I know what you’re thinking, Myra.

Or at least I know what I’d be thinking if I were you.

Where does this Bitch get off coming for my tag titles? Where does she get off interrupting my announcement like she’s better than me?

Like I said, that’s what I’d of been thinking if you’d of done the same shit to me that I did on Chaos 65. My apologies, Myra. I didn’t really mean to cramp your style, but seeing that you were about to vacate those tag titles that you and your former ‘partner’ had worked so hard to take from Paragon… I’m thinking that I did you a favor.

You’re welcome.

I mean, I guess your new partner did some of the work. Throwing herself at you like a desperate housewife or some shit. But hey, at least you got the chance to hold those title belts close for two more weeks, right?

Two more weeks.. Wondering if your partner is going to be ready. Two weeks of hoping that TJ and I somehow come in and flop so that you can keep your stranglehold on the tag division just a little…while…longer.

You know, I wish I had your confidence, Myra. I wish I had some of that self-assurant attitude that you bring with you to every match. I mean, woman to woman here.. I talk a real good game, but we both know that I’m not exactly the winning-est person here in Carnage Wrestling. We both know that I’ve been on my back for more three counts than…

Well, you get the picture.

But for what I lack in wins, I more than make up for in heart. I suppose you’ve seen that too, if you’ve ever seen any of my ‘work’. I’m not the type to give up. I’m not the type to lose focus on my goals, even if I don’t reach ‘em. And if you haven’t noticed that by now, then I guess you’ll be finding that out real soon, huh?

We’ll both be finding out quite a bit about each other real fucking soon.

Date November 23rd 2018 / Time11:30AM / Status Not Recording
Location The Michaels Residence – Las Vegas, Nevada

Having just finished cleaning up the kitchen, I move back through the house and throw myself down onto the couch; sighing deeply as I put my arms over my face, blocking my eyes from the light shining down from above.

I’m tired.

I’m tired and I haven’t felt right since yesterday.. And the ‘conversation’ that Jack and I had down in the gym. I hate seeing him doubt himself. I hate knowing that deep down in his heart he doesn’t think that he has what it takes to get it done anymore; especially on the cusp of his world title match at Ultimate Carnage.

I also hate breaking down like I did, placing all of that weight on his shoulders. That same weight that I hold upon my own shoulders everyday of my life. The weight of Carnage Wrestling and everything I wanted.. No, everything I needed it to be. Not to mention the weight of my own failures as a boss, a wife, a mother… Everything.

When Bridges forced me back into Carnage as a wrestler, I honestly thought I could be the one to overcome all the obstacles that he placed in my way. I thought I could be the one that showed him what Carnage was really supposed to be about.. But over and over I’ve done nothing but make a complete joke out of myself.

JD gave me Carnage Wrestling and I fucked that up. When I came back after losing it, I tried to become a champion – tried to fight for what was right in Carnage and I fucked that up too. It’s almost too much to bear sometimes.

“Kyra?”

I don’t bother moving from my spot on the couch as I hear those familiar footfalls as Jack steps into the room. I feel him kneel down beside me, and his hand resting softly on my stomach as he begins speaking again.

“What are you doing?”

I sigh, shaking my head.

“I don’t know. Wallowing in self pity?”

“Well, that’s not very productive.”

I chuckle and pull my arms off of my face to glance over at Jack; who’s smirking. I sit up and peck him on the lips, pulling him up onto the couch with me.

“No, it’s not but I don’t know.”

I shrug and Jack pulls me onto his lap, placing his bandaged hand in my lap. I take his hand into mine, thinking back to yesterday and the blood splatter on the punching bag, still wishing I’d of kept my innermost insecurities to myself.

It’s not up to him to fight for any other reason than that he wants to fight. I’m no motivation. My failures to be what this hole in the wall promotion needs are no motivation. Yet now, that’s what he’s fighting for. I mean, I know it’s more than that. I just can’t help but to feel guilty about my part in it.

“I’m.. I’m sorry for putting all of that on you last night.”

I finally say, looking up into his eyes.

“Kyra, I–”

“You should be fighting on Sunday because you want to, not because you feel sorry for me. Shit, I’ve got my own match on Sunday to worry about.. And that’s where I should be focusing my fears.. Not putting them and all my failures on your shoulders.”

He sighs and lays his head back on the couch.

“Actually.. I think all of that was just what I needed, Kyra. I was feeling down on myself. I was feeling old. And, while I’m not getting any younger, it’s nice to be reminded that there are bigger things to fight for.”

I feel my cheeks burning and I look away, back down at his bandaged hand; focusing my attention there for the time being. To say I’m uncomfortable with the show of emotion that happened last night is an understatement. To say that I’m uncomfortable with being the reason.. Or one of the reasons that Jack is fighting… well that’s the understatement of the century.

But it happened and here we are.

“I don’t..”

“You don’t like showing that much emotion.. To anyone. But it’s nice to see, Kyra. I mean, I don’t want to see you cry; but seeing you so passionate about something..”

My cheeks burn hotter. He pulls his hand out of my grasp, placing it under my chin and turns my face towards his.

“It inspires me, baby doll. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

I can feel the corners of my eyes stinging again as I shake my head away from his hand. I’ve never been the type to show much emotion. If people haven’t noticed that before now, then they’re morons. It’s a coping mechanism, I guess. It’s a way to keep myself from looking weak.. Although looking back, I don’t think it’s done much to keep my peers from thinking that about me regardless.

“Besides…”

He continues, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in tightly.

“Today is your birthday and I don’t think sitting around here moping all day is the best way to celebrate.”

I shrug my shoulders.

“It’s just like any other day, Jack.”

I reply, pulling myself out of his arms and standing up. He follows suit and when I turn around to face him, I see that he’s smirking again.

“What?”

He chuckles and steps past me, walking towards the steps.

“I’ve got something special planned for you this evening.”

I raise my eyebrows in question.

“Wait.. what?”

“You heard me. I’ll see you in a bit, baby doll.”

He replies, turning around as he gets to the steps and winks at me before he turns and heads up stairs.

Something special?

What in the hell does he have planned? Lord.. I hope it’s not some super fancy dinner or something. Of course those are nice too, it’s just not my cup of tea. But maybe, maybe I shouldn’t be worried about that and I should just be grateful that he remembered and that he’s doing anything for me today at all.. Which is really sweet.

Really fucking sweet.

 

Date November 23rd 2018 / Time6:14PM / Status Not Recording
Location Unknown

“Jack…”

“Just another minute, baby doll. We’re almost here.”

I sigh and lean my head back on the headrest of the car, blinking underneath the blindfold on my eyes. I cross my arms over my chest and sigh as I feel the car coming to a stop, Jack putting it in park and opening up the drivers side door.

He told me I looked fine for where we’re going before we left the house, but what if he was only saying that because he didn’t want to give away where we were actually going? What if I’m grossly under-dressed for this fancy dinner or whatever it is that he’s taking me to? Oh Christ… What if I walk in there and everyone stares at me looking like a God damned hillbilly in the middle of some fancy restaurant or –

“We’re here. You ready to go?”

Jack says, interrupting my thoughts as he pulls my door open and grabs my hand.

“I’d be more willing to answer that question if I knew where we were…”

“You’ll find that out soon enough. You’re going to love it.”

I wish I could see where we were so I could agree or agree but secretly feel like a fish out of water. I hear the car door close behind me and he pulls gently on my arm, coursing me forward towards wherever this is. He stops us a few moments later, opening a door and I can feel a rush of cool air hit me, giving me goosebumps as I guides me through the door.

“Can I take this damn thing off yet?”

He leans over me from behind, lightly kissing my neck – making those goosebumps just a little worse before he whispers ‘no’ in my ear and moves back, grabbing my arm again, guiding me forward once again.

“What in the hell is that?”

I say, listening to the sounds around me. It’s quiet, but I can still hear the hum of.. something, not to mention the soft footsteps off in the distance. Finally, I feel Jack reaching up to the back of my head, and I reach back to help him undo the damned blindfold and when I can finally see where I am…

My jaw drops.

“Happy Birthday baby doll.”

“Happy Birthday Kyra!”

“HAPPY BIRFDAY MOMMY!”

I put my hands over my mouth as Adina runs up to me, her bowling shoes slamming into the ground as she does. I kneel down and grab her up, hugging her as I stare at Jack over her shoulder and shake my head.

“Thank you baby girl..”

I say, putting her back down on the ground.

“Are you having fun with Amber?”

Adina nods her head almost obnoxiously and I can’t help but laugh.

“She’s teaching me throwing the ball!”

“Wow!  I bet you’re great. You’ll have to show me when I come over, okay?”

She nods her head and turns away, running back to where Amber waits and the two head back onto the lanes. I watch Amber help her grab a ball and she stands behind her, helping her toss the ball down the lane… where it takes an abrupt turn into the gutter.

“Like mother, like daughter I guess…”

I muse to myself, almost forgetting that Jack’s still standing beside me. I turn towards him and shake my head again.

“All of this, for me?”

He nods his head before leaning in and kissing me hard on the lips.

“Told you. Very special, just like you.”

“Please…”

I say, turning to watch our kids bowling together. But after a few moments, I realize that there’s no one in the bowling alley besides Jack, myself and the kids.

“You didn’t….”

“The entire place is ours until closing.”

I laugh and the two of us begin walking towards where Amber and Adina are playing.

“You didn’t have to do that. What if other people wanna go bowling?”

He shrugs his shoulders.

“Guess they’ll have to wait til tomorrow.”

As we get closer, I realize that the tables behind the lanes are filled with food. Nachos, soda, beer… the works. I chuckle as I reach out and grab a cup of beer.

“Now this.. This is more my speed.”

“I know.”

I can feel the blush burning back into my cheeks as I take a quick swig and sit down, content to just watch the kids play for right now.

“You do know that I suck at bowling right?”

He smiles.

“Hey, if Adina can learn.. So can you. Besides, I think we both deserve a little fun before Sunday.”

The smile on my face falters for a moment before I catch myself and nod my head. I don’t need to let all of that ruin everything that Jack did for me today. There’s plenty of time for worrying about TJ and I taking those tag titles.

“Right. You’re right.”

He reaches out and takes my hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“You’re going to do great on Sunday.”

I sit back and take another sip of beer.

“Hopefully, right?”

“Hey.. Win or lose, I’m proud of you.”

I nod my head, looking down into my cup, swishing the contents around.

“Yeah, I know. I just really wanna win this one, you know? After all the shit I told you last night, I need this. I need to know I’m capable of doing something meaningful… For Carnage. For Paragon… For you. Might be nice to know your girlfriend isn’t a fucking loser…”

I say with a chuckle, trying to make light of the stigma that seems to present itself every time I get myself into a position to grab one of Carnage’s title belts. It’s frustrating to say the least. I’ve been told I’m a great wrestler, a great fighter.. But I ain’t got shit to show for it.

“I just wanna have something to show for all the shit I put myself through.”

“You already do.”

Jack says, pointing out in front of us at Adina – still happily throwing ball after ball down the lane and cheering as if she’s getting a strike every single time.

If only I could be as happy as her, no matter what the result.. She’s just as happy with a gutter ball as she would be if the ball happened down the lane and knocked all the pins down. But I guess that’s the point, isn’t it?

I shouldn’t be upset regardless of how Ultimate Carnage turns out. I should just be glad that I’m even in the position to do what I love, with those that I love.

Wow.

I take my eyes away from baby girl for a second to look at Jack, smiling.

“You’re right. I already do.”

I wrap my fingers around the back of his head and pull him into another kiss.

“Thank you…for everything. I love you.”

He opens his mouth to reply, but Adina runs up and crashes into both of us, startling us.

“Mommy! Come see!”

I turn towards her and grin, bringing myself to my feet and allowing her to pull me towards the lane.

“Show me how great you are, baby girl.”

 

But you see.. You don’t really hold much of an advantage over me, Myra. TJ and I? We’re a new team, just like you and Heather are. We both know that the other has been training, working hard, trying to fortify our new arrangement for this match.. And we’re just hoping that we can outlast the others in order to win those tag belts at the end of the match.

My real advantage?

The fact that TJ Adams is not only one of the brightest stars in Carnage Wrestling, but that I see a lot of myself when I look at him.

We’re both a bit impulsive. We’re both a bit bullheaded and we’re both just a little bit pissed off about feeling forgotten and looked down upon by the rest of the Carnage Wrestling roster.

What do you have to feel pissed off about, Myra?

The fact that the ‘Sinners’ blew up in your face faster than Nova could get down on her knees in front of Andy? The fact that you’re stuck with a rookie that won’t know what hit her when she steps into the ring with us? Or is it the fact that you can feel those tag titles being ripped away faster than you were willing to just give them away two weeks ago?

What about you Heather? What are you pissed off about?

The fact that your mentor looks down on you like you can’t hold your own in the ring yet? The fact that you didn’t earn that tag title that you’re so triumphantly holding in your arms like a long lost lover? Or maybe.. Just maybe it’s the fact that you know that you shouldn’t have spoken up that night, maybe you shouldn’t have forced your partnership on Myra… knowing that if you lose… she’ll resent you for it.

And she will resent you when TJ and I take those tag titles away.

Because she couldn’t find someone better, more talented, not so Goddamned green behind the ears to tag with her.. Because she was so desperate that she had no choice but to take you up on your offer.

But Myra, honey.. I feel like you’ve done all of that to yourself.

You see, I’ve been in that very same boat.

I guess I see a bit of myself when I look at you too. Someone that lost her way, someone that pushed everyone and their brother away, thinking that she could do it all on her own, that she didn’t need anyone to help her be the best in the world. Someone that realized that she shouldn’t have burned all those bridges until they were all smouldering and broken beneath her feet.

Been there, done that.

Luckily, I had a support system. People like Jack, like the rest of Paragon who were willing to look past what I’d done before them. I guess that’s what the Sinners were to you, huh? They were supposed to be your support system. They were supposed to be the people who stood behind you no matter what you were or what you did.

Didn’t turn out too well for you, I suppose.

And now where are you?

Stuck.

You’re fucking stuck, Myra. Between a rock and a hard place. Between what you want to be and what you need to do in order to get there. I’ve noticed the change in you since the Sinners went bye-bye. I’ve noticed that the need to be a total bitch to everyone has drastic gone down. Good for you. Good for you for finding a reason to be something better.

For me, it was my daughter. Adina.

I’m not saying I’m the best role model in the world, but that little girl will grow up knowing that it’s okay to fight for what’s right, even if you have to break a couple eggs along the way. She’s gonna grow up knowing what I was, and who I hurt in order to push everyone away because I thought I didn’t need anyone to make it in the world.

But she’s also gonna know that that was a mistake.

I won’t shield her from my mistakes. I won’t make myself out to be some martyr or some hero.

I’m just a woman.

A fighter.

A wrestler.

A mother.

And I’ve done the best I could with what I had. I’ve fucked up, but I’ve kept going. And I’ll keep going until I can no longer continue on. That’s the legacy I’m going to leave behind for my daughter, and everyone else that looks up to me for some kind of inspiration.

You may not like me. You may not like what Paragon stands for. But at least we stand for something. At least we try to make a difference in this world, and in Carnage Wrestling. We may fail, and I’m sure we’re going to fail many more times before the lot of us hang up our wrestling boots for the final time.. But that’s fine as long as we stood up for our principals and our morals.

That’s what my daughter is going to know about me.

What about you Myra?

I’m sure you’re trying to set an example for Heather. I’m sure you’ve got someone behind the scenes that looks up to you too. Do you have kids? A husband? A family? Are they your center? Are they the reason you’re trying to be a better person?

Good.

I’m glad.

But that’s not going to stop me from coming into Ultimate Carnage and taking what’s mine. I’ve worked my ass off for Carnage Wrestling. I went from wrestler, to owner… and got knocked back down to wrestler again.. I’m practically the laughing stock of Carnage Wrestling.

So do you wanna laugh with the rest of them, or do you wanna take me as the real threat that I am?
Either way, I have no problems knocking you and your partner out in order to do what I have to do. In order to cement my legacy as something other than the fuck up that everyone wants to see in me.

So let’s go out there and let’s fight it out.

Let’s leave it all out there in the ring and once everything is said and done… No matter who’s holding those tag titles high above their heads at the end of it.. Maybe we’ll end up respecting each other more for the effort, regardless of the result.

Who knows.

Crazier things have happened.

TJ and I will be seeing you two on Sunday.