20 Years Ago….

“I wish there were a way…”

Lucy whispers, turning her head towards the window of her bedroom. I snuck in here a little while ago, much like I’ve always done once Dad retired to his bedroom for the night. At least that’s what we hope for when he eventually throws us into our bedrooms and stumbles down the hallway and slams his door.

Sometimes he comes back…

I hope tonight isn’t one of those nights.

“I don’t think we’ll ever be able to get out of here.”

I came in here talking about getting out of here and like always, Lucy can’t fathom a way. I shake my head and move closer to her.

“We just fucking do it. Walk right out the front door and never look back.”

Her eyes widen and she turns back, putting her finger over her lips, quietly shushing me.

“Kyra!”

“What? I don’t care…”

She sighs and looks down at her hands. Of course she’s admonishing me for cursing when we deal with what we deal with each and everyday. It can’t get much worse, can it? What’s he going to do to me that he hasn’t already done?

“And if we did… what’s saying he won’t find us?”

I scoff and get up off the floor, opening the curtain to her window and examining the lock that he put on there. There’s got to be some way of unlocking it.

“I say we risk it. You don’t wanna walk out the front door, we can use the window.”

I start messing with the lock but Lucy gets up and pulls me away from the window.

“Stop it! He’s going to hear you!”

I throw my arms in the air and push her out of the way.

“Oh my God you are such a wimp.”

“I..”

I turn around to see her biting her lip with tears welling up in her eyes. Because of course she’s on the verge of tears.

“Oh stop it, Lucy. You actually want to stay here?!”

Her eyes widen and she shakes her head.

“No! But… But I…”

I roll my eyes.

“But you’re too scared to do anything about it.”

“I’m not!”

She hisses back, her jaw clenched in anger.

It’s so frustrating. Not only are our lives controlled by him but Lucy wants to actually keep me… us in this hell hole. I can’t help that she’s too scared to at least try… but I don’t know how much more of this I can take. She’s fifteen. I’m eleven. If we get out now, we can just run.

Just go. Find somewhere to stay and hide.

How hard can it be?

“Then help me! We can get out of here before he gets up!”

I make a move back toward the window, but Lucy stops me again. She wipes her eyes and sighs.

“The front door… Would be easier.”

My own eyes widen in surprise, and I back up a step.

“I.. What?”

She walks softly towards her bedroom door, hesitating before she grabs the doorknob and opens the door slowly, revealing the same darkened hallway that I snuck through a little bit ago. I move in behind her, my stomach turning in my gut.

I can’t believe she’s actually doing this.

She looks out of the doorway, and after a few seconds she turns back to me and nods her head before she steps lightly out into the hall, with me close on her heels. Dad is a light sleeper. We both know this from experience and if we want to have any chance.. We have to stay completely quiet.

I follow her closely as we make it into the living room, but as we round the corner and the front door is in our sights… The lights come on and we both whip around to see our father standing behind us, his face red with anger.

“Daddy, I–”

Lucy moved past me with her arms up but before she could finish the sentence, he backhanded her into the wall and down she went, holding her mouth.

“You… Worthless little…Bitches… Just like your mother…”

He growled as she stepped over Lucy and towered over me, his shadow blocking out the light from behind him. Without another word, I watched his arm reel back; his other arm extending to grab the back of my head, pulling my hair as I brace for what comes next…

SMACK!

 

Holy water cannot help you now
A thousand armies couldn’t keep me out
I don’t want your money, I don’t want your crown
See, I have to tell you, I’ve come to burn your kingdom down.

Date August 16th 2019 / Time10:55AM / Status Not Recording
Location The Office of Sonia Esmerali, MD – Las Vegas, Nevada

Jack’s been… Concerned for lack of a better word about the state of my mental well being as of late. Can’t blame him, although his insistence upon my coming here today for my first therapy session… kind of annoying. I need help, he keeps saying.

Do I really though?

Do I really need to be here right now with some stranger who’s going to want me to tell them all my deepest, darkest secrets. Secrets that I don’t talk about. I just don’t get it. How the hell does this shit help?

I cross my arms over my chest as the door to the office opens and a woman steps in and walks around her desk, taking a seat and opening a notebook.

“Good morning, Miss Johnson. I’m Sonia.”

It takes me a few minutes to finally look up and across the desk at her, immediately seeing her short blonde hair and dark rimmed glasses staring back at me. I uncross my arms and shift in the chair uncomfortably, sighing.

“How are you doing this morning?”

“Could be better.”

I reply, flatly. I don’t want to be here to begin with. If she thinks I’m going to pleasantry her to death, then she’s got another thing coming. I’m here because Jack thinks I need to be. I’m here because I apparently don’t have another choice. I need help… Although I do have to say, bloodying Lucy up definitely helped…

Far more than this ever could.

“Oh?”

She says, picking up a pen.

“Well, Kyra… As you know, I’m here to help you in anyway I can.  Why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself?”

Just met this woman and already she wants to know all about me. Instead of answering right away, I look around the office. I know I can’t ignore her forever, but I can sure as hell draw this out so that not much gets discussed in this hour.

After a few more silent minutes, I hear a soft sigh from across the desk.

“I sense a little apprehension, Kyra.”

“You think?”

I shoot back, shaking my head.

“I just met you. Why the hell should I sit here and discuss the deep dark recesses of my soul with you?”

She nods her head.

“I hear that more often than not, to be honest. And the answer? You shouldn’t. Not until you’re comfortable, or ready.  Therapy is here for you to help, not force you to speak of things you’re not comfortable talking about.  Here, let me tell you a little bit about me, maybe that’ll help you feel a bit more at ease.”

I shrug my shoulders.

She can try.

“I grew up in Nashville, Tennessee with my parents and my sister. My mother was a stay at home mom and my father was an airplane pilot. He wasn’t home a lot. He and I didn’t get along very well anyway. When I got older, I went to college across the country – California to be exact and got my degree in psychology. I wanted to spread my wings and that put my parents off.”

I listen and nod my head as she continues.

“Now a days, we get along better – but I do believe that’s because we aren’t all crammed into the same home anymore.”

“What about your sister?”

I ask, trying to keep the conversation on her for the time being.

“I’ve always had a solid relationship with my sister. She actually moved out here as well.”

“That’s good…”

I’d have a wonderful relationship with mine if she hadn’t have abandoned me. Maybe that’s wishful thinking… Delusional thinking is more like it.

“Do you have any siblings, Kyra?”

I nod my head, not bothering to respond as I glance over at the clock.

“How many?”

“Enough to make me wish I didn’t have any.”

Her eyebrows raise in question as I rise from the chair, smoothing my hands over my shirt.

“But hey, looks like time’s up. Shame.”

I can see her fidgeting with her notebook and I can only imagine that she’s at least partially dissatisfied that she couldn’t get anymore out of me than that. She’s probably going to say something like ‘maybe next time’ or some stupid shit like that.

As if there’s going to be a next time, bitch.

“Well.. You’re right. I guess I lost track of time there.”

She stands up as well, extending a hand to me.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Kyra. I hope you’ll come see me again and hopefully we can work together to help you when you’re feeling more comfortable.”

I look down at her hand and shake my head, smiling sweetly.

“I was only here to appease my fiance… I don’t really think I need this bullshit, but if Jack makes me come back… then I guess I’ll be wasting another hour of your time.”

The smile drops off of my face and I turn and open the door, stepping back out into the waiting room where I see Jack look up from his magazine, his eyes analyzing me as I move towards the exit. I’m not really interested in standing here waiting for him. He’ll catch up.

He does so in quick fashion as I make it outside. I feel him step in beside me as we make our way towards the car.

“So?”

“So, what?”

I ask back, knowing he wants to know how it went.

“It went fine. I don’t know what you expected, Jack. It took you weeks to piss me off enough to even tell you what happened.”

Took weeks of me avoiding him like the plague, seeing my daughter in secret and keeping everything I was feeling deep down inside me. Took him prodding and prodding and prodding until I finally exploded on him. Did he really think I was gonna just go in there and vomit my whole terrible past onto some strange doctor?

“Baby doll, you gotta give it time. This is a good first step.”

I nod my head all while rolling my eyes.

A good first step was plowing that steel chair into my dear sisters head over and over again. A great first step was kicking her head into that equipment box and watching her bleed all over the floor.

“Right.”

“You need to deal with what happened to you..”

I stop and turn towards him, throwing my arms up into the air.

“And I am! I did. I’m dealing with it my way, Jack.”

He stops in front of me and shakes his head, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“You know that’s not the way you should be dealing with this..”

“It’s exactly the way I should be dealing with this. But let me guess, ‘Paragon’ doesn’t approve of my methods?”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Kyra.”

I laugh.

“No? Oh, trust me.. I saw the looks Eli gave me when I got back to the locker room. Hell, I saw the look you gave me too. Wasn’t really the look of someone that approves of those particular methods.”

He sighs and shakes his head.

“Listen, as your fiance… She deserved worse than that… I may not be able to feel the same pain you feel but I have no respect for what she did. However, as the leader of Paragon.. No. I didn’t approve. It’s not the way we do things nor should it be. You’re better than that. You’ve got a lot going on inside that head of yours.”

He points to my head to drive home his point.

“You need a constructive way of handling it and what she did to you. You’re digging yourself into a hole that I’m not sure you’re going to be able to climb your way out of.”

I shrug my shoulders. As if I haven’t made a fucking career out of doing just that.

“You mean because Lucy’s latest fuck toy wants to rip my head off my body? Ain’t the first time that’s happened either.”

He clenches his jaw and stares me down for a few seconds before sighing again and turning away to walk towards the car. I knew I struck a nerve with him… The anger he had for JC and his concern for me. I watch him walk a few paces in front of me before I start walking again.

I’m not scared of JC. I’m not scared of what he can do… I’ve fought a lot worse than anything that fucker can dish out and I’m still here. Does he somehow think that because he put on some creepy mask and orchestrated that whole riot bullshit that he’s got me shaking in my boots? That man doesn’t know me very well then.

He doesn’t know Lucy very well either. He wants to somehow avenge what I did to his little girlfriend? Well, maybe he should learn a little more about what kind of person she really is before he comes at me for what I did. What she did was worse. So much worse, yet he stands by her side, holding her frail little hand like she’s the fucking victim.

I’ll fucking show him a victim if he really wants to play that game with me.

 

Hey, Joe… How’s Lucy?

She okay?

You know, doing that to your precious little girlfriend absolutely made my fucking night. Sitting backstage watching Christy plant her head into the canvas over and over again after the fact… That was even better. But the best part?

Watching you fuss over her like the victim she wants everyone to believe she is. Oh and you ‘coarsing’ Bridges into this match. That was pretty great too.

What did you honestly think that I’d be afraid to step into a steel cage with you, where none of my little buddies can get to me? Honey, you should know this about me by now, but I’m not fucking scared of people like you. You’re the epitome of the big bad wanna be badass who thinks that anything he does should be feared.

Come the fuck on, really?

You have no idea of the shit I’ve gone through to get to this point.

Although, I’m sure Little Miss Lucy told you her sob story, because of course she did.

Regardless, I’m sure you have no fucking idea of what my life was like. I’ve been up against men that are far.. And I do mean far more scary than you.. And I’m still fucking here. What makes you any God damn different?

Your song lyrics?

Your brooding twitter messages?

Your sinister plot to take Paragon down with a bunch of nobodies in masks?

Ominous JC is ominous, apparently.

You aren’t fooling anyone, Joe. You really aren’t. You can’t do anything to me that I haven’t already survived. And let’s face facts here, sweetie… You’re only in this match because you want to beat me up for whooping your girlfriends ass. You’re too emotionally invested in this match. You’re too far up Lucys ass to realize that what I did to her has absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

But in typical JC fashion, you gotta make it all about you, right?

You’re Lucy’s white knight, right?

Nah. You’re just a fucking moron who thinks beating me up is going to change a damn thing. Spoiler alert, it won’t.

So yeah, get me into that steel cage and teach me a lesson, JC. Please. Please teach me something that I don’t already know. Make me pay for my transgressions against poor old Lucy. Beat a moral compass into me… You know, because your moral compass is sure on point, isn’t it?

Lucas gives you a little ouchie and you fucking try to kill him?

Jack and Paragon say some shit you don’t like… so you try and kill us too?

Christ, you big fucking baby.

Get over yourself.

You want me, you got me, Bitch. I hope you realize what you’re in for because nothing you can do to me is going to make me regret what I did, and if given the chance? I’m gonna pull a ‘JC’ on your little girlfriend and fucking take. Her. Out.

So you’d better take me out while you can.

This is gonna be your one and only chance to make sure I don’t get to her again, because if I do? Well, you know what’s gonna happen and when it does…

Because it will…

You’re going to wish our father had killed her when he had the chance.

OOC: Jack Michaels used with permission.
Lyrics From: “Seven Devils” by Florence + The Machine