Date September 10th 2018 / Time Unknown / Status Not Recording
Location UGWC Synergy – Chicago, Illinois

“Well now lass, if you aren’t a sight for sore eyes! I hate to say it but it looks like a bit of time away from the game has done you a bit of a good service there.”

I smirk and step into the trainers room, softly closing the door behind me. Leave it to JK to make actually feel good about what’s happened. Well that’s not exactly true either. Therapy has done a world of good so I guess that’s at least part if not the majority of the reason I’m able to stand here smiling… JK and his compliments takes a close second though.

It’s funny. He has no idea why or how – he just knows that some time off has done me good. If only he knew what drove me to that point… Well he’s going to know. That’s what I’m here to tell him after all.  I could have just told him earlier when Maggie was here, I mean I’m going to be telling her as well.. but I don’t know, I just didn’t want her finding out what happened like this.

I roll my eyes.

“Oh, come on. Now you’re just trying to embarrass me.”

I reply, giving him a look as I move across the room and sit down on one of the exam tables. He scoffs and shakes his head as he walks over, the smile on his face only growing.

“I mean look at ya. Look at the smile I see startin’ ta come out on that pretty face of yours. How are ya arms doing?”

“They’re getting there.”

JK squeezes my neck muscles, moving down my neckline moving down to my shoulders next. I try not to wince, because it’s the truth.. My arms are getting better – they’re just not one hundred percent yet.

“Nice… nice…. Very nice. Now I don’t make a habit outta sayin this to anyone really, but with you I figure I should start to gettin’ used to it. I’m quite literally impressed with how well… how quickly your body heals when it’s given the chance ta. Lucy I don’t see a scratch on ya lass. So what could ya possibly be wanting to see me for?”

He steps back and I pull in a deep breath, laying my hands on my lap. I’ve been wanting.. Or rather needing to talk to him about this since… well since I’ve had the sense to want to and now that I’m here, I find myself nervous. Of course, what I want to talk about isn’t exactly something that people go out of their way to admit to others. But my psychiatrist thinks this is a good part of my recovery, so here I am.

“Well, some things have happened… and I guess I just wanted you to be apprised of them because you are the one responsible for making sure I’m ready to wrestle each and every night, you know?”

His eyebrows raise in question.

“No ya got me worried, lass. What’s goin on?”

Here goes nothing, I guess.

“I guess I probably shouldn’t beat around the bush – right? It’s been pretty obvious over the last however many months it’s been that I haven’t really been myself.”

He nods his head vehemently.

“Ya got that right.”

I nod in return. I know I haven’t been the greatest person to be around since everything happened with my father. I knew it. I know it.. But there’s nothing I can do to change what I was or what I did and how I acted. The only thing I can fix is the here and now. The only thing I can do is make sure my future isn’t anything like my past.

I sigh softly.

“Yeah.. Well after all of that happened with my… Father, and he was killed… I started hearing his voice. He was telling me to end it. To do what he failed to do because I wasn’t wanted in this world.”

His face takes on a more somber look.

“Tell me ya didn’t listen to it, Lass.”

I shrug.

“I did listen to it. I believed it. I let it control me to the point where I thought everyone was out to get me and that no one wanted me around anymore. To put it plainly, JK.. I tried to kill myself six days before Day of Reckoning. It’s not something I’m proud of, to say that I let a voice in my head convince me that the people I love wanted me dead – but it is something I’m working through in therapy and it’s something I needed to bring to your attention for the sake of both our careers.”

A tense silence settles between us. I kind of knew it was going to end up this way; I mean this topic isn’t exactly a happy one. But as hard as it is to do sometimes, I keep my head up and I keep that confident look on my face because I know that the only way things get worked through is by talking about it – NOT holding it in until you implode.

It took a lot of mistakes to learn, but here I am.

After a few minutes he coughs and brings himself forward in the chair he’d been seated in, putting his elbows on his knees.

“Now you’re talkin’ about things that I don’t really get inta. Wait a minute, are ya askin’ me my opinion or are you asking me about what the rules say on the matter?”

I shrug my shoulders again.

“I don’t really know. I–I just know that I’ve not been very good in the past about being honest about my injuries and I know it’s put you in a really bad spot. I also know it’s not just me trying to get shit past you, but I’d like it to not be that way between us anymore, JK. I’d like to know what you think about this, whether I should keep wrestling or if I should give it up… And if the official rules say anything enlightening – I’d like to know that too.”

“Do you have an official diagnosis? Did they put you on any medication? Or is this more of like a talk-it-out kinda thing?”

“My therapist doesn’t want to put me on medication and at this point there is no official word on a diagnosis, so I guess at this point it’s more of a ‘talk it out’ kind of thing. She thinks dealing with the trauma I’ve went through with my father will help me get rid of that voice in my head and so far it is helping.”

He nods and stands up, moving towards me and patting my hand softly a few times.

“Well I’m glad ta hear that, Lucy. I’m glad ta hear ya are doing better but I am sorry ta hear you, well ya know – felt like ya didn’t have no one.”

He falls silent again, a thoughtful look in his eyes. I smile at him as he continues.

“But ya know that ain’t true now, right?”

“I do. That’s why I’m here. I’ve got a lot to atone for, JK and I’ve got a lot I still need to understand about myself and why I’ve done the things I’ve done.”

“Well.. as far as ye career is concerned.. I don’t see why ya can’t keep goin if ya be wantin to. Just keep up what ye doing and let me know if anything changes… Physically or Mentally, ya got me?”

I hop off the table and give him a quick hug.

“Absolutely. Thank you.”