(OOC: The last section of this RP is from JC’s RP – “In Time” But from Lucy’s Point of View. Enjoy!)

Date January 8th 2019 / Time 1:49PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Office of Doctor Irene Itzkof, MD – New York City, New York

It’s been over a month… Actually, it’s been over two months since I’ve been here. Been over two months since I’ve felt the need to sit on that chair and let someone psychoanalyze my feelings and my actions just for the hell of it. Okay so maybe I’m exaggerating when I say that my sessions were just for the ‘hell of it’. They most certainly weren’t just something to do to ‘pass the time’.

I started coming here all those months ago because I tried to kill myself. The story goes back quite a bit further than that… But it’s hard enough to think about that day, taking all those pills, drinking all that whiskey and the fact that if Joe hadn’t of realized there was something seriously wrong with me.. I wouldn’t even be here right now to be doing any of this.

I let a voice in my head convince me to do it. I let the voice of my dead father do to me what he’s always tried to do to me in life… take my life away. In the moment, it’s hard to fully recognize the true and real consequences of actions like that. It’s even harder to realize that you need help. And after all of that… I finally realized just that.

“Lucy! Oh my, it’s so nice to see you.”

Doctor Itzkof says as she stands in the doorway to her office. She immediately motions for me to follow her inside and she closes the door behind me once I’m within the confines of her spacious office.

“Good to see you too, Doc.”

I say, watching her round her desk.

“Just wanted to say that I’m sorry for missing so much time… It’s just…”

She glances up, her eyes expectant of an explanation for what’s made me miss so much time in therapy. I sit down across from her, crossing my legs, trying to figure out the best way to explain what’s been going through my mind since the last time I was here. I shrug my shoulders and sigh.

“Hell, I don’t even remember what we talked about the last time I was here…”

Dr. Itzkof nods her head and pulls out her notebook, thumbing through it until she comes upon the page that she was looking for.

“I might just be able to help you with that… Hmmm… Looks like the last time you were here on November second we discussed your fight with Eden at Battleground and Maggie’s impending title match against Joe in… ‘some no name place in Baltimore’.”

“Holy shit… A lot’s happened since then.”

Almost too much to put into words.

“”I’ve been keeping up with Synergies in order to have some knowledge of what’s been going on for you, so I do know–”

“That I quit UGWC?”

She nods her head.

“Yes. And..”

Her face takes on a more somber look.

“..I’m very sorry to hear about Eden’s passing.”

I sigh again and look away from her.

“Yeah… Me too. I never thought I’d say it either, but I miss her. Hell, I miss Gabriel too.”

“It seems that things changed between the three of you as last year ended.”

I nod my head, blinking a few times, trying to keep the tears from welling up in my eyes.

“Yeah. As funny as that sounds, they really did. It’s hard to explain but I got to see a side of them that a lot of people never got to see. I got to see who they really were underneath all of that bullshit and it was nice. I just wish I’d of gotten more time before everything happened.”

It’s been a rough road since Horizons. I mean it’s been rough since before then too, but Horizons was the final straw; the one that finally broke the camels back. Being the one pitted against Gabriel at Horizons was one thing, but being pitted against him with his career on the line while fighting in simultaneous matches with Eden and Jet with the stipulation that if Gabriel or Eden interfere in each other’s matches, then Gabriel’s career is over with anyway and if Jet or myself interfere in each other’s matches then we both lose title opportunities for the entirety of 2019… That fucking sucked.

I wasn’t a fan. Not of being used as an executioner of sorts, or of realizing that they were just using me to distract Gabriel so that he’d have to end his own career in order to keep Eden safe. Which is exactly what ended up happening.

And where do I fit into any of this? I don’t know. I was just someone who cared about the two of them. Someone who fell the fuck apart when they both disappeared. Someone who was ridiculed by anyone and everyone for feeling anything but the hatred and the indifference to their disappearance that everyone else felt. Sure they weren’t the best people in the world and both of them had done a lot of things that earned them that hatred.. But I’m no angel either. So what gives me the right to judge them for the things they’ve done? What gives me the right to deny them simple human compassion based solely on the fact that they are people too and I care about them as people?

“That’s a common sentiment, Lucy.”

I shrug my shoulders, her voice pulling me out of my thoughts for a moment.

“Yeah, I guess it is. But anyway.. They’re gone. There’s nothing I can do about it. Besides, I’ve got my own life to keep together.”

“Speaking of…”

Doctor Itzkof says, the content look on her face washing away into a frown. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen the woman truly frown before. It looks like there’s something on her mind.

“Last time we spoke, Maggie and Joe were about to fight.”

I nod my head and roll my eyes.

“Yeah and that ended in a blood bath. Not just physically, but emotionally. Maggie went after Joe’s family, made the match personal.. And I dunno. I was stuck in the middle. So pissed off at what Maggie was doing… Trying to understand why she was trying to turn me against Joe. After all he’s done.. After all he’s sacrificed… for me.”

The doctor clears her throat, cutting me off.

“Are you okay, Doc?”

“Actually, before we go any further.. I feel like there’s something I need to tell you.”

My eyebrows raise in question.

“Oh Christ, this doesn’t sound good.”

She sighs and lays her hands on her desk.

“Back in December, I’m assuming it was before their fight… Magdalena came here to see me.”

At first I think that I haven’t heard her correctly. Did she just say that Maggie came here?

“What? Why?”

Doctor Itzkof shrugs her shoulders.

“I can’t get into what she and I talked about, but–”

“You didn’t tell her what I’ve said in here, have you?”

Before I even give her a chance to answer, I’m already going through worst case scenarios in my head. If Maggie knows what I’ve said in here, then it’s no wonder she feels the way she feels… but then again, she would know how much I care about her too. But.. What if..

“No! Of course not! I told her multiple times that I would not discuss anything that you and I have spoken about. I just, for the sake of trust… I wanted you to know that.”

“I.. Well.. Uh.. Thanks. I think.”

I reply, feeling more angry by the second the more I think about Maggie coming here and invading my private space… probably trying to get answers about me when she should be going to her own therapist for her own issues.

“I guess I shouldn’t expect anything less from her. Not the way she’s been acting since she and Joe’s match came about.”

“How did that go?”

I sigh again.

“They hurt each other pretty good. It was hell to watch. Had to take Joe to the hospital afterwards.. He was pretty banged up.”

“And Maggie?”

“She was pretty banged up too. But.. I left it to her to take care of herself. She found me after the match as I was helping Joe and she was still trying to convince me that Joe was evil.. That he didn’t deserve my help and whatever else she was saying. I don’t know.. Something just clicked in me right there and I realized that I can’t help her if I keep it up with this shit. So I told her that I loved her and I walked away. Haven’t really talked to her since.”

I reply.. Leaning back in the chair and wiping a few stray hairs out of my eyes. Doing that at Ultimate Carnage was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I honestly don’t know what to do with her sometimes. I can’t figure out her problems for her. I wish I could, but ultimately, it’s up to her to figure it out. To get her head right. It’s taken me time to do so, but I’ve made some progress and I hope she does the same.

“I see.”

We sit there in silence for a little while as I watch her scribbling notes in her notebook. I guess everything we’ve been talking about is a lot to catch up on.

“Things… Things are going good now.”

I say after a few minutes, garnering her attention again. I smile a bit and nod.

“They are. I mean, I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands since not renewing my contract with UGWC and it’s nice. I mean I don’t think it’ll last long, but this break has been much needed. And it doesn’t hurt having Joe at the house either.”

Her eyebrows raise and I can’t help but chuckle.

“Joe? Staying at your home?”

“Yeah.. I mean I’m not sure of the timetable, but sometime before.. Or was it after his fight with Maggie.. His wife kicked him out. I can’t go into much detail because that’s his deal, not mine.. He was staying in a hotel for a little while but well.. He’s staying in one of my spare rooms now.”

She sits there for a few moments, staring at me as if I’d just told her I won the lottery and bought myself New York State.

“Wow…”

“It’s nice having him there. It’s not so lonely.”

“Has anything…”

“No! Nothing like that has happened… Jeeze. If I know him as well as I think I do, I think he’s trying to sort out everything in his head. And I’m giving him space to do that. I’m just glad I could help him out when he needed it. Even gladder that he let me help.”

She nods her head.

“That’s important to you.”

“Well yeah. I always want to help those I love. Joe’s no different.”

“But he is. Isn’t he?”

I feel my cheeks burning as I look away, nodding my head slightly.

“Yeah.. he is.”

 

Date January 8th 2019 / Time 11:26PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Wylde Residence – New York City, New York

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks, to say the least. Having Joe here has been the breath of fresh air that I’ve needed. Of course, I don’t say that lightly – He had to leave his home, his daughter.. His life…

All because of his feelings for me.

If that doesn’t make me feel guilty than nothing will. But I try. I try not to let it show because I know that neither him nor I asked for this. Eden told me that back at Ultimate Carnage and that’s what I’ve been telling myself ever since. At night when I was here by myself, thinking about him… wondering what he was doing… or how he was doing.. I just kept telling myself that we didn’t ask for this.

I never wanted to be the reason that his marriage is failing… or has failed. I don’t know. I can’t even claim to know.. Even though my own marriage fell apart way back when… But well, that was my own doing too, wasn’t it?

I sigh and lean forward, typing into my phone as I sit in the living room in the darkness.

I changed my twitter name to ‘The Answers Answer’, which I thought was super clever. Staring at my phone, reading it over and over – my stomach turns in knots. I knew he’d eventually see it and I knew he’d ask me about it. He didn’t disappoint. But as I was responding… I realized there was more to it. There was more to me changing that name than I realized.

We spend time with each other and I can’t explain it.. I can’t explain the look in his eyes when he looks at me. Maybe it’s me being hopeful. Maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see. Maybe just for once.. I want to be someone’s answer… More so I just want to be his.

“Hey Luce, you got a minute?”

I look up from my phone, squinting to see him as the light from his room shines out into the dark room from behind him. I lock the phone and reach up, flipping the lamp on. He moves into the room and sits down across from me. He looks like he’s been thinking about something.

I wonder what.

I sit up on the couch and tuck my legs under me, glancing over at him.

“Too many lately. What’s up?”

“Okay, so, about that tweet of yours…”

Oh Christ.

I wasn’t fully expecting him to come right out here minutes after our little ‘exchange’ to talk about this. Now I’m a little worried but I smirk and cross my arms over my chest, giving him an ornery look.

“Yeah…?”

I know my tone irritates him… but I love it. I love messing with him. His reactions are the absolute best.

“Okay so, you were right. I did figure something out. I mean, it’s the reason I’m here after all.”

My eyebrows raise in question… Part of me wants to hope he figured out something good, but I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up. That hasn’t gone my way in the past. Why should it be any different this time? And by the look on his face… I think I’d better prepare for the worst.

“Okay.. And what might that be?”

“Um, well…”

He stops, gets up and starts pacing around the room. I just sit here, watching him… watching the thoughts running through his head. Granted, I’m not used to this.. But I do the same thing when I’m antsy and I can’t put my thoughts together.

“I swear this all sounded easy in my head before I came in here.”

I chuckle softly and glance down at my hands as I wring them out in my lap. If this doesn’t reek of bad news.. I don’t know what does. But I don’t want him to feel bad for whatever this is he needs to say. He can always talk to me.. No matter what it is.

“It always does. But it’s just me, Joe.. Whatever it is… It’s all good.”

And I mean that. As I look up at him, I realize that I mean that more than anything in the world.. No matter how nervous I am. No matter how much I’m dreading what he’s going to say.. I just want him to know that I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.

I love him.

I want what’s best for him.. No matter what.

“Okay, so…”

He stops pacing.

“I told you what happened with Stacy. And I told you I needed a place to crash. That’s not entirely true. After all, I could have stayed with GI, or in my childhood home, or just continued paying for that airport motel. I chose to come here. Instead of, I don’t know, forgetting how I felt or just taking more time to think about it, I chose this.”

He turns and looks directly at me. My eyes go wide as he almost steps closer, those eyes of his practically looking through me.

“I chose you.”

He emphasized those three words, his eyes never wavering from mine.

I move around, pulling my hair back out of my face, quickly putting my hands down into my lap so he can’t see them shake. And my heart.. My heart’s beating out of my chest, up into my throat.

“Wow..”

I finally manage to squeak out, looking away as I reach up and tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. He chose me.. He… chose me. Did I hear him right?

“Really, that’s all you got? ‘Wow’?”

I roll my eyes and laugh, standing up in front of him. It figures, he says something that changes everything and he can’t keep himself from fucking with me because he shocked the words right out of me. I shrug my shoulders and tilt my head to the side, a soft smile on my lips.

“What do you want me to say? I’m glad you’re here? I am.. That having you here makes me happier than I’ve been in a long time? That’s true too.. That I’m glad you chose me? I am…”

“I feel like there’s a but in there somewhere.”

I shake my head.

“No. No ‘but’. It’s just.. When I’ve ever been an option, it’s always seemed like whoever it was chose anything but me, you know? That doesn’t make any sense, does it?”

I grimace and sigh – running my hands through my hair. I’m blabbering. I’m.. not making any sense. I don’t even know what to say right now…

I know it’s wrong. I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but am I really his choice? Over the life he had with Stacy and Lizzy? Over that comfortable existence.. How could that be though? I’m me.. He’s him. He’s too damn good for me…

I.. I’m not the right choice..

Not for him… I love him. I love him so God Damned much. I just can’t believe that.. I just can’t believe he is here right now, staring at me. Those eyes..

“I just.. Um.. Are you sure that I’m the right choice?”

My stomach turns as I look at him, almost pleading as I finish the question. But before I have another moment to think about it, he steps towards me and pulls me to him… Our eyes meet again… his face so close…

So close..

And before I realize it… he presses his lips to mine.

..

…

Electricity… Like nothing I’ve ever experienced before in my life…