Date October 5th 2020 / Time 4:25PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Inner Harbor – Baltimore, Maryland

It’s been a while since I’ve been back home, but in spite of the bad memories that this city bring to me… It’s actually kind of nice being here. Talked to Kyra a few days back and I told her I’d try to make the trip down to visit – It’s been a while since she and I have really sat down and talked.

Like sisters.

She told me she’d be out and about today – I texted her a bit ago and asked her what she was up to, and found out that she was here in the inner harbor with my niece Adina and when I round the corner I hear Kyra’s voice immediately, yelling at Adina.

“Adina… Don’t you climb up there…”

I can’t help but chuckle under my breath as I watch Kyra’s little girl trying to climb her little self up on top of the monkey bars – Just as rebellious as her mother… And when she growls and turns back towards Kyra… I have to keep myself from laughing out loud.

“MOMMY I’M FINE.”

Adina shakes her head and starts to climb again and I can see Kyra’s frustration, even from behind as she sits up on the bench.

“Adina Claire…”

Adina throws her arms up in the air and jumps back down onto the platform below her, stomping her feet in the cutest little temper tantrum.

“Mommy you mean.”

“Don’t I know it.”

Kyra says, shaking her head and I have to stifle more laughter as I make my way up behind her.

“I don’t like you ‘nemore.”

Adina says, defiantly. I hear Kyra sigh again, sitting back on the bench.

“That’s fine, little one. But you’re still not gonna climb on top of that damn thing.”

She lets out a scream and stomps off as I get to the bench, Kyra still completely unaware of my presence.

“She’s like you, that’s for damn sure.”

Her body stiffens for a moment, but relaxes as I round the bench and take a seat beside her, a bemused expression on my face.

“I didn’t think you were gonna make it down today.”

I shrug my shoulders and take a glance out at my niece.

“Not like I’ve got much going on lately anyway.”

Between being alone in New York, well.. In between the times I see Eden and Gabriel for whatever in the hell we do when we see one another – and… Well, that’s it really… Between all of that, it’s kind of nice to see someone else and get away from that empty apartment.

“If you say so…”

Kyra replies, shaking her head. I roll my eyes and sit back, crossing my legs. I know she’s not really concerned with what I’ve been up to, she’s got her own shit going on and in a weeks time she’s gonna be fighting a friend of mine for her championship and in true Kyra fashion – She’s pissed him off enough that I know the fights not gonna end well.

So I guess that’s partially why I’m here, you know – Other than the whole being alone constantly thing… I just wanted to hear her say she knows what she’s doing, with this fight and with her current relationship status.

“So, you thought I wasn’t gonna show?”

She barely shrugs as she watches Adina play.

“Not really.”

I sit back and grin, shaking my head.

“You just didn’t wanna field any questions about what’s been going on. What’s what it is.”

I glance over to see her rolling her eyes.

“Right.”

She watches Adina for a few moments more before sighing again and turning her attention back to me.

“Because I care so much about what everyone thinks of what I’m doing.”

She crosses her arms over her chest and I let out a soft chuckle.

“I know you don’t. But come on, what are you doing with all this?”

I know she and I haven’t ever really had the relationship where we could actually sit down and talk like two adults, but I’m kinda feeling this older sister thing right now. I might not be around much, and I might not poke my nose in where it doesn’t belong – Especially since I know she’ll cut it off if I did – But I am curious as to what my sister is thinking.

Probably because I can’t comprehend the way her mind works sometimes.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

She replies, just as defiantly as her daughter did just a little bit ago. It’s my turn to roll my eyes as I lean my elbow against the back of the bench and turn my body slightly towards her.

“Oh for fucks sake, Kyra. You know exactly what I mean.”

Kyra sighs.

“Breaking up with Jack… This whole thing with Ken, treating Mac like he’s–”

“Hold up.”

She says, cutting me off – And the tone that she says it tells me that I just struck a nerve.

“Hold up… Treating Mac like what? Like he’s no threat to me? What in the hell gave you that impression?”

Methinks that Kyra doesn’t remember that I see everything she does on the Twitter machine… Me also thinks that I see far too much on that damn app. But it’s not like I’ve got much else to do lately…

“I saw what you were saying to Amber on Twitter.”

Kyra chuckles and my eyebrows raise in surprise. Well that’s not true… I’m not surprised that she chuckled.. I’m more curious than anything – And annoyed. Typical Kyra… Laughing while others are trying to help her.

“Please. I was only doing that to make a point. Neither of them realize it, but Amber’s in the same exact position I was in when Jack and she were fighting over the world title. She acted like Jack was no big deal when she spoke to me – So I figured I’d return the favor. The real shame is that Mac didn’t disappear for two months before our match.”

“Kyra… Jesus.”

I mutter, shaking my head. Her former fiance decided that in preparation for his match against his adopted daughter, a match for the Carnage World Title that he was holding at the time – He decided that it was a good idea to leave for two months – And Kyra didn’t take too kindly to that.

Can’t really say I blame her.

Then again, I’ve been in a similar position quite a few times and it’s not fun.

“What?”

I shake my head again.

“Don’t you think that’s just a little–”

“Petty?”

I nod my head. Petty is one word for it… And it’s a real, real good way of ensuring that she gets her head caved in in a week. But what does she do? She fucking chuckles again.

God damn her.

“Well fucking duh, Luce. That’s the point.”

“It’s fucking stupid. That’s what it is.”

Kyra shrugs and checks on her daughter as I stare at the side of her head.

“Think what you want… I don’t really care.”

I throw my head back and groan.

“Lovely…”

I throw back as silence settles in between us as we both sit and watch a four year old with way too much energy as she runs around the playground like a psychopath. I’m honestly scared to see how much more she ends up acting like her mother when she gets older.

She’s already Kyra’s twin at four… I can’t imagine sixteen.

I see Kyra pull her phone from her pocket out the corner of my eye, stealing a quick glance as she reads something on her phone and a faint smile crosses her lips. She types something quickly as I turn my head, watching her – Completely without shame as she continues typing and I clear my throat.

She grunts and puts the phone away, glaring in my direction.

“I know you and Mac are friends, I get it. I know you don’t like what I’ve been doing, and that’s fine. Not many people do. But maybe you’ll understand this… I’m trying to move on with my life. I’m trying to get as far away from Jack’s shadow as I possibly can because I realize that that’s what was holding me back. I’m happy now. It sounds so fucking cliche and I’ve said it a bunch of times now, but it’s the God’s honest truth. I feel more like myself now, than I have in years, Lucy. That’s gotta mean something.”

I sit back and think about what she just said for a little bit. I keep my eyes on her, trying to… Well, I don’t really know what I’m trying to do… Maybe just see if she’s telling me the truth, but there’s honestly no reason for her to lie.

No reason at all.

And I know that again, we’ve not been very close but she does seem like she’s found something that she was missing…

“And I want this feeling to continue. I feel like things are finally turning my way and I’m finally in a place where I’m content. Of course I’m taking Mac seriously. I take every fight seriously, Lucy..”

“Don’t you think he might see it differently?”

I ask, wondering if she realizes that she’s pissing off a man that’s dangerous.. And aligning herself with someone that’s so universally hated within Carnage isn’t doing her any favors either…

“Who gives a fuck what he thinks? If it makes him bring everything he’s got to our match, then that’s exactly what I wanted. But I’ve got it handled and I’m not overlooking him in the slightest.”

Kyra nods her head and sits back. I look down and nod as well.

“I mean, I figured you weren’t. I don’t know.. Just be careful.”

“Christ. That’s no fun. Personally, I hope he fucks me up good.”

I can’t help but laugh.

“Of course you do. It’s no fun being able to walk away from a fight.”

“Damn straight.”

I’ll never understand what goes through that head of hers. I mean, I’m not scared of a fight, but she honestly goes out there hoping to get hurt. Not because she’s got a death wish or anything… No, the truth of the matter… The real sad part is that I believe that she’s the way she is because of how our father treated her when we were kids.

He was horrible to both of us, but there’s no doubt that she took the brunt of it.

And now, now she actually enjoys pain and blood…

I sigh and run my hands over my legs.

“I’ll never understand your blood-lust.”

“And I’ll never understand your aversion to it.”

I roll my eyes and turn my head, glancing out over the playground Adina is playing on, and further out – Over the Baltimore harbor… It’s a beautiful sight. And for once, I feel relaxed sitting here.

I see her pull out her phone again and I smirk, watching her once again – Lost in that phone, her attention completely focused on that screen and what I can only guess is messages from Ken Davison – The man she’s found herself aligned with, much to the chagrin of everyone else who’s a part of her life.

Ken Davison, a man that I don’t know very well – But a man who doesn’t seem to be a very good one, at least on the surface. He manipulates, he cheats to get what he wants and he doesn’t care. I just hope Kyra knows who she’s getting in deep with because I think she’s catching feelings…

Kyra finally turns her head to see me staring at her, smirking.

“What?”

“Waiting for someone to message you?”

I say with a tone that makes her groan.

“…No. Just checking the time to see how long I’ve already put up with your ass.”

She replies, her voice dripping with sarcasm. I simply shake my head and wink at her.

“Right.”

I say, knowing exactly what she’s doing. But I also see a familiar look on her face… Hope. She tries real hard to hide it, but I can see it because that’s been me before.

That’s been me… With Joe. After CJ and Maggie – I felt exactly the same way she’s feeling right now when Joe and I…

Well, you know.

Kyra chuckles, but just as quickly she sits up on the bench, ready to get up –

“Adina!”

She yells, and I turn my head to see Adina standing on top of the slide, ready to jump and I won’t lie, my heart nearly jumps out of my chest. How is Kyra still sitting here? Christ…

“Leave me ALONE MOMMMY!”

Adina screams back, putting one foot up on the side of the slide, but Kyra doesn’t flinch.

“Sit your ass down and SLIDE.”

She says sternly, as Adina shoots daggers at her from across the playground. She doesn’t jump, but she also doesn’t sit down and slide down the slide, that little girl simply turns her back on Kyra and runs away in the opposite direction. Good lord, she’s Kyra through and through.

I turn my attention back to Kyra. I hope she knows that she’s not getting out of talking about this little thing she’s got going on with Ken.

And when she lets out another, more pronounced sigh – I know she knows.

“Fine.. What do you want to know?”

I shrug my shoulders.

“I don’t know… Why him?”

A legitimate question, at least I feel it is. I just want her to be careful.. I don’t want her to get hurt. We’ve both been hurt too damn much. Kyra eyes me up for a second or two, and for the first time in this entire conversation, her eyes actually soften up a little bit.

“Because… Ken sees me for what I really am. I don’t know, Luce. When all that shit happened with Jack, I feel like I saw what his true priorities are. I feel like I saw who he really was underneath all that sugary sweet bullshit. And when it was done? He just thought everything could go back to the way they were before without anyone thinking any differently of him. Ken got that. Ken was the only one who understood my anger and…”

Her voice trails off and she looks away from me. I open my mouth to say something but I stop… This sounds familiar. It sounds too familiar.

“You don’t think it’s just a ploy to get you on his side?”

“I know it was at first, but he wasn’t lying. That’s the thing. He wasn’t telling me anything that was untrue. Everyone, including me at one point, only saw an arrogant asshole who manipulated everyone else to get what he wanted… But now, I just see someone who’s more real than most everyone else around here.”

She shrugs her shoulders and sighs again.

And that’s when it hits me.

Who the fuck am I to judge her for who she’s with, or who she’s happy with? I mean look at the people I’ve found myself to be friends… And sometimes more with.

CJ – Joe – Hell, even Gabriel and Eden.

People must think I’m fucking insane for giving Eden and Gabriel the time of day. After everything we’ve been through together, after everything they’ve done – If it were anyone elses choice, well… Everyone knows what it would be.

But they’re my friends.

They’re honest with me, they tell me like it is and in their own fucked up way – they do care about me. And I care about them… They both frustrate the absolute fuck out of me, and they make my life better all at the same time.

Why can’t Ken be that for Kyra?

“Well..”

I say softly, wringing my hands out in my lap.

“Well?”

“I just want you to be happy.”

I look over to see her smirking.

“I am. We’ve only been out a few times, but I feel like it’s going really well.”

“That’s good. I’m glad….”

That’s all that matters, after all.

Opinions and Judgments be damned.

 

Date October 9th 2020 / Time 10:49PM / Status Not Recording
Location Hyatt Place Hotel – Chicago, Illinois

“Do you need anything, Ma’am?”

I glance up to see a woman in a hotel uniform looking at me from the doorway that leads to the patio, a look of concern on her face. I quietly shake my head and turn my attention back down to my laptop and the empty screen that I’m staring at as I hear the door close as she retreats back into the hotel.

I don’t really know what I’m doing out here… But the fire does feel nice on this chilly night. Even so, I pull my jacket closer to my body and stare at the blinking cursor as it continues blinking… and blinking… And–

“Fuck…”

I whisper to myself, feeling the corners of my eyes stinging.

I hate this. I hate all of this.

Letting out a shaky sigh, I bring my fingers down to the keyboard and start typing.

     Joe

        I miss you.   The house is so damn empty without you and I hate it.  I hate this, I hate being away from you but most of all… I just wish none of this would have happened. 

        You know me.  You know I hate being alone – And that’s all it’s been lately.  I don’t know how you’re going to feel about this, hell I don’t even think you’re ever gonna actually get this – but it hurts.  I didn’t think it could hurt this bad… All the therapy, all the… Everything, it didn’t prepare me for this.  The anxiety is debilitating at times and I gotta just keep telling myself that I’ll be okay. 

        I’ll be okay.

        Everything will be okay, won’t it?

        I don’t know what I’m asking you that for… I know what you’d say if you were here, of course.  Of course it will be.  Stop being so ridiculous.  You’d be right though.  It was bound to happen, you know?  It’s just… I just wish you were here.  It’s cold.  It’s lonely.  It’s fucking miserable. 

        Can’t we just go back in time… To a time when Tempest didn’t exist?  God that’s stupid.

        Can’t we just go back to a point when Tempest wasn’t here?  When things were okay?  

        I know I’ve made it through worse – But right now, a couple drinks in… Nothing feels worse than this.  Why aren’t you here?  Why’d this shit have to happen?  And I know what you’d say to this too… You’d tell me that I rely far too much on the bottle.. Or really you’d probably just make that face you always make when you don’t like something.

        It’s true though.  I do drink too much..  I use it as a crutch when I feel like this.  And after I tried to kill myself, I guess you hoped that I would lay off.  I should have.  I really should have.  You were right.

        You always are.  That’s why I love you so God damned much… 

        I jus

 

DING!

My phone rings, and I sit up – wiping the tears from my face as I pull the phone out of my jacket pocket and look down at the screen, squinting as the brightness burns my eyes.  

     – Rude cow, what are you doing? – 

I sigh and contemplate for a moment just ignoring Eden and returning to what I’m already doing but I glance up at the empty bottle in front of me and I know that that’s not what I should be doing right now. 

     – Something I probably shouldn’t be. – 

Sighing, I hit the send button and turn my eyes back at the screen – Reading my words over and realizing just how fucking pitiful I truly am.  But before I can let myself fall back into the nice toasty pit of despair I’d found myself in before Eden decided to ruin it.. my phone rings again. 

      – Stop fucking sulking and come outside, we’re going for a drink. – 

I roll my eyes. 

       – I’m way ahead of you. – 

I send the message and I just stare at the screen because almost immediately I see the three dots of doom… because of course she’s got something to say.  She always does. 

       – BITCH.  Come on. – 

I can’t help but chuckle.  I both hate her and love her dearly all at the same time.  She is exactly what I need to keep myself in line… Especially now.  I don’t know if she’ll ever know how much I appreciate her.. and Gabriel.  As fucked up as that sounds. 

       – Thank you Edie… You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. – 

I sit up and look at the laptop again, wondering if I should just send it.. Or if I should just leave well enough alone.  We do have a match in a few days and well… Maybe I’m not in the best frame of mind to be making these decisions.  But I can’t continue contemplating because the phone rings again. 

       – Oh my God.. Gross.  Just come on and stop being such a ungrateful, selfish fucking COW. – 

“Oh, christ sake…”

I mutter, dragging myself up off the sofa and looking at the screen of the laptop one more time before closing it and heading inside.  Guess I shouldn’t keep her waiting.

Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.

 

I’ve been on this rampage over the last… Month? Hell, I don’t even remember anymore. You know the one. Been breaking my God damned neck to get at a certain tall, stupid asshole – Only to be cut off at every pass.

I even got myself an unexpected chance at him at Outlast… But we all know how that went, hmm?

He ended up on top, again.

But here we are, this week… Finding ourselves in a very interesting position. I’ve finally got my shot. At least the best shot I’ve had since he decided to drink the Tempest Kool-Aid. Those of you who don’t hate my fucking guts are probably yelling at your screen right now, telling me to go for it – fuck him up for what he did.

And you might be right, you know?

…

But when is enough enough?

Do you know?

It’s no secret that I’ve been on a bit of a losing streak lately, and it’s hard not to believe that my obsession over revenge might be the reason I’ve found myself feeling like shit. Sure, my fiance turning his back on me and changing our status to ‘It’s complicated’ or whatever is a pretty good reason to feel like I do – But it’s not like I haven’t been here before, so why am I letting him into my head?

The correct answer is, there’s no good reason for it.

So it ends.

It ends now.

How about we get back to what I’m really supposed to be talking about here, okay? This match, a match to determine the next number one contender for the UGWC World title. I’m flattered that I’ve even been considered for this, to be honest and I’d be doing the UGWC a disservice if I didn’t put my own bullshit aside and win myself the shot I should have taken with the Wrestlestock win I got earlier this year.

But that’s easier said than done.

I’m not going up against any pushovers out there on Monday, regardless of the bullshit I’ve probably said in the past. So yeah, let’s start with you, Dave because I know I’m guilty of giving you a lot of shit in the past.

But you’ve proven me wrong.

You ‘Outlasted’ me, didn’t you? Hell you’re the one that did all the work while Joe reaped all the rewards. I’ve overlooked you in the past, I’ve called you boring, I’ve said you couldn’t fight your way out of a wet paper bag.. I’ve said a lot of shitty things about you, Dave…

And I’m sorry.

You’ve got just as good of a shot at walking out of Synergy with that title shot as any of us do, and hell, I’d be happy for you if you did.

I’d be just as happy if Alex walked out of Synergy with that shot. You’ve given me a lot of insight over the last few weeks, Alex. Granted, I’m not the easiest person to help – Trust me, I know. But you tried. And I appreciate it. I appreciate your honesty and your effort in making your team work at Outlast – But this isn’t Outlast anymore.

And again, you Outlasted me in the finals, didn’t you?

You’re a talented guy and I wouldn’t be surprised if you come out on top this time around. You’ll have more than earned it in my eyes.

Which brings me to you, Joe.

You want me to come out there and continue to make a fool of myself while you keep me at arms length – And believe you me, I wanna see you try because you have no friends out there on Monday. You might be the odds on favorite to win this and go for that world title but your history speaks for itself.

Doesn’t it?

All the shots, and no wins.

No UGWC championships for you, Joe Cool.

It’s a damn shame too, because I’ve always thought you had everything it takes to walk in and take any God damned belt you pleased… I don’t know, maybe your attitude has a lot to do with why you fail. You’re arrogant and you’re cocky to a fault. You have the talent and the knowledge to know better.

If we’re being honest, your new ‘direction’ isn’t doing you any favors… But maybe your stubborn ass will figure that out sooner rather than later.

None of this though, negates what a threat you are. You always have been and you always will be a threat in any match you find yourself in.. And that’s what I respected about you the most.

I’d wish you luck, but honestly I just hope you sit on a cactus and rotate… asshole.

…

What about me though?

I guess you’re wondering what I bring to this match.

To be honest, I don’t really know. I mean, do I really deserve to be here fighting for this shot? Everyone that’s gonna be surrounding me in that ring made it longer than I did – Miss ‘Always makes the finals yet never closes the deal’.

I’m not being down on myself here, I’m just stating facts.

And the real truth of the matter is, I might not deserve to be here… I might not win, but I’m gonna do what I’ve always done and I’m gonna fight my ass off to be the one to face Hide for that fucking belt.

If it doesn’t happen?

Oh well. Hopefully someone who’s not a colossal asshole is the one that ends up going for it.

It might be me, and you can believe that I’ll take that shot and I’ll make the very God damned best of it because that’s what I do. I’m Lucy fucking Wylde and I’m still the same woman who held that belt with dignity while Gabriel tried to tear my entire life apart. I’m the same woman who made sure it didn’t fall into the hands of Kem Dynamo because God only knows what would have happened if she would have actually succeeded.

I’m the same bitch that you’ve always known and I’ll make sure ya’ll remember that on Monday.