“In what world, in what universe did you believe that I’d actually want to be here?”

Lucy may have been trying to mutter her question to her partner/bff for life Seb, but without realizing it, her voice was far louder than she’d intended – garnering a few sideways glances from other patrons that stood on the sidewalk outside of  .

You know, only New York’s scariest haunted attraction. So scary in fact, that it’s not recommended to bring anyone younger than fourteen. So terrifying that some would say the experience would change you.

Much to Lucy’s chagrin, she wasn’t underaged. But then again, when this night began, and Seb invited her out to do ‘halloween things’, she didn’t imagine being here, dressed as the hottest pirate she could manage as she waited amid a crowd of people she could only deem to be complete psychopaths who actually wanted to be scared.

To say she was displeased upon her arrival here could be directly compared to telling Rogan MacLean that white tents were stupid, or taking all those free Croc’s from Seb.

Seb let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. “Please, how old are you again? Forty?”

Lucy glared at Seb in his matching pirate costume. “TRY AGAIN!”

“Forty-two?”

Lucy gasped. “OhmyGodSebastianIamNOTfortytwoyearsold! ”

Hands on hips, Seb turned towards Lucy and tapped his foot on the sidewalk impatiently. “Well either way, one would imagine you’re far too old to be acting so childish about this.”

Lucy crossed her arms over her chest defiantly. “Not everyone has a scare kink, Seb. But I’m here, aren’t I? I didn’t leave when you dragged me here, even though the thought was…and still is tempting.”

At the perfect moment, just as Lucy had finished her sentence and just before Seb could reply, a chorus of blood-curdling screams could be heard coming from deep inside the 10,000 square foot attraction. And even though the Chaos Champion of UGWC had just patted herself on the back for remaining at her partner’s side even though she wasn’t a fan of whatever they were here to do…

“You have got to be kidding me..” Seb shook his head as he watched Lucy slowly, subtly backing away from the front door where they were waiting to be allowed access. “I can see what you are doing.”

“Seb. Come on.” Lucy said as she continued backing away. Another scream rang out into the night and Lucy shuddered. “Would I do that to you?”

Sebastian wasn’t about to let Lucy get out of this, he had paid real money for this experience after all. Even though the staff at Blood Manor were thrilled to have two of wrestling’s most well known stars grace their halls, Sebastian’s inner humanitarian denied their attempts to give this experience to Lucy and Seb for free, instead opting to pay ‘just like any other person would’.

Deep down, Seb found himself slightly insulted that his bestie was being such a coward about the entire thing.

However, he just couldn’t stop himself from stopping cold as he pursued Lucy, his eyes darting behind her, widening at the sight of… something. Almost immediately, Lucy realized Seb wasn’t following her anymore, and she froze, her own eyes widening as big as saucers as she wondered what Seb was seeing behind her.

“Seb…”

But Seb didn’t respond. Instead he started backing away, a terrified expression on his face. He motioned for Lucy to move towards him, slowly.

“Sebastian Everett-Bryce… Are you fucking with me?” Lucy whispered, so quietly that Seb could barely hear her. “Seb, Isweartoallthingsholy…..”

To his credit, Seb did all he could to contain his amusement but Lucy picked up on it fairly quickly.

“It’s too easy.”

Lucy stood back up straight and slowly turned to look behind her, finding nothing to be there. She let out an exasperated sigh, shaking her head. “Fuck off.”

Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh.

“And now you’re laughing at me… Fantastic.” Lucy groaned, rejoining Seb near the front doors of the Manor, keeping her distance from the creepy characters that were walking around amid the guests – supposedly ‘warming’ them up for what they were about to experience.

Seb shook his head. “Don’t you think you’re being just a little dramatic, Lucy? As old as you are, one would believe you’d know that none of this is real therefore, will do you no harm.”

Lucy crossed her arms over her chest as the front doors opened and the guard at the front doors motioned for them to make their way inside. Seb offered his arm for Lucy and even though she was a bit sore at her best friend for his shameless shaming of her, she didn’t hesitate to latch onto him as they made their way through the doorway.

“Just feel lucky you didn’t arrive on one of our ‘lights out’ nights, enjoy…” The guard said with a gravely, spooky voice as the door closed behind them.

“What the hell did he mean, ‘Lights out’ night?” Lucy asked as they walked slowly into an empty hallway just through the entrance.

Seb sighed. “Obviously it doesn’t matter since it isn’t one of those nights.”

“Fucks sake…” Lucy muttered as Seb practically dragged her through the only opening that was visible down the hall. But before they’d made it to the opening, a bloody pulp of a man dressed in a hospital gown jumped out and screamed at them before falling to the ground in front of them.

Lucy and Seb backed up as the man continued crawling towards them, crying gibberish at them as he swiped at their ankles.

“What a fun way to begin this experience, isn’t that right, bestie?” Seb spoke between steps, his eyes darting around and looking for the next surprise. But Lucy wasn’t making it easy on him. “Lucy.. Lucy you can’t kick him…”

“I’ll kick him straight in the cocksucker if he tries to grab my leg one more.. OH MY GOD!” Lucy screamed as the person jumped up out of nowhere and ran away from them once more, darting into the hole in the wall that he’d come from. “Fuck that guy…”

“I don’t think Rogan would approve.”

“Rogan would… What?” Lucy asked before realizing what Seb was getting at and rolling her eyes. “Fucks sake, shut up will you?”

Lucy kept muttering to herself as they approached the hole in the wall, and finally stepped through, into a much darker and more sinister looking area. But to their combined shock, neither of them expected a staircase to be on the other side of that hole.

“You first.” Lucy said, motioning down the steps and into what she’d describe as ‘pitch black’, but really, what lay at the bottom of the stairs was draped in a deep, red tone that made it look like they were descending into the depths of hell.

Seb rolled his eyes and tugged on Lucy’s arm. “Together.”

“I mean, you really don’t have to..”

“I insist.” Seb replied through gritted teeth. Lucy didn’t resist when Seb tugged on her arm again and the two of them began the journey down the stairs. With each step, Lucy stopped and looked around her, even if Seb kept telling her it was useless to do so. Finally, after a much longer time than it should have taken, they finally arrived at the end of the stairs and almost instantaneously, Lucy nearly fell backwards when an area of the room lit up and another man sat there, his entire face covered with ‘flies’, his eyes rolled back in his head.

He didn’t move.

That was, until Lucy pushed Seb in front of her and before he could do anything, the man reached up and pulled a handle that sat above his head – and another part of the room lit up just as a woman screamed out in pain, and Lucy screamed out as well when they both turned to see a woman held in a guillotine, struggling against her restraints.

“How quaint.” Seb said, shaking his head. “You’re going to pull my arm off if you keep–”

Before Seb could finish, the blade was released and a severed head rolled onto the ground in front of Lucy and Seb. Another glance at the woman, and they found a limp body with a stump where her head should have been.

“Nope. Nope, nope. Nope.” Lucy sidestepped the head and made a beeline for the doorway that could barely be seen in the distance. Seb didn’t wait around behind her.

“You’re right. We probably shouldn’t waste time.”

Something felt off about the tone of Seb’s voice. Lucy stopped and he nearly ran into her. “Are you…”

Seb’s eyes widened and he placed a hand on his chest, interrupting Lucy before she could finish that offensive accusation. “How dare you! I am not scared, thank you very mu–”

At that moment, Lucy had already stepped through the doorway and didn’t realize that they’d found themselves dead in the center of a recreation of a battlefield, complete with corpses and cannons and God only knew what else. Before Sebastian could finish his sentence, one of the cannons went off and shook the ground beneath their feet – sending both of them running and screaming through the room as fast as they could.

However, Sebastian tripped on something and fell down. Lucy stopped, and went back for him but just then another blast went off and when Lucy looked around the dim room, she saw figures moving slowly towards them.

“Seb, come on!”

“Just go! Save yourself!”

Lucy grabbed him by the arm and pulled him up. “And you said I was being dramatic. Christ!”

Another blast, and when Lucy turned to head towards the exit to the ‘battlefield’, they both realized they were now surrounded by a battalion of bloodied and disfigured people – all of which were holding weapons and seemed intent upon adding UGWC’s two biggest champions to their collection.

“Fuck.. fuck, fuck!” Lucy tried to drag Seb around them, bobbing and weaving. Finally, Lucy thought they had made it past them and she stopped momentarily. “You okay?”

But all Seb did was grimace. “I.. I don’t know.”

“Listen, you were the one that wanted to come here. You don’t get to do this now th– AHHHHHHH!!!!”

The lights went out. Just like they weren’t supposed to.

“LUCY?!”

Seb couldn’t see a thing as he felt around in the dark, trying to find Lucy. He’d thought he knew what darkness was, but nothing prepared him for how utterly blind he felt without any ability to see where he’d come from, let alone where he was trying to go.

Lucy had screamed the moment the lights went out. But now, all he could hear was the unsettling sounds of breathing all around him. There was a point when he honestly thought he could feel the hot breath of those who’d been pursuing them before they’d lost their vision.

“Don’t come any closer!” Seb said dramatically, waving his arms around haphazardly. “Or else I’ll have to show you why I’m the best–”

“Sebastian!? Where are you?!”

He heard Lucy’s voice, but it sounded like it came from further away than she was when they could see. Maybe she fell.

“Did you fall?!”

“I don’t know, Seb…”

“How don’t you know whether or not your body has met the ground?”

“Jesus Christ Seb, no, I didn’t fall!”

“Then why didn’t you just say that?!”

“I don’t know, okay!?…Why are the lights out?”

Sebastian’s chest tightened as he searched around with his hands, praying to whatever deity would listen that his hands did not rest on anyone that wasn’t Lucy. But only like her shoulder or something. Nothing ridiculous, so stop thinking like that.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

“Lucy, I cannot fathom why they’d have turned the lights out.”

Then both of them screamed again when another cannon went off in the distance, and the room lit up for a split second. Seb barely had time to get his bearings before he was plunged back into the darkness.

And then something grabbed his ankle and Seb went into fight or flight mode. Lucky (or unlucky) for him, another loud bang echoed throughout the room and Lucy screamed again, shouting ‘no’ over and over and Seb got enough of a glimpse of the room in the literal moment it was illuminated to start making his way towards the exit of the room.

“Lucy I’m coming!” He shouted, blindly moving towards what he thought was the doorway. He ripped his leg away from the depraved individual that laid his hands upon him and limped for what he hoped was salvation.

As he reached out, he did indeed touch something that felt like flesh and blood, but when he tried to see who or what it was, he noticed a pair of glowing yellow eyes staring back at him.

“OhMYGODDDDgetawayfromme!” Seb tried to sidestep and keep going, only to be met with even more pairs of glowing yellow eyes.

But then someone bumped into him in the dark and he lashed out, “I SAID GET OFF!”

“MY NOSE!”

“LUCY?!”

“You fucking punched me!”

“As if I knew it was you!”

Lucy didn’t respond, instead she dug her nails into Seb’s arm and the two of them felt their way around for the next area. A few tense minutes later, they stumbled into the next room – and unbeknownst to them, the next phase of their experience was about to begin.

“This area feels different.” Lucy said quietly, looking around at the ‘nothingness’ around them. Instead of responding, Seb nodded his head which was completely useless at this point but he’d never admit to being even a fraction as scared as his partner was.

Lucy opened her mouth to say something else when they heard a low growl coming from somewhere in the room with them.

“Okay.. What was that?”

Seb scoffed.

“Why are you scoffing?!” Lucy hissed as they continued walking through the darkness. “Seb?”

“WHAT?” Seb hissed back as another growl came from somewhere else within the room, this time much closer to where they stood.

“Don’t you ‘WHAT’ me! And don’t you dare go silent when you’re the reason we’re stuck in here!”

Seb gasped. “I was only trying to do something fun with my best friend! How dare you be so completely ungrateful and spoiled!”

“Me? Ungrateful? Spoiled? That’s rich coming from you.” Lucy spat back, punching Seb in the arm for good measure.

“Ow! What was that for!?”

“You know damn well what that was for! I–”

Before Lucy could finish her sentence, another growl interrupted her – this time followed by an ominous voice saying ‘welcome’. Our frightened pirates felt a presence of someone rushing past them in the darkness and when they’d turned around, they lost all sense of direction and they were once again lost.

But that feeling wouldn’t last long.

“Okay! We get it! Turn the lights on this instant! I will not stand for this!” Seb bellowed, stomping his foot for good measure. When his demand wasn’t immediately met, he sighed. “Well, it was worth a shot.”

“Wow, you sure tried your hardest there, huh?”

If only Lucy could have seen the look on Seb’s face. “Well I’m doing more than you! Miss Trauma Barbie over here screaming and whining the entire time! One would think that by now, you would be desensitized to these types of things… Honestly.”

Seb expected a snarky response, but instead he felt Lucy’s grip lessen on his arm. He might not have been able to see her, but he could sense that he’d struck a nerve. And when she let go completely, a pang of guilt punched him right in the stomach.

“Lucy? I’m–”

As if it were the theme of this story, Seb was once more interrupted – this time by the lights flashing on, blinding both himself and Lucy momentarily. Neither of them had a chance to gain their bearings before another dark figure rushed in on them screaming and wielding something in their hand that they couldn’t identify.

All too quickly though, a flying fist hit the character in the face and down he went in a heap in front of Seb. Seb looked to his side to find Lucy stood there, fist still cocked, breathing heavily.

“Jesus Christ…”

 

The camera pans across the screen to find the UGWC Chaos Champion, Lucy Wylde, sat in a high backed leather chair, next to a large oak table. Perched upon the table, one foot in the air, the other firmly planted on the ground is Lucy’s best friend forever, and UGWC World Heavyweight Champion – also, by the way, the Pro Wrestling Valor World Heavyweight Champion thank you very much – Sebastian Everett-Bryce. Lucy’s elbows rest upon the leather arms of the chair, her finger tips pressed together. Sebastian’s hands are clasped and rest upon his lap.

“How many times must we dance this merry dance, before Zane Scott finally recognises that he faces opponents that he has no chance to overcome.” Said Seb, ominously. “How many times, how many partners must there be before he understands that this duo? Us? We’re just too good for him…”

“Zane has a unique ability for smashing head first into brick walls just to prove to the world that he’s not afraid of the pain, no matter if it gets him absolutely nowhere. Time and again he’s tried. Time and again he’s been left licking his wounds whilst we…” Lucy begins, before someone from off camera clears their throat. “What the fuck, we’re cutting a promo here?”

“Oh… Uh… Well… It’s just that…” began the offscreen voice.

“Come on, lad, spit it out, we haven’t got all day and whilst Lucy has the haunted look about her naturally, I have to put on a show.” Said Seb.

“Okay what?” Said Lucy.

“Oh come on, it’s the pale skin and the expression.” Said Seb. Lucy opened her mouth to argue, but instead switched on the selfie camera on her phone.

“Oh for christ sake.” she said in recognition. “Fine, we can’t all radiate the energy and intelligence of a Labrador puppy.”

“Well thank you.” said Seb, with a smile. “Now what is it, chum?”

“Well, I didn’t want to interrupt, but you started to promo against Zane Scott.” said the offscreen face.

“Obviously.” Said Lucy.

“Well, he’s not in your match…” said the production assistant.

“Okay, well clearly you’re insane, because this is a Cooperative Match with Lucy and myself, so the idea that Zane isn’t involved is utterly preposterous.” said Seb.

“What he said.” Lucy added. “I can’t remember a time when the the Angry Pirates set sail without having to talk about Zane Scott.”

Seb placed a hand against his heart and wore an expression of clear heart-warmth.

“What?” Said Lucy.

“You used a sailing metaphor with our team name.” replied Seb, as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

“… Shut up. It was an accident.” said Lucy. “That doesn’t change the fact that this dickhead interrupted our promo for no good…”

“Good lord.” said Seb, cutting her off.

“What now?” asked Lucy.

“He’s… He’s right.” Said Seb. Lucy’s eyes opened wide(r than usual) and she hopped to her feet.

“He can’t be.” she said, glancing down at Seb’s phone before gasping. “But he is!”

“That’s right!” said Seb. Lucy, still looking down at Seb’s phone gasped as his phone beeped and Seb pulled his phone to his chest.

“… Okay, you’re going to have to pretend you didn’t see that.” Said Seb. “Sloane is keen for me to return home early and clearly wished to offer motivation.”

“Of course, BFF, I would never.” Lucy replied, before slapping his shoulder with the back of her hand. “Lucky you, by the way.”

“I know, right?” said Seb, as he looked back down at his phone and tilted his head.

“First things first, Sebastian, we have to come up with a promo that… Doesn’t involve Zane Scott…” Said Lucy, her eyes suddenly glazing over. “How exactly do we do that?”

“I… Have no idea…” said Seb, before his eyes opened wide. “Oh! I’ve got it…”

“We’re not using Chat GPT again, we’ve already gotten away with that twice.” Said Lucy.

“Dammit!” Said Seb. “Fine, then there’s only one thing I can think of.”

“What’s that, BFF?” Asked Lucy.

“To Google!” Said Seb.

“That’s a fantastic idea!” Lucy exclaimed as she dropped down into her seat and pulled out a phone of her own. After a moment or two, the silence was broken.

“Hey!” Said Seb, with a look of dawning realisation.

“What?” asked Lucy, looking forward to the ephiphany.

“Labrador puppies are thick as pig shit…” said Seb, with a furrowed brow.

“Oof.” said Lucy, before returning to her phone screen.

 

On the table between them were the remnants of at least four drinks – for each of them. Surrounding them, the music and sounds of the bar they’d stopped at once they disembarked from Blood Manor.

Lucy took a sip of drink number five and watched the live music in silence while Seb watched her, nursing his own drink.

“So…” Seb finally said, drawing Lucy’s attention.

“Yeah?”

“That’s not how I expected this evening to go.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I told you I didn’t like being scared. You should have brought Rogan, he loves that kind of shit.”

“As much as I enjoy Rogan’s company, he’s not my best friend. Besides, if the Dark Man were here, I’m afraid I wouldn’t have gotten the experience of being kicked out of a haunted house.” Seb mused, a subtle smirk on his lips.

“I should feel bad for knocking that guy out.. But fuck him, honestly. I should have knocked the whole lot of them out for turning the lights off on us. Speaking of… did they give you a refund?”

Seb shook his head. “Something about breaking the rules…”

“They broke the rules of common decency. Those fuckers.” Lucy scoffed. “I’ll pay you back for what you put out… for what it’s worth, I am sorry for ruining your plans. I’m.. I don’t know. Not very good at this kind of shit.”

Seb leaned forward, sipping his drink. “I’m the one who should apologize. I probably shouldn’t have put you into that position to begin with.”

“I’m a wimp though. You’re right.. You’d think with everything I’ve dealt with over the years that I would be… desensitized.” She looked away from him and fiddled with the front of her pirate costume. For a while they just sat there in silence, finishing off their drinks and beginning on the next round when it was placed in front of them.

Finally, Seb reached out and patted Lucy’s hand. “No matter. At least you can truthfully say that you’re not welcomed back at Blood Manor. Neither of us are.”

Lucy chuckled. “Thank God… But for what it’s worth, Seb. I do appreciate the thought. You’re a colossal asshole sometimes, but…”

“…But what?”

A small smile remained on Lucy’s lips. “Oh, that’s it. You’re just an asshole.”

“Fantastic.” Seb replied with a roll of his eyes. “One could say something similar about you, you know.”

“Oh, I know. But in all seriousness–”

Seb raised a hand, stopping Lucy mid-sentence. “No need to remind me of what a treasure I am. I assure you, I already know.”

It was Lucy’s turn to roll her eyes. “I want to take it back now.”

“No takesy backsies.”

“How does Sloane deal with you?”

Seb smiled. “I think the real question is how do either of them deal with us?”

Lucy chuckled. “Fair enough.”

Silence settled between them for a while as they took to watching the other patrons around them as they partied in their Halloween costumes. It was Halloween weekend, after all. Why not make an entire affair of it?

After they polished off their most recent drink, Seb finally brought himself up to his feet and reached out a hand to Lucy – who stared up at him curiously.

“What are you doing?”

“Salvaging the rest of this evening. Come on. We’re not dressed like this to sit in the corner all night, are we?”

“I didn’t take you for a dancer… Mostly because I’m not much of one either.” Lucy replied as she stood up and smoothed out her pirate skirt. Very practical for a pirate who wants to pillage but doesn’t want to do it in comfortable shoes and clothing that makes sense.

“Maybe I’m not, but.. Oh just shut up and let’s go before I change my mind.”

With that, Seb grabbed her hand and off they went.

 

The camera closes in on Lucy’s face, she’s smiling, but it’s forced. Slowly the camera pulls out as she speaks from the corner of her mouth.

“Are you sure about this?” she asked.

“Yes, look, it says so right here.” said Seb, holding his phone up in front of her face.

“Alright, alright… Jesus.” Lucy said, swatting it away. “Go on then.”

Seb cleared his throat.

“This promo is NOT about Zane Scott.” Said Seb.

“Real smooth, Shakespeare.” Lucy said.

“Shhhhh.” said Seb, before smiling somewhat forcedly. “As it’s coming up to Halloween and we’re set to face two of the creepiest members of the UGWC roster, we thought we should talk a little about Halloween.”

“Creepy?” asked Lucy.

“Yes, creepy. Phrixus does that shadowy thing and Donovan has those eyebrows that appear to have a life of their own.” Said Seb.

“Ohhhh yeah…” said Lucy. “The eyebrows…”

“Thing about Phear is, that he seems himself as something of a chess player. Pulling the strings from dark corners, manipulating the direction of UGWC whilst hidden from plain sight. And if he was honest, I’d imagine that our old friend Deimos would consider himself to be something of a genius. Just like…” Seb pulled his phone from his pocket and checked something on the screen. “Jigsaw from all of those Saw movies… wait, there’s been ten of those fucking things? I barely made it through the second.”

“Half-way through the ankle scene for me. Nope. I’ve had way too many experiences with being chained up for that to be something I want in my head.” Said Lucy.

“Kinky…” said Seb.

“Kidnapped by my dad, Seb.” Said Lucy.

“Oh. Right. Sorry…” Seb said. “Awkward.”

“ANYWAY…” said Lucy, quickly. “Thing is, Seb and I don’t see Phrixus as Jigsaw, but the weird little tricycle doll instead. Sure, he’s creepy, and it’s difficult to tell whether the voice is coming from the face or somewhere else, but when it comes down to it? He’s irrelevant… he’s just a face for whatever puppeteer has their hand up his ass on any particular week.”

“Could be Pierce, could be Hastings, could be Rydell depending on how the wind changes. But while he seems to know everything about everyone who joins UGWC, the fact is he does nothing with it. He spouts his monologues about all the things wrong with whoever he’s facing and then… he loses. Slinks back off into the shadows until the next time there’s value to be had out of the creepy little shadow monster.” said Seb.

“And those moments are becoming fewer and further between.” said Lucy, quietly. “And speaking of those with their hands shoved where the sun doesn’t shine… we have Donovan.”

“Ahhh yes. Donovan, who’s best work comes when people’s guards are down and their defences are lowered. When they’ve been tricked into believing they’re safe and secure and they can close their eyes for a good nights sleep.” said Seb.

“That’s right! UGWC’s own Five Nights at Freddie’s!” said Lucy.

“Wait… I don’t think…” Seb replied. He pulled out his phone again. “No, look…”

“Ah fuck. Let me try that again.” said Lucy. “UGWC’s own, Freddie Kruger!”

“Don’t worry, we can cut that out in post. Happens all the time.” said Seb.

“We’re live streaming, Seb.” said Lucy.

“Oof. Well…” Seb cleared his throat. “The point is, Donovan works best when people think they’re safe. And how much safer can people feel than when they’re asleep. Except, as time goes on, Donovan finds himself being less the stuff of nightmares and more a dream opponent…”

“Little by little, the legacy he’s created has started to slip away. Like a terrible horror sequel, he’s lost that something special that makes him feared. Instead, he’s become the parody of a genre that was once the very best this business had to offer. No doubt, he’s one successful reboot from being feared all over again, but right now? He’s lost in a sea of straight to DVD…” said Lucy.

“Because the truth is, the duo in this match capable of real horrors? Are the two you’re looking at right now. And what’s more terrifying than outright violence that you don’t expect and never see coming – because despite everything, people continue to forget what we’re capable of… two of the greatest of all time.” Said Seb with a smirk

“And two that were great once upon a time…” said Lucy. “And once Upon a time is never as terrifying as an Arsonist and a Calamity.”

“See you on Monday, gentlemen.” Said Seb with a wink.

“Where horror awaits.” said Lucy, with a dark smile.