Date December 14th 2017 / Time 1:17PM / Status Not Recording
Location Paper Street Tattoo Company – Brooklyn, New York

The last few days have been weird, to say the least. Lonely, and weird.

Since we’ve known each other, it hasn’t been like Maggie or I to go a day or more without speaking to one another. Even if it’s just a passing ’hey’ or ’hope to see you soon’; she and I have always found a way of communicating in between our busy schedules.

Heading into Horizons, I knew there was a chance that she and I might go through a bit of a ‘readjustment period’ – for lack of a better term. I figured that fighting each other was going to have its own set of consequences, even though we promised one another beforehand that there wouldn’t be hard feelings afterward, no matter who won or who lost. Emotions are tricky things, especially when things like title belts come into play. I hoped though, I hoped that things would just go back to the way they were before our match, and neither of us would think anything of it – except to look back upon fondly and laugh about.

I thought that was going to be the only thing we’d have to worry about…

That was.. Until she kissed me.

I told her it was no big deal, I brushed it off like it was just some mistake… some misinterpretation of my actions and my words. But things got weird anyway, I should have known they would. How could they not?

I spent the rest of the night, or morning laying in bed thinking about that moment in the elevator – thinking about everything but the match coming up that night. Funny how things can change in the matter of a few seconds, right? From the way I made her cry, to my hand on her face – trying desperately to reassure her that my words weren’t meant the way she’d perceived them, to her face moving towards mine, and our lips meeting for a fleeting moment.

A moment that shouldn’t have happened.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the awkwardness that followed as I pulled away from her, my eyes wide as saucers.. And her eyes even wider as she put her hands up to her mouth and muttered ’Oh my God, I’m so sorry.. I shouldn’t have done that’. I’ll never forget the look in her eyes, the fear, the uncertainty… The shame.

Of course I played it off with a chuckle and told her that it wasn’t a big deal. That’s what friends do, right? They look past mistakes. That’s all that was, right? Just a simple mistake. I mean, that’s what I tried to convince myself of as we finished the elevator ride up to the forty-fifth floor in silence, and trudged to our hotel room where a bottle of champagne and two glasses was already waiting.

Or was that her plan all along?

I could tell that she was devastated though, no matter what her plan was or wasn’t. I could see the fear she tried to mask, but I didn’t know if it was fear that she’d shown me her hand, or that she’d lost my friendship.

Those thoughts plagued me through the night as I listened to her breathing on the other side of the room. I tossed and turned, trying to wrap my head around the entire thing. I really didn’t know what to think or what to feel. I’ve never kissed a woman, and I’ve never been with anyone but CJ. I felt stupid; how could I not know that she felt that way about me? How could I not have picked up on the signs? I’m too damn old to be this naive. It was in those moments, before I had finally fell asleep that I realized that I lied to her when I told her that everything was okay, that it was no big deal.

It was a big deal.

It still is.

Add the result at Horizons into the equation and I’m not sure our friendship can survive this.

Which brings me here to the tattoo shop. It’s been a few days, too many days of minimal contact between us, and I can’t handle it. We need to clear the air, and we need to do it today. She’s leaving for Australia again in a few hours for Wrestlefest and even though I know she’ll be back – I just can’t let this go until then.

She’s one of the only friends I have. She’s one of the few people that I trust in this world, and I’m not letting that go. Sure, it might be awkward, but hopefully she’ll be able to put aside her feelings and let this friendship have a chance.

What if she can’t?

If she can’t… Jesus. I never thought about that. I’d just assumed that she would be totally willing to forget that the other night happened and move on like she’d never kissed me. But what if she doesn’t want that? What if this really is the end?

I gulp hard as I walk into the shop and the artists glance in my general direction. They’re used to seeing me around here by now, but I don’t know if Maggie’s told them what happened, or if she told them that I won at Horizons – So I don’t know how I’m going to be received coming in here right now.

“Hey, ya’ll. Is the boss in?”

I say, forcing a smile on my face to mask the nervousness I’m feeling as I step further into the shop. Rosalyn, the woman with the blood red hair – one who Maggie’s told me is one of her closest friends; well other than Nadette (The store manager) and… me, she nods her head and points towards the office.

“She’s in there. Hasn’t come out all day.”

I nod my head, trying not to cringe too hard as I make my way towards the office – I don’t want them to think I know why she’s walled herself away in her office, or rather the reason I think she’s not come out of her office all day.

She’s probably preparing to head to the airport soon. That’s probably it.

Nothing to do with me.

I stop at the closed door and read the word ‘office’ on the glass a few times, then a few times more before I stop and shake my head. What the fuck is wrong with me? I think sometimes I’m going as crazy as Gabriel and Eden want to say that I am. I sigh softly and knock on the door lightly, hoping that I don’t get turned away.

“Come in.”

The knots in my stomach ease up a bit asI hear her softly speak from behind the door. I don’t waste a moment once she gives her blessing for me to enter. I open the door and slip into the room, finding her sitting at her desk doing paperwork. This place must have ass loads of paperwork, because that’s all I ever see her doing.

“Hey.”

My voice shakes as I close the door behind me and look around the office. It’s messy, with folders everywhere and papers scattered all over the place. Something tells me that she’s not used to being the one to do all the paperwork, something tells me that Nadette keeps this place running far more efficiently than Maggie does.

After a few moments of looking around, my eyes finally settle on her, her eyes still turned downwards at the paper she’s currently scribbling on. I brace myself against the doorknob, losing my balance as I lean back against the door. She can’t run away from this conversation if I’m blocking the only exit. Right?

“Oh, hey.”

She replies, not bringing her eyes up from the papers on her desk.

“I just wanted.. I just wanted to come see you before you left… And, well.. Wish you luck.”

I blurt out without any prompt, without any questions. This must be how she felt the other day when she told me she’d go anywhere with me. It’s like that word vomit moment where you’ve got so much shit going on in your head and you just say the first thing that materializes, no matter how stupid or foolish you know you’ll feel afterwards. My cheeks burn with embarrassment as I push away from the door and move towards the chair that’s seated directly across from her at the desk.

“I mean, that is if you are even worried about why I’m here… That is.”

Oh my God, Lucy.. that second ‘that is’ was not necessary. Why the hell am I so nervous? Oh yeah, because we kissed in a elevator like twelve hours before I beat her for a championship.

Fuck.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Of course I’m always glad to see you.”

She says flatly, her eyes finally wandering up to meet mine, a lazy smile on her face. I sit down across from her, and lean forward, keeping my back as straight as I can in the chair – not wanting to get too comfortable. I don’t want to give off the wrong vibes here; I don’t want to mislead her, not anymore than I already have.

“We haven’t really had the chance to talk about… well, you know.”

“What? How upset I was when I left the United Center?”

“Actually, no.. I was talking about… In the elevator….”

My voice trails off, but my eyes never leave Maggies face. Even though she’s looking down again, I can see the pink in her cheeks at the mere mention of the kiss. Shit, I can feel my own cheeks burning too.

“What about it?”

“Come on Maggie, you know what about it. Are we ever going to talk about what happened?

She doesn’t respond. She just begins scribbling even faster on the piece of paper she’s been working on for the last couple of minutes. Whatever she’s writing can’t be intelligible at this point. Then again, neither is what’s going on in my head.

After a minute or so, I don’t really know.. It’s not like I’m timing this, I clear my throat and sigh loudly – so she can hear my displeasure.

“Do you wanna talk about the match at least?”

I ask, trying to get her to talk about something at this point. She finally looks up from the paper and shrugs.

“What’s there to talk about? I lost. You won. End of story. I learned everything I needed to from accepting this one chance to really fight you, Luce. It seems that I still have a lot of work to do.”

My eyes widen. What the fuck kind of attitude is that? Did she even see our match? Did she even see how many times she almost beat me?

“Fuck, you were amazing out there. Don’t put yourself down.”

“Not amazing enough to win though, right?”

“That doesn’t matter… I mean, sure it does but you were great. UGWC threw a lot at you and you took it and ran–”

“Listen, Lucy. I know you mean well, but I really am fine with it. You winning- the belt- The result of the match. I don’t need you to patronize me.”

Patronize her?

I’m not patronizing her, am I? I didn’t think I was.

“Uhm. I was offering my support. I just didn’t want you to feel bad about your performance out there.”

She nods her head and rolls her eyes slightly.

I don’t like where this is headed. I had no intentions of making her feel like I’m talking down to her in anyway. We’re friends. I thought that this kind of shit is what friends do for each other. You know, that whole reassurance bit.

But now, I’m lost as to what the hell I’m even doing here – except to make things worse.

“So now I’m just feeling sorry for myself, is that it? I just told you- I was fine with the way things turned out. I’m happy for you, and of course I’m disappointed that I didn’t win but that’s life. I still have a lot of work to do and that’s okay.”

I sigh again.

“You’ve come such a long way though. You can’t–”

“You’re doing it again! Stop! Please. I’m not a child.”

Tension settles in between us as we sit silently – me staring to the side of her office, at the pieces of art on her wall, trying to look like I’m examining the details of each piece when in reality I’m trying to hide my own embarrassment and anger at this situation. I see her go back to her paperwork out of the corner of my eye and I don’t even want to look in her direction again.

I went a lifetime without someone to tell me that I did good. I went for so long without the reassurance that I was doing the right things, that I was any good at what I wanted to do with my life… I didn’t have a support system like what I do now. Sure I know there’s always ways to improve… and every time I go out there and fight, I look back on it and try to find the little things that I could have done better, but there’s always room to reflect on what I did right too.

I taught myself that and I didn’t think there was any harm in trying to do for Maggie what no one else in my life wanted to do for me when I was in the infancy of my career.

I guess I was wrong though.

“You know what? I-I’m sorry Maggie.”

I finally say, standing up – not bothering to look in her direction as I move back towards the door. I don’t need to explain myself. If she wants to feel like I’m babying her, or that I’m treating her like a kid.. Then I don’t know what to honestly say to that.

“Lucy, I–”

“Good luck in Australia. You don’t need it, but don’t let me tell you that.”

I hear a soft gasp as I finish my sentence; making damn sure to put all my emphasis on that last part.

“I–”

I reach out and open the door.

“See you.”

 

OOC: Thank you Maggie for helping me write this!  Hope everyone enjoys and Happy Holidays! <3