Date June 25th 2020 / Time 10:37AM / Status Not Recording
Location The Johnson Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

“You look like hell, Mom.”

Truth be told, I feel like hell too. After that match with Ken three days ago, I could probably have stayed in bed for another two weeks and not have thought twice. But that match, it was fun.  More fun than I’ve had in a long, long time.

Ken.. He’s a piece of work, that’s for damn sure.  Maybe it’s just the last few weeks of interactions with him talking, but he’s a different type of opponent.   Perhaps even a different type of man.  I don’t know.   Regardless, I’m interested.   That’s why I helped him up after I whipped his ass and whispered ‘sweet nothings‘ in his ear before I did.  He’s brought out a piece of myself that I, and everyone else thought I lost.

What’s not to be interested in?

Maybe it’s wrong.  Gauging by Amber’s reaction to it.. It’s definitely wrong.  But honestly?  If it’s so wrong, then I’m tired of being right.

Finally, I sigh and turn my head to Taylor.

“Just recovering. I did just get my ass beat a few days ago.”

He nods his head and turns his attention back to the television, but there’s something off about the look on his face. It’s like he’s thinking about something.

“What’s wrong sweetie?”

He shrugs.

“Oh, nothing really.”

“Your dad?”

It’s his turn to sigh as he leans back on the couch.

“I just worry about him, you know?”

I know that feeling all too well. I spent years upon years worrying about that man and having to watch him make all the wrong choices, tearing himself apart in the process.  The worst part was that I couldn’t do a damn thing about it, even if I were his wife.  There’s nothing more helpless than watching the person you love ignore you while they rip all your lives apart with their choices.

Nodding, I turn my body towards him – Wincing as the stitches in my back pull.

“I get it. I think you know that. But your dad.. Unfortunately he is his own person and he’s gonna make whatever choice he wants. I have faith though, that he’ll get the help he needs. This time feels different. It’s like he realizes what he’s lost, finally.”

“I hope you’re right.”

I roll my eyes.

“And if I’m not.. It won’t be the first time. But it’ll be okay, Tay. No matter what.”

“He really fucked up with you, Mom.”

Well there’s no denying that.

“Yeah. He did.  I think he knows that he fucked up with all of us.  But I’m no victim, Tay. I fucked up plenty with JD too. We both did shit that we shouldn’t have to one another. Looking back though… I feel like your dad and I just weren’t a good fit.”

I thought we were. JD used to make me feel like I’d never felt before. I loved him with everything I had… Even when he left, even when he decided to leave me in Florida and go to Japan. I’d wanted to go with him, I wanted to leave Uncensored behind, but he never gave me the chance – He decided that for me.

Even then, I still loved him. As painful as that was and when he finally came back.. I let him back in. Granted that decision might not have been my brightest moment, considering everything that happened between him and I in those five years since.. Our daughter being the one exception.. Looking back I just realize that maybe I lost a bit of myself in trying to make it work with someone who wasn’t the right person.

But I made some shit choices too. It wasn’t all on him. I’m not proud of the shit I did, however I do believe the ease at which the both of us made the choices we made proves that we just weren’t right for one another.

“Makes sense. It’s a damn shame though. You were.. You still are exactly what Ty and I needed – And what he needed too, at least in my opinion.”

I open my mouth to respond, but my phone goes off before I can respond. I glance down to see Jack’s name on the screen and immediately my mouth runs dry and I can’t help but feel a feeling of deja-vu. Memories of the last three or four months.. Maybe longer, I can’t remember anymore – begin running through my head as I unlock the phone and read the text message.

-Just landed at BWI, looking forward to seeing you and Adina.-

I consider not responding for just a second.. A split second, but eventually I sigh and type back.

-Ok.-

As I put the phone away, I glance over to see Taylor giving me a look – his eyebrows raised and everything.

“Well, I’m still your Mom, if that’s what you want me to be. You might not be biologically mine, but I always thought of you and Tyler as my own.”

“Wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“Don’t I know it.”

I smile at him half heartedly, not because of him but because I know I’ve gotta get up and I’ve gotta get ready for Jack to be here… and I’m nervous.

I don’t wanna do this.

It feels like I’m in the same exact position I was in with John.

“What’s the matter? Was it that text you got?”

I nod my head.

“Jack’s gonna be here in a half hour or so.”

“Oh.”

The tone in his voice echoes exactly the way I feel inside.

I sigh again, dragging myself off the couch and off into the kitchen. I need coffee for this shit. As I’m pouring another cup, I glance up at the liquor cabinet. A little Jack Daniels in the coffee never hurt anyone, right?

Right?

Well.. At least baby girl will be happy to see him.  She’s missed him.  Made me help her make that damn father’s day card to send to Vegas. It was cute and I’m glad it gave Jack some sense of comfort amid all the shit that’s been happening on his end. I’m sure it hasn’t been easy, at least some days. But what do I know? I’m all the way across the country, living my life too.

I opt to forgo the whiskey, and bring my coffee back into the living room where Taylor has since turned his attention back to the television.

We sit there for a while in silence, until I hear a soft knock on the door that startles both Taylor and myself. We both sit up on the couch and glance towards the door.

“Fuck.. it’s been a half hour already?”

“Guess so. You want me to get out of here or what?”

I shake my head.

“This is your home.. You can do whatever you wanna but you don’t have to leave on my account.”

He nods and I get up off the couch as I hear the telltale footfalls of a curious three year old running down the hall towards the front door.

“Dina…”

“Is he here Mommy?”

I shrug.

“Wanna go get the door and find out?”

She squeals and runs towards the door as I turn back towards the kitchen and rethink my decision to deny myself the whiskey. No need for me to be there to greet him. She’s got it handled.. I listen for the door to open and then I hear his voice.

“Hey Baby Girl.. I’ve missed you!”

Another squeal followed by what I’m assuming is a hug.

“Daddy I miss you too!”

Silence… and then footsteps.

“Shhh… Don’t tell anyone I gave you that, ok? Your mommy would kill me.”

I hear the distinct sound of a candy wrapper being opened and something rapidly being shoved into a mouth.  I roll my eyes.

“So where’s your Mommy?”

I sigh.

“I’m in here.”

I give Taylor a look as he sits at the counter top and he shrugs his shoulders.

“You’re no help.”

He chuckles as Jack and Adina walk into the room. Little bits of chocolate coat Adina’s face but I ignore it. I can feel his presence there, but I keep myself busy at the sink for a few more moments, trying to put off having to look at him and knowing that I can’t. Finally I do glance up to see him looking at me, a soft expression on his face and I wave awkwardly.

“Well, you made it.”

Adina lets go of his hand and runs into the living room to play.

“It’s great to see you, Kyra.. I’ve missed you.”

Before I can say anything though, Taylor hops off the stool and clears his throat, obviously sensing the tension in the room.

“I… think I’m gonna head out for a little while Mom.”

He eyes Jack up for a few seconds as he moves towards him.

“Let me know if you need anything.”

I nod my head.

“You got it Tay. Be careful.”

I glance past Jack, who’s curiously watching my stepson who gives me a wink and blows me a kiss before he catches Adina’s attention for a second, blowing her one as well before he heads out. Jack turns back to me, moving cautiously towards the counter, leaning his body on it.

“That’s my stepson, Taylor.”

I shrug and go back to cleaning my coffee cup out. It’s already clean but… I need to stay busy right now.

“Ah.”

Jack says, his voice quiet, as if he’s thinking about something. We stay here in silence for a little while, before he finally speaks again.

“So…”

I put the cup on the drying rack and look up at him.

“So. Yeah, we’re supposed to talk now, right?”

He almost looks shocked at the tone of my voice, but he can’t be surprised by it right? I mean, after what happened did he expect me to just swoon at the sight of him and forget everything.

“I know I’ve said it before, but I am sorry Kyra.”

I sigh again, my eyes never leaving his.

“For what exactly? For your little disappearing act or for nearly killing your daughter? Or what about not taking responsibility for your actions?”

The soft look on his face fades away a bit as I lash out.

“For all of it.”

“Yeah.”

I reply, shaking my head.

“Kyra.. I love you. I made a mistake, but I just-“

“You wanted to give Amber what she wanted.”

He stops and stares at me.

“What Amber Ryan wants is so God damned important, huh?  More important than what your biological daughter wanted? More important than what that little girl over there wanted?”

I point to Adina who didn’t hear a word.

“Definitely more important than what I wanted, right?”

I watch him sigh as he bows his head a bit and heads over to a chair. It’s strange but for the first time since I’ve known him, he looks… Not tired. Not sad. But… Defeated. He sits down and loosens his tie before staring off.

“Yeah… It was.”

That catches me by surprise as he refuses to meet my eyes. I try to keep my composure as mixed feelings well up inside of me. It only took months to hear him admit it. I don’t like seeing him like this, but I also can’t keep acting like everything can possibly go back to normal after this.

I want to believe this is the real Jack, right here in front of me. But did I ever know who the real Jack was? I don’t know. He had my trust, and I never doubted it… until this.

I sigh, and before I can say anything, Jack narrows his gaze on the table.

“Have you ever been so blinded by what you thought was right that you forgot that you could actually be wrong?”

I don’t know what to say as I he continues to speak.

“All my life… All I ever did was fight. I fought for change. For truth. For justice. I fought with the hope that maybe, just maybe, something I could do would make the world around me a little better. I told myself 20 years ago that when the time came, and it was at the point where someone else was to carry the torch, that I would burn every single bridge I had in order to make sure that they were the right person. That THEY were the one that deserved to be in the spot I made in our sport. I thought that I had to do it because it was…”

A small chuckle came from Jack’s lips as his hands were coming up to his forehead.

“…My duty to be the one to decide who was right and who was wrong.”

The chuckle dies in the air as I saw his hands go through his salt and pepper hair and then come back down to the table.

“Who was I to make that call, Kyra? Who was I to think that my outdated sense of self worth and foolish pride meant anything to anyone other than myself? I could have given her the belt. I could have walked away. I could have just… Been a man instead of being Jack Michaels.”

He sighs as a small, almost sarcastic grin comes over his lips.

“Jack fucking Michaels. The Blast. The last hold out from an era that didn’t need to be here but couldn’t stop because of his own god damn pride. Yeah, I broke the records. I beat the best. I proved that maybe I was the greatest of all time but what did it get me? What did it fucking get me, Kyra?”

For the first time since he sat down, I saw his eyes meet mine.

“It got me a broken home, Kyra. It caused me to lose sight of what actually mattered to me. Not belts and wrestling. Not Paragon and pride but love. Family. Compassion and hope. Because of who I tried to be… I lost my daughters. I lost my home. I lost my love. And… I lost you.”

The words hang in the air between us and I pull my gaze away from him to check on Adina in the living room. At least it gives me a few moments to collect my thoughts. It makes me sad. This entire thing makes me sad, but my anger and my disinterest outweigh my sadness.  I honestly don’t know what he wants me to say.

Finally I sigh, bringing my attention back to him.

“It’s shocking how easily you burnt those bridges though. How easily you cast us aside when you could have just told her no.”

I look down at my hands and shake my head.

“I can’t change what I did. I can be sorry but I can’t change it. The only thing I can change is who I am now. Everything I ever fought for means absolutely nothing without my family by my side. That includes my daughter Amber, Amber Ryan, that little girl in there and the one woman I can honestly say I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

I watch the tears forming in Jack’s eyes, and I look away.

“I love you, Kyra… And I know I can never force you to love me back. I hurt everyday knowing that you aren’t next to me. You make me want to be a better man but in the end, I just want you to be happy. If it’s with me. If it’s with JD. If it’s with the guy who puts the butter on the popcorn at the arena. Just know that I… I…”

Words get caught in his throat

“I never knew what true happiness was until you filled my life.”

“That’s nice and everything Jack.”

I start, moving across the kitchen and hoisting myself up onto the counter, crossing my legs.

“And I wish I could tell you that things can go back to exactly the way things were before all of this but it can’t. I can’t. I’ve been through this song and dance before and I’m just tired of it. I thought I could trust you, Jack. I thought you were the one person who wouldn’t have done that and its fucking devastating to know that you aren’t. I love you. I really fucking do but I don’t think I really know who in the fuck you are.”

He glances up into my eyes and he nods as I reach down and slide the engagement ring off my finger and hold it in my palm as my own eyes sting with tears.

“I thought you were Jack Michaels the man, the one I knew before Amber came after that world title.  But it was so damn easy for the two of you to throw away the relationships that I thought you gave a shit about, it makes me question EVERYTHING about the last few years.  I don’t expect you to understand, I don’t expect her to understand either but I honestly don’t care.  You didn’t care.  You didn’t care about me until after you two were done fucking each other up and I wasn’t there to comfort you and bring our lives back to normal.  But what about the TWO months that you LEFT ME…US?  Maybe WE needed YOU, Jack.  But you didn’t care, right?  Had to be ‘the motherfucking BLAST’ for the true most important person in your life.  But that’s okay.   I get it now.   You’ve proven yourself just as selfish as everyone else I’ve let my wall down for… No more.”

I set my jaw and blink back the tears.

“I’m not repeating the cycle, Jack.”

I glance down at the ring in my hand before sliding down off the counter and approaching him, laying the ring on the counter in front of him.  I look away from him and at Adina playing in the living room.  She’s so innocent in all of this.  Two dads, both of them deserve to be in her life… And I can’t take that away from either of them.

Even if that means I end up by myself.

“But.. you’re the only dad she’s ever known and if you wanna be in her life, I won’t deny you that. But that’s all I can give you, Jack.  Just.. Don’t hurt her like you did me..”

I turn my head and look him right in the eyes.

“..Or you’ll have to answer to me.”

OOC: Jack used with Permission.