*SMACK!*

The sound of an open palm hitting a wooden surface. I’ve heard him hit enough stuff around here that slowly I’ve been able to tell what he’s hitting from two rooms away, just by what sound it makes when he hits it.

“You stupid.. BITCH! What did I tell you?!”

*THUD!*

And that’s the sound of a closed fist hitting uncovered flesh. Obviously Mom did something to upset him. Didn’t clean something right, cooked dinner wrong… it doesn’t really matter how small an issue it seems because most of the time I’m sure our very existence is enough to set him off.

I don’t know why he doesn’t just leave.

Like Lucy did.

My body jerks as I hear a few things being thrown out in the kitchen, one of them no doubt being my mother’s body against… probably the hardest surface he could find. I shouldn’t be scared anymore.. I know I shouldn’t be. How much more of this before these sounds don’t phase me anymore? How much more before this terrible, horrific life just doesn’t matter to me anymore?

“KYRA!”

Hearing my name sends shivers down my spine as I hear his footsteps stomping towards this room. I scramble up and into my bed, covering up as quickly as possible.

Maybe if he thinks I’m sleeping, he’ll leave me alone.

The door flies open, hitting the wall so hard I can’t help but flinch. Within a second, the blankets are gone from my body and his hand is wrapped around my leg, jerking me around to the edge of the bed.

“Daddy, I–”

The sting of his slap shuts me up. I look up at his face, and all I can see is the hatred, the rage… the total and utter contempt for me and my mother.

Things were bad before, but since Lucy got away… It’s gotten so much worse.

I try to pull away, but he clamps down harder on my leg as his other hand reaches up for my pants. I know better than to pull away again , so I close my eyes. I try to think of somewhere, anywhere to get me out of this room, out of this house..and away from him.

But nothing I do keeps me from feeling the pants sliding down my legs, or the hand on my thigh as the other one snakes its way up my body until it’s up far enough to grab a handful of my hair.

“You little Bitch….”

Why didn’t she take me with her?!

A single tear pushes its way out from between my eyelids, his hot breath licking my skin and turning my stomach sour…

 

Date June 6th 2019 / Time3:21AM / Status Not Recording
Location The Michaels Residence – Las Vegas, Nevada

I open my eyes as the sweat rolls down the sides of my face. I blink a few times, realizing that some of that ‘sweat’ might actually be tears and immediately I cover my face up with my hands, wiping any remnants of that shit away before anyone can notice.

Fuck.

I try to roll over but all too soon I realize that Jack’s arm is over me and instantly my heart rises into my throat.

No.. Not right now…

I can’t do this right now…

He’s my fiance. I love him. It’s perfectly okay for him to have his arm around me. Right? That shouldn’t make me feel like I’m about to puke. It shouldn’t make me feel like my heart is about to leap right out of my chest and land between us on the bed.

Fuck.. Fuck…

My breathing quickens even further as I gently grab his arm and throw it down to his side, between us. He doesn’t even notice because almost immediately he sighs softly and rolls over, still sound asleep. I take the opportunity and slip out of bed, taking myself straight down to the kitchen of this massive home.

At least down here I know no one can hear me freak the fuck out.

I go for the cabinet and grab out whatever the first thing I can find is… Whiskey it appears. Upon trying to open the lid, I realize just how badly my hands are shaking.

“Fuck.. Just fucking stop it.”

I mutter as I finally get the lid off.

I wish this were just like any other bad dream that I’d forget within a few minutes.

But these aren’t just typical bad dreams. They’re real. They’re real life memories and no matter what I do, I’ll never forget it. No matter how badly I wish them away. Up until a few months ago, I’d been fine. It was easy to keep these thoughts at bay… It was easy to keep myself distracted, but now that she’s back…

I pour myself a glass and gulp it down, letting the burn temporarily release me from this panic and these thoughts as I follow the liquid all the way down to my stomach. I look down at the bottle, wondering if I should pour myself another shot, or if I should go back upstairs and try to go back to sleep.

Yeah, go back to sleep and continue to relive that night?

“No fucking thank you.”

I say to myself as I pour myself another glass and replace the cap of the whiskey bottle. I put everything back as it was so that no one will know and I take my glass out onto the patio. The cool wind whips through my hair as I sit down on the ground, pulling my knees up to my chest.

What a beautiful view.

What a gorgeous place to live.

But what business does a disgusting person like me have being here?

I close my eyes and shake my head.

Stop it… I have every right to be here.  Jack wants me here.

I take another sip and shake my head.

But what if he knew? What if Amber knew?

“They won’t.”

I reply, my voice shaking. There’s no way they’ll ever find out the most shameful thing about my past… I’d lose them. I’d lose my family without a shadow of a doubt and he’d probably try to take Adina away from me. I mean who wouldn’t?

I’m not fit to be her mother.

Not a sicko like me. Just look at what I came from… Look at the mess I’ve ended up being.

…

I don’t want any of that to make it down to her.  I don’t want her to be anything like me.

I lay my head back against the wall and listen to my heart beat faster and faster until I can barely pull a half a breath into my lungs. I can’t do this.

I can’t fucking do this.

 

Date June 11th 2019 / Time12:25PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Michaels Residence – Las Vegas, Nevada

“Mommy!”

I pull my legs up in front of me, staring out the window. I can’t believe how easy it was to get Luck and Hampton to sign off on making the title match an Ultraviolent match. Too easy. Let’s hope those two can give as good as they can take… It’s been far too long.

I close my eyes, running my hands over my arms – feeling the scars from past fights, remembering the way my blood felt as it dripped off my body.

I’m not really sure why.. But I just crave that again. I need to feel that pain.

“Mommy! Hey, Mommy!”

I take my eyes away from the window for a split moment, turning my gaze over at Adina – making sure that she’s still playing on the other side of the room only to find her staring right at me. I shake my head.

“Hey, baby girl.. Do you need something?”

“I was trying to ask you something but you take forever to answer!”

I chuckle and shrug my shoulders, but inside my head I’m wondering how long she was asking me.. How long she was trying to get my attention before I finally looked at her. And even then, I wasn’t even listening. I just happened to glance over while I was lost in my thoughts.

Jesus.. What if something bad would have happened?

Then I’d be no better than my father…

“MOMMY!”

Her yell jolts me right back into the moment and I have to wipe my forehead off because I feel sweat beading up. Jesus. What the fuck is wrong with me?

“Hey, I hear you.. What do you need?”

“Food!”

She’s hungry. I should have known. Hell, I’m not even sure if we had–

“Did we have breakfast this morning, baby girl?”

Adina crosses her arms and shakes her head.

“Amber gived me breakfasts. You was outside… again. Why is you outside so much lately Mommy?”

I sigh and bring myself up off the floor and shrug my shoulders. As if that’s going to be enough of a response for a very smart and perceptive three year old.

“I don’t know baby.”

“Is it cuz Daddy’s gone?”

I stop in my tracks as I get closer to the kitchen and I turn around, staring down at this smart, beautiful, innocent little girl… Not so different from me when I was that age, I’d assume. Except she’s still got her innocence. And she’s got people around her that want to keep her safe from harm.

“You mean Jack?”

“Uh huh…”

Again, I don’t really have a response. She sees Jack as her Daddy. I guess I can’t blame her. He’s been a fixture in her life for a while now, and her own, real father… Well I don’t know where he’s at now. I also can’t blame her for thinking that I’m so… out of it because Jack’s not here. But honestly, I don’t feel anything about the fact that he’s been gone quite a bit over the last few days.

I don’t really feel anything at all.

It’s been quiet. Or maybe it hasn’t and I just haven’t noticed. I don’t know.

“He just had some stuff to take care of, he’ll be back soon.”

I nod and turn, heading back into the kitchen to find her something to eat. But before I can do that, I see something on the counter with my name on it. I reach out and grab the sticky note and glance at the things underneath, magazines and pictures of wedding dresses. No doubt Amber has been doing some ‘shopping’ of her own for Jack and I’s wedding.

Why am I doing this?

I shake my head and push the magazines and papers down into the little gap that’s between the fridge and the countertop. I can’t marry him. I’m too fucked up for him. Too disgusting and broken. He can do better than this.

“Mommy! You doing it again!”

But he’s so good to her. He’s everything she deserves in a father even if I don’t deserve him as a husband.

I reach up and grab a pan and a box of macaroni and cheese.

“Adina.. Baby… I’m sorry. Mommy’s just been thinking a lot lately.”

“Bout what?”

I sigh and fill the pan up, putting it on the stove and turning the flame up before I turn around and look at her little face as she pulls herself up onto the stool behind the counter.

I move forward and lean against the other side of the counter in front of her, my heart beating a little harder in my chest as my stomach does somersaults inside my gut. If only she could comprehend what Mommy is thinking about.

“If something.. If something were to happen to Mommy… would you wanna stay here with Jack and Amber?”

Her eyes widen and her eyebrows raise and without a seconds thought I get an excited “Mmmmhm!” from her and I nod my head.

“Good, I’m glad. Mommy’s gonna make sure that you get to stay right here, okay?”

“K!”

I stand back up straight and turn back around, thinking about what I need to do to make sure she’s taken care of.. Just in case. Who knows, anything could happen at anytime. Hopefully Jack will be up to it… Even if I’m not in the picture.

“I think I’m gonna go see Jack and try to get him to come back home early today, would you like that?”

“Yes! Yay!”

I take a deep breath and watch the water as it slowly comes to a boil. The flames are mesmerizing as I watch them flicker up around the pan. I reach out and brush my hand along the flame, watching it lick at my skin – until finally I feel the burning and I pull my hand away from the fire and look at the fresh burns I now have there.

I turn my hand over, focusing on a scar that’s been there for a long, long time. That was a burn too.

“Where you get that from mommy?”

I jump backwards as I hear her voice, realizing all too late that she’s standing directly beside me, watching me. I look down at my hand and clench my fist, trying to hide the fresh burns as I try to answer her.

“I uh.. Got it when I was a kid. Long time ago.”

“Did it hurt?”

I nod my head.

“Uh huh. Hurt a lot.”

Being thrown into a burning fireplace hurts quite a bit. Especially when the bricks not only burn, but they slice all the skin they touch.

“But I’m okay now. You go ahead and climb back up on the stool and your mac and cheese will be done soon.”

And then I guess I’m going to go see Jack.  Wherever he’s gone off to.

 

Hi boys.

I just wanna start out by telling you how fucking adorable it is to see you two trying to work together in order to dethrone Paragon. I mean that too. But do I honestly think that you two can do it?

I hope so.

At least I hope you put up a real good fight. But I just don’t know. You two have spent what? The last two and a half months fighting each other exclusively? Forgive me but come the fuck on. Harry.. If you were a decent fighter, you’d of never let Luck get up two to none on you. And Luck? If you weren’t a perpetual fuck up, you wouldn’t have let Harry win two in a row to tie it up with you.

You’re the fucking odd couple of Carnage Wrestling and you hope to take these tag titles from TJ and I? Christ. Either you’re both delusional or you’re both stupid.

I can’t figure out which one at the moment.

And you two were all too happy to give your approval to make this match a tornado tag Ultraviolent match. I just hope you two know what you’re getting yourselves into. You don’t look much like you could want to hurt a fly, let alone actually do it.

Yeah, yeah I know. You’re both fighters. Obviously you hurt people for a living. Duh. But what you two are missing is that, you ain’t never been in the ring with me. And to take it one step further, you ain’t never been in the ring with me in an Ultraviolent match. To say that I don’t give one shit about either of you’s health and well-being is an understatement.

To me, you’re just next on the list of disrespectful pricks who think they’re so much better than us.. Than Paragon. To me, you’re just the next example of what’s going to happen to those who rebel against us. You’re just Kyra Johnson’s next victim.

And Harry, buddy… I know you and TJ are friends. I know if probably pains you to have to face him like this because he was supposed to be your partner and blah blah blah. Who gives a flying fuck? Do you lay with your face between Terra’s tits at night and blubber about how TJ and you were supposed to be a team? I can’t fucking help the guy upgraded because let’s face it… you’re a fucking loser. You couldn’t even win a best of five against the guy who’s supposedly going to be in your corner come Sunday.

Can you really trust him, Harry? Can you really trust that his intentions are true? He literally just beat you in that best of five and NOW he wants to be all buddy buddy with you?

I’m just looking out for you Harry. I wouldn’t trust his slimy ass even if he were the last decent partner on earth.. Or rather, in Carnage Wrestling. Fuck, you’d of been better off with Garbage Fence, well before Jack did his thing.

Isaiah Luck is just a guy who can’t figure out what the fuck he wants. Few months ago he wanted to be a Sinner. He wanted to be a bad boy and get rid of that squeaky clean good guy schtick that he had going on for far too long. Not too long ago he wanted to kick your ass, Harry. Not too long ago he had no care about you or your well being… But now? Now that he thinks he’s got a chance at these tag titles… Now he wants to snuggle on up to Terra’s little fuck toy and make nice?

What a load of shit.

Isaiah. I don’t get you. I really, honestly don’t. It’s like you’ve got Robert Zodiac disease. Don’t know what that is? Dudes like Zodiac get a hard on for latching onto people whom they think are better than they are, to, you know… be drug up into superstardom or whatever. But in the cold, hard reality of the situation… Zodiac is actually up the ass of someone who can only do one thing, catapult him into mediocrity.

That’s you, Luck. First aligning yourself with fucking Andrew Watts and his piece of pussy meat Nova what’s her face. Acting like they were going to do anything to help your career. What a waste of time, huh?

I thought you learned your lesson from that. Went out on your own, did some shit… almost won some big matches. But then… the other night… out you come. You do remember BEATING Harry, right? He’s only going to pull you down. But I’m here for it. I’m all for watching a ship go down with no survivors.

Only this time, I get to be standing right there with any fucking weapon I want and I get to help sink your little ship.

Please guys. Don’t be pussies about this. At least put up a fight. That’s all I can really ask of you. I don’t know that you’re truly capable of anything else. But that’s okay. TJ and I will put you two out of your misery long before either of you really get a chance to think that you’re worth anything more than nothing.

Because you think we’re bullies? You and everyone else is starting to drink the JC, Lucy Koolaid, starting to actually believe that Paragon is the problem here. But we’re done trying to convince you that we’re not. We’re done trying to be the good guys that diffused situations like this and tried to be respectful about it.

You’re not with us?

You think we’re wrong?

Good. More bodies to pile up.

See you Sunday.

 

OOC: Word Count: 3254
Good Luck Guys! It’s been fun!