Prologue

The flaps of my leather coat and my hair swaying in the breeze. My arms folded tight across my chest. I had been here, stood in this very spot several times before. But what I see before me is nothing more than my reflection, because it is nothing.

What I see is an empty lot on the corner of a busy New York street, right beneath the faded and rusted metro station bridge. Where my feet stand, is exactly where I stood that day when I could feel the heat from the flames caressing my cheekbones. The lot has since been cleared of debris and cautioned off with fencing. But the last time I was here, it was my home burning behind hundred-year old brick. Now it is the embodiment of emptiness – concrete, and dust.

“Hey lady!”

I hear the taxi’s horn blowing…

“You done gawkin’, or-”

But I don’t care. This is only the first stop in the end of my journey.

“Come on, Lady! I’m double-parked ‘ere!”

It hurts that I wasn’t here… didn’t even get to help the workers sift through the silt… who knows what I could have found buried beneath the layers of char and ash? Maybe something might have survived the fire… now I’ll never know. Like I keep telling myself, the most important thing was that no one was hurt in the blaze. Well, almost no one.

The driver of the taxi honks again.

“Do you wanna get movin’ or what?”

I lower my head, failing to dab away tears before they fracture my mascara lines. I didn’t come here to feel sorrow… to be honest I only came here to see how I’d feel… and to pay my respects to perhaps the worst decision of my life. I feel a special kind of guilt, and I don’t expect anyone else to understand exactly how it feels, and I’m far beyond the point of trying to explain it.

“Lady– I’m about two seconds from leavin’ ya here! Come on!!!”

There comes a point in all of our lives that we’ve all got to move on… from something or someone that we loved… and all the love and the hope and the wishes and faith won’t bring that thing back. And what’s even worse is the people that you end up hurting in the process of achieving your dreams… it makes you wonder at what point any of this was worth it at all.

But no matter how badly you want to turn back the clock and fix everything, you just can’t.

So you learn how to manage. You learn how to cope. You learn how to leverage the mistakes and the failures of the past into the successes of your future.

…and by God, you hold on to everything that ever mattered to you. You grab it with both arms and you clench it tight… and promise that you’ll never take anything for granted ever again.

“I’m leavin-”

I climb into the cab and carefully shut the door behind me, silencing the driver if only for a moment.

“I’m here.”

“About freakin’ time, too! Whattaya tryin’ to do to me?” He asks while looking up at my reflection in the rearview mirror. “Don’t ya see the traffic backin’ up ‘ere?”

I look back at him, without saying a word. Immediately his entire tone changes.

“Jesus, Lady, are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” I say, with a bit of a sniffle. “Must just be the cold.”

“Heh. I ain’t never seen cold do that.” He points at my face, and the black streaks running down each cheek. “But ‘eh, fug it. It ain’t none of my business, right?”

I nod my head. He pulls on the shift lever and steps on the gas.

“So… you still wanna go to that other place?”

I think about it for just a moment, and I nod my head again.

“Alrighty Miss,” The taxi driver replies, “Have it your way. Next stop, that Paper Street parlor. You goin’ to get a tattoo?”

 

 

Magdalena Lockheart Presents:
All of Our Cards

 

 

410wrestling.com Exclusive Report
By: Cindy Chavez

Trouble last night in the Carnage Arena, shortly after Chaos went off the air. It is said that the Baltimore City Police officers (who were on duty at the arena at the time) arrested a fan who had allegedly trespassed into the backstage area. There is no word as of yet as to the identity of the suspect, only that the fan was arrested without incident and transported to a local jail facility. There was no word on whether the suspect was armed. More details to come.

[Revised] I’ve spoken with Carnage Wrestling officials who only agreed to talk about the incident under the promise of anonymity. They declined to further comment on the situation, other than there “may have been a mixup” concerning the fans “access credentials”, and because of this they are asking the BCPD to not release any details until a complete investigation has been completed on the matter. When asked if anyone in the backstage area was ever in any danger, the informant replied emphatically with “not at all, no, never.” So it seems as though this could have happened by mistake.

That being said, this incident still stands as the latest in a string of occurrences to happen at Carnage Wrestling shows, dating back to mid-June. (The June 30th edition of Chaos was held during a lockout involving the FBI.) It’s hard to imagine that this incident was just a coincidence, especially with further eyewitness reports from the scene were adamant that at least one Carnage superstar was “livid [at] Jason Bridges particularly”, while saying that they were “surprised more arrests weren’t made”.

Jason Bridges always seems to be at the center of every Carnage Wrestling controversy.

 

 

The Diary of Magdalena Lockheart
Supplemental – Post Chaos 81

 

The match nobody wanted quickly devolved into what most of us needed it to be… and I was fine with that. Nothing got settled in the main event, as no one really expected it to. Yet all of my thoughts, fears, and suspicions had been reaffirmed… and the Carnage Legion was left begging for more.

So it should have been an overall good evening, right?

After being embarrassed and berated by our soon-to-be-ex UltraViolent Champion once more, I was faced with the further indignity of being dragged to the back by a bevy of security guards. (Not like it was my first time, but still.) I ultimately considered my effort inside the ring to be a failure because I wanted Myra to see how much I had changed since Underground. So no, I wasn’t happy to be pulled apart, yanked back and driven by a couple of fat-fuck strangers with bland Carnage security T-shirts on… especially after what Myra said while she had me in that camel clutch.

I had no idea that when I was taken into the back that things were about to get much, much worse.

The four of us who were in the match were pulled into four separate directions, and for some reason I feel like I was taken to a spot that I was meant to be in. No no, let me be a little more precise in what I’m saying here. I know I was taken right to where Jason Bridges wanted me to be, and I know he had planned this all along.

“What the hell?”

Security both pushed me forward, and held me back, as we passed the ‘go’ position and headed into the main corridor. I could see ahead Baltimore City police standing in a semicircle, with a small crowd of backstage personnel gawking from a short distance. Many sets of eyes turned towards me when I shouted, and the looks on their faces told me everything that I needed to know. As I was pulled forward I was… shown… City police with weapons drawn as they had Amber pressed face down against the concrete… their knees driven into the small of her back.

“What the fuck are you doing?! Get off of her!”

Another police officer stepped forward. I could hear Amber in the background grunting as she struggled to breathe. Other officers shouted commands telling Amber to stop resisting even though she clearly was allowing them to do whatever they wanted to her tiny frame.

“Ma’am I’m going to have to ask you to step back-”

“Don’t hurt her!”

My whole body started to shake. My chest started to burn. My vision immediately became blurry and I tried to pull forward with every bit of strength that I had, but I had a member of Carnage security hanging onto me by each arm so it was no use. The officer in front of me saw this and he pointed a finger right up in my face.

“Ma’am, I’m not going to ask you again. Step. BACK.”

In the background I could hear the clicking of the handcuffs and gasping from Amber as they continued to arrest her as ruthlessly as they possibly could have.

My mind was a flurry of thoughts about what to do in a situation like this. “What the fuck happened?” I asked frantically. “I said don’t hurt her!”

…and just when I said that, one of the arresting officers threw his forearm into Amber’s exposed kidney, causing her to cry out even more.

“This ain’t none of your business,” the cop said with a snarl. “Now I suggest you move the fuck along!”

I screamed as loudly as I could. I yanked at the grip of the security guards but I was no match for them. It didn’t take me long to realize that I was helpless in the situation… helpless and there was no way I could help Amber either.

I planted my feet. Tears flowed from my eyes. I just wanted them to stop hurting her. I wanted everything to be okay. But I was enraged. I couldn’t help it. My teeth gritted and gnashed.

“I want all of your badge numbers,” I said, sobbing between the two men trying to hold me back. “…and I swear to GOD if ANY of you hurt her… I’m going to have your FUCKING CAREERS… I’M GOING TO HAVE YOUR FUCKING LIV-”

“Now now...”

That voice.

“…threatening bodily harm to a group of Baltimore City’s finest? Tisk tisk. You don’t want to join your little friend here in jail tonight, do you, sweetheart?”

Bridges.

I could feel his smirk draped over him like a cloak the moment he walked up. Martini glass in hand as if this were some kind of a show. The police behind him yanked Am up off of the cold hard floor by her arms alone further causing her even more pain. By the time I could see her face I could tell that she had been beaten by the police officers. Tears of her own, as well as her blood, flowed.

I lunged at Bridges but was held back.

“My friends here are going to take little Miss… Caldwell… is it?” Bridges walked up to Amber casually as the police held her still. He placed his hand under her chin and forced her face up. “They’re going to take Miss Caldwell to the detention facility for criminally trespassing on my property. It seems as though the inmates believe they can run this little asylum of mine lately, and I think it’s about time that I put my foot down. I mean, somebody has to learn a lesson here, right?”

“Get your hands off of her you son of a bitch!” I shouted.

Bridges chuckled as he released her face letting her head drape down towards the floor. “Do you think that I honestly care about her? I mean, you’re the one that I tried so hard to teach… but I guess some people never really learn.”

Bridges stepped towards me while taking a sip of his drink, and with a motion of his finger he had one of his security guards knee me in the midsection, in full view of the police. It drove the wind completely out of me. They didn’t even flinch.

“Officers… if you would, please…” Bridges grabbed me by the hair and yanked my head back to look up at him. “…get this criminal scum out of my sight.”

“As you wish, Sir.”

I was forced to watch as the police grabbed up Amber yet again, turning her and pulling her forcefully in the direction of the parking lot, where no doubt their squad cars were waiting. All I wanted to do was to see her, to hug her, to ask her if she was hurt and if she was going to be okay…

“Amber!” I tried to shout, though it caused me to cough. “I’m-”

Bridges yanked my head back again. Sobbing, gasping, I was forced once more to look up at him.

“You’re not going anywhere, sweetcheeks.”

“I swear to God if they hurt her… I swear to God if they harm a single hair on her head…”

“You’ll do what, exactly?” Bridges asked with a wide grin. “You’re not in a position to do anything except that which I allow you to, you ungrateful cunt.”

I glanced over to see Cherie Von Allen standing there, hand over her mouth as she watched Carnage Security manhandle me and Baltimore City police drag Amber further away. I could see that she was visibly shaking… but as quiet as a church mouse.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked through flowing tears and the imposed shortness of breath.

Bridges laughed as he looked me right in the eye and said:

“I told you this once before, so listen carefully because I will never repeat this again. This is what people with power do, little Mag-da-le-na Lockheart.” He let go of my hair just so that he could place his hand under my chin as if I were nothing more than a little girl to him. “They… use it.”

 

 

The taxi cab pulls to a stop outside of the new Paper Street Tattoo Parlor which was actually located a fair distance away from where the old shop used to be. I had no idea until now. I knew the shops manager well enough to know that this was no coincidence. Nadette was always big on these sorts of things. The little details.

“Alright Lady, that’ll be-”

I hand him a fifty.

“Keep the change.”

“Oh wow, Miss, are you sure?”

Money’s been tight. But like I said, these were just the stops towards the end of my journey. Maybe I’ll regret it later, but then again maybe the cabbie needs it a little bit more than I do. Who knows?

“Yeah,” I reply, “thank you.”

“No, thank youze. Dis’ll be a big help on Christmastime.”

I step out of the cab thinking that this is it. This will be the first time this year and probably the last time I ever step foot into the Paper Street Tattoo company, the business that I started with my first few pro-wrestling checks, my last three needles and my used tattoo gun. I don’t know exactly what’s waiting for me on the other side of that door, but I know it’s the last and only option I have left. I can’t leave Amber to sit, locked away in a prison facility like I was.

I’ve got to do this. I need to do this.

This is the right thing to do.

 

 

The Diary of Magdalena Lockheart
Supplemental (Cont.) – The Day After Chaos 81

 

It was what I presumed would have been a normal day at Paper Street.

Nobody there really knew what was at stake. Amber didn’t show up that day.

She wasn’t able to.

So I did. By my count I didn’t need an invitation… certainly sure I wasn’t getting one. I pushed the front door open causing an electronic bell to chime. Nani didn’t even look up when she said “Someone will be right with you!” just like I had remembered it. We were always as nice as we could be to our customers… and I guess that’s what I was that day… a customer.

The man she was working on looked eerily familiar, even from an obstructed view. (I was sure that I had seen that afro somewhere before.) I stood still at the threshold with the breeze at my back, rays of sunlight wrapping my body in an ethereal glow.

Nani’s tattoo gun fell silent. “I’m real sorry, Mister Silva. Do you mind if I take care of this for a minute? I’m so sorry, we are short-handed today.”

The man nodded his head. Nani laid down her gun and pulled off her gloves. She came walking over towards the lobby with a smile on her face.

“Hey… don’t be shy! Why don’t you come on in? You’re letting in all of the- Maggie?”

As it turned out, I was indeed letting all of the Maggie in. I stepped inside just as Nani asked. The man in the tattoo chair glanced over his shoulder at me before quickly turning his face back away. Maybe he knew, like I did, that shit was about to go down.

“Is that really you?” Nani then asked me, looking as if she had seen a ghost.

“Yes, Nan. It’s good to see you.” I said with a half-smile. Nani could barely contain herself.

We embraced with a big hug the likes of which only come from missing someone for so long. It was nice to know that my friends hadn’t forgotten about me… that they had missed me… just as much as I had missed them. I had spent too long thinking that I should have stayed away, that I wasn’t worth having moments like these.

“Oh Maggie, I’ve missed you so much!”

Tuesday mornings were never that busy so I wasn’t exactly surprised to only see Nani working the floor… it was a shame that I couldn’t catch up with all of the girls. Still, it was great to see her… and like all good things they don’t last forever.

“I know, I’ve missed you all too.”

During that embrace with Nani I looked over over shoulder to see the office door swing open… And like Nani, this would be the first time I’ve seen her since I was taken to jail but I knew for certain there’d be no warmth in this reunion.

“Nadette.” I said calmly as she stormed towards me as if her feet were marching to the beating of war drums.

“What are you doing in my shop?” Nadette responded sharply with her thick German-accented tone. She grabbed Nani by the shoulder and pulled her away from me. “Get out of here before I call police on you!”

“Nadette, listen, please.” I put my hands up defensively. “I don’t want any trouble, okay? This is about Amber. She needs your help.”

“Amber?” I could see the gears turning in her mind, through her eyes, “What did you do?”

“What did I do? I didn’t do anything-” I pleaded. “Can we just go into your office to talk about it, please?”

“We have nothing to talk of.” She scoffed. “If you have gotten her into trouble again, I have nothing to say or to do for either of you.”

I started panic again. I had been to the jail. I tried to bail her out. If this didn’t work, I literally had nowhere else to turn.

“Dette… Amber’s in jail for something that she didn’t do, okay? She needs your help.”

“I tried to help her… tried to tell her seeing you was bad idea. Obviously she did not want help.”

“So now what? You gonna do the same thing with her that you did to me?”

You could hear a pin drop in the shop. Nani glanced up at Dette as both stood slack-jawed. For a moment there I started to consider the cost of saying what I had just said. But it was what I have been wanting to say to her for months.

“You..” She started with a growl, her eyes narrowing on me, “..have done nothing but prove you do not need me or my help, no matter what I do. You had the choice to stay here but what did you choose, hmm? You chose to run-”

“Well, I’m here now, aren’t I? Now can we quit the petty squabbles and get back to-”

“Hah. You come here only when you need something,” she replied with disgust on her face. “You choose to run away from us and run away from your home. Whenever things go bad you run away.”

“That’s not true!” I could feel my fists clenching. “I just wanted to live this part of my life out while I still could! You were the one who always loved to stay back and watch the shop, anyway. Why couldn’t I just… go out and see the world doing the same exact fucking thing you did before we met? Why does me fighting professionally in any way mean that I’ve turned my back on the shop and I’ve turned my back on you?”

“You think I no care about you? You think I took my decisions lightly? I been where you are, I ran too.. But I learned that you cannot run. I hoped I could keep you from the same pain but no matter how much I love you, you only push me.. Push us.. away.”

“I didn’t push anyone away-” I said with tears in my eyes. “I was pulled away, Dette. Don’t you remember? You were there for Christ’s sake! I was dragged off to jail while you watched and did nothing! I didn’t run anywhere!”

“You were gone well before that. We both know this. I had to let go, to keep.. running shop and keep jobs for these girls. I had to let you go, no matter the pain. And now you are here, wanting me to enable Amber to follow in your footsteps? I cannot.”

“So that’s what it is, huh?” I replied while wiping the tears away from my eyes again. “Someone doesn’t do exactly what you tell them to, so you let them sit in a cell until they learn their lesson?”

Nadette sniffled and wiped her nose, then turned her head away from me.

“You know what? Just forget about it.” I turned back towards the door. “I knew that you wouldn’t help me… but I at least thought you’d help Amber because she’s innocent in all of this. Like you’re so keen on saying… this IS all my fault. You don’t have to let her suffer for the shit that I do!”

I went to leave abruptly when I heard Nadette shout something in her native language.

“Du bist so ein kind, warum musst du mir das antun?!”

I don’t know exactly what Nadette said but I could tell that she was angry by the way that she said it.

I walked out of the door and in the background I could faintly hear the office door slam behind me. I took two steps out onto the sidewalk before I realized that I’d have to hail a new cab, too. My other driver must’ve left… Shit. I at that moment realized that I didn’t quite have the money for one, either. Frustrated at yet another complete failure I just picked a direction and I started walking with my hands in my coat pockets. Perhaps I’d get to the airport by Wednesday and from there… who knows what I would have to do to get to the next show? Call Rishel, maybe?

I was crying because I didn’t know how I was going to tell Amber that I had failed to bail her out… when suddenly I heard a voice call out and a footsteps running up to catch me from behind.

“Maggie, wait!”

I turned, and it was Nani. She was out of breath already, trying to run in heels with her purse in her hand.

“Here-”

She reached into her purse and pulled out a small amount of wadded-up cash.

“I know it isn’t much.” She said, pushing the money towards me. “But anything to help Am out, right?”

I just stood there, visibly shaken and upset. I didn’t know what to say, but I did take it.

“I don’t know what the crap is goin’ on with Dette. But between you and I, she hasn’t been right since you… well… I guess since you went to… ”

I nodded my head softly.

“I know.” I said, looking down at the few dollars before I turned my eyes back up towards hers. “But it’s not Nadette’s fault. It really is… mine…”

Nani pulled me into another hug. This time she even held me a little tighter. We were all family at Paper Street, and I guess even families have their arguments from time to time.

“Thank you.” I said softly. “And I’m sorry for all of the trouble that I’ve caused. I really shouldn’t have left you all.”

“Shush.” She replied. “Maggie… Just know that the girls and I… we’re here for you. Just let us know if there’s anything we can do to help, we’d be more than happy to, okay?”

I nodded my head.

“I know you all would.” I said with a soft smile. “But this one’s… this one’s on me.”