Date June 11th 2020 / Time11:41AM / Status Not Recording
Location The Johnson Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

“Should take about… two and a half hours? I think…”

“What?”

I glance up from my phone, seeing Taylor staring at me from across the room. I shake my head and motion to the phone, and the map that’s on the screen – showing the ‘quickest’ route to Atlantic City. Can’t really believe I’m actually going up there, and I guess neither can my stomach because it hasn’t stopped flipping and flopping since I made the plans to go up there and finally have this talk with Amber.

“Just trying to figure out the best way of getting to AC.”

I glance back down at the screen, knowing that if I wanna get there and get back before Adina goes to bed, I gotta leave soon.

“To talk to this… Amber chick? Right?”

“Yeah..”

“You don’t seem too happy about it, Mom.”

Can’t hide anything from this kid. Groaning, I pull myself up off the chair and look out the window. Weather doesn’t seem too bad today. Maybe it won’t be an entirely miserable drive. Get out, get some air…

“Mom?”

“I gave you the rundown on what happened, Tay. No.. I’m not thrilled to be doing this, but not for the reason you think.”

“Cuz she shit on you? That’d be why I wouldn’t wanna go.”

I shake my head.

“She’s a good friend. She’s probably the best friend I’ve had. What she did was shitty, what Jack did was shitty too but I can’t ignore them forever. There comes a point when forgiveness has to come, if only for my own sanity.”

I pull myself away from the window, glancing back across the room at Taylor, noting the thoughtful look on his face. He’s still young, he’s not gone through much of the shit that’ll teach a person lessons like this one… Unless you count the shit his parents put him though.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. You gave Dad a chance to be back in your life and we all know he probably didn’t deserve that right out the gate.”

“Heh. Could say the same about you.”

He shrugs his shoulders.

“We both know I’m the lesser of the two evils. Tyler’s the one that needs to hear this, but he’s too damn stubborn to listen.”

“You know him better than anyone. Who knows, maybe someday he’ll come around. If not? That’s his choice… And this…”

My eyes turn down, tracing the lines of the map once again.

“…Well, this is mine. One step at a time, Tay.”

Silence fills the room and after a minute or so, I start moving out of the living room, wanting to check in on Baby girl before I get my shit together and head out.

“How you think it’s gonna go?”

His voice stops me just as I get to the hallway and I turn around, unsure of what to say. How do I think it’s gonna go? I want it to go well. I want us to come to an understanding… But there’s a part of me that worries that there won’t be any resolution – not because of her.

Because of me.

I love Amber, I love Jack – I might hate what they did and how they made me feel but we all deserve an opportunity to look each other in the eyes and come to some kind of conclusion… Regardless of what that conclusion is.

I just hope I’m capable of that right now.

Finally, I sigh and put a smile on my face.

“I don’t know. Guess I’ll find out in a few hours.”

 

Date June 11th 2020 / Time3:11PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Ryan Residence – Atlantic City, New Jersey

Well, I’m here.

Been here for the last twenty minutes at least, just staring at the apartment building. Trying to will myself to make the trek up to the fifth floor and knock on that door. That hasn’t been working though, I’ve just been looking around – wondering how someone with Amber’s accomplishments doesn’t live in a penthouse or some backwoods mansion away from all the prying eyes of the world. It’s a nice area, decent… I guess it’s just not what I expected when I thought about where she’d be living.

Then again, it makes perfect sense for her. Live among the regular folks in some middle class apartment… Assimilate into your surroundings, become one of the huddled masses… Blend in. That’s the Amber Ryan way. Because of course it is.

“Fuck…”

I’m letting myself get away from why I’m here. I’m not here to give advice on the location she lives, or analyze the way she lives her life.

I’m here to talk to her.

“Come on…”

I grumble, pushing the door open and stepping out.

Here goes nothing...

…

…

…

My hand hovers in front of the door for far too long while my insides twist and contort themselves, suffocating the life out of the butterflies whom once resided there. If I would’ve eaten anything today, I’d probably lose my lunch right about now.

Knock, Knock

The dull sound echoes around me and I step back from the door, wondering yet again if being here is the right thing, but I don’t get very long to contemplate that because the door opens within seconds, revealing the face of a certain redhead whom I punched in the face just a few days ago.

“What, were you waiting by the door or something? Fucks sake…”

“Were you coming in or are you gonna just stand out here, making the place look shady?”

She smirks and opens the door up further, but instead of moving towards her and her apartment – My legs freeze and I don’t move. I watch her eyes widen – but just a bit – at my hesitation and immediately I feel horrible.

“I’m sorry. I–”

I run my hands through my hair, feeling my cheeks burning with a combination of embarrassment and nerves.

“Don’t worry about it.”

She says, breaking the roller coaster of thoughts in my head, making it come to a complete stop as I look up at her stoic expression, with her eyes the only thing showing any semblance of what she’s feeling inside.

This can’t be easy for her either.

I basically shut her and Jack out after Isolation. I know what that feels like, it’s not a pleasant feeling when the people you love put up a berlinesque wall to keep you away. But tearing that bitch back down has gotta be the hardest thing to do.

One step at a time

“Guess I’ll stop making your neighbors nervous…”

I manage to say, stepping towards the door – passing her – and stepping into the apartment. At first glance I wouldn’t even think a World Champion caliber wrestler lives here. No pictures, no decorations… Just as nondescript as the building that she lives in.

That is.. Until I walk into the living space to see a tall drink of water, seated and staring directly at me, a kind smile on his lips.

“Mac.”

“Kyra, nice to see you.”

I nod my head.

“Likewise.”

Amber slips into the room from beside me, approaching and taking a seat in a chair beside Mac. In this moment, and only in this moment while she looks at him, I see a glimmer of light in her eyes… And a hint of nervousness. Mac leans forward and lays a hand on her shoulder, nodding lightly before he glances over in my direction.

“I know you girls have some things to talk about, I can get out of your hair for a little while if you want.”

A piece of me wants to let him stay, if not only for Amber’s sake… but there’s at least a part of this conversation I’d rather have without a third party present. So, what do I do?

One glance at her tells me all I need to know, even if she’s not outwardly showing how much she needs him there with her.

I know how that feels…

“No, Mac… You’re good. It’s just…”

I move forward, awkwardly finding a seat across from the two of them.

“Where do we go from here?”

Amber nods her head.

“Guess this is the part where I tell you that I was wrong. That I deserve all the shit you’ve thrown my way over the last few months.”

As she spoke, I turned my eyes downward to the floor. I just can’t find it in myself to look at her – Not because I disagree with what she’s saying or that I don’t want to hear it.. But because I know it takes a lot for her to open up, even just this little bit. I know because it’s just as hard for me. We’re quite the pair, she and I.

I guess that’s why this entire thing hurt me so damn bad.

“To be fair- I probably deserve it tenfold.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

I say softly, keeping my eyes turned toward the floor.

“It’s like I said, I just didn’t expect that you’d throw our friendship aside so casually.”

“That’s fair.. But it was anything but ‘casual’ to me.”

“I’m sorry if I don’t buy that, Amber. If you give a fuck about someone, you don’t do that… regardless of what title belts are at stake.”

I finally glance up to see her nodding.

“Yeah I did it and I own up to that. I hurt you but I can’t take it back now. I can’t take any of it back. We’ve all been there, that moment when we think we know what’s important and an opportunity arises that we can’t let slip away and in those moments, as fucked as it is… You can honestly convince yourself that the cost for that could never be too high.”

Silence settles over the room like a blanket – warm, yet suffocating. She and I just stare at one another for what feels like an hour before she sighs, kneading her hands into her thighs.

“The cost was too much.”

“Yeah…”

Is all I manage to croak out around the frog in my throat. What else am I supposed to say? It’s okay? It’ll be fine?

I don’t feel fine.

I haven’t felt fine for months now.

I’m well aware that I’m not perfect by any means – but have I ever gone this far in order to get what I wanted?

Lucy…

I shake my head.

That was different.

Or maybe… I’m just a hypocrite and I shouldn’t be here shoving my righteousness down Amber’s throat as if she doesn’t already get it. But.. Since I’m already here…

I sigh.

“You asked for ‘The Blast’…”

She looks up, surprised after the long silence.

“…You wanted him to be something he didn’t want to be anymore, and you didn’t care what it did to him in the process. You wanted to beat him at his best. I’m not saying it’s your fault, but you sure as hell didn’t help. He made a choice, just like you and neither of you gave a shit what I wanted… or what your fucking family wanted.”

I stop for a moment, feeling the anger rising up in my chest once again as I remember how helpless I felt that whole time, and how neither of them gave a shit. I am my own woman.. Beholden to no one. I don’t owe either of them a damn thing at this point – I’m only here for my own sanity. I’m only here because I’m tired of thinking about this shit day and night… And because I care.

You do what you feel is right..

You’re right Ken. Gotta do what’s right, whether it fixes things or makes them worse. I gotta be true to myself.

I stand up and start pacing around in front of them.

“I didn’t deserve to be in the shadows. I didn’t deserve to be cast aside like garbage. I’m better than that. None of us deserved to be treated the way you two treated us. But hey, you got what you asked for so fuck everyone else, right? You got him at his worst, and you beat him. Hell, you nearly killed each other with not a single fucking thought to how that would affect anyone you care about.”

I feel my eyes start to tingle, but I blink it away.

“You and… Jack ripped my fucking heart out of my chest. You ripped it out and you took turns stomping on it. It’s not even about overshadowing my title win. Yeah, that sucked but watching the two people I care about the most do that to one another… What if the worst happened? What if you’d succeeded in killing him?”

“Look, I get it…”

I shake my head.

“No, I don’t think you do. At least not like this. You created this… And he let you. But you stood up and admitted your fault – and that’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m not letting you… Or this friendship, go.”

I finally sit back down, looking across the room at the two of them. At first I feel stupid, like maybe I’m just being too compassionate again, too weak… like everyone else thinks I am – Present company included.

But how is it weak to forgive?

That’s it.

My eyes widen and it feels like a lightning bolt just hit me. Maybe he didn’t say it flat out, but God damnit if that isn’t the underlying message that Ken Davison has been trying to send me – Whether that’s what he intended or not… he’s given me exactly what I need. If anything, I’m the strongest out of all of us…

God I hate him.

“You’re right. In asking that of Jack, I created all of this… All this heartache and pain. I appreciate you saying that cause I don’t wanna let it go either..”

“Knowing what you know now… Would you do it again?”

I think the question takes her back a bit, but after a few seconds, she settles back into her chair and looks at me, her eyes telling me of the conflict that rests within.

She might look conflicted, but I already know the answer – I just want to see what she says. I want to know what the foundation of our friendship looks like after this… hurricane went through.

“In a heartbeat.”

I smirk and nod my head.

“I know.”

“I’m a shitty human being, we both know that, Kyra.”

I shrug my shoulders.

“I’m no better than you. We’ve both made some shitty ass mistakes. But.. Looking back at what I did and how I treated everyone around me, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn’t do that again because I wouldn’t want to put everyone through all that pain. And the fact that you would… It kinda changes this…”

I motion to her and back to myself.

“..This friendship, or at least how we’re gonna go forward with it.”

Her eyebrows raise in question as I lean forward on the chair.

“You told me that I tie myself up in everyone elses strings, instead of cutting them down around me.. That my compassion is why I fall short.. But maybe that’s what makes me strong… And maybe that’s exactly what makes you weak, Amber. You’re scared to care. You’re scared to let people love you and support you. Doing what you did so easily, pushing me.. us away is the path of least resistance because it’s easier to be alone than let people help you. It takes courage, it takes strength to stand up and accept love, and help. I’ve been there. And this go around, yeah it took me a little while to get here but I see it so God damned clearly now. I’m here because I love you – regardless of how scared I am that something like this is going to happen again. And that’s the difference between us.”

I swallow hard, watching her eyes dart around the room.

“Would you do the same thing for me? I don’t know. But I love you, Amber. I respect you and everything you’ve accomplished. You’re better than that. You’re better than running away.”

I stop and watch her for a few moments before she abruptly gets up and heads for what I’m assuming is the patio door.

“It’s a long drive back to Baltimore, you’ll wanna get going if you wanna get there by dark.”

And just like that, she’s gone.

I just sit there and watch the door for a few moments, sighing as I bring myself to my feet. I don’t necessarily feel bad, because I don’t know how this friendship is going to work without one of us changing our mindset about the entire thing – We both care. But she’s not willing to learn from her mistakes, even if she’s willing to own up to them.

So it’s up to me to learn and do what I feel is right.

I take a look at Mac who’s still sitting there, but his eyes are focused where mine just were. That door and that redhead just outside of it.

“She’s the best friend I’ve ever had.”

My voice permeates the silence, and Mac turns his head, his eyes meeting mine. I don’t know why I felt the need to blurt that out, maybe because I sense how strongly he feels about her.

I don’t want him to believe that I came here to hurt her.

It’s just… Sometimes the truth has unintended consequences.

“I know.”

Mac replies, sitting up.

“She’ll be alright.”

I nod.

“I think we both will.. One step at a time.”

Ken Davison.

You fucking prick. I could sit here all day and call you every name under the sun – and I’d enjoy every single second of it but I think we both know I’ve gotta talk about more than what a slimy pile of dog shit you are if I wanna make a real impact heading into Underground.

That’s provided anything could make an impact on you, right?

But I have.

There’s some reason you’ve been singing my praises and complimenting me over the last few months, and from what you said before you lost to Trent – That I ‘Need to recognize the power that the Ultraviolent championship gives me. That this is my story to write.’

You’re not wrong, Ken.

Thanks to you, I’ve been realizing that simple fact a lot more lately. I’ve worked my ass off for years to make it to where I am right now. I’ve been the baddest Bitch in Carnage Wrestling for just as long, with not nearly as much recognition. But a lot of that comes from decisions that I’ve made – and the things that I’ve done.

And while my story does have quite a bit to be written, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out your own story Ken.

You know the one I’m talking about. This little ‘Pick your adventure’ thing you’ve got going on… In which you decided the best path to pick was to face me for the Ultraviolent title? I know better than to ask you if you regret that choice, because I’m not entirely sure you regret anything, Ken. That’s okay though… I’d rather you not regret it until after I whoop your ass and put yet another kink on your plan to get at our current world champion.

But let’s be honest here, that’s what all this is about – Isn’t it? You don’t want my belt… Unless it gets you one step closer to Amber. You don’t want anything unless it takes you to the adventure that you really want.

I feel like I should be insulted, Ken.

It kinda feels like you and me were meant to be having this dance and honestly? I’m a bit jealous that you keep looking past me at Ms. Ryan and Mr. Michaels like somehow making it to them is a step above me. I know you wanted to complete the set but maybe you’ve already made it to the summit of the “Great” Paragon and you didn’t even realize it.

Well, what’s left of it anyway.

Think about it Ken. You yourself told me that I have value and that.. How’d you put it? ‘I need to realize all the different directions that I can go… I could stand behind Jack. I could walk on my own… Or I could stand beside you.’

Real funny, Ken.

Why in the fuck would I wanna stand by your side when you’re treating me the exact same way? Telling me that what Jack and Amber did was terrible, that I’m better than that… But not if I’m beside you? Bullshit, asshole. You see, I was upset that my title win was overshadowed by two selfish ass people who put that world title above all else… including their own lives.

But Ken, you’ve forgotten that you’re just as selfish.

Can’t cast stones at their glass houses from your own, bud.

I’ve been the cornerstone of Paragon since Jack decided to go missing, Amber decided to reiterate how selfish she can possibly be and Eli propelled off into some other fucked up world. I’ve been the only one here, holding this shit hole together and what do I get for it?

Apparently I get you, Ken.

Just another cog in the very same machine that’s been trying to hold me down for God only knows how long now. And I gotta say, I’m damn tired of being held down by everyone who’s supposed to care about me or give a semblance of a shit about how I feel.

You care about me Ken? You care about what I can do for you, right? You care about how much it would hurt those who care about me to see me stand by your side? Yet another way of getting to them, without actually having to do anything.

Same song, different day Ken.

You gonna tell me you’re different than what you’ve shown me so far? You want me to not think so little of you? Want me to actually believe that I mean something to your cause other than fucking with them? Prove it. Step your ass up to me and fucking show me the GOD DAMNED respect I DESERVE.

Don’t try and placate me with your sugary sweet bullshit.

Don’t spit in my face like that when you KENDAMN well know that I know better than to believe it. I’ve been there, believed the shit that spewed out of some former world champions mouth and look where we are now.

How’s about you just step into the ring with me and we have ourselves a good, old fashioned Carnage Wrestling Ultraviolent match? That’s provided you bring your dick along and show me that you’re more than just a lot of fucking talk. Quit worrying about Amber. Stop obsessing about Jack and REALIZE that I’M the one you should have been thinking about all along.

You called me a princess and I ran with that for a little while but then I realized a princess is only second to the queen and Kyra Motherfucking Johnson is second to NO ONE.

Not Amber Ryan.

Not Jack Michaels.

And certainly not you, Ken Davison.

I’m the true queen of Paragon. I have been all along.

I’m the queen of Carnage. Just take a look for yourself at my body of work. It speaks for itself.

And I’m damn sure the Queen of Ultraviolence… And what I did to you before? That was just a small taste of what I’m capable of, honey.

You’ll find out the rest very, very soon. 

 

OOC: Amber/Mac used with permission!

Word Count: 3995.

Good Luck Ken! This has been the MOST fun ever!