Date February 17th 2020 / Time11:24PM / Status Not Recording
Location Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center – Baltimore, Maryland

I hope she’s alright.

-DOCTOR SMITH TO THE ER, CODE BLUE-

My eyes widen as I shift my position in the chair.  Code Blue isn’t good.. But there are a lot of people back there.. That doesn’t necessarily mean that call is for Lucy… Right?

I swallow hard.

God, I hope she’s alright.

What if I’m sitting out here while my sister is in there fighting for her life?  What if the doctors come out here to tell me that… because of prior trauma… She didn’t make it?

Suddenly this chair just got even less comfortable.

“Fuck…”

I gotta get a fucking grip here.  How can all these other people look so God damned calm?  I mean why am I so worked up to begin with?  Lucy and I haven’t spoken, hell we haven’t even looked in the same direction as the other since… Since before Season of the Witch.

And I’ve had plenty of opportunity before now to open a dialogue… But I haven’t.

Even after Amber told me the other week that I should definitely talk to her, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  Even if Amber was right and Lucy would have wanted to talk to me too… I just didn’t.  I avoided it like the plague and scurried back home, hiding until the next time I’d have to come out for something.  Cue this week.  I wasn’t gonna show up, but of course Jack… The Champ… Wanted to be there at Chaos to watch the tournament matches first hand.

Can’t blame him, I guess… 

But it did end up putting me in the position to watch Lucy’s match after Amber stormed off and Jack followed her.  I thought about following them but something in my gut told me to stay there… to stop running.

And here we are.

Lucy’s back there, in what condition I don’t know.. and I’m out here grappling with my own guilt after watching someone do something so damn similar to what I did to her…

The guilt is borderline unbearable right now.

I glance down at my stomach, seeing the torn shirt and the dried blood.. A reminder that I did try to help her earlier.  Also a reminder that I was too damn scared at first to even climb into the ring, to come face to face with someone like myself.. someone who could do something like that to another person without remorse.   It terrified me to look at the damage I caused.

I’d never taken a second glance at the collateral damage left in my wake.  I’ve fought my friends, my (former) lovers… and I’ve hurt them badly, but I never looked back afterwards.  Until now.  I could argue that everyone else that I hurt deserved it in one way or another, but Lucy?  She didn’t deserve that, no matter how much I believed that before.  And tonight, it’s like I watched myself nearly kill her all over again, knowing that it’s my fault she’s even in this position right now.

No one to blame but myself.

I sigh and turn around, taking a look at the clock above my head.  11:45.  Christ.. She’s been back there for almost a half hour now.  At least I think.  Everything’s been a blur since we were all knelt there in the ring with her, backing off as the EMT’s came and loaded her onto the stretcher, wheeling her out of the arena… again… This time with me in tow.  I left the arena in such a hurry, climbing into the ambulance with my sister as Mac and Trent watched on… I didn’t even think to look for Jack… I don’t even know where he is right now.

I assumed that he followed Amber, wherever she went.. But the truth is, at the time I didn’t really care where any of them were.

Glancing down at my phone, I take a second to consider giving him a quick call – but before I can do anything about it, my phone vibrates in my hand, Jack’s face popping up on the screen.

The man’s got impeccable timing.  I’ll give him that.

“Hey, Jack.”

“Kyra? Are you okay? I finally got a chance to see Lucy’s match… I’m sorry I wasn’t there, Baby Doll.”

I close my eyes and lean my head back on the wall.

“I’m fine, Jack. It’s okay.  You were needed elsewhere.  How’s Amber?”

I hear him suck in a hard breath.

“The jury’s still out on that one.”

“I’m sure she’ll be okay.”

I say softly, squeezing my eyes shut even harder than before.  I guess watching Mitaxia hurt Lucy wasn’t the first time tonight I saw someone do something eerily similar to something that I’d do… And I’m not sure what happened before her match with Ken, but I gotta believe that there was a reason for what she did.  I gotta believe she’s not like me in that way… She wouldn’t have done that without a reason…

Silence settles between Jack and I as I look around at all the people around me.

“I hope so.”

“Yeah, me too.”

There’s a lot of shit I’m hoping for right now.  Whether I’ll get any of it… Well, that’s still up in the air.  The longer I sit here in this emergency room.. The easier it is to think that the worst is going to happen.

“Where are you, Baby Doll?”

Hell, Jack.  I’m in hell.

“The emergency room… Waiting for word on Lucy.”

The words, they drip with guilt.  They’re absolutely soaked with it.

I can’t help it. But as guilty as I feel, I feel just as angry underneath.  I feel it rising in my throat like bile… Burning the entire way up.   Maybe I of all people shouldn’t be angry at what happened tonight… Considering what I’ve done.  I might not have any right to be angry about what Mitaxia did to my sister… but I can sure as hell imagine wrapping my hands around her throat and…

“Nothing yet?”

I shake my head.

“No.. It looked pretty bad.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine. Do you want me to come out and sit with you?”

I sigh again.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll catch a cab back to the house when I’m finished here.”

“Excuse me, Miss Johnson?”

I turn my head to see a man dressed in scrubs staring down at me, looking apologetic that he’s interrupting my phone call.  I hear Jack’s voice saying something but it just sounds like a low hum as I stare up at who I’m assuming is the doctor.

“Jack.. Jack, I’ll call you back.”

I don’t even wait for him to respond before I hang the phone up, turning my attention to the doctor.

“Is she–?!”

“She’ll be okay. She’s pretty banged up and she’ll need a lot of rest. I told her that she needs to follow up with her doctors in New York once she gets back up there but if you want, you can go back to see her now… She’s in bed 7.”

I nod my head as he moves away, leaving me alone once again. I can go back to see her now… Should I? She’d probably much rather see Mac or Trent… My eyes flicker up towards the door and then over towards the exit. Have I been here all this time just to leave when I find out she’s okay?

“God damnit….”

I grumble to myself, heading towards the hallway. I stop in front of the curtain that’s extended around bed number 7. I stand there for what feels like an eternity, deciding if I want to go in there, or if I want to just leave. My stomach is in knots.

“Excuse me, Ma’am, do you need help?”

Another voice jolts me from my thoughts, and I jump to the side. A nurse stands there, her eyebrows arched as she stares at me.

“I… Uh… No. I’m fine. T-Thank you.”

The nurse nods and walks away.

“Kyra?”

I hear a voice on the other side of the curtain, it’s soft and raspy but it’s definitely my sister – and in this moment, those knots in my stomach double, no… Triple. I turn back towards the curtain and inhale deeply.

“Is that you?”

Well, this is it.

My hand shakes as I pull the curtain to the side.  I peer inside, seeing Lucy sitting up on the edge of the bed, somehow still in her wrestling attire. Her head is turned, staring right at me – seeing right through me as I step inside the makeshift room, pulling the curtain closed behind me.

“Yeah.. It’s me.”

“What are you doing here?”

She asked, her face full of confusion. I shrug my shoulders, keeping myself close to the curtain.  Just in case she decides to tell me to go to hell, I can make a quick and painless exit.

“I… I uh… rode with you to the hospital after the match.”

Her eyes widen.

“You did?”

I roll my eyes.

“Uh huh.”

She turns her head away, looking down.

“Well.. T-Thank you. I didn’t expect you to.. Especially after–”

“Lucy, stop it.. You don’t have to thank me. Hell, you don’t have to say anything at all. I’m the one that put you in this position in the first place.”

Lucy sighs and shakes her head.

“This whole thing is pretty fucked up, isn’t it?”

I sigh as well and nod my head, moving towards and sitting down in the chair beside the bed.

“Yeah.  No kidding.”

Silence settles between the two of us for a few minutes with Lucy just sitting on the bed, fiddling with her hands and myself leaned back in the chair, glancing around the small cubicle until my eyes fall on her, and that prominent scar on her neck now surrounded by bruises. I can’t pull my eyes away, my mind taking me back to Season of the Witch and that match…

It wasn’t a match, it was an attempted murder.  Plain and simple.

“You know, staring isn’t very nice.”

Lucy finally says, moving her hand up to her throat, awkwardly covering the scar up.  I didn’t mean to embarrass her, but by the looks of it, I did.  Damnit.

“Sorry. It’s just….”

I don’t even know how to say what I want to say next. It’s been building up inside me for months now… Now that I’m here and she’s right in front of me… I just don’t know how to say it.

“I’m sorry for everything… I can’t even begin to say..”

She nods her head.

“It’s okay.”

“You don’t have to say it’s okay. It’s not okay. I almost fucking killed you and you just say it’s okay?”

Lucy shrugs.

“I’ve already said it before, I brought it on myself. You had every right to be angry. You had every right to–”

“No! No I didn’t!”

I can’t let her think what she thought before, that this all was her fault.  She was only a kid. I was only a kid… We didn’t have any God damned idea how to handle what we were being put through.. and to this day, I still struggle with it.  I know she’s gotta struggle too…

“I didn’t have any damn right to beat you within an inch of your life and I sure as hell didn’t have any right to do that…”

I point to her neck.

“I hated you so much for leaving me… But it wasn’t your fault our father was so…. Unbearable. You didn’t deserve any of this.”

Lucy’s eyes meet mine and I can see the tears welling up in them and instantly I feel my own throat tightening and my own eyes stinging with tears. 

“You didn’t deserve it either, Kyra. Neither of us did.”

She wipes her cheeks as her tears roll down her face. I blink my eyes a few times, trying to clear my vision, only to feel the wetness falling down my own cheeks as well.

“Fuck.. I really wanted to blame you for everything that happened… And I did for the longest fucking time. But I really hated him… I hated everything that he did to us.. I hated that he drove away the only person that I could depend on.. I was too damn stubborn to realize until… Well until after I… You know… that I took it out on you because he wasn’t around to take it out on. I never hated you, Lucy…”

I look down at my own hands, watching the tears dripping from my eyes down onto my skin.

She didn’t do anything wrong by coming to Carnage in the first place. Anyone with a shred of common sense would have known that. It’s not her fault that her being there made me think about our terrible childhood. It’s not her fault that seeing her made me remember how things were after she ran away. I should have stopped myself. I should have looked at things differently…

But I didn’t.

I couldn’t… I don’t know. But my anger caused a whole hell of a lot of pain for both of us and I can’t take it back – and it eats at me. It gnaws at me to know that I could have kept so much pain from happening… If I’d of been able to control my own pain. If only I’d of directed that pain and that anger at the one who deserved it.

“I know…”

She says quietly.

“It’s okay… It really is. Yeah, I have to deal with the lasting… consequences of what happened between us. In moments like this, it sucks. But I don’t blame you. We were both victims of our upbringing. But we’re here now, we made it. You don’t have to feel guilty.”

I sigh, nodding my head.

“You can say that, but it’s not that easy to just forget.”

“You think I’ve forgotten anything that’s happened? Kyra.. There’s a difference between forgetting and forgiving yourself and just moving on with your life.”

Wow. I never really thought about it that way. I’m sure others have said that to me but it never really sunk in until this moment. She’s right.  I haven’t been able to forgive myself for what I did… I don’t know if I can, honestly…

“You’ve got a lot of great things in your life.. Don’t let what happened between you and I sour what you’ve got. It’s not easy. Life never is, but you’ve made it this far..”

She shrugs her shoulders.

“…And I’m fine. I’ll move on too. I’ll deal with all of this but I sure as hell ain’t gonna let it ruin my life. Okay?”

She smiles at me softly and I can’t help but smile back as I roll my eyes.  

“Okay. I can’t promise any miracles… But I’ll try.”

I know she’s right, and I know we can get past this… I just have to be as willing as she is to move on and let it go.

That’s never been my strong suit though.

That much is obvious.

“I’m glad.”

She says quietly, finally sitting back on the bed – laying her head back against the pillow.

“Is Jack waiting for you?”

I shake my head.

“Nah. I told him I’d take a cab back to the condo when I’m finished here. He’s got some shit going on anyway with Amber…”

“I saw what happened… I hope she’s okay. But… Maybe you should go, I mean… Help…”

I glance up to see the look of what I can only describe as disappointment on her face. Almost like she wants to ask me to stay but she doesn’t know if she could.. Or if she even should. Can’t really blame her though… Who wants to be alone in a place like this?

I shake my head.

“If they need me, they know where I am. Besides… I think we have a lot of catching up to do…”

 

I know a lot of you are looking at me in this match, wondering what I’m willing to do to win.  I’m sure more than a few did their due diligence.. Taking a look at my body of work, taking notes… Right?  But let me ask you one thing…

How many of you ONLY looked at Season of the Witch? 

How many of you took one look at that match and what I did and think you know me?   

I’m not proud of what I did.  I think I’ve made that pretty damn clear since that moment.  That being said.. It happened and there’s not a damn thing I can do to change your thoughts about me and what I’m capable of.  

And the truth is.. I am capable of terrible things.   I think we all are.  But that doesn’t take anything from my actions on that night.   That doesn’t change a damn thing about the fact that I have to live with it every damn day and try to move on with my life and my career and show all of you, and everyone else that while I am a vicious fighter.. I’m not that person.  

At least not anymore. 

Which, I guess brings me to this battle royal.  This beautiful clusterfuck that’s going to crown the next person who gets the pleasure of challenging for that Ultraviolent title that I love so much. 

You’d think that I’d have a problem with this match, considering if my fiance wins later in the night to not only stay the Carnage World Champ, but also become the new Ultraviolent Champ.. That IF I happen to win, I’d be set to step into a steel cage with my future husband.  

Part of me would rather beat Myra for another title belt again, because why not?  But if it ends up being Jack… That doesn’t change a damn thing.  

You wanna know why?

I’m a fucking fighter.  A damn good one too.  I not only brought back, and renamed the Ultraviolent Championship when.. Once upon a time… I owned Carnage Wrestling… But Ultraviolence is my fucking life.  I love it.  I fucking live for this shit.   I don’t know if the rest of you can make that particular claim. 

Kyra Johnson has always been synonymous with Ultraviolence and that’s the way I always want it to be. 

Sure, I can step in between the ropes and fight a good clean match.  But where’s the fucking fun in that?  

I know, I know… Who the fuck WANTS to go out there and spill their blood, bruise their flesh and potentially break their bones in a simple fucking match?   I do.  When I’m out there, my heart pumping, sweating and angry… I’m alive.  Truly alive.  

I’m gonna hurt you. 

If I get my hands on you, I’m going to make you regret your decision to sign up for this match.  

I’d hope that’s no different than the rest of you… I mean you’re here aren’t you?  You obviously want a chance at the UV belt… Let’s just hope that you’re willing to do what it takes to EARN that right.  This is Carnage Wrestling.  It’s not called that for nothing.  

Don’t worry though.  I’ll make sure to give those of you unlucky enough to come face to face with me a real quick lesson in how we do things around here.  Just… Don’t cry when I do.  

Guess I should talk about a few of the people I know in this match, huh?  

The first one that comes to mind is someone I can’t quite figure out how she got into this.  Heya Sloane.  I gotta say, I respect the shit out of your balls.  Stepping into something you’ve gotta go all over twitter to ask people about… I’d ask if you got any good advice, but I suppose I’ll find out myself in a few days time. 

It’s just… First impressions being what they are?  You’re too nice.  You’re too damn nice to do what’s necessary in a match like this.  What’re you gonna do if you somehow make it out of this as the number one contender?  Honestly.  No disrespect intended but come the fuck on… You could definitely prove me wrong out there, or… you could go back to UGWC with a lot more doubts than confidence. 

I guess that’s your choice though.. Do you take all that advice, or do you choke?  

And Mitaxia… I don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten you.  

Not at all. 

You’ve stood face to face with me, you’ve looked into my eyes… And maybe you think you see weakness, or maybe you don’t care what you’ve seen… Something tells me you’re too far gone down the psycho trail to care.. But deep down inside that crazy exterior of yours lies a fucking coward.  How do I know?  Because I’ve been that coward.  I’ve ventured down that trail and I didn’t like what I saw when I looked in the mirror at the end of it. 

Sure I’ve hurt people… I don’t deny it.. and I don’t want to take any of it back, but I accept the consequences of what I did.  You don’t.  You do shit like… that and you think it makes you bad.  You think it gives you an edge on the rest of us… But it only means you’re gonna fall that much harder in the end.  

I’m gonna make sure of that myself. 

…

We also get to see what Mac Banes pride and joy can do, don’t we?  Jimmy.. I don’t know you, I can’t claim to know you but I’ve gotta question if you’re made of the same stuff your old man is.  Losing your debut match isn’t a deal breaker.. Hell, Jack lost his debut match here in Carnage and look at where he’s at now.  

I wish you the best, honestly… Because I respect the shit out of your father.. and as a mother myself – I know how badly Mac wants to watch you succeed.  It’s just… You won’t because I can’t let you.   You’re young.  You’ll have your moment… It’s just not gonna be at Act of Defiance. 

Honestly it’s not gonna be for any of you if I have my way.  

I’ve made a lot of mistakes.  I don’t deny that… But I’m feeling good.  I’m feeling better than I have in a while.   I’m taking the advice of my sister, and I’m trying to forgive myself.. Trying to move on with my life and make the best out of what I’ve got. 

What I don’t got?

A shot at that Ultraviolent title.  And I want it.. I want it bad.  

Do I want it more than the rest of you?  Without a fucking doubt. 

But I’m not naive enough to think that the rest of you are just gonna throw yourselves over that top rope and give me what I want… Nope.  I’m gonna have to earn that and if I gotta spill a little bit of your blood and split a couple of your wigs in order to do achieve what I KNOW I can?  

So be it. 

That’s the name of the game folks… We’re all in it to win and only one of us can walk out on top.  Only one of us can be THE one.  Can the rest of you be that for Carnage?  Fuck if I know. 

But I can.  

So Myra, if you somehow beat Jack… Do me a favor and polish that belt up for me because I’ll be taking it just like I did those tag belts.  

And Jack.. Honey?  I love you, but if you’re holding the belt I want when all is said and done… I’m coming and I’m not holding back.  Best you do the same. 

Good luck.

OOC: Word Count: 3999