Date November 20th 2020 / Time 4:57PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Johnson Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

“Adina! You’re dad is going to be here soon, are you ready?”

It takes a few seconds, and more than a couple of aggravated grunts coming from her room, but finally, just as I’m starting to walk down the hallway, she responds.

“Mommy, I READY!”

I’m gonna take her word for it, and head back out to the living room to await my ex-husband’s arrival. JD and I told her about him being her real father a few weeks ago and she took it far better than I could have imagined.

She already enjoyed spending time with him but the knowledge of him being her dad has sent that into overdrive. I’m glad that she’s getting a relationship with her dad that’s far better than the one I had with my own.

The simple thought of my father sends a hard, unforgiving chill down my spine and a sinking feeling into my stomach – The same feeling I felt my entire childhood, the feeling I’ve been desperate to forget ever since.

I just hope JD can stay the course. I hope he can be her dad, and let me move on with my life.

Closing my eyes as I sit down on the couch, I lay my head back and take a few deep breaths. Seeing him always makes me wonder what he’s gonna try this time. He never ceases to amaze me in the most frustrating of ways.

But maybe for once, I can just not worry about that. Apparently, he’s seeing someone new. Thank God.

I exhale deeply and relax, listening to Adina’s footfalls as she runs through the house – trying to keep track of where she’s at. I hear her running into the living room and she stops suddenly. Something must have piqued her curiosity.

A few papers crinkle and then she’s off again.

How she’s got so much energy, I’ll never kn–

“Mommy?”

My eyes fly open and I sit up, finding her to be standing right in front of me. I shake my head and sigh.

“Holy shit baby girl, you snuck up on me.”

I glance down to see her holding something, but I can’t quite place it.

“What do you got there?”

Her eyes light up as she thrusts the item into my face.

“Look Mommy, my name!”

I read her name on the envelope… and in an instant I feel my chest tighten, and I can hear my heart beating in my ears.

“W-where’d you find that, A-Adina?”

Though I already know where she found it, I ask anyway, attempting to not sound like all the air has been sucked out of my lungs. I watch her turning the envelope over in her hands, looking at it as if she accomplished something wonderful.. So sweet and innocent.

She doesn’t know, she doesn’t understand what that piece of paper symbolizes to me. She wouldn’t understand why I feel like my heart is about to jump out of my chest right now. Or why I’d feel this way over a gift of money for her future.

My feet start tingling, and my hands shake almost uncontrollably as I reach out, gently grabbing the envelope from her little hands.

“C-Can I have this, sweetie?”

I somehow manage to say, even though my throat feels like it’s filled with sand. She watches me with those eyes of hers, eyes that remind me of her father.

“But whyyyy, Mommy?!”

I shake my head as I look at her, my vision changing.. her little head distorting as if I’m watching her through a fish-eye lens. A fish-eye lens that’s slowly filling with tears… I blink a few times and get up off the couch.

I can’t be here right now.

I… I have to get rid of this envelope.

She can’t see me like this.

I stop as I get to the kitchen and turn around to see her following me.

“What’s the matter Mommy?”

My chest squeezes again and my knees nearly give out on me, but I reach out and grab the counter, holding myself up.

“Mommy?”

“I–I…”

But I can’t say anything. My stomach churns as I try to pull in a breath, but it feels like my windpipe is filled with gravel. I close my eyes and lean into the counter, trying to just take a breath. 

“Mom–“

Her little voice is interrupted by a knock at the door.

Thank God.

I look at her and motion towards the door.

“G-Go… The door.”

She runs off and I lay my head down on the cool top of the counter, trying to regain some sense of composure before JD ends up in here trying to help me.

I don’t want his help.

His help usually comes with trying to convince me to come back to him… and I.. I don’t want-

“Kyra?”

“Mommy’s sick!”

I raise my head and put my hand up, keeping them both at bay.

“I-I’m fine. Just.. Just take her.”

I pull in a hard breath and nod my head at JD.

“H-her stuff is-“

He moves a little closer and the pain in my chest worsens, driving the breath out of my lungs again. I don’t want him near me, I don’t want my kid to see me like this. Whatever this is.

“Kyra, let me-“

“I’m F-FUCKING FINE..JOHN.”

I manage to yell, my eyes barely able to focus on him enough to stare the daggers I wanted to stare. I just wish he’d listen for once. I just wish anyone would listen to what I want.

He stares at me for another moment, his eyes narrowing before reaching down and grabbing Adina’s hand.

“Come on, Baby girl.”

I can’t even watch them leave, it feels like the entire house is spinning. I hear them shuffling around for a few moments and then the front door slams closed. I shake my head, feeling guilty initially for snapping at him and pushing them both away.

I just, I don’t want her seeing her mother like this. I don’t want her to see this.. This weakness. The weakness my father brought out in me so beautifully. The weakness that a fucking envelope has brought right back into the spotlight.

The envelope..

Looking down, I realize the envelope is still in my hand. I let it go as if it were on fire, letting it drop to the floor as I make it to the sink and fumble with a glass, trying to fill it up. My legs don’t last long enough to do that though and I slide down onto the floor, my eyes filling with tears.

Tears I wouldn’t let Adina see.

Simple tears turn into sobs.

I can’t do this.

Forcing my eyes closed, the hot tears slide down my face and drip off my jaw, soaking my shirt.

          “Kyra..”

I open my eyes back up and for a split second I see a pair of searing blue eyes, as deep and cold as the ocean.. And if I didn’t know that I was alone, I’d swear a hand was on my thigh.

Squeezing and sliding upwards, slowly.. agonizingly as dread fills my stomach and pours from my eyes.

“No..”

I whisper, shaking my head – trying to clear the cobwebs, trying to tell myself that this isn’t happening. It can’t be happening.

Not again.

I reach down into my pocket, ripping my phone out.. dialing the only number I can think of right now, doing my best to ignore the sound of my heart racing in my ears as the phone rings once, twice..

“Kyra?”

“Ken-“

My words come out, barely audible to myself.

“Kyra? What’s wrong?”

I swallow hard, forcing another sob down instead of letting it out.

“I-I need help..”

 

          “You and your bitch sister, you’ll never be anything outside of this house, you hear me?”

                         “You’re going to be mine, forever.”

       “Just Daddy’s little plaything..”

              “You just need to understand that you’re in love with me, so we can unwrap and ungag you. This could be very romantic, you know?”

                     “You’re lucky you’re not ugly like your sister… Now come here, I’m waiting..”

          “I almost asked you to come with me, damnit! That’s not right for you though. But you’re going to be fine while I’m gone.”

             “I have to go away. I have to distance myself from the coming storm, from everything. Don’t come back, Kyra.”

                        “You’re nothing without me, you little Bitch. When will you realize that what you want doesn’t matter?”

                                “Sorry, it’s already set up. Nothing you can do about it.

Date November 20th 2020 / Time 5:41PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Johnson Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

“Oh-“

Breath.

“G-G-God.”

I pull my knees up to my chest, unable to control the tears, or the pain any longer. Gripping onto my own arms as I hold my knees tight to my chest, I feel my nails digging into my flesh. I cry harder, I squeeze harder until I’m drawing blood.

The tears drip down onto my arms, mixing with the trickle of blood, washing it away, staining my shirt instead.

Suddenly the front door opens, and loud footsteps echo through the foyer until I see Ken’s silhouette round the corner and stop.

God, I’m so ashamed… I shouldn’t have called him. He didn’t ask for this.

“I-I.. I’m-“

I try to pull my knees even close to my chest, wanting to just disappear. But instead of recoiling, Ken moves closer and drops to the ground beside me.

“It’s okay… I’m here.”

“I-I’m not..”

I feel his hand running softly across my face, pulling my hair out of the way, wiping the tears from my cheeks, even though they’re immediately replaced by more.

“I’m-“

I’m not worth it.

I can’t say it. I can barely breathe right now let alone tell him that I made a mistake. This isn’t the me he wants. This isn’t the me that anyone wants.

Instead of responding, he just wraps his arms around me and pulls me in gently, kissing the top of my head as he does.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.“

I sob into his chest, unable to hold it back anymore. I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never felt this hopeless.

“Nothing is wrong with you. Feelings are normal… or so I’m told. Just let me hold you. I can’t promise everything will be okay, but I can promise you whatever it is, we’ll face it together.”

I shake my head as it rests against him. My brain is screaming at me to run away, but the rest of me needs him.

“A-Adina found the.. The-“

I motion towards the floor, wherever the envelope is, trying to calm down enough to explain something I don’t even know that I can.

“And I-I I don’t know.”

“Shhhh… Shhhh… don’t beat yourself up. I know you’re torn about that whole thing. I told you, nothing says you have to keep it. You have to trust your instincts. Right now, you need to ignore that focus on you.”

As he speaks, he brings himself down to the ground, sitting beside me – Never letting me go. His presence it’s calming.. His voice, it brings me a sense of clarity that I haven’t felt in a while. And in this moment of clarity it finally hits me, and I pull away from him just enough to look up into his eyes with tears still streaming down my cheeks.

“I-I don’t want to be the kind of mother that mine was…”

And just like that I blurt it out. Simple as that. Something I couldn’t put into words for what feels like days.

“From what you’ve told me, you could never be…”

“You don’t know that. She let our father take away our choices. She stood by and did nothing while he did–”

Just thinking about what my father did, it makes my skin crawl. It makes me feel just as dirty and ashamed as I did back then. I shake my head, unable to finish that sentence. Unable to take myself back to those days, those nights and the horrors that he subjected us to.

“I don’t want Adina growing up and seeing me.. Seeing me as someone who c-can’t stand up for herself.”

“Isn’t that how this all started between you and I? You stood up for yourself with me. You can and you have stood up for yourself. When Jack came back and wanted to act like nothing was wrong, you stood up for yourself. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

But it feels like it.

I’ve tried to play nice, I’ve tried to leave things alone, most recently with Jack. But what has that gotten me? An envelope filled with money for my kid that I never asked for and I sure as hell never wanted, forced on me as if I can’t take care of that little girl all on my own.

I know it’s ridiculous to feel that way. I know a lot of people would probably look at me right now and think I’m crazy. Kyra Johnson not stand up for herself?! They couldn’t imagine it. And maybe it’s not something I should worry about, but I do. Every single day of my life.

I sigh and shake my head, my hands absent-mindedly moving into his. He squeezes them, quelling the shaking for a few moments at least while I try to figure out what to say.

“My father, he made me feel like I-I was worthless. He beat me until I bled and made me feel like it was my fault. He slipped into my bedroom almost every night and.. Afterwards he made me feel like it was my fault for not being ugly. And my mom… She just stood by and let it all happen. She was content in watching her daughters be tortured.”

I reach up and wipe the tears off of my cheeks.

“I guess ever since, I’ve been looking for somewhere that I didn’t have to be afraid of losing control of the wheel. And that?”

I motion towards the envelope on the floor.

“It’s stupid.. It’s something so God damned insignificant but I really thought Jack wasn’t like everyone else that I tried to make a life with. I thought he understood what having choices meant to me… But with that envelope he kinda proved that there’s only one choice he cares about. His own.”

I sigh and lay my head on Kens. He cradles the side of my face while still holding me firmly with his other arm.

“Just please…”

I say, looking back up into his eyes, my eyes welling up again.

“Please don’t do that to me. I don’t think.. I don’t think I–“

My voice trails off as the tears begin flowing once more.  I don’t think I can do this again.  I don’t think I can let someone in and end up… hurt.

I can’t lose any more choices.

“I would never dream of it.”

He says softly, leaning in and gently kissing my forehead.  I believe him.  I don’t know if I should, I don’t know if I’m just falling into the same trap again – But, I trust him.

 

Date December 1st 2020 / Time 9:01PM / Status RECORDING
Location The Johnson Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

A glass filled with ice and an amber liquid is the first thing to be seen before the view zooms out to find Kyra seated behind a counter, her fingertips circling the top of the glass, her eyes focused on something across the room.

“I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge.”

She finally says, her voice cracking a bit and her eyes closing as if they were weighed down by something unseen by the naked eye.

“But I’d hope that by now if anything, that would be something that’s synonymous with the name Kyra Johnson.”

Her eyes flicker up at the camera, but instead of the fire that usually burns within those golden hues, it seems exhaustion, or rather a soft contemplation.

“Never give up. Never say die, you know, that old chestnut. That’s what I’ve been doing my whole career. Daring someone, anyone to shut me up, to put me down because that’s the only way to get past me. But for so long, I’ve fought, I’ve cried, I’ve bled – And I never got any closer to reaching my goals. I never got any closer to proving that I am everything that I’ve always said I was.”

She reaches out of the frame and pulls the Ultraviolent Championship in front of her, glancing back up into the lens.

“I guess that’s where this comes in. It’s just a belt… Just a belt, right?”

She looks down at the belt, her lips turning downward into a frown.

“But it’s not. This thing is the culmination of years of being overlooked. This thing is the literally everything I’ve worked for in all these years. This belt is Carnage Wrestling and I know there are a few people who think like I do – Two of them being you guys – Mitch, Zane.”

She looks back up again and nods.

“That’s what I appreciate and respect about the two of you, even though one of you wants to eat my belt.”

She gives the camera a dirty look as she continues.

“Dietary habits aside, you two get what Ultraviolence is all about. You understand that its more than just being a talentless hack who has to use weapons to get by. It’s a lifestyle. It’s Carnage. It’s what we live for, isn’t it?”

She pauses and stares at the camera for a few moments.

“But as much as I respect you, as much as I find myself in awe at how much we share in common… There’s just one problem.”

She pats the belt a few times before taking a quick drink out of her glass.

“As much as you want it to be, or as much as you need it to be – It’s not your time. As much as I believe one of you, hell, both of you will make fantastic UV champs one day – You’re not going to do that off of my back. I’ve worked too damn hard to get to where I am, I’ve been here since the very beginning.”

“Hell, I owned Carnage at one point, boys. That’s how much I care about this place and its legacy. I AM CARNAGE. I always have been and I didn’t fight through everything I’ve fought through to give this belt up to two new guys who think they’re owed a title simply because they’re here.”

She shakes her head.

“Boys, I was here for YEARS before I even got a shot. I’m not saying it’ll take you years.. but what I am saying is that you’ll have to keep waiting.”

She exhales and takes another drink, staring at the belt as she continues.

“Zane.. Or Lab Rat King – I’ll be honest, there’s not much I know about you other than your affinity for violence and screaming. But as someone who enjoys being violent, and enjoys the occasional screaming session – I’d like to believe I get it. But I don’t.”

“There’s a tortured soul deep down in there underneath it all.. And that’s what I identify with, Zane. A tortured soul who feels like they’re only here to bring pain and feel pain. Someone who cannot fathom their purpose outside of those things, but deep down inside – Someone who longs for peace. Desperately wants a moment without pain, without feeling tortured.”

Her eyes look as if they’re welling up with tears, but she quickly wipes any evidence away.

“I understand. I understand more than you’ll ever know. I grew up bruised and bloody. I grew up in perpetual pain and I went a very long time believing that I didn’t deserve anything more than that. That’s actually why I got into wrestling. I figured, maybe I can make some money on being beaten, you know? It’s well documented that I can take a hit.. And ya’ll can thank my father for that.”

She nods and looks down, a hint of a flush on her cheeks.

“I can say he’s the reason I am the way I am, but the truth is – He hurt me, sure. But it was my choice to let him break me. It was my choice to carry this resentment into my life and hold onto it as if my life depended on it. But I guess what I’m saying Zane, is that regardless of your story, and why you are who you are.. I understand. I’m a monster too.”

She lets her voice trail off for a minute or so before she finally looks up and continues.

“And Mitch? I see a lot of myself in you. I see the same determination, the same drive, the same hunger that I’ve still got after all these years. You’re a talented man and words don’t quite express how much I’d love to see someone who appreciates Ultraviolence the way I do hold this belt.”

Her eyes turn cold.

“But not yet. Not now. As much as I respect you, as much as I see myself in you, Mitch – You can’t walk in here and expect this belt after a few months when I worked for years just for the opportunity. I may not end up being the best Ultraviolent Champ that ever was, but I’ll be damned if this reign ends before I’m ready.”

“You’ll have more opportunities. I know it. Everyone fucking knows it. But how many more do I truly have? How many more do you think I have, Mitch? I’ve gotta make the most of this moment in the sun.”

Kyra closes her eyes for a moment, lifting her head towards the ceiling.

“I gotta enjoy my moment while I’m in it. It won’t last forever.”

After another short pause, the UV champ turns her eyes back towards the camera, a sad smile on her face.

“I might be a part of the ‘old guard‘, but that doesn’t mean I’m irrelevant. Doesn’t mean I ain’t got nothing more to give, you know? I’ve spent my life being denied the choices that could have changed everything. Maybe you two understand that.”

She shrugs.

“I don’t know. But we all share a common thread even if we are from different worlds. We all share a want to go out there and make one another bleed. We all share a need to make the Ultraviolent title the biggest title in Carnage, and we all share a hunger.. a hunger that never ends, one for violence and pain. Not just others’ pain, but our own as well.”

She looks down and grabs the glass, taking a sip as she contemplates what to say next.

“I look forward to facing down two of the biggest challenges I’ll ever face in my career. I look forward to proving that even the old guard has its place among the new. And I most definitely look forward to the pain, the blood, the sweat, the tears.. shed by all of us – Painting a beautiful portrait of what true Ultraviolence is.”

She pauses again, staring into the camera for a few moments before forcing a smirk onto her lips and winking at the camera.

“I’ve seen what you two did to each other one on one… and I know I’m in for one hell of a fight. So, let’s show everyone why we’re the main event of Ultimate Carnage, boys.”

“Best of luck to both of you.”

She finishes off the glass and grabs the UV title, giving it a kiss as the picture fades to black.

 

OOC: Word Count: 3996
Good Luck Jess & Zen! <3