Date March 3rd 1999 / Time12:49AM / Status Not Recording
Location The Johnson Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

BAM!!!!

I open my eyes and sit up in the bed, looking around the room – trying to figure out what that noise was. I thought it was him coming back in here… But one look at my bedroom door immediately tells me that’s not true.

It sounded like it came from outside the window…

I get up and move quietly across the floor towards my window, just in time to hear my father’s bellowing scream – almost scaring me right back into bed.

“GOD DAMNIT!!!”

He’s upset about something…

I get to the window as I hear the door to Lucy’s room slamming open, and I pull the curtain back to see someone’s back as they’re running away from the house. But.. Who? Who could that be? The bag they’re wearing on their back looks an awful lot like…

SLAM!

Before I could finish the thought, the door to my bedroom flies open and practically off the hinges; and before I can even turn around to ask him anything – His hand is around my throat, slamming me into the wall behind me.

“Where IS SHE?!”

I cough, feeling my face getting warmer by the second. Where is she? What does he mean?

“I… *Cough* I don’t know what y-y-you m-mean.”

I manage to sputter out, but he only squeezes tighter – his face lowering to mine, red and filled with rage as he stares at me expectantly as I start to get light-headed. I close my eyes for a split second, almost forgetting my attempts to get air into my lungs… but a quick slap from his free hand brings me right back into the present.

I still don’t even know what’s going on…

“Don’t fucking tell me that you didn’t have a part in this… I remember you two trying to get out of here before. So tell me.. WHERE IS SHE?!”

My eyes widen as the realization washes over me… Lucy.. That bag looked a lot like her bag because it was her running away when I looked out the window.

But why?

He finally lets me go and I collapse onto the floor coughing and sputtering. He paces around in front of me, those loud footfalls startling me with every step as I sit here, trying to understand. She got out. Little Miss ‘too scared to do anything about this’ got out… and instead of getting me out of here too.. She just ran.

I feel the tears tugging at the corners of my eyes… What did I do? Why did she leave without me?

“Kyra Lynn… I’m losing my patience. Tell me where she’s going.”

“I.. I don’t know.”

He sighs deeply and stops in front of me.

“Look at me.”

I squeeze my eyes shut as I keep looking down at my lap. I don’t want him to see my tears.. But I don’t have much choice when he reaches down and grabs a handful of my hair, forcing my face to look up at him, the tears sliding down the sides of my face.

“I said I don’t know! What more do you want?!”

I blurt out without even thinking. I don’t know why I’m getting the first degree when she’s the one who left… I’m still here! I was asleep when she did whatever she did…

SLAP!

His palm hits hard across my cheek and I feel a chunk of my hair being ripped out of the back of my head as my head is moved to the side with the sheer force of the slap.

“If you’re lying to me…”

“I’m not lying… I don’t know.”

I say softly, my hands reaching up and gingerly touching the back of my head.

“She’d better hope I don’t find her scrawny little ass, I’ll fucking kill her.”

Finally, he turns, and for a moment I think he’s leaving the room but then he stops at the doorway. I look up and I see his arms crossed over his chest as if he’s waiting for me to do something.

“If you think I’m leaving you in this room by yourself after tonight… You’ve got another thing coming you little Bitch. Come on.”

I pull myself up off the floor, and as much as I want to cry.. As much as I want to fight… I just can’t. I’m too shocked.. Too sad… Too devastated to put up much of a fight. We walk out into the hallway and we pass by Lucy’s room, I take a quick peek to see her curtain open and her window slightly ajar.. And in that moment it feels real.

She’s really gone.

“Don’t get any ideas…”

He growls, pushing me further down the hallway, towards his bedroom. My stomach clenches in my gut as I wonder what he’s got planned… I’ve never been allowed into their bedroom, except on ‘special occasions’, as he likes to call them. I call them hell on earth… But he pushes the door open and I see my mother sitting on the bed, her hands folded in her lap.

“Gary, I–”

“Shut up, Bitch. I didn’t tell you to speak.”

She lowers her head as he pushes me towards the closet in the corner of the room, grabbing the doorknob and pulling it open as he pushes me into it in one fluid motion. Before I can turn around, the door is closed and I’m in complete darkness… I slowly bring myself down onto the floor as I hear the click of the door lock, and the faint sound of him climbing back into bed and mumbling a few words before things finally quiet back down.

I can’t even see my hands in front of my face as I try to move around inside the cramped space, making as little noise as possible.

I can’t believe this. I can’t believe she got out… Got out and left me here. I thought she cared… I thought that we had each other.. And now I have nothing. No one.

I feel the tears stinging at the corners of my eyes again, the sadness welling up in my chest. How am I supposed to… Without her?

She obviously didn’t care though.. Did she? Her feet must have hit the ground outside and she was gone… Not a single thought about me and what would happen. I grit my teeth and put my head down on my knees. She probably laughed when she got out… She probably giggled when she looked back at the house and then ran away knowing the reaction she’d get from him.. Knowing that I’d be stuck.

I feel so stupid..

All those times I wanted us to find a way out together. All those times she stopped me, telling me ’What if he finds us? What if he brings us back?’.. All those times she kept me here… I can’t believe I fell for it.

She wasn’t scared.. She was just waiting for her opportunity to free herself… from him and from me…

I remember Dad saying that if he finds her he’s going to kill her… and I clench my fists.

“Not if I kill her first…”

 

Holy water cannot help you down
Hours and armies couldn’t keep me out
I don’t want your money
I don’t want your crowd
See I have to burn
Your kingdom down

Date September 23rd 2019 / TimeUnknown / Status Not Recording
Location Chaos 80 at the Carnage Arena – Baltimore, Maryland

Things are finally starting to go my way. Bridges and I are finally on the same page… Hell must really be freezing over.

But who cares? I got my match.

My chance to finally end this.. And end her.

I can’t stop myself from smiling as I make my way back down the hall, heading back towards our locker room. All these years I’ve been looking for an opportunity… Never thinking she’d be stupid enough to actually take up shop anywhere where I am…

Guess she thought I forgot.

I hum to myself, walking up to the locker room door and opening it to see Jack sitting in a chair – he looks up.

“Hey Baby Doll.”

I open my mouth to respond as I step in, but–

“Hey, um Kyra?”

I stop and turn around, barely inside the locker room, to see Belle Silva standing behind me. I’m not even mad though. There’s no way I can be mad right now.

“Hey hun, I guess you’ve got some questions?”

She nods her head. Of course she does. I move to the side and motion for her to come into the room, which draws even more of Jack’s attention.

“I’ve got a few minutes… You don’t mind do you, Jack?”

I turn to look at my fiance, and he shrugs his shoulders. Belle walks in and I close the door, sitting down beside Jack, kissing him on the cheek, as Belle sits in a chair across from us.

She fiddles with a notepad in her hand for a while before finally looking up at Jack and I apologetically.

“Oh, I’m sorry. So, we just saw the interaction between you and Mr. Bridges…”

I nod my head.

“That’s right.”

“You and Jason have never really gotten along, why would–”

I lean forward and put my hand up, cutting her off.

“Why would we now? Well, if you were truly watching that little ‘interaction’ you’d of noticed that there’s no love between Bridges and myself… but we’ve got a mutual set of enemies.”

“The Override.”

I grin and lean into Jack a little, nodding my head again.

“And I used that mutual hatred to my advantage. Jason wants JC, his girlfriend and all their supporters gone… And so do we. So why not? Why not use his biased nature for my own purpose? Jack’s got JC at Season of the Witch and we all know how that’s going to go… So why not help out by removing JC’s fuckmeat from the equation and settling some family issues while I’m at it.”

She writes a few things down as she responds.

“It does seem…”

Finally she looks up, her focus shifting between Jack and I.

“…And I don’t mean any offense by this, but it does seem that the ‘family issues’ are the driving force behind you wanting this match with Lucy.”

I feel Jack tense up beside me and I turn my head to look at him, placing a hand on the side of his face.

“I’m not offended. You’re right.”

I say, looking into Jack’s eyes.

“You’re absolutely fucking right, Belle.”

I let my hand fall back to my side, turning my head to look back across the room at Belle.

“It’s not that I don’t care about getting rid of the Override, because trust me… The world will be a better place once JC and his followers are executed. But my business with Lucille is very, very personal and she’s gotta pay for what she did.”

“So, you really do think she left you… on purpose?”

I can’t stop a chuckle from escaping my mouth. How naive this woman is… How blissfully stupid. I can’t fault her though. She’s just another person whom my sister has fooled… It’s honestly a pity. She’s fooled so many.

“That’s how I see it and she hasn’t bothered trying to tell anyone otherwise. The way I see it, when I finally spoke up about what happened… Where was she? She was fucking running away… Again. If that doesn’t scream guilt.. Then I don’t know what does.”

Belle nods her head, turning her attention back to the notepad, scribbling a few more notes.

“And before anyone says anything, I’m not here to get any victim pity. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t play the victim. Shit happened, it was hard. It was a miserable way to grow up, but I made it… So did she, but her days are officially numbered. At Season of the Witch she’s going to find out the true consequences of her actions, and I’m going to be more than happy to make her into the victim she always wanted to be.”

Belle’s eyes widen and I sit back, watching her uncomfortably shifting in her chair as she continues writing. After a few moments, I stand up and move towards the door, opening it.

“But hey, I think you got what you came for… Don’t you?”

She doesn’t waste much time in getting up and making her way out of the room.

“Thank you, Kyra, I appreciate your–”

Before she can finish, I close the door in her face and lock the knob – turning and facing Jack who’s got a bewildered look on his face.

“You think this match is a good idea, Baby Doll?”

He asks softly. I shrug my shoulders and move towards him, pulling my jacket off and throwing it down on the ground.

“I do. This is what I’ve been telling you I wanted. Maybe therapy works for some people but this… this is my therapy.”

He nods his head, accepting my response as I stop in front of him – straddling his legs and wrapping my arms around his neck.

“This is a great night, babe… I wanna celebrate.”

His eyebrows raise in question as I sit down on his lap.

“What.. What did you have in mind?”

I lean in and let my hot breath kiss his neck as my lips find his ear. I can feel him moving around under me, his own breaths quick, labored. I feel his hands snake around my back, running along the bare flesh just below my shirt.

“I think you know…”

I growl, pressing myself into him and my lips moving up to meet his.

I got my match.. He’s got his… Things couldn’t get any better. This celebration is earned and I’m gonna take full advantage of it.

 

And now all your love will be exorcised
And we will find you saying it’s to be better now
And it’s an even sum
It’s a melody
It’s a battle cry
It’s a symphony

Date October 17th 2019 / Time11:40PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Michaels Residence – Las Vegas, Nevada

No matter how thrilled I am to have this match in a couple of days, no matter how certain I am that this is what I want to do… What I need to do.. I still can’t fucking sleep.

The dreams, they keep me up.

They keep me reliving things that I don’t want to relive.

Although on a positive note, the dreams and the dread I feel as I’m reliving the misery… It only reaffirms what I’m going to do on Sunday. They might be slowly driving me mad, but in driving me mad – they’re letting me know that I’m right. Letting me know that what’s going to happen to Lucy is what she deserves.

I sit up in the bed, glancing over at Jack’s sleeping form beside me. He doesn’t really look like he’s resting… I don’t know. But then again, neither am I..

It’s not an easy position that we’re in, but if anyone can rid Carnage of the true cancers… It’s he and I. I nod my head silently, pulling the blankets off of my body and sliding out of the bed, trying not to disturb him.

I softly pad towards the bedroom door and when I put my hand on the knob…

“Everything okay, Baby Doll?”

His voice croaks as he turns over, looking at me through the darkness.

“I’m fine, baby.. Just going to go get a drink. I’ll be back.”

He groans and rolls back over as I leave the room and head downstairs to the kitchen where I look around, deciding that I really didn’t want a drink.. What I really want is downstairs.. In the form of a punching bag.

So I head to the gym, hoping to tire myself out and salvage at least a few hours of sleep before Adina gets up in the morning.

Just as I sit down and start taping my hands, the door opens and I’m honestly surprised to see Amber (Ryan, not Michaels) step into the room, her eyebrows raising as she sees me already occupying the space.

“Can’t sleep?”

She asks, a small smile on her face as she continues into the room. She doesn’t take her eyes off of me though, she looks like she’s thinking about something. Join the club, sister. Join the club.

I shrug my shoulders in response, finally responding after a couple more seconds of silence.

“Felt like beating the piss out of something… What about you?”

Amber chuckles half heartedly as I bring my focus back down to my hands, fiddling with the tape again.

“I don’t sleep much. Guess I don’t like what I see when I close my eyes- so I don’t.”

Interesting. I nod my head and keep my eyes down, noticing her moving across the room as I respond.

“Lately I’ve been the same way… Maybe after Sunday I’ll be able to rest again, who knows.”

“That’s a nice thought, rest I mean. I hope for your sake that this is everything you need… god knows someone in this group needs a happy ending eventually. Well, as happy as any of us can manage anyway.”

I hope for my sake that it is too. From the outside looking in, it must seem weird to some how this match could possibly be the answer I’ve needed. But it has to be. I can’t keep obsessing over it once it’s over with, and I need to stop obsessing over it.

Finally I glance up at her, smirking.

“Hey, thanks. I mean it’s not all perfect and shit like Jack wants to believe it is sometimes but you’re all back together now – That’s a good thing right?”

Silence looms in the air as Amber moves back across the room, towards me and starts taping her own wrists.

“I guess that depends on which side of the fight you’re on.”

I simply nod my head and finish taping my wrists, standing up before she’s done and approaching the punching bag.

She’s right.

I hit the bag softly at first, trying to imagine Lucy’s face superimposed on the bag itself but in a few days time I’ll be hitting the real thing so it just doesn’t feel right. I sigh and take a step back, shaking my hands out before coming back at the bag with something a bit stronger.

“Jack wanted me to go to therapy for all of this shit… I just.. I don’t think it can help me. I’d rather stomp her face in.”

“Ha. Therapy… I tried that once, most expensive one sided conversation I ever had.”

Another pause as Amber approaches the other bag in the room and starts punching, filling the room with a chorus of dull thuds.

Luckily for me, Jack has stopped pushing the therapy – It fell off drastically after my first session and the ensuing argument afterwards. I just don’t know how to express to him what’s going on inside my head.. I don’t think he could understand even if I could.

“Seriously though, we all deal with our demons differently. Jack’s… old school. He still believes anything can be talked out among rational adults, fuck let’s face it he wants to believe in alot of things.”

I look up and over at Amber, who’s not stopped focusing on her punching bag as she continues.

“Me? Well I’m not known for my healthy coping mechanisms either but it’s what we do. I won’t sit here and tell you how you deal with your shit is wrong Kyra, that’s not my place.”

She finishes and keeps laying down the punches while I stare at her for a few more seconds. Finally, I shake my head and turn my attention back onto the bag in front of me – placing my hands on it.

“In the back of my mind, I know I shouldn’t. She’s my sister but God damnit she left me in that house all alone.”

I push off of the bag and throw my arms in the air, shaking my head.

“How do I let that go?”

I step back and sit back down on the bench. I feel like there’s a tug of war going on inside my head. One moment I’m all for caving Lucy’s head in and the next I know that she’s my sister and I should just let it go.

It’s just… Not that easy.

After a little while, I notice that the room is completely silent and I look up from my hands to see Amber sitting across from me, looking directly at me. She shrugs her shoulders.

“Sometimes you can’t. There are things we carry with us so deeply embedded that they are part of who we are… remove that, as toxic and painful as it might be and you leave a festering space that nothing else can fill.”

She pauses for a split second and in that moment I feel my chest tighten. It’s like she can see right into my soul… A festering place full of toxins and pain. But she pulls me out of my thoughts again as she begins speaking again.

“I’m not gonna bore you with my experiences cause I’m sure you’ve heard it all before- and I’ve spent an age trying to kill those demons inside me. Still do, but I’ve come to realise that they don’t die cause I won’t die.”

She finishes and I watch her look down at her own hands, looking almost sad at that realization. But at least she’s come to that realization… And it makes me wonder.. Is that me too?

I sigh and shrug again, rising back to my feet.

“I just keep thinking… What if Jack realizes he’s marrying a monster? What if Adina grows up and sees the same thing… In my mind, I’m righting a wrong in my own life. I’m just doing the only thing I know how to do..”

I stop for a minute, trying to slow down the thoughts in my head. It’s hard to make sense of it all. I grew up with a monster who didn’t love anything. I don’t want Adina to see me in that same light, though I’d never lay a finger on her like my father did me.. But what I’m about to do to Lucy…

I close my eyes.

“Part of me wants to let it go and protect my family but the other part needs this, everything else be damned. I don’t know…”

Amber stands up, stopping me mid thought.

“Let me be real blunt here Kyra… You aren’t a monster. Straight up, you aren’t. You’re a lot of things- and just like me, some aren’t all that good. You aren’t that though- you’re human and that’s sometimes the next worst thing to feel.”

“If that ain’t the fucking truth.”

I reply, running my hands through my hair. I don’t know if she’s right, I mean maybe I’m not a monster.. But I guess only time will tell. All that I know is that I’m going through with it come hell or high water.. And I’ll figure out the rest once it’s over.

“Maybe this will all make you feel better, but there’s a chance it won’t. There is a very real chance that nothing in your head will change- that’s what you need to be prepared for. Everything else is just details… After this match, the sun will still rise and set, Adina will still love you and the world will keep on turning… ‘cause it has to.”

I nod my head. She’s right again and I do have to remember that. This is going to happen in a few days, and things might not change… no matter how much I’m hoping they will. What I’m about to do… How I’m choosing to go about this may change a lot.. Or it may change nothing.

I exhale, nodding my head.

“Maybe it’ll feel a little lighter though…”

She nods in return, her eyes flickering up to mine.

“I fucking hope so… for your sake.”

 

They can keep me high
‘Til I tear the walls
‘Til I save your heart
And I take your soul
And what have we done?
Can I be undone?
In the evil heart
In the evil soul

Date October 19th 2019 / Time8:32PM / Status RECORDING
Location Renaissance Albany Hotel – Albany, New York

Sometimes I wish our father would have killed you when he had the chance.

It’s not like you didn’t deserve it.

Years ago, after you tucked tail and ran away… He told me as much. He told me that if he caught you… That he was going to kill you. And when I found out last year that good old Doctor Baal had hand delivered you right into his waiting hands, I honestly thought he was going to make good on that promise.

I’ve spent a long time wishing for you to get what was coming to you, and I’ve spent just as long being disappointed time and time again. The ‘great’ Lucy Johnson… Always overcoming all of the odds, making herself to be the self-sacrificing hero… What a story, huh?

I mean, if I didn’t already know who the fuck you really are, I’d of fallen for it too.

But I do, and I didn’t.

I fell for your shit a long, long time ago and after you burned me.. I swore I’d never fall for any of that bullshit again.

I don’t care what you, your little boyfriend or ANYONE says Lucy.. You’re heartless. You’re despicable and you manipulate people in order to get what you want. You ARE a monster. I still can’t fathom how you could do what you did. How could you leave, Lucy? How could you run away like that, knowing… KNOWING what kind of hell you were leaving me in?

Worse than that, you left and years later you’re marketing yourself as someone who survived an abusive home, ran away and made something of herself. But you forgot to mention the soul you abandoned, the soul you fucking sacrificed in order to make all of your dreams come true.

What about me?

What about my dreams?

What about my life?

That didn’t matter to you, did it? Of course the fuck it didn’t. As a child, I worshipped you Lucy. I honestly thought it was you and I against the world. God was a fucking stupid. I grew up without the one thing that I thought loved me in the entire world… And I know you think it turned me into a cold, calculating bitch.

And you’d be right.

It did.

That’s what I am. But I’m not you, Lucy. At least I know that I’d never abandon my family when things got bad. I’d of never abandoned you if our situations were reversed. But here we are, right?

Now you’ve gotta pay for what you did.

Now I’m going to do what our father couldn’t and I’m going to make you understand without a shadow of a doubt what a fucking ‘mistake’ you made. Because that’s what you’re calling it, right? A mistake.

A fucking MISTAKE.

Dropping something and breaking it is a mistake. Putting salt instead of sugar into a batch of cookies is a fucking mistake… What you did? That’s a choice. That’s a fucking choice, Lucy.. A choice you made that affected more than just your life.

You know what our dad did when you ran?

He threw me in the closet of his bedroom and that’s where I stayed for days. DAYS, Lucy. No light, no food, no water… Couldn’t even get out of there to use the bathroom. And when he finally let me out? He beat me.

I remember it like it was fucking yesterday.

He drug me out into the living room and threw me into the fireplace, asking me if I knew where you’d went. And everytime I said no.. Everytime I pleaded with him, telling him that you did what you did on your own and I had no knowledge of it… He closed his fist and… Well you know what happened next.

Hours of this, Lucy. HOURS.

But did he believe me? No. Of course he didn’t. You and I had tried to get out before, you remember that right? He caught us in the living room trying to sneak out the front door.

And because I was a part of that… I obviously had to know everything about what you did to get out.

But that was a part of your plan, wasn’t it? Act like you wanted to get out once, make me think that we actually had a chance so that our father would believe it was MY idea once you were long gone. By that point I’m sure you didn’t give a rats ass about what happened to me.. Because if you did… You’d of come back. Hell you wouldn’t have left in the first place without me.

But it takes a heart to actually give a fuck and you clearly don’t have the equipment necessary.

I guess that’s why you and JC make such a ‘wonderful’ couple. He’s just as bad as you are, or maybe you made him that way, I don’t know. I thought CJ was bad… But the more I think about it, the more I realize you turned him into what he ended up being. And Maggie? Thank Christ she got away from you before you could fuck her life up too.

You’re no good for anyone, Lucy.

You’re full of so-called ‘good intentions’ and morals… you make people feel good about themselves at first, you make them beleive your fake ass bullshit before you run the fuck away and leave them with nothing…

Tell me I’m wrong.

Tell me where your ex-husband is now? The man you supposedly loved. You ran away from him too, didn’t you? Sure, you can say that you did what was best for you because your relationship wasn’t ‘healthy’… but let’s be real here. You ran because that’s what you do. For all his faults, CJ was a good man and for all we know he’s laying dead somewhere because you decided to abandon him in his time of need.

Sound familiar?

JC, you’re next bud.

But you deserve it. You deserve every horrible thing that’s coming to you, and I hope you can’t stand watching what I’m going to do to Lucy tomorrow night. I hope I make your stomach churn, I hope I make your heart hurt as you watch the life leave the eyes of the woman you love.

That’s what’s going to happen.

I hope you realize this Lucy. This isn’t a wrestling match. This is a fight. This is fucking revenge for years of emotional, physical and mental torture. You thought that what our father did to you in that warehouse last year was bad?

Bitch, you have no fucking clue.

You simply denied him the chance to torture you further, but you enabled him to double down on torturing me. You denied me the chance to taste what freedom was like for YEARS… I was ten when you left. I wasn’t able to get free of him until I was nearly seventeen. I wish you understood, Lucy. I really do.

People like you though, they never fucking learn.

I accept that too, and it’s not going to stop me from caving your face in and spitting on your carcass when I’m finished. I’m going to spill your blood and I’m going to enjoy every single solitary second of it.

You mean nothing to me.

You did. You meant everything to me… But what you did, it can’t be forgiven. This is all I have now, Lucy.. What I’ve been waiting for since I was ten years old… And the best part is.. You won’t be able to run away from it this time.

No knight in shining armor to keep you safe. Nothing. Just you and me inside that cage, and trust me when I say, you aren’t walking out of there. I want to hurt you. I want you to feel what I felt for all those years and nothing, no one is going to keep me from doing that.

I said I wished dad would have killed you when he got the chance.. But actually, he gave me exactly what I needed.

The opportunity to do it myself.

Get ready for lights out, Bitch. Get your affairs in order because you have one day to say goodbye…

Goodbye, Lucille.

OOC: Jack/Amber Used with Permission. Lyrics from “Sevin Devils” by Florence & The Machine