and open my eyes just slightly, enough to see him glance down at the empty bottles laying around me – enough to see the look of fear, of desperation in his eyes.

“Nice of you to… come see me off.”

I close my eyes again and I can feel myself starting to drift off..

Until I feel his arms slide under me, lifting me up into the air – shaking me as he does.

“No no no no no no no. Don’t go to sleep, Luce.”

“Hey.. Please put me back… I was looking…”

I don’t want to leave here. This is the perfect spot, the perfect place… He can’t take me away…

I told you, he doesn’t care what you need, Lucille…

I turn my head away from him, staring back out the window, out at the skyline I’ve grown to love so much – the skyline I wanted to…

“It’s the perfect day, isn’t it?”

His grip tightens on me as he turns away from the window.

“Yeah, it’s the perfect day. So how about you stay awake, and we’ll continue the perfect day from a hospital room.”

You don’t want that…

I don’t. I start moving around in his arms.

“No, no… I’d rather stay here. Just let me go.. Please?”

I try to lift my head up and I try to move my arms to push myself away from him but instead, my head falls back and I yawn, resigned to let myself go in his arms. Maybe he wanted it this way. Maybe that’s why he wanted to be here… to witness this. To be able to go back home knowing that I’ll no longer be..

He rocks me hard..

“Can’t do that. You know I can’t.”

I grimace and shake my head.

“You.. You… should..”

My lips.. They feel like jelly on my face and my head… My thoughts are jumbled. I’m so sleepy. I’m so ready.

“Dad and.. And me think… it’s for the best…”

His grip tightens even harder as I feel us moving through the room.

“Lucy, your shitbag of a father is dead. You don’t have to do what he wants anymore.”

As long as she lives, Joseph.. I’ll never be gone…

I force my eyes open to look at his face one more time, to let him know.. He has to know…

“As.. As long as I’m here…”

I close my eyes again..

“Lucy… LUCY!”

I reopen them and shake my head.

“He was right.. No… No one needs me…

He shakes me again just as I close my eyes again.

“You’re wrong, Luce. I need you.”

“It’s okay.. It’s okay Joe… I’m… I’m fine with it. Just.. let me…”

I feel his pace pick up.

“No Lucy… I need you.. Just stay awake… Okay?!”

“No.. You don’t… Joe…”

He stops, and I feel his face against my ear – as if he’s hugging me one last time..

“Yes I do. I love you.”

I open my mouth to respond, but everything fades t…

….

….

….

 

Laughter.

Loud. Obnoxious. Hysterical.

Laughter.

“You know, Lucille…”

I open my eyes to see my father standing in front of me, surrounded by a bright light. He smiles happily, as if he’s just won the lottery. The laughter is coming from him as I watch him begin laughing once again, grabbing his stomach and bending over.

“You know, I always thought you were stupid. I raised you, after all. But did I ever imagine in my wildest dreams that you’d be this moronic?”

He stands back up and looks me over, the smile never leaving his lips.

“God, no. But you’ve always got to prove me wrong, don’t you?”

I look around me, at the void that surrounds us. Nothing but white light, nothingness. Where are we? Am I…?

“Am I–”

He shakes his head, approaching me.

“Not yet. But it shouldn’t be long now.”

I nod my head in return and glance down at my hands. What have I done? What in the hell have I done?

“You did exactly what I wanted you to. That’s why this is so funny, don’t you get it?”

I turn away from him, trying to rack my brain – trying to remember what happened before I ended up here.

“You tried to kill yourself, Lucille. I say tried, because at the moment you’re on your way to the hospital and if he gets you there before you… well, you know.. Then all of this will have been for nothing.”

“All of this?”

“The months of convincing you to do this. If he ends up saving you, I’ll have wasted my time. Although the fact that you even attempted it makes it almost worth it. Almost.”

That’s it. I remember Joe being there… I remember him carrying me… I remember him…

“Do you remember him telling you that he loved you?”

Finally, I look up into my father’s eyes – the look on his face settled out into a more serious tone as he asks me that question. Do I remember Joe telling me that he loved me? Why would he tell me that?

“I… I don’t remember.”

“Oh, you will. That is, unless you’re a goner. Then you and I will be stuck here for eternity and I’ll take great pleasure in reminding you day after day, year after year what you gave up because you allowed me into your mind.”

My eyebrows raise.

“Allowed you? How could I have allowed you? You preyed on me my entire life.. I didn’t have a choice! I–”

“You’ve always had a choice, Lucille. You just find yourself so constantly trying to turn yourself into the victim that you don’t realize that a lot of the things in your life that have gone wrong – they’re your fault. Your doing, because you made the wrong choice.”

I open my mouth to speak again, but he cuts me off as he stands above me – his shadow overtaking me, creating the only dark spot within this… place.

“You ran away from your husband. You divorced him because you thought you had something better with Gabriel Baal. You disguise yourself as ‘just a friend’ to him, and were shocked when he turned against you after you made your true intentions known. You got yourself involved with a young, naive girl who worships the ground you walk on because you were desperate for any kind of attention after your last two attempts at finding love were rebuked. You allowed your hatred to consume you, allowing yourself to be captured by Baal and brought right to me. And afterward? You pushed everyone else away, you let me get into your mind and you believed that what I said was the truth… And now here we are, Lucille. You reap what you sow, I’m afraid.”

My stomach sinks as I lower myself to the ground.

He’s right.

Everything that has happened, I was the reason for all of it. And now? I’m going to die. I’m going to pass away without letting everyone know that I understand now. I get it.

“The best part is though that the one rushing you to the hospital right now, he loves you. Desperately. And you honestly believed that he was hiding something horrible from you. Not to mention that young girl who loves you as well… Everything she’s done lately.. It really has been for your benefit but you couldn’t look past your own contempt and insecurities to tell me that I was wrong.”

“Wow…”

I say softly, shaking my head.

“I’m going to lose everything. Aren’t I?”

He nods his head triumphantly.

“I told you I wasn’t done ruining your life, Lucille. Daddy made good on his promise, didn’t he?”

“You sure did..”

I whisper, feeling defeated. I let myself believe the worst of everyone around me because I guess I wanted to. I wanted to push them all away. I wanted to single myself out, to be labeled a victim. But what can I do about it now?

I look back up into his eyes, and even though he’s smiling again now, those eyes still look just as cold and calculating as they did when he looked upon me as I sat there in that warehouse, bound and at his mercy. It looks like he’s got me bound again.. At his mercy… But this time it’s for good. This time there’s no one there to save me in the nick of time.

“No!”

He screams out after a long, drawn out pause.

“What?”

“NO! No, no no!!!”

I stand up, moving towards him… and then I feel it…

“Ouch!”

I whimper, clutching at my throat as a searing pain shoots through it. I feel something moving from my throat into my stomach – causing me to fall to my knees in agony.

“W-What’s going…”

He whips around and now, as he looks down at me, the anger on his face takes over. He stomps the ground in a fit of rage.

“He got you to the hospital.. But I’m not letting you go that easily, Lucille!”

He drops to his knees in front of me, wrapping his hands around my neck and squeezing. I reach up and try to pull them off but I can’t.

“You… Aren’t… getting… Another… Chance!!!!!!”

 

Date August 2018 / Time Unknown / Status Not Recording
Location Unknown

“No…. No… let me go.”

Shaking my head, trying to pry his hands off of me..

“Lucy…”

“I have to… make it…”

I have to make everything right. I have to. I can’t do this to everyone I love…

“Lucy?”

My eyes fly open at the sound of his voice, to see him hovering above me, a desperate look in those green hues of his. I look around the room, fully expecting to see nothing – yet I’m surprised and disoriented to see a hospital room. Bed, television, chairs, medical charts.. Everything one would expect to see within these particular confines.

Am I really here?

Finally I settle my gaze back upon Joe’s face.

“Joe? What are you doing here?”

He lets out a deep, exasperated sigh and shakes his head.

“Wondering how I always end up being the one to rush people to the hospital because of an overdose…”

Am I really here? Or is this just another dream? Was that even a dream? I don’t know… but I take a few deep breaths as I lay my head back onto the pillow, taking solace in the air I feel rushing into and out of my lungs.

“I’m alive…”

“Barely. What the fuck were you thinking?”

He turns his back to me and starts pacing around the bed, running his hands through his hair. I can see the mish-mash of emotions on his face, and while I’ve seen him upset and angry before… I’ve never seen him quite like this.

And I honestly never hope to again.

It’s in this moment I realize that the pain he’s feeling is because of me. Because of my weak-mindedness and my inability to believe in myself and those who care about me. I did this. I did this to him, and I honestly don’t know if I can ever make it right.

I sigh and bring my hands up to my face, ashamed of everything right now. Not only do I feel miserable physically, but mentally… Good lord… I’m sitting here alive because of him, because he never gave up on me even when I’d given up on him. Even when I’d given up on everything and everyone…

I thought I made the right choice. I was wrong.

“I…”

I don’t even know what to say to him. I feel foolish. I feel stupid.

I pull my hands away from my face to find them covered in tears. Joe turns around and sees me, just as I glance over in his direction. I think he can see the lost look in my eyes too as he comes back to my side and sits down.

“Look, I didn’t mean to snap. I just…I’ve been through this before and I thought I was going to lose you. It’s not a good feeling.”

“I thought I was doing you.. And everyone else a favor…”

I reply softly, wiping my cheeks dry – only to feel more tears wetting them again almost instantly. The look on his face is one of disbelief. If I know him as well as I think I do, I know he’s wondering if anything he’s done had made me feel that way.

But it wasn’t him. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.

“What would give you that idea?”

I sigh again, pointing to my head with both hands.

“Him.”

He stares at me for a few moments, dumbfounded. I can see the gears in his head working as he analyzes what I’d just said. After a little while, he slowly begins nodding – as if the fog within his mind is clearing and he realizes what I’m saying. The look on his face turns solemn as he does and it hurts me to see him hurt…

“I see. How long has that been going on?”

I lean forward on the bed, shaking my head.

“I don’t know.. since he didn’t kill me the first go around?”

I say that last part almost questioningly because honestly, I don’t remember when this started. I don’t remember a time in recent memory that I didn’t hear my father’s voice inside my head, guiding me into decisions that I hopefully wouldn’t have made otherwise. I can blame him all I want for what he did… Or what he tried to do.. But at the end of the day, I’m the one who opened herself up to suggestion, he’s just the one that took advantage of it.

“That’s been months. Why didn’t you say something? Or go to the doctor I told you about?”

I feel my cheeks flushing and I look away from him. Those are good questions. Questions I’m not sure I have the answers to..

“It wasn’t that easy. It’s like.. I knew. I fucking knew it was just a voice inside my head, telling me that I wasn’t fit for this world. I knew that. But everytime he spoke… everytime he pointed something out, something that had happened… His points started to make sense. Everything that has happened with Maggie recently… He told me she didn’t care. That she was out for herself… And when things happened, he told me that he was right.. And I accepted that. He told me you…”

I stop for a moment, my heart starting to beat faster in my chest and my breath catching in my throat.

“That you.. Were hiding something from me…”

I turn my head to look back into his eyes.

“And that was true too.”

“I…”

Joe looks away, a bit of flush in his cheeks.

“I didn’t think you heard that.”

I nod my head.

“It was the last thing..”

I reply quietly. The last thing I remember hearing before I passed out. I didn’t remember it right away… But when I did… I realized that things weren’t ever going to be the same. I’m not really sure how to handle the knowledge that he.. That he loves me. That he was desperate not to lose me… After everything I’ve put him (and everyone else) through… How could he still feel that way? Or even feel that way at all?

“Look, I know I shouldn’t have said that. We’re not exactly single and it wasn’t the right time. I just thought I was going to lose you and…”

He stops and closes his mouth, letting his words hang in the air between us. I understand perfectly how he feels.. Unsure of what to say or how to say it. Unsure of what to make of any of this now that it’s out in the open…

We just sit here in silence for a while until a thought enters my mind.

“It sounds like it was the right time to me…”

I finally say, breaking the long silence.

“I… I love you too, you know?”

The words just tumble out of my mouth as I stare at him and his eyes widen. I do love him. He and I have always shared a lot in common, we’ve always understood one another in ways that a lot of other people don’t. Admitting that doesn’t help me understand my reasoning for keeping all of this from him though… It doesn’t help one bit. If anyone would understand what I’ve been dealing with… it would have been him.

Yet another reason.. And another conundrum for myself to navigate through.

He sits there for a few moments, stunned.. Before he adjusts himself in his chair and fidgets with his hands in his lap.

“No, I didn’t know that. I thought…what about Maggie?”

My lips turn downward. What about Maggie? What about Stacy? What about the people that we care about outside of one another? I don’t know.. I broke things off with Maggie in a fit of rage a few weeks ago after she… She came out during my match with Vain. I went off on her unnecessarily. I screamed at her like a child in front of everyone. I broke her heart and I left her there, not caring what would happen to her.

So, what about her?

I look down at my own hands and shrug.

“I.. I don’t know…”

Joe sighs softly and leans forward in the chair, leaning on his elbows.

“I have no idea what to do from here.”

“Me either..”

I reply in a whisper as I lay back on the bed again.

“But.. can we just not worry about that right now? I-I don’t know how much more my brain can handle right now…”

I reach out for his hand and he gives it to me without hesitation. I lay my head back, resting our interlaced hands on my stomach, stroking the soft skin of his hand with both of my thumbs. This is as close as he and I have ever been… I can’t describe the comfort I feel just from touching his hand… It’s surreal.

To think I almost let this go… I almost let him go… Him and everyone else that means anything to me. He gave me a second chance.. A third chance if I count that time he saved me from my father before… It’s about time I stop wasting my chances because this might be the last one I get.

 

Date August 17 2018 / Time 11:01AM / Status Not Recording
Location The Office of Doctor Irene Itzkof, MD – New York City, New York

“Good morning, Miss Wylde.”

Her voice nearly startles me out of my chair as she enters the office and walks effortlessly around the desk and sits down, all before I even have the chance to choke out a ‘good morning’ back to her.

I honestly didn’t want to do this. I didn’t even want to be here, but over the last few days I’ve realized that it really isn’t about what I want as much as it’s about what I need. That and seeing the worry and the hurt in Joe’s eyes as I was discharged from the hospital yesterday with explicit instructions to see a psychiatrist to work through the jumble of thoughts that’s invaded my head.

That’s the only thing that’s going to help me get better, he told me. He told me that he’s been through the same thing.. He’s dealt with his own voices, his own demons but talking to someone about it helps… And that’s why I’m here. Because I need to do that too. I need to take the steps in order to make myself… me again.

You really think you can do that?

I nearly choke on the water I’m drinking as I hear his voice again, for the first time since…

“Miss Wylde?”

I shake my head and bring my weary gaze back up to meet her warm one. Maybe I didn’t just hear that. Maybe it’s all in my–

All in your head? Lucille, that’s where I’ve been all along…

“Y-Yes… Good morning..”

She settles back in her chair, opening a file folder in front of her and laying a large notepad beside it.

“How are you doing this morning?”

How am I doing? How am I doing?!

I run my hand through my hair and shake my head.

“I could be better.”

She reaches out and picks up a pen, jotting a few things down on the notepad.

“Tell me about it.”

Oh boy is she in for it…

Don’t tell her anything. You can handle this on your own.

Right. Because I’ve done such a great job of handling this up to this point, right? No, I’m not listening to him anymore. I’m not letting myself do anything else that’s going to hurt those that make my life better.

“A few days ago… I tried to kill myself.”

She doesn’t look up from her notepad, but she nods her head.

“I.. Um.. I don’t really know what to say. I did something stupid and it effected everyone that I care about.”

“How about we start with why? What made you want to harm yourself, Lucille?”

My eyes widen.

“Please, call me Lucy. I.. Don’t much care for my full name.”

She nods again and looks across the desk at me, apologetically.

“My apologies, Lucy.”

“No, no.. It’s fine. It’s just, that’s what my father calls me and…”

“And?”

I can feel myself starting to panic. I try to take a few deep breaths and continue, but the more I look at her, at that notepad, at this office.. The more I wish I could just run away.

“It’s a long story… Really.”

“Well, we’ve got all the time in the world, Lucy.”

Her voice is calming, but only a little. She’s a stranger, after all. Someone I’ve never met that I’m expected to tell my life story to. I know they say it’s easier to tell someone you don’t know, someone that won’t judge you about these types of things.. But I’m not so sure about that.

“Yeah… I.. Um. I tried to hurt myself because… Because I’ve been hearing my father’s voice in my head, um.. Since he tried to kill me a few months ago.”

“I see… And what has this voice been telling you?”

“That no one in my life cares about me. That they’d rather see me dead than have to deal with me anymore… He.. I mean it’s been trying to convince me for a while now that there’s nowhere in this world for me… And I believed it… I mean him…. I mean it.”

“And do you believe that now?”

I shake my head vehemently.

“No..”

“You don’t sound sure of that, Lucy.”

I shrug my shoulders.

“It’s hard to know what I’m sure of at this point. I know I spent a long time being told I was worthless, I chose not to believe it.. I chose to rise above it.. For years I did.. I don’t know what changed. I don’t know why suddenly I started to believe those things about people who have always shown me that I was an important part of their lives.. People who.. love me, people who’ve given me no reason to doubt those feelings.”

“You say that you’ve been hearing these things, and believing them since your father… Tried to kill you? Tell me about that experience.”

I sigh deeply and put my glass of water down on the desk.

“I was set to fight a man that I’d been… infatuated with. I guess that’s the right word. I wanted to be his friend, but in my mind… I think I wanted more. But he wound up aligning himself with a group of people that I personally didn’t care for and I took offense to that. I took it really hard and it brought about a lot of bad feelings between he and I. Anyway, he challenged me for my world title… and in doing so, he attacked all of my friends, one by one… hurting some of them seriously until he finally got to me. He attacked my girlfriend at the time, and he made me watch him do it before he abducted me and handed me over to my father.”

“Fight?”

I nod my head.

“I’m a wrestler. I’m the world champion of the United Global Wrestling Coalition. Anyway.. He handed me over to my father and I was stuck in that warehouse for ten days. Ten days of torture while he beat me and told me that he was going to kill me. I had honestly gotten to the point in that warehouse that I really did believe that I was going to die there… Until my mother decided to take things into her own hands.”

“And what did she do?”

“She killed him.”

I say, staring off into space, thinking back to that moment when I saw that blade poking out of the front of his chest, and the blood that poured from that mortal wound… I remember the look on his face when he fell over, his blood pooling around him, soaking into my clothing as I laid on that unforgiving ground.

“She stabbed him through the chest as he choked me.. I don’t remember much afterwards.. Well until my best friend and my girlfriend found me. But it stuck in my head… everything that he’d told me, everything that he did… I guess it stuck with me more than I thought because not too long after.. I started hearing his voice in my head, telling me that I was going to finish what he failed to.”

“By reminding you of..”

“Of how worthless I am and how much the people I’ve come to love wanted me gone.”

“But they found you?”

I can’t help myself as I chuckle.

“I know, ridiculous, isn’t it? They found me. They saved me… Yet every time I turned around after all of that, I found reasons to believe that they didn’t want me around anymore.”

“It’s not ridiculous at all, Lucy.”

My eyes widen.

“It’s not?”

“No, not at all. You’ve dealt with a lot of trauma in the past few months. I’d even venture to say that you’ve dealt with it most of your life. We’ll have to dive a bit into your childhood on your next visit, but I’d like to continue talking about this since it’s much fresher in your mind. Now, how do you feel about that voice now? Are you still hearing it?”

“Not as much as I did before… Well, you know… But yes.”

I’m ashamed to admit that. I’m embarrassed to admit that even after I tried to off myself, that he’s still in here somewhere.. Still trying to derail me even more than he already has.

“I don’t believe him though. Not anymore. But.. But will he ever be gone? Will I ever get rid of him?”

A tense silence settles between us for a few moments, and in that time I sit here and I worry that this is always going to be something I deal with now.. Something that I will have to fight for the rest of my life and that scares me. It absolutely terrifies me.

But I guess that’s what this is all about, isn’t it? It’s about fighting it.. It’s about being above it.. Like I used to be and if that’s what I have to do in order to keep what I’ve got, then so be it.

Finally, she looks up at me and smiles softly.

“I can’t really tell you yes or no, Lucy.. But I can tell you that we’re going to do our best to work through this and hopefully you’ll be without your passenger after a while. But for now, you just have to remember that you are the one in control of your mind, not him or anyone else.”

 

Date August 18 2018 / Time 2:45PM / Status RECORDING
Location Press Conference at the Xcel Energy Center – St. Paul, Minnesota

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these things.. And I’m not really sure I’m truly ready for this, considering the way this last week has gone. But I will say that yesterday’s meeting with my new doctor has made me feel better and at least mostly up to the task in front of me. Namely my world title match at Day of Reckoning against Zane, Alan… and Maggie.

Before I can get to that though, here I am waiting to head out onto the stage for a press conference that I had forgotten I’d been scheduled for. Probably that whole ‘thinking that last week was my final match and then trying to kill myself thing’. Luckily Donovan reminded me last night or else I would have been a no-show here in Minnesota today.

I hear my music begin playing and once the stagehand motions to me that it’s time for me to go.. I hesitate.

Do I really need to do this?

Is a press conference really necessary?

I don’t get much chance to consider anything as the stage hand again motions for me to go.. And this time, I step through the curtain and out onto the stage as the crowd gathered around begins cheering.

LU-CY! LU-CY! LU-CY!

They chant as I make my way over to the table and take a seat, immediately going for the bottle of water in front of me. I need something to keep my hands busy as I stare out at all these people, some of them here just to grill me on anything and everything.. And other’s.. Here because they are fans. They love me and for some reason they stood out here in this weather waiting for a chance to see me.

Well I’m not about to disappoint them.

I reach out with a temporarily free hand and I pull the microphone towards me.

“Hey everyone.. Man, I didn’t expect to see this many people out here when I came out. How are you all doing?!”

I smile as most of them cheer even harder in response to my question. It’s amazing what nearly taking your own life will make you realize in the aftermath.

“Are we ready to get this thing started?”

Before I can even finish the question, hands are raised into the air, waving and doing anything possible to get my attention. I point to someone standing towards the back of the pack, his hands waving wildly as he screams my name. Someone with a microphone rushes over and shoves it in the mans face.

“Hi.. Hi Miss Wylde, I’m a huge fan. I just wanted to know… Is a tessaract truly possible?”

The people around the man begin heckling him for his question that has nothing to do with the double title match in a few days time… But after a few seconds of watching this, I shake my head and clear my throat.

“Hey, hey.. It’s a legitimate question… But I just need to know.. Are we talking geometry or are we talking Marvel?”

Everyone goes quiet and the man holding the mic smiles big.

“Marvel, Miss Wylde. I’m sorry.. I was just so nervous and I didn’t expect you to pick me and–”

I put my hand up and shake my head again.

“No problem.. We’ve got all day to talk about my match at Day of Reckoning. The Tessaract. That’s the thing that Loki has been obsessed with since forever, right? Yeah. If I’m correct, it holds the space stone and can open gateways to anywhere in the universe.. Making travel a cinch, am I right?”

The crowd laughs as I sit back and cross my legs.

“You’re asking me if it’s possible.. At first glance, I’d say no. Something that powerful and dangerous couldn’t ever be a possibility in this world nowadays, right? I mean that’s what I want to think. I want to believe that a lot of the things we see in those movies are just there to play with our minds, to thrill us and make us wonder if things like aliens in new york or a man who can shrink himself to the size of an ant are ever going to be a possibility. But something that can take us anywhere we want, something that can get us there in a matter of seconds but can also cause tremendous harm? I don’t know. There are a lot of things in this world already that seem close to that… But I certainly hope that nothing like a Tessaract ends up being real because I don’t think humanity could handle it if it were.”

The crowd begins clapping and the man who asked that sits back down with a satisfied smile on his face. Within a few seconds, more hands are in the air and I point at someone else, a woman in what appears to be her mid-twenties and when the microphone person approaches, I can only hope that she’s got a question that actually pertains to what I’m here in Minnesota for this weekend.

“Hi, Lucy. Umm. I wanted to ask you, If you become a double champion, how will your reign mean more than Zane’s historical triple champion reign?”

“Oh.. damn. That’s a good question.”

I reply, wanting to take a moment to really gather my thoughts on this one. This one caught me off guard, but in a good way.

“To be honest with you, I never really thought about the possibility of walking away from Day of Reckoning as a double champion. I guess I should have because well, everyone else has thought about that, haven’t they? Especially Mr. Triple Champ himself. I don’t know. I’ve got a lot of respect for Zane and his reign as the triple champion, but as much as I respect him for holding three belts at one time, I also do not envy the amount of work that he had to put into holding those three title belts with any integrity. And he did do it with integrity. There’s no denying that. But how would I make my potential double title reign mean more than his triple title reign? I don’t think I could.”

A hush falls over the crowd and I put my hands up.

“Hold on, hold on. I’m not putting myself down. I’m not saying that I couldn’t be the champion that Zane was.. I’m just saying that the reign he had and the potential reign that I could have are two very different things. If I were to end up being the double champion, I can only assure you all that I’d do everything in my ability to be the champion that you all have already seen me be… Even more so. I don’t take this lightly, as I’m sure my opponents don’t either. This match could mean so many things for each of us and really, I just want to walk out with my world championship. If that happens, then I’m fine. If I walk out with the Cross-Hemisphere title belt then I’m fine too.. If I walk out with both? I’m up for the challenge… and if I walk out with nothing? Then I guess I’d better get my ass back to work. But as for my reign meaning more than Zane’s… That man made history and no one can take it from him. I can’t make my reign mean more than his, nor would I even want to try. Next question, please?”

I look out upon the crowd and select a shorter gentleman, standing directly in front of me.

“Lucy, you’ve been on an insane spree of success over the last two years. If you should walk away from Day of Reckoning with both championships, which Entertainment Professional do you believe a program with could top your already legendary career?”

I sigh and take a sip of water, trying to stop my hands from shaking as they rest in my lap.

“Hmmmm another double champion question. First off, I appreciate the compliment and while I do look back on my successes over the last two years with a lot of pride.. I do know that there’s always more that I can do. I just said that I wasn’t even entertaining the thought of walking out of Day of Reckoning with both the Cross-Hemisphere and the World Championships.. That is until a few moments ago, but on the off chance that I were able to pull both belts down on that night… I guess I’d be looking at two challengers wouldn’t I? I’d be looking at two potential programs… Or maybe one really big one with someone who wants both belts.”

I stop for a moment racking my brain. There are so many people to choose from. So many people and no guarantee that I’d even make it far enough to even entertain thoughts like these. After a few moments, I finally look back out at the crowd and grin.

“If I were to win both belts, I couldn’t think of anyone that I’d rather put one or both of them up against than Eden Morgan.”

My response shocks most of the crowd while some of them cheer for my choice.

“The first female world champion in the UGWC versus the second female world champion? Come on, who wouldn’t want to see that? Regardless of my personal feelings about Ms. Morgan… She’s one hell of a wrestler and I respect her talent out there in that ring. I’d be honored to face her for either or both of those belts, if I happen to make it out of Day of Reckoning with either or both. Unfortunately, when you’re dealing with Donovan Hastings and his hat.. One can never be too sure what the future might be.”

I leave off with a chuckle as I look out at the crowd, trying to decide who to pick next. I finally point to a woman on the far corner, barely raising her hand in the air. She looks surprised when the microphone makes it in front of her face.

“I.. Oh! Thank you Miss Wylde. Ummm… Well, What do you make of the assumption that starting a relationship with Maggie Lockheart sparked a sexual orientation revolution in UGWC?”

I raise my eyebrows in question as I sit here, letting that question sink into my head for a little while. I guess I didn’t really expect there to be any questions regarding Maggie… Since, well.. My outburst a few weeks ago. But then again, I guess not many people know about that, do they? Shit, I haven’t even talked to her since all of that happened, aside from a few snide words on Twitter.

“Well..”

I start out slowly, wanting to tread lightly. Fuck. Why’d I agree to this again? Oh that’s right, I didn’t really have a choice. Thanks Donovan…

You know… You could have just–

I close my eyes.

No. Not doing this right now.

“Well… I sit here wondering why anyone would think that my… ahem relationship with Maggie would have in anyway sparked a ‘sexual orientation revolution’ within the UGWC… I mean, I just went with my heart. I’m sure a lot of you are familiar with that. Maggie is someone I care about very deeply and I never went into that relationship with her thinking that it would make any kind of difference in anyone’s thinking or perception. Shit, I’m not the first woman to have been with another woman, you know? In my experience, with some of my peers… They seem to think it was desperation on my part, after my divorce from CJ… So I don’t really think I’m the right one to be asking about this. I’m just a woman who follows her heart.”

And my heart right now?

Jesus, I don’t even know. Not after the events of the last couple of days.

“I’m just a woman who thinks that a person should be able to freely love whoever in the hell they want to love… Everyone elses opinions be damned. As for that assumption… I think it’s unrealistic. There have been women before me who have felt that way and I’m sure there are women after me who will feel the same exact way. I’m not the face of a revolution. I’m just someone who wants to live my life… in whatever way makes me happy.”

I bite my lip, and look away – wondering why that in particular is such a big deal. I guess since I’m the world champion? I don’t know. I wasn’t a world champion when Maggie and I got together… Hell, maybe it’s best that I don’t know what prompted that particular question. Maybe I just need to get through this and ponder about it later on…

Or not at all.

I don’t waste much time in pointing to the next person, a middle-aged man with a bald spot on the front of his head. He looks just about as eager as any.

“Hi Miss Wylde… Goodness it’s so nice to see you here…”

Alarms start going off in my head. Does he know?! Does he know about what happened earlier this week?!

“If you win at Day of Reckoning, an Outlast team consisting of which four competitors would worry you the most?”

I try to push those red flags to the back of my head and think about the question he just asked. It’s hard to though… I pull my hands through my hair and lay them on the table in front of me, he’s probably just happy that I showed up. Nothing more.

Are you sure about that?

No.. But isn’t that the point? Leave me alone…

I pull in a deep breath and smile out at the man who just asked me that question.

“From my experience, Outlast is a time when you have to worry about everyone. I mean in my last two Outlast’s.. I’ve made it to the finals, but I’ve never walked out of there with that world title. Everyone brings their best at Outlast, just like they do on every other pay per view of the year. But I guess in my mind, if I come out of Day of Reckoning with the World title… I would be most worried about a team made up of Eden Morgan, Gabriel Baal, Kem Dynamo and… Maggie Lockheart.”

The crowd ‘Ooohhhs’ and I can’t help but roll my eyes.

“I know, why? Because in my experience… Those four people are incredibly hard to beat when they’re at their best. I’ve been lucky to have beaten Gabriel… but that was by the skin of my teeth. I’ve been lucky to beat Kem, because let’s face it… when she wants something, she’s going to go all out in order to get it… She proved that to me at Wrestlestock. As for Eden, she and I have never gotten a true, one on one that didn’t end up in some kind of interference, but as someone that I have great respect for as a competitor, I have to say that she’d be hard to beat if she had her sights set on me… And Maggie? Well you’ve seen her in the ring… She’s young, but what she lacks in age, she more than makes up for in raw, unadulterated talent. So yeah, those four are the ones that would worry me the most, even if they didn’t end up on a team together.”

Hands go flying up into the air again and I take a few seconds to sip on my water and look around at the people wanting to ask me something… None of them really stand out, but I guess I shouldn’t have expected them to. They all kind of blend together. Finally I point at an older woman.. Well I shouldn’t say older… She just looks like she’s been through the ringer. Regardless, when the microphone ends up in front of her, she looks happy.

“Well Lucy.. I kind of have an odd question…But maybe it’ll be fun.. Could you Sort yourself and your opponents each into a different Hogwarts house and explain your reasoning?”

“That’s a really good one, actually. Lucky for me I even know what Hogwarts is, right? Haha.”

She laughs and nods along with the rest of the crowd as they await my answer. Jesus God, these things make me think a lot.. But I guess it’s a good thing as it’s keeping my mind off of… other things, for the most part.

“Well… Let’s see… First off I guess I should say which house I’d put myself in. Which begs the question.. How do I see myself? I’ve always seen myself as someone who prides herself on her hard work and loyalty. I’ve always been someone who’d rather take the long way around if it means that I could do things honestly and fairly. So I guess the house that would most resonate with me as a person would be Hufflepuff. I may not be the smartest, or the most daring, or the most cunning person around.. But I take a lot of solace in the fact that I am the most dedicated, hard working, and loyal person on this roster.. Regardless of what belts I do or don’t hold.”

I stop, thinking for a moment about each of my opponents.

“As for Maggie… I see her more as a Gryffindor. Brave to a fault. Courageous. Anyone who’s seen her fight can easily see her daring nature. She’s far more gutsy than I’ll ever be. She recently took part in the Carnage Wrestling Monarchy of Anarchy tournament, something I don’t think I’d ever do… And she won. She won the entire thing because she’s willing to put herself out there and do what others don’t think that they can. She’s a great person on top of all that, regardless of what you see on Twitter or out there in that ring. Just because she does what needs to be done, doesn’t change who she is as a person… and that, to me is what makes her the perfect person to be called a Gryffindor.”

The crowd murmurs amongst themselves as I continue.

“Vain? That one is a tough one. Vain is smart and he’s cunning. He’s been around here for a long time, and in that time he’s forged a spot on everyone’s lists as one of the best wrestlers that the UGWC has ever seen. I think Ravenclaw would be a good fit for Alan. I think it takes a lot of knowledge and know-how to get to where he’s gotten in his career and to continue setting the bar higher and higher. Not to mention his wit. If I can, I’d prefer never to get into an argument of wits with that man because I know that I’d get my ass handed to me. The Ravenclaw house is symbolized by an eagle… a mighty and proud creature, which is exactly how I see Mr. Alan Wallace.”

I pause because there’s only one house and one opponent left…

“Last, but certainly not least… There’s Zane Scott. One of the most ambitious men I’ve ever met in my life. I mean come on, he’s held three championships at the same time, and he lived to talk about it.. Let alone come back and fight here in a few days to become a double champion. He’s a perfect Slytherin, don’t you think? Slytherins are resourceful and Zane Scott is resourceful. Slytherins are ambitious.. And as I just said, Zane is ambitious for days. I know Slytherin has a negative connotation, and if you would have asked me this a year or so ago, back when Zane and I fought for the Cross-Hemisphere Championship.. I might be making this statement with much more negativity than I am right now. Traits are traits and Zane just so happens to hold the traits which would put him into the house of Slytherin.”

Another pause, just a bit of reflection as I watch hands go back into the air, but I’m not quite done yet with this question.

“Now, I’m not saying that each of us doesn’t hold qualities that are found in all the other houses.. I mean come on… Hermoine was smart, but she was in Gryffindor. Harry was cunning, yet he wasn’t in Slytherin. Ron was loyal… yet he didn’t get into Hufflepuff. I don’t know, I guess I’m saying that Maggie, Zane, Alan and I are different, yet we’re all similar. We each just choose to harness different traits at different times. I think that’s what’s going to make this match one of the best and most challenging that I’ve ever been a part of.”

I motion to say that I’m finished and many hands fly into the air once again. This time I point to a man in glasses.

“Who do you feel is your current biggest rival in UGWC, Lucy?”

I smile.

“Myself.”

I say, looking out at the crowd for anymore questions, but the man speaks up once more.

“Do you care to elaborate on that?”

I sit up in the chair, making eye contact with him.

“Not really. I could tell you any number of names that would satisfy your question but I’d be lying. I’m my biggest rival, I always have been. It’s a constant struggle with myself to be at the top of this mountain and to continue to believe that I do belong here and that I do belong in such big matches with people who I respect and who could easily take this title belt from me. It’s a tough journey, a journey that I’m sure a lot of you have personally been on… Just remember that no matter what, you can do it… don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

I put my head down for a moment, and bring it back up to see people even more eager to ask questions than before.

“Okay, this is the last one folks… So make it a good one.”

I take a few moments to glance around, finally settling on a lady in a wheelchair at the front of the crowd.

“Thank you, Miss Wylde. I just wanted to ask you… If the world should end moments after your hand is raised in victory at Day of Reckoning, what would be your biggest regret?”

This one hits me hard as I feel my eyes stinging with tears. What wouldn’t I regret? Honestly? What wouldn’t I regret if I didn’t have another moment after this coming show?

“Damn, that’s a loaded question. I… I’ve done a lot of things that I regret. I’m here and I’m the reigning, defending UGWC World Champion and I’m damn proud of that fact. I’ve went through hell and back to get here too… But that doesn’t make me perfect. That doesn’t make me worthy of your adulation and your love. I regret that I’ve taken advantage of that in the past and I’ve used it against others. I regret that I’ve taken the low road when I should have stayed on the high road. I regret that I’ve hurt those that I care about…”

I stop and look into the camera, wondering if those two people in particular are watching.

“I regret that I turned my back on my sister when we were kids and left her in order to save my own skin. I regret that let my anger and my hatred get the best of me over the last few months and let it turn me into someone that I didn’t know anymore. I regret not standing up for others when I should have, instead I belittled them along with everyone else. I regret not being the champion that I should have been.. The champion I know I can be. If the world were to end after I were to win at Day of Reckoning.. I don’t think I’d be very happy because I have a lot of things that I need to atone for… A lot of things that I need to make right.”

With that, I stand up and wipe the tears from my eyes. But I realize that I’m not done quite yet. I pull the microphone out of its holder and I bring it up to my mouth.

“But… Don’t let my outpouring of regret make any of you think that I’m not coming to Day of Reckoning to prove you two wrong.. Zane, Alan? You two are very full of yourselves and I totally understand why. You honestly have every right to be. But don’t think for a moment that I’m just going to let you walk all over me and take what I worked my ASS off to earn over these last two years.”

“I may have never beaten you, Alan.. and I know that you think that’ll help you come Monday… But I sincerely hope that you are as smart as I said you are because you should know as well as Zane and Maggie do… that I’m terribly hard to beat when I’m at my best.. And I’m going to be at my best on Monday. Sure, you beat me for the Cross-Hemisphere title before… in one hell of a match.. But that was then, and this is now. We’ve both changed and I’d like to hope that we both have grown through our experiences since then.”

“Zane… You and I have an interesting past. We’ve fought each other many, many times over the last two years… we’ve fought for the Cross-Hemispehere title many times and we’ve fought over the world title in the Global Challenge. I’m not ashamed to say that you bested me in that one… and you earned it. You earned what I’d been fighting and clawing for since my days in the OWF. I envied you for it. You made me want it more than I ever had, and once I got it? I understood what you meant and how you felt… and I understand how you feel now, searching for that fourth world title reign.. I’m just sorry that it’s not going to come at my expense.”

“Maggie… I don’t really know what to say to you except this… Come out there and be the Cross-Hemisphere champion that everyone knows you are. Be the talent that I know you are. Be that daring and brave woman that I’ve known over this last year and do what you have to… Because I damn well guarantee you that that’s what I’m going to be doing too. Don’t pull your punches. Don’t hesitate to put me down if you need to. That’s part of this game. I won’t hesistate to move you out of my way.. I won’t hesitate to move any of you out of my way if I need to… not because you’re less than I am… But because I respect you all that much.”

“I’m making my intentions clear here… I’m walking into Day of Reckoning as the UGWC World Heavyweight champion… and I damn well might walk back out with nothing, but that’s okay. Nothing will change me and the way I fight. Nothing will change the fact that with or without that belt, I will remain a champion in my heart.”

“See you all on Monday…”

I look out at the crowd and my stern face softens into a smile.

“And thank you for having me… Have a great day everyone.”

 

OOC: JC used with Permission.