Date June 6th 2018 / Time 10:13PM / Status Not Recording
Location Stalking Horse Bar – Baltimore, Maryland

(Continued from Amber Ryans CD – ‘The Clash’)

“Fuck me…”

I mutter to myself as I turn my body away from Amber, listening to her storm out of the bar – letting the door slam behind her on her way out. My shoes are drenched in whiskey. My face is red with a mixture of anger and embarrassment, and the bartender is staring a hole through me with his arms crossed over his chest.

It’s not like I didn’t already know I was going to be paying for a drink that I can no longer drink.. But the glass that I suppose I had a hand in breaking. I reach into my pocket and grab some cash, tossing it down on the bar in front of me.

“Yeah, I know. I know. I’ll clean it up.”

He nods his head and moves down the bar to help other patrons, most of which are still staring at me after that little spat Amber and I just had. Feeling all those eyes on me, it makes me think – The old me would have knocked Amber on her ass, and clocked anyone else who dared to even look in my direction after I did so.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I kick a few pieces of glass towards the bar before sitting back down, I motion to the barkeep for another glass and he shakes his head before continuing whatever it is that he’s doing. The phone starts ringing in my pocket and I roll my eyes. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. I’ve got too much shit on my mind, but I pull it out anyway and look at the screen – rolling my eyes again as I see who it is.

“John, what do you need?”

Just what I need right now, a phone call with my ex when I’m dealing with issues concerning the new boyfriend? Is that what he is? Fuck if I know.

“Nice to hear your voice too, KJ.”

“What’s going on? Is something wrong with baby girl?”

“No.”

I sigh and rub my temples with my free hand as the bartender puts a full glass down in front of me. I grab it immediately and take a drink.

“Then what do you need?”

“I was curious if you were actually going to be able to take her this coming week?”

If I were there right now, he’d be on the ground. If I was going to actually take my daughter… The fucker knows why I didn’t take her last week – Might have had something to do with my psychotic father kidnapping my sister. Might have had everything to do with that particular thing, and not wanting to get my daughter into harms way had he of come for me next.

“You know why in the fuck I didn’t get her, so why are you going to act like I’m this absentee fucking mother, John? And YES, I’ll be getting her after Chaos on Monday. Jesus fucking Christ.”

“Have you gone to see your sister?”

What is this, twenty questions?

“No, John. I haven’t. What do you care anyway?”

“Just curious if you would.”

My sister, Lucy and I don’t have the best of relationships. Sure, we grew up in the same abusive home, shared the same abusive piece of shit father, but in my mind she and I couldn’t be any different. She got kidnapped a couple of weeks ago, and yeah, sure.. I was concerned. I obviously don’t want my sister to die, but what everyone and their brother don’t get is that I also didn’t want to end up in the same predicament she was. What everyone doesn’t know is that that’s the shit I dream about at night, that’s the shit I fucking fear.

So yeah, when all that happened and then a few days later I got a nice little note from my father telling me that I was next – you’re damn right I didn’t join the Maggie/JC search committee. And now that she’s free, and my father’s dead… I somehow wish I’d of been there to see him die.

I almost can’t believe it’s true.

But that doesn’t mean I want to go see Lucy. Maybe I will, eventually. I don’t know.

“Well I haven’t. Are we done here? Or are there more questions? I’m really not in the mood right now.”

“Aw. Problems with the new boyfriend?”

I take another sip of whiskey and slam it down on the bar, garnering another stern look from the barkeep. Please bitch.. I dare you. Please say something…

“Fuck you John.”

And I hang the phone up. I don’t need his sarcastic bullshit right now. There’s a reason we’re divorcing. But his comment does make me think about what just happened with Amber that much more…

Is she right? I mean, does Jack see this as something that could actually go somewhere, or is this just a passing thing? The thought makes my stomach churn in my gut, it makes me anxious. I don’t know, I just feel something with him.. Something that I’ve not felt, like, ever. He’s not like John, or Jay… It’s hard to explain, but it’s there.

Something.

But is that something going to fuck up what he’s got going with Paragon? Jesus Christ, Amber said it pretty well herself, that I’m a fuck up. My track record is pretty bleak. The worst part is that all of my fuck ups are public record thanks to the fucking Carnage Network. It’s the go-to thing for everyone who has a problem with me or everyone who I face in the ring, unless they don’t know me.. But then again, just a little research does wonders.

Should I just let go of whatever this is and make sure Jack doesn’t get sidetracked and lose everything? Or should I ignore Amber and let myself be happy?

I don’t know.

“Fuck me…”

 

Date June 8th 2018 / Time 08:28PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Johnson Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

I hear a knock at the door just as I’m checking the oven, trying to finish up dinner before Jack gets here – but it appears I didn’t start early enough.

“Fuck… Hold on, I’m coming!”

I yell towards the door, ripping the apron from around my waist and throwing it down on the counter. I glance at the oven one more time, I think it looks okay.. But it’s been hard to focus since Jack accepted my invitation earlier today. I didn’t expect him this soon, but well lucky for me I’m already dressed and ready in my favorite dress.

I can’t believe I’m all dressed up in my own house for this dinner. It’s like I’m in high school all over again.

I rush out of the kitchen and towards the front door, realizing that I forgot my shoes just as I enter the foyer.

“Shit… Shit…”

I can’t answer the door without fucking shoes God damnit so I turn around and run back, slipping my heels on my feet – He is a great deal taller than me after all. I smooth my dress down as I run back towards the front door, fixing my hair just before I reach out for the doorknob and open the door.

“Hi.”

I say, smiling out at Jack standing there dapper in a sports coat, smiling back at me. He steps forward, holding up a bouquet of flowers as he smiles. Damn… Flowers. But as he steps into the doorway, he stops and sniffs the air.

“Is something burning?”

My eyes widen as I take the flowers from his hands and turn around – leaving him at the door in order to hopefully save our dinner.

“Damn well better not be…”

But when I get to the kitchen, I see smoke billowing from the oven.

“Oh fuck me.”

I mutter as the smoke alarm begins ringing out.

“I’m guessing you weren’t trying to smoke meats?”

I roll my eyes as I turn the oven off and turn around to find him literally standing right in front of me. Startled, I step back and shake my head.

“Good guess, Sherlock.”

I look up into his eyes for a moment. Damn he’s got pretty eyes. But it’s not long before the sound of the smoke alarm interrupts my thought process and I sigh, shaking my head. How embarrassing.

“I promise I’m a much better cook than this lets on..”

He leans in and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes for a split moment and when I open them, he’s reaching up to turn off the smoke alarm. Once the condo is silent once more, he looks down at me again with a grin.

“Well, the good news is that I always have a back up plan.”

He pulls out his cell phone and holds it up.

“What kind of pizza do you like?”

I look down at the flowers in my hands, fidgeting with them. I hadn’t gotten a chance yet to appreciate them. I haven’t gotten flowers in… ever. I turn away from Jack, wanting to find a vase to put them in – I want to look at them and remember.. Especially if this night doesn’t go exactly the way I hope.

“Pepperoni, or whatever. It doesn’t really matter to me. But, thank you.. For these, by the way. Flowers are a nice touch.”

I glance over to see him smile as he walks off, clicking away on his phone. I can’t help but smile in return as I notice that he took his jacket off and placed it on the back of the chair. Little things like that, makes me feel good. Makes me see how different he is than anyone else I’ve ever felt anything for. He’s a gentleman. He’s human. He’s proper, but damn do I have fun when I’m around him.

It’s hard to believe he’s real sometimes. Like maybe I am living in a dream world.. Until I remember that conversation with Amber and how real that was… And then those fuzzy feelings just slowly slip away.

Jack turns around and puts his phone away as I watch him, and the grin on his face grows as he approaches again.

“Okay, crisis averted. Now while we wait, I heard you say something about um… ‘fucking’ you in the kitchen?”

I can’t stop myself from laughing. It’s not often I hear him say a curse word, considering he’s told me about that particular thing many times.. But that question… It came out of left field. I feel my cheeks warm slightly as I turn away; grabbing a bottle of wine off of the counter, trying to look busy.

“Suave. So suave. You want a drink?”

I can’t believe I’m embarrassed. As I fumble with the glasses and the cork of the wine bottle, I realize that my hands are shaking. Jesus Christ I’m nervous. I glance over to see him nodding in response to my question and I realize that now is the time. I’ve got to talk to him about this. I’ve got to talk to him about us.

I bring two full glasses of wine over to him, handing him one.

“Hey..”

I say softly, my eyes coming up to meet his.

“I.. Uh, need to ask you something.”

He takes a sip of wine, his eyebrows raised in question as he looks down into my eyes.

“Shoot.”

I reach up and rub the back of my neck. God I don’t want to do this.. But I have to know if she’s right.

“Is this just a stupid fling to you?”

“What?”

I sigh.

“Just tell me. Is there something here, or is it just something that’s going to… distract you from things you really need to be focusing on?”

My cheeks burn harder as I look up into his eyes, hoping and praying that I get the answer I want.. Not the answer I think is going to come out of his mouth. My stomach is turning in knots and I can feel my legs quivering as I break eye contact and look down at the floor.

He takes a deep breath and I hear his glass being put down on the counter. My entire body tenses up as I feel his hand take mine. He leads me over to the living room and we sit down on the couch. Oh God, he’s going to break the news to me while I’m sitting down…

I don’t bother looking over at him, there are certain things I don’t need to be looking at someone to hear.. But as I’m bracing myself, I feel his hand gently under my chin, bringing my eyes back up to meet his.

“Kyra, I’m too old and too tired to try and play games anymore. You are one of the most wonderful women I have ever met and I couldn’t fathom how you could be anything but a benefit in my life… Why would you even question that Kyra?”

His words make my heart do a little flip in my chest, but that question on the end.. That’s the thing that keeps my stomach churning. I sigh again, pulling my chin away from his hand and running my free hand through my hair.

“I saw your tag team partner the other day. She and I had a little discussion about… about you and I.”

Jack frowned a bit.

“Amber?”

“Yeah.”

I can feel my voice shake as I stop and take a big gulp of my wine before turning my eyes back to Jack.

“She invited me out and… Long story short, told me that she wouldn’t let this.. Thing.. Between us tear down everything that you all have built with Paragon.”

Ugh. Hearing those words come from my mouth makes me down the rest of my glass of wine and sit back on the couch – waiting for the realization that Jack’s bound to have, that maybe I’m not what he needs right now.

“And listen, I don’t want to cause any problems between you and her.. Or you and anyone. That’s not why I like you. But I don’t want to fuck anything else up for anyone.”

Jack starts to chuckle humorlessly as he shakes his head.

“For Christs sake.”

He stands up from the couch and moves over to the window, staring out into the night. I can hear him gritting his teeth from here. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t know if I should just sit here, or try to comfort him.. But I really don’t know what he’s thinking right now, so I think I’ll just stay right here.

Finally, after a few minutes he turns around to face me again, but this time his eyes are full of anger.

“I have almost single handedly carried our group since she got hurt and she’s worried about me being the one to bring it down? I am the one who FUCKING made this thing.”

Jack stops and puts a hand over his mouth.

“I’m sorry Kyra, excuse me for ranting.”

I try not to show how surprised I am as I shake my head.

“No, no.. it’s okay. I kinda sprung all that on you. I was upset and I wanted to make sure that this…”

I stand up and move forward, placing my hand on his face softly.

“…Was real.”

He reaches up and takes my hand, kissing it. His lips against my hand sends chills down my spine and I can’t help but smile. This is real after all. I start leaning in towards him, but I hear a knock at the door.

Shit.

I move to pull my hand away to go get the pizza, but he keeps a hold of my arm, pulling me closer.

“Let them wait…”

My breath catches in my throat as he leans in, and our lips meet.

Good God….

It’s about God damn time, isn’t it dickhead?

I mean, seriously. It was a damn shame that you decided to open your cocksucker so early in the tournament, so we had to put your little ass kicking off until now. Don’t get me wrong, watching Amy Jo knock your stupid ass out of the tournament was pretty fun – But like she said after she beat you, it’s my turn to put you down for good…

And that’s exactly what I intend on doing.

All you do is spout your bullshit about how much better you are than everyone else, and while everything in moderation is typically okay.. You doing it.. Well it’s just not. Why? Because you’re a giant pile of dog shit who isn’t fully aware of how terrible and vile you really are. It’s because you’re everything that’s wrong with this business and I’m honestly surprised that Jason Bridges would bring you into Carnage Wrestling, knowing that you’re just a worthless pimple on the ass of the wrestling world.

Trust me, knowing how much I hate Bridges… That’s saying A LOT.

But really, why are we having this fight, asshole?

In your fucked up mind it’s because you want to prove to me that you’re the best. That you’re everything your miniscule brain has told you that you are. But to me? It’s all about shutting you up once and for all. It’s about taking all your idle, idiotic threats and shoving them right up your ass. Nothing would make me happier than to bathe that ring mat in your blood, other than hearing your screams of agony and your begging me to end your suffering.

I really can’t wait for this match.

Can’t you tell?

Why wouldn’t I? I mean come on, you spent hours upon hours criticizing every single picture I posted, every single quote.. Everything that I did, you were there to critique. A girl grows tired of that after a little while. Not because it hurt my feelings, because trust me, nothing your bitch ass could say to me could possibly hurt my feelings. The source is no where near important enough to make me question my self worth. But it was annoying.

Mr. ‘I’m going to flaunt all my money and then claim that I didn’t buy my way into a world title shot in some federation that probably doesn’t even matter anyway just so that I can shove it in everyone elses faces that I’m supposedly the best wrestler in the world even though on my best day I couldn’t even lace these people’s boots’.

Mr. ‘I get my balls in a bunch when someone calls me out on my bullshit and my only defense is to threaten to kill said person even though I’m a wrestler and I should probably just fight them in a match because that’s what we’re supposed to do as wrestlers.’

Mr. ‘I’ve probably got a dick so small that even white men go.. God damn.. That’s a small dick.’

Point is, you’re overcompensating. You’re worthless. You’re fucking garbage and I won’t feel the least bit sad if you run crying from Carnage Wrestling after I whoop your ass to hell and back. I don’t think anyone will, honestly. Why don’t you go back to that place where you bought your first title? Oh wait, you lost it.. Didn’t you? I think I heard something about that. I’m sorry to hear that.

I guess money can’t buy everything, huh?

It most certainly can’t buy talent, can it?

So please, bring all your insults and your chauvinistic bullshit out to the ring on monday and I’ll happily make you regret every word you’ve ever said about me and everyone else you’ve bullied since you’ve been around. Please. I beg you. Let me help you eat your words. Let me make sure you come out of this match realizing what a true piece of shit you are, and then let me help you get the fuck out of my ring and MY home.

See you Monday, Bitch.

 

OOC: Jack Michaels used with permission!