“My favorite clients,” came the voice of Johnny Hitmaker through the voicemail left on Ken’s phone, “Have I got an opportunity for you.”

Because of that message, Ken Davison and Kyra Johnson are standing outside of the not so creatively named Baltimore Conference Center. Ken is wearing a white button down shirt and black pants while Kyra has opted for a sparkly black top and matching pants. It’s a little more girly than she would usually wear, but according to Johnny, there was an opportunity to be had. The two walk up to the table to check in.

“Last name first,” a portly man with a thinning black combover says flatly.

“Johnson, Kyra.”

The man runs his finger down the list, flipping over a couple of pages on the way to finding her name.

“Go sit over there,” he commands without even looking up. “And you?”

“Davison, Ken.”

The man flips back to the front page, finding Ken’s name near the bottom.

“Over there,” he says to no one, as Ken already has joined Kyra in the seating area.

“Can you believe we’re actually doing this?” Ken says, the tone of his voice somewhere between amusement and amazement.

“No, I can’t.”

“Remember, they are watching everything from the second we got here and will keep watching us until we leave.”

“If we get it, we get it. If not, life goes on,” Kyra says as she leans her head on Ken’s shoulder. He takes her hand and squeezes it reassuringly.

“You know, I was in a movie once.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“Nope. True story. When I was younger and taking Muay Thai, my kru…”

Kyra sits up with a look of confusion on her face. “The fuck is a kru?”

“That’s a Muay Thai instructor, like a sensei would be in Japanese Martial Arts. Anyway, he had a friend that was a wannabe movie director. Since I was so good at being an uke…”

“Ken, are you making these words up? Ooh-key? Am I saying it right? Uke sounds like something Adina would say to describe a booger. Mommmmmmmmmy,” Kyra over emphasizes in a perfect impression of Adina, “I’ve got an uke in my nose.”

“It’s the Japanese word for someone who receives a move. Like all the faceless ninjas, mercenaries and other randoms who get their asses kicked by Chuck Norris. Those are ukes. Anyway…” Ken stops and gives Kyra a look, knowing full well he’s cluing her in that she keeps interrupting. “I was so good at making it look that someone was hurting me that I got to do some stunt work. So, somewhere in Dorchester, Massachusetts, there is an VHS of 16 year old Ken Davison getting kicked through a door and getting tossed down a flight of stairs but a black vampire who was basically a dollar store version of Blade. Hopefully, that never sees the light of day.”

“Aren’t you just full of surprises?” Ken winces while Kyra playfully elbows his ribs. “What else you got?”

“I was a child model.” Ken says plainly.

“Now I know you’re lying.”

“Why the hell do you think I’m always lying to you?”

“How many lives have you lived?”

The two sit, relaxed, laughing and giggling while two exchange jabs, like two verbal boxers sparring back and forth.

“1791 was the year it happened. I was twenty-four – younger than you are now.”

“What the shit is that? ’Interview With a Vampire?’ Really?”

“Yeah. Figured you wouldn’t know it since you’re so much younger than I am.”

“I know. Your Social Security Number is 13.”

“Who’s the one piling the shit on now?”

“Fair.”

The two sit, simply enjoying one another’s company as though they weren’t even there for an audition. They were just two kids in love, despite their actual ages. The room slowly begins to empty as actor after actor is called in. Their only moment of separation was when Ken went over to the vending machine to get them a couple of drinks. Finally, they are the only two left in the room. The portly man from several hours ago walks into the room and calls the two of them in together.

“Johnson, Davison,” he says in his bleak, uncaring voice. “Johnson, Davison.”

The two get up and walk towards the rooms where the auditions are taking place. Ken takes Kyra by the hand and the two walk in together. Perhaps that’s the most surprising part of this entire process. The film they are casting for isn’t a RomCom. Next to the door reads a sign that reads “Lethal Weapon Reboot.”

As the duo walk into the middle of the room, surrounded by industrial lighting, the room almost feels like it’s glowing.

“Alright, Ken. What have you got?” asks what can only be assumed to be the casting director.

“I’ve got the monologue from ’The Devil’s Advocate’ prepared.”

“Excellent. Miss Johnson, can you please just stand to the side? Thank you.”

Kyra turns and walks to the periphery. She turns back around and Ken gives her a quick wink and a nod before turning back to the casting director.

“You may begin whenever you’re ready.”

Ken takes a deep breath in, changing his posture to one of not confidence, but more like arrogance. If he was a real person, John Milton would be proud. 

“Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway? God? Is that it? God? Well, I tell ya, let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch.”

“Yes, he does,” Kyra quips.

“Excuse me, Miss Johnson. Could you maybe not do that?”

Kyra blushes for a moment. “I’m sorry. Couldn’t help myself.”

“Well, try to help yourself. Understood?” the casting director scolds. “Mr. Davison, do you have anything else prepared?”

“Not really. I could give you the Liam Neeson monologue from ’Taken.’ It’s probably overdone, but I can rattle that off the top of my head.”

“That will be fine.”

This time, Ken leans in a bit, changing his tone from the anger of John Milton to the quiet, calm, no nonsense voice of Bryan Mills.

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills.”

“Oh, he definitely does!” Kyra chimes in again.

“THAT’S IT!!!” the casting director exclaims excitedly. “I told you the two of them would be perfect!”

Ken and Kyra look at each other with mirror looks of confusion.

“Perfect?”

“Wait. What?”

“You mean I didn’t fuck it up?”

“Not at all. We were looking for a couple of people that can play off of each other. Our staff were watching the two of you in the waiting room and we knew we had found our leads. This just confirmed it for us.”

“SEE! I told you they were watching. I freakin’ told you.”

“This Johnny Hitmaker guy sent us a bunch of your stuff from wrestling. We liked the vibe we got and decided to bring you in. The fact that the two of you are, well, the two of you just made it that much better.”

Ken and Kyra give each other.

“Worth it?”

“So worth it, mama.” Ken stops and turns to the casting director. “When does casting begin? Will we have to come out to Hollywood? Because I am going to be honest, we’ve got a little one at home and we’d have to bring her with us.”

“No, you won’t. We’re filming here in Baltimore. These days, it’s costing too much to film in Los Angeles and New York and with our budget, we can’t afford passports for the entire crew to go up to Toronto.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

“Listen, our lawyers will draw up the contracts and have them sent over to Johnny Hitmaker tomor…”

“NO!!!” the Baltimore Elite shout in unison.

“Isn’t he your agent?”

“Fuck, no!” Kyra blurts out, causing a raised eyebrow from the casting director.

“He’s not our agent,” Ken explains. “He purchased our wrestling contracts when our former employers closed down. The extent of his control is within the UGWC. Nothing more, nothing less. He’s just… overzealous.”

“That’s an understatement.” Kyra rolls her eyes so hard you can almost feel it. “So who got what role?”

“Ken has been cast in the role of Murtaugh and Kyra, you’ve been cast as Riggs.”

“Wait? We got cast…” Ken and Kyra look at each other again. “…as the leads? You’ve got to be Kendamned kidding me.”

“Listen, I’m going to be honest with you. This film has literally no expectations. Based on the success of the tv show, we wanted to see if we could build off that.”

“No way in hell am I taking this role. I mean, I appreciate the thought, but you can’t have me stepping in the shoes of Danny Glover or Damon Wayans. You know the kind of backlash your studio is going to get for that? Do you know the kind of backlash I’m going to get for that? Thanks, but no thanks. We’re out.”

“Wait, we’ve already got the poster made up.” The casting director walks over and pulls away a white sheet, revealing their mock up movie poster. “Look!”

“Listen, we’re honored. We really are. I think right now, this isn’t the right project for us.”

“If Ken says we’re out, we’re out. We’re kind of a package deal.”

“We’ll send the contracts over anyway. I’d like you to reconsider.”

“Come on, Ken. Let’s get out of here.”

“Again, thank you, but we have to pass.”

The two turn around to leave and Ken jumps a little, surprised by Kyra grabbing his butt.

“Someone call OJ Simpson. I’m sure he needs some money,” the casting director barks at someone in the background while Ken and Kyra leave the room, happy with their decision.

“Fuck that guy.”

“How about we go home and I fuck this guy instead,” Kyra says in her most sultry voice.

“Best idea I’ve heard all day.”

“I will be the first to admit, for some reason, I’m a little nervous here. I would be lying if I say here and told you that life has been sunshine and rainbows since winning the UGWC Cooperative Championships. You can put me in my robes, throw me in front of a hostile crowd, and I am home. You can drop me in the middle of a Japanese death match and I have no fear. People say “Well, you’re a wrestler. That’s what you’re supposed to do,” and they are one hundred correct.”

“I was thinking about what I wanted to say. I thought that I could tell you about the arguments that Kyra and I have or, perhaps, regale you with some kind of tale about who we are when the cameras are off. Still, that would serve as nothing more than a distraction. So, I was back at square one. I am feeling the pressure.”

“We all know the way we do this is that Ken sets the tone and I usually follow his lead. This week, I couldn’t do that. Just because Donovan Hasting is gracing us with his presence, there is no reason why we should be nervous. We have spent our careers in the ring with other men and women who have been World champions. We beat the current Cross-Hemisphere Champion and the number one contender to the World Championship just to get our shot at the Cooperative Championships. Fuck that. We have fought too long and too hard to just roll over and play dead now.”

“I’ve found that you don’t get anywhere in life without taking risks. Walking into a deathmatch against the quality of opponent we had, was a risk. Somehow, facing Donovan Hastings and Dave Rydell in a ladder match doesn’t feel like that much of a risk. When I chose to start in this business, that was a risk. When I decided to leave school and get my GED at 16, that was a risk. When I decided to forgo college because of my crazy dream, that was a risk. Everyone told me, “Honey, make sure you have something to fall back on.” Those words, they always bothered me. “Make sure you have something to fall back on.”  Why in the hell would I do that. The only thing I will ever fall back on is my faith. My stubborn ass wants to fall forward.”

“At least that way, you can see what you’re about to hit.”

“Reggie Jackson holds the record for the most strikeouts in Major League Baseball history. The man had 2,597 strikeouts. Do you ever hear about that? No. You hear about all of the home runs. You hear about ‘Mr. October.’ You hear about game six of the 1977 World Series when he hit three home runs off of three different pitchers. Why? Because he fell forward.”

Kyra rolls her eyes, with her scope of knowledge about sports being limited to professional wrestling.

“Then you have Thomas Edison. It took him 1,001 tries to create the light bulb. Every time, he took a risk by changing something. Every risk brought him closer to his goal. He fell forward.”

“When Carnage Wrestling closed down, Ken and I took a huge risk by coming here to the coalition. We left everything that we knew and changed all of our routines because we wanted to become Cooperative Champions. We walked into this company and busted our asses to get to where we are today. Let’s call it what it is, we took a risk by reaching out to Johnny for help. We went to Johnny Motherfucking Hitmaker, for Christ’s sakes. We have taken risks by taking on every challenge that’s come our way. We fell forward.”

“We didn’t get here by succeeding. We got here by failing. Every match I have lost has been fuel for all of the matches I have won. I didn’t get my World Championships by winning. I got them by losing. Back in Carnage, I got my ass whooped by Amber Ryan. Later, when I got my Carnage World Championship opportunity against Amber Ryan, I was a man possessed. I remembered what she had done to me and I used that energy to motivate myself. Because of Amber Ryan, I fell forward.”

“At Incursion, Incendium beat us. We came in on short notice because the Carnage Tag Champs were… unavailable. Despite still being a new team at the time, we gave you everything you could handle. When we arrived here to the Coalition, we worked our way up the ladder while the two of them were nowhere to be found. Somehow, you two smug little bitches got even more full of yourselves. I didn’t think that shit was even possible. But there you were, living the dream. Leading up to the match, we listened to Gabriel running his mouth. We listened to Eden running her mouth. All we heard was the two of you spewing your garbage to anyone who would listen. We have a saying where I come from. Talk shit, get hit. You got hit. We fell forward.”

“Hastings, you had a good run, dare I say a hell of a run, as World Champion. That means absolutely nothing to me, however. Those matches did account for anything but your legacy. I am a former World Champion myself. That means nothing in a Cooperative Championship match. What matters in the here and now. What matters is your connection with your partner. What matters is that “Godly” Ken Davison and Kyra Johnson have beaten every team that the Coalition has put in front of us, up until two weeks ago. Do you think that the fact that Ragdoll and Cervantes came out on top of that match is going to set us back?”

“That’s not going to fucking happen. We have a bond that goes beyond anything that Hastings and Rydell have. Shit, Rydell even said he hates the idea of teaming with Donovan. How the hell is that going to work for the two of you?”

“I get how this comeback has gone for you. I went from top of the mountain to struggling to get where I am. The thing is when Kyra and I stand in that ring together, we are unstoppable. Kyra and I would die, and more importantly, kill for each other. The difference between us is that you spent most of your time last week sitting there whining, bitching, moaning, and making excuse after excuse for your failure.”

“What that means for you two asshats is that we are the better team. Unless Rydell rides Hastings riding Hastings coattails to victory, you have literally no chance to beat us.”

“Zilch. Zero. Nada. Nothing. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. The fact of the matter is that The Baltimore Elite has spent our entire career making the people who doubt us look like fools. That includes both Donovan Hastings and Dave Rydell. You gentlemen think that you can take us down?”

“Just fucking try.”