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Date May 16th 2018 / Time 11:01AM / Status Not Recording
Location The Wylde Residence – New York City, New York

“All of it.”

“All of it?”

I nod my head, feeling my patience thinning as if it were a tightly bound rope weighed down by a car, cut ever so slightly – unraveling under the weight. Eventually it’s going to snap.

“Did I stutter? Start with the bed.”

I snap back, watching him and his crew scurry off and up the stairs to the bedroom.

After Synergy, and seeing that what happened was no dream… I can’t bear to be in here with all of this stuff.. Knowing that he more than likely infected all of it with his very presence. Knowing that that was exactly what he wanted when he did what he did.

Of course, what he did… Well that’s still a mystery, isn’t it?

It’s too bad I can’t throw myself into the garbage along with the rest of my furniture, my belongings.

I shake my head and take my tired body outside to the patio. Gotta stop thinking like that. That’s exactly what he wants. He wants me to feel like garbage. He wants me to treat myself like garbage, and hopefully throw myself away like the garbage that he and everyone else thinks I am.

Moving towards the edge of the patio and peering over the fifth floor barricade down to the streets below… I wonder what it would be like to actually climb over and jump.

It would be over before I knew it.

Positive is that even if I survived the jump, one of these New York drivers would most likely run me down before I could process the pain – ending it quickly. At least I’d hope so. There’s only so much a person can deal with before it comes to something like this… Right?

Watching Rogan and now Jase being dismantled right in front of my face.. Leaving Maggie in the ring to be blindsided by Pierce… Feeling like the scum of the earth because there was nothing… nothing I could do to stop any of it…

Yet wishing it were me. All of it.

If I were gone though. If I did throw myself off of this building, splat myself on the pavement below – that would solve all of it. My friends. The people who’ve supported me through all of this and have stood on my side in spite of everything.. Their suffering wouldn’t have happened if not for me…

But.. Their suffering has already happened. There’s nothing that can take it back. There’s no magical time stone that can reverse the damage that’s already been done. So I’m stuck here to relive it over and over again. I’m stuck here waiting, wondering if taking myself out of the equation now is the right thing to do.

The right thing.

What even is the right thing anymore?

“Excuse me, Miss Wylde?”

I whip around, startled as I realize I was leaning dangerously over that ledge. I put my hand over my chest and turn my attention to the worker standing in the doorway, looking at me with concern.

“What?”

He steps forward, obviously uncomfortable with what he’d just witnessed. Can’t really blame him I suppose.. But what business is it of his anyway? He’s already been paid. He can go home and feed his family and live his life without worrying about what the fuck I’m doing or what I’m feeling.

“I.. We were just wondering if there were anywhere in particular you wanted us to haul your..”

I sigh and throw my arms up in the air, walking past him and back into the condo.

“I don’t care. Just take it somewhere. Away from here. Donate it. Throw it out. Take the shit home. I just don’t care.”

I look around at the untouched living room, and up at the two men carrying my bed through it. My eyes lock on the bed, wishing I could remember what had happened after he stuck that needle in my neck, straining myself to remember anything other than what I saw in those pictures… But nothing.

It’s frustrating. Actually it’s far more than frustrating.. But that’s just about everything lately.

My phone rings and I glance down, seeing that it’s a tweet from Maggie.

 

I feel the corners of my eyes stinging as I let the screen go black and stick the phone back into my pocket.

I left her out there by herself when I saw what Gabriel was doing to Jase. I fucking left her. And look at what happened. How the hell she even wants to continue to be seen with me, or even be associated with me is beyond me. I guess I’ll never understand.

In her eyes, I betrayed her. I turned my back on her. Sure, at the time I thought I was doing the right thing.. But the right thing in my eyes was the exact wrong thing in hers.

I honestly don’t know what she expected me to do. I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t. I can’t stand here and assume that she doesn’t understand how I feel about what’s happened over the last few weeks.. Rogan, Jase.. But after the argument we had the other day – I honestly do feel like that’s how it is.

She really doesn’t get it.

I do love her. Desperately. Intensely. Fully.

I try so fucking hard to do the right things for everyone in my life. I try and sometimes I fuck up. Sometimes I make the wrong choice.. I’m human. I’m flawed. As much as she’d like to look at me as this perfect being, as someone that she’s looked up to for years… I’m just not that person.

Behind what people see of me on that television screen, or out in that ring… I’m incredibly imperfect.

I think she sees that now more than ever before.

I look up and watch the workers continuing to move everything out of my bedroom. I just did this a few weeks ago, after the first break in… granted I didn’t get rid of everything. But now, now its out with it all. I don’t know how else to deal with this… Well that’s not true.

I do have a couple of other options.. But in retrospect jumping off the patio would make too many of the wrong people happy.. And killing Gabriel will just have to wait. Looks like starting over new… again is the best option.. For now.

 

Bet it’s been fun watching the Princesses downfall, right? Bet it’s been a jolly good time, huh? The best. Watching the newly crowned world champ lose her shit each and every week on UGWC TV must make the majority of you extremely happy.

Right.

About that.

I’m glad ya’ll are enjoying yourselves.

Because you know, laughing at the misfortune of innocent people being used as tools to try and get into another persons head… Well that’s just perfectly okay for those of you who toss stones at my glass house.

Just be prepared when I finally do decide to start throwing them son of a bitches back.

Oh, I know what you’re going to say though.. Little Miss Lucy acting like she’s NEVER laughed at someone elses expense… Acting like she’s Little Miss Perfect. Disgusting, right? Totally ridiculous for one person to believe that she’s just so much above the rest of the self proclaimed peasants… Such an attitude is unbecoming of a World Champion caliber talent.

Right?

I mean, let me know if I said any of that wrong. Please. Because your opinions mean so fucking much to me.

Really. They do.

What? I don’t sound genuine? I don’t sound like I’m being truthful?

Damn.

You figured me out.

It’s almost like I don’t live and breathe for the approval of the rest of my peers… Crazy, right? That’s just insane that I don’t live my life like the Kem Dynamos of the world. Seeking everyones approval, and when she doesn’t get it… She throws herself a hissy fit, claiming to have been treated unfairly by people who should know to treat her with the respect that she thinks she deserves.

Yeah, hi Kem.

I’ve noticed you talking a lot of shit on Twitter about me.

I’ve noticed that you can’t seem to keep my name out of your mouth OR your fucking keyboard. Funny isn’t it? Someone who just arrived here after how long, exactly? How long were you away? You know, since you won the Wrestlestock Open and lost your subsequent title match? I can’t take away your victory at Wrestlestock, nor would I.. But let me just tell you one thing right here and now you ungrateful little cunt…

That one victory, years ago doesn’t give you the right to walk into UGWC and demand respect. Respect is earned. I know your daddy doesn’t understand that concept either. He walked around OWF thinking that if he repeated ‘God Mode’ three hundred thousand times that somehow everyone around him wouldn’t see him as a joke.

Spoiler alert.. It didn’t work.

So please, keep going. Keep tossing your accusations and your baseless statements around on social media like the idiot that you are.. And I’ll just keep doing what I do… Earning what I have through hard work and dedication. When you stick around for more than a few weeks, you’ll let me know, right? When you stop feeling the desperate need to tell everyone and their brother that you didn’t walk away after one loss… you’ll let me know, okay?

Yeah, I’ve earned the right to talk about winning. I’ve earned the right to talk about losing too. I lost last week. And I’ll lose again. But you don’t see one God damned person wondering if Lucy Wylde is going to walk away – because they don’t have to. They can’t.

Because they know I WON’T.

The fact that you can’t help yourself when you announce that stupid shit to the world… that just shows that you’re one fucking step away from tucking your tail between your legs and running away again. I wish I could tell you that the lot of us would give a flying fuck if that were to happen… But I can’t say that.

If I could, I wouldn’t anyway because you’re not worth it. You’re not worth the fucking breath.

I can’t believe I’m evening spending this much time talking about you, to be honest… But you’ll forgive me.. I’m pissed off. I’m sure your partner this week could expand on why… As if everyone doesn’t already know.

But that’s not what I’m here to talk about.

This week I get to stand beside Alan and Mizore and fight the proverbial ‘dream team’ of the UGWC.. at least in their eyes. Whatever. Honestly. I just don’t care. You all could be the fucking Harlem Globetrotters and I’d step into that ring and spit right in your faces.

I know, I know… Not the attitude that the face of the UGWC should have. But you know what? It doesn’t really matter what everyone expects me to be… I AM WHAT I AM and I’m not about to change for any of you haters. You’re all jealous of what I’ve achieved… You all believe I don’t deserve it and that’s exactly why I’m going to come out there on Monday and I’m going to wipe the fucking mat with your faces. I’m going to show you exactly WHY I’m where I am, and it’s not from bitching and whining. It’s not from attacking and brutalizing the people in my opponents lives… No, it’s from taking it out on those who stand to oppose me inside the ring.

And this week, it just so happens to be you three.

So be it.

Keep your opinions of me to yourself, and kindly shove them right up your asses. Because win or lose… I know what I am. I know who I am, and trust me, I know exactly who in the fuck you three are. You’re bitches who need to be put down. You’re worthless pieces of shit beneath the collective feet of the wrestling business. And you can all go straight to hell.

Do not pass Go.

Do not collect $200.

I respect those who’ve earned it and as far as I’m concerned.. You all have a LONG fucking way to go. But don’t take my opinion for it, because I know nothing I say could possibly make any difference to you. I mean who the fuck am I to tell you that you haven’t earned anyones respect? Right.

Who the fuck am I indeed.

Guess you’ll find that out on Monday.