Date November 10th 2020 / Time 12:19AM / Status Not Recording
Location Post Chaos 102
The Johnson Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

It feels like that envelope is burning a hole in my pocket. I hate it. I hate everything that it stands for. The only reason I didn’t throw it back in Jack’s face, well the only reasons are because of Ken… Because he was right, and I never know what’ll happen.

But.

But I can take care of Adina on my own. I can look out for her needs. I’ve been doing it long before Jack ever came along, and I’ll be doing it long after he fucks off into whatever hole he decides to find himself in.

I don’t need his help.

I don’t need anyone’s he–

“Hey, are you okay?”

Ken’s voice drags me out of my thoughts, and right back into the present. I stop and turn my head, looking up at him, noticing the concern in his eyes.

“I-I’m okay.”

Instead of keeping eye contact, my eyes flicker downward at the ground as a chill goes up my spine and I pull my jacket closer to my chest. I don’t know why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling right now.

I’m not angry.

I’m not bitter.

I just feel defeated.

I feel sad.

“You sure?”

Ken replies, reaching out and taking my hand, squeezing it softly. My turn my gaze to our intertwined hands, taking in all the details – The way his thumb curls around mine, the small scar on the back of his hand… and when I stop for a moment, I feel his warmth.

What am I supposed to tell him?

I don’t even know how to fix this. I don’t even think I can.

All because of an envelope.

“Kyra?”

Finally I glance up at him and force a smile onto my lips.

“Yeah, I think I’m just tired.”

He nods his head and we continue walking towards my front door. Maybe I’ll feel better about this in the morning. Maybe I’ll feel better about an extra two hundred thousand dollars to take care of my daughter as she gets older.

Maybe it won’t feel like yet another way of crossing over the line I’ve so clearly drawn in the sand.

Maybe.

We stop again. I look up to see that we’re standing at my door.

“Well..”

I say quietly, reaching into my pocket to grab my keys, fumbling with them before finally inserting the correct key into the lock. I turn the knob and leave the door for a moment, turning back to Ken.

“Well.”

He replies, looking me over as we stand awkwardly outside in the cold, almost not wanting to go our separate ways. At least I don’t want to go in there and spend the rest of the night trying to reconcile how I feel, whether it be with a hard drink or sleeping pills… I don’t know.

But, I just don’t want to.

Maybe I don’t need anyone’s ‘help’, but I do need him. I need this relationship. I need to not mess this up.

“I-I guess I should let you go, it’s cold as hell.”

I finally manage to say, my heart nearly beating out of my chest as I try to keep myself together.

“Thank you for-“

My voice trails off when I feel his hand cup the side of my face, before his lips softly kiss my forehead. For a moment at least, the tightness in my chest isn’t there, and the whirlwind inside my head stops.

“I’ve got your back. Always and forever.”

He replies, finally pulling away.. and with him goes the comfort I felt.

“Ditto.”

I manage to choke out, as a soft smile plays over his lips.

“I didn’t get the chance to tell you, but you look cute as a ref.”

I look down at the zebra stripe shirt I’m still wearing and shrug.

“Heh. Glad you think so.”

“You sure everything’s okay? If you need anything? Kyra..”

I put my arm up, shaking my head.

“I’ll be fine, Ken. I think I just need some sleep.”

He nods his head and leans past me, pushing the front door open and glancing back into my eyes.

“Such a gentleman..”

I say, chuckling softly. He shrugs his shoulders and looks away briefly, turning his eyes back to me. For what feels like minutes, we just stand here, staring at one another.

Almost like we don’t really wanna go our separate ways.

Well, at least that’s how I feel.

He leans in, planting a soft kiss on my lips.

“Get some rest. I’ll talk to you soon.”

I nod my head, watching him turn and head back towards his car. The further he gets away, the more I remember the envelope in my pocket, and the more I wanna run after him.. but instead I just stand here, frozen – My mind racing.

Why did I keep it?

I let out a loud sigh and head into the house, dropping my keys on the table beside the door before locking myself inside. I pull the envelope from my pocket, staring at the handwriting on the front as I make my way towards the bedroom.

I stop at the door to Adina’s room, looking in at the emptiness where she’d usually be sleeping if she weren’t with her father.

You never know what’ll happen…

I don’t.

I don’t know what’ll happen, or if this envelope.. this trust will be the difference in making sure she’ll be taken care of.

But I didn’t get the choice.

I shake my head and head back towards the kitchen to grab something to take the edge off. There’s no way I’ll be able to sleep like this.

I take the envelope and I toss it onto the table beside my keys, hoping it’ll somehow fall into another dimension and I’ll never have to think about it again. Wishful thinking.

Grabbing a glass from the cabinet and a bottle of whiskey, I pour myself a few fingers and drink it down almost immediately, watching my hands shake as I set the glass down on the counter.

“Fuck…“