Date August 11th 2020 / Time10:35PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Johnson Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

“…and that starts with you.”

“Oh, this is my favorite part…”

I say, my eyes glued to the screen of the television, watching none other than “Godly” Ken Davison as he spins around and takes my head clean off with a swing of the sledgehammer in his hands. By my head, I mean the head of the statue he created to look like me.

A shiver runs down my spine as the head sends a deep, thunderous thud through the chapel when it lands beside his feet.  A grin crosses my lips as he turns those eyes back up and looks me right in my eyes.

“Kyra, at the end of the night you will tell everyone that “Godly” Ken Davison is a very dangerous man. Ken Davison is not like them.”

I shake my head.

“No you’re not, honey. You’re not like anyone else.

“I showed up in Carnage Wrestling like nothing we’ve ever seen before. I am a mystery and when I speak, it’s beautiful, it’s captivating, it’s motivating. But, I warn you, Kyra, my heart is cold and my passion is not Carnage Wrestling. My passion is the GKD, “Godly” Ken Davison. So, why? Why am I standing here singing your praises? Because I saw something in you that no one else saw.”

I lean my head back and sigh.

Damn right.

“Because I want to see if your fire is strong enough to melt the ice within my soul. And I see you out there, Kyra. I see that you don’t understand. It won’t be long before it’s “Godly” Ken Davison vs. the world and at that point the world’s not gonna have a chance. It would be very much in your own self interest to align yourself with a man who can and will do a great many, yet terrible things for you.”

I press pause just after he finishes and the recording pauses on his face, those eyes peering right into and through my soul. I sit and stare at him… Replaying those words in my head – Just like I’ve done countless times over the two months since he spoke them.

I’ve never had someone say those things to me.

I’ve never had someone want to do horrible, terrible things… for me.

It’s a rush… A rush like I haven’t felt in ages.

“Is this… a bad time?”

The voice startles me and I turn around, but in the blackened room – only illuminated by the light of Ken’s face, I can only see the outline of who I presume is Taylor.

“No, not at all, Tay. Turn the light on.”

I sit back up on the couch and turn to see him once he turns the light on. He smirks at me as he rounds the couch and sits down beside me, his eyes turning to the screen.

“So…”

“What?”

He laughs and shakes his head.

“This guy’s really gotten to you, huh?”

I feel a little bit of heat rising to my cheeks as I pull a pillow up onto my chest and sigh. He’s gotten to me, yes. But not in the way he gets to everyone else. This is different. It’s refreshing. It’s real. Unlike a lot of other things lately.

He sees me for what I wish everyone else saw me as.

He doesn’t think everything I’ve been lately is an ‘act’ or a ‘phase‘.

Taylor clears his throat, jolting me back to reality – Quickly realizing I was staring at Ken’s eyes once again. I shake my head.

“He’s quite possibly the realist person I’ve met in quite some time.”

“Oh, well…”

He says quietly. I glance over to see him shaking his head and I realize that he thinks I’m dismissing him.

“No, no… I’m not talking about you, or your brother.. I’m just saying in a professional sense, I guess. Ken isn’t like anyone I’ve met.”

“Yeah.”

He doesn’t really sound like he believes me but what can I do at this point? He’s just a kid. He’s still young, and he’s got a lot to figure out about life. Then again, even at my age – I do too. I can’t figure it all out for him either, I struggle to figure it all out for myself on a daily basis.

“Sorry I butted in on your time with your little crush, but I wanted to talk to you about something.”

The tone of his voice says it’s serious so I click the TV off and turn my full attention to him.

“What’s going on? Something bad?”

“Oh, no.. Nothing bad. It’s just..”

He sighs and leans back, putting his arms behind his head.

“Out with it.”

“I think I wanna go back with Dad.”

I feel my heart drop a little in my chest when the words exit his mouth – Like all the wind left my proverbial sails. I knew this was going to happen eventually. I knew he wasn’t going to be here forever but… But it feels like he hasn’t been here for very long and now he’s wanting to go stay with JD – Which is understandable.

I get it.

“..Okay, yeah. Good. That’s good.”

“I just wanna spend some more time with him, you know, before I gotta get back to school.”

What, does he think I’m gonna tell him ‘no’?

“I get it.”

Silence settles between us for a few moments.  Uncomfortable, tense silence.  Finally I see him turn towards me out of the corner of my eye but I don’t bother looking at him.   I don’t think I can right now.

“You’re not mad, are you?”

Yes.

I shake my head and run my hands over my head.

“No, why would I be?  You’re your own man, and I can’t keep you all to myself.  I’m sure your dad has missed you.”

Taylor shrugs.

“I don’t know.  He’s dad, you–“

I get up off the couch and move off towards my room.  I just don’t wanna deal with this right now.

“-Mom?”

 

Date August 15th 2020 / Time11:49PM / Status Not Recording
Location The (Former) Johnson Residence, Dundalk, Maryland

A house. A house that doesn’t look too dissimilar to any other home on this street, well, other than the heavy boards covering each window, and the caution tape hanging precariously in front of the door… Place looks like a crime scene. It looks like it’s seen much, much better days.

But the truth of the matter is, it hasn’t. It never did.

The house both blends in with its surroundings and stands out like a sore thumb among the well kept lawns and the pretty flowers and perfectly shaped shrubs with the forest of weeds covering what used to be bright yellow siding and years of mold or whatever that is covering formerly red bricks.

Good.

The sooner the county decides to finally turn this place into a vacant lot, the better.

If they haven’t by now… They’re never going to.

So why am I sitting here beside my car in the pouring fucking rain, staring at this old, run down piece of trash? Why’d I drag myself out of the condo to sit here and gawk at this relic?

The easy explanation is that Adina is with her father and her brother for the next week or so, and I’d run out of things to clean at home.

The explanation that’s the truth? I’m alone. I’m alone and I wasn’t sure what to do. I haven’t been here since I left when I was sixteen – Although I’ve lived minutes away for much of my adult life. This place doesn’t serve any other purpose for me other than to show me where I came from – and give me some reason as to why I am the way that I am.

The unfeeling cunt who can’t get close enough to anyone to form a real relationship.

The bitch who abandoned those she claimed to ‘love’ in their time of need.

The ‘kid’ who still needs to grow up because her honesty is too much for their fragile egos to handle.

It’s all because of what happened in this house.

I sigh and lean my head back against the cold metal of the car.

That’s not fair to say, and I damn well know it. I can’t blame my experiences for what I am now. I can’t blame them for the anger and the hatred that runs through my veins and the temper that’s set off at the most simple of things. I had a choice when I got out of here. I didn’t have to let what he did to me define who I became as an adult.

But I did.

I let it consume me and I let it consume everyone around me until they all realized one by one that I wasn’t worth the effort.

Sure, I broke things off with JD – I made the choice to end our marriage, but not before I saw his roaming eyes, staring down every pretty little thing that wasn’t his angry, vengeful wife. He thought he could handle my issues, and maybe I didn’t give him enough of a chance to – but when I had the chance and the excuse to get out – I did.

And yeah, I let go of Jack. I had to. He tried to change me, he tried to give me a life he thought I deserved… Happiness, comfort, unconditional love – and I couldn’t handle it. He only wanted what was best for me and I resisted it every step of the way. I tried to be happy, I tried to be the good little housewife he wanted me to be because I thought that maybe… just maybe I’d get used to it. That I’d one day be content and fulfilled… But then that match between him and Amber happened.. And then I saw my way out.

And again, I took it.

Amber, she thinks she’s a shitty person – but I think I take the cake.

Doesn’t change what they did, and how upset I was by it – but instead of trying to fix it, I left. I ran the fuck away. Just like I’m doing to Eli – Throwing away our ‘friendship’ because it’s the easiest thing to do. Treat him like an enemy. Treat him just like everyone else who’s tried to get too close.

And now I’m alone.

It’s only a matter of time before I do the same thing to Amber.

”But you’re not alone, Kyra.”

I lift my head and look around, wondering who the fuck is out here at this time of night and in this kind of weather… But there’s no one there. Wouldn’t matter if there were anyway.

”You’re your own woman, and you deserve someone who’ll give you the light you deserve.. Not cast a shadow over the great woman you are. Someone who doesn’t dismiss you because you don’t fit their mold of what greatness truly is.”

A chill courses through my body, maybe from the rain… or the familiarity of the voice.   I smirk and close my eyes, letting out a laugh.

Ken.

My voice of reason, even when he doesn’t know he’s doing it.

”They want you to relent. They want you to shy away from your true potential, to get down on your knees and crawl back into the shadows where they can hold you down…”

I shake my head.

“I can’t.”

”You can’t.”

 

I lied to you Eli.

I lied to you when I said that the only reason I’m treating you the way I am is because you want my Ultraviolent Championship. What? Did you think I was gonna say that I lied about this entire thing not being an act because of what Good Ol’ Jacky boy did?

Heh.

Truth is, you disgust me, Eli.

You and your little Boy Scout attitude and your Do-Good bullshit. It’s fucking revolting. Telling me that you’re somehow going to win me over with your good will and somehow turn me back to the ‘light’? Give me a fucking break.

You’re no hero, Eli. You’re just a Jack Michaels wannabe. Those are the facts, Eli. ‘You’re just too damn Goode’, right? Try you’re just not ‘Goode’ enough, buddy. You never were and you never fucking will be.

But let’s be even more real here, Eli – Okay? Jack obviously saw potential in you. I’m sure that’s what he told you, huh? Told you that you were gonna be something great someday and that he’d be proud to be the one that supported you the entire way. He always had so much faith in you, that you could be the best of us. But what have you actually done with that faith? Hmm?

What exactly has hanging on Jack’s nuts all these years done for you?

It’s okay Eli, I’ll answer that one for you. Not a GOD DAMNED thing. You failed, honey. The Eli Goode experiment is officially a failure. I mean hell, Jack didn’t even say a word to you leading into this match, has he? He’s coming out to Baltimore to support Amber in her match against Ken… But what about you?

No ’You’ll do a great job sport’ or ’I know you’ll make me proud, son.? Really? I bet that really stings, doesn’t it Eli? Daddy doesn’t believe in you anymore. Daddy doesn’t give a flying fuck about you because his focus has always and will always be Amber fucking Ryan. You were just a mediocre replacement for when she wasn’t around.

But don’t worry. I get it. Been there, done that.

And that’s why I’m standing where I am right now. That’s why you’re the enemy, Eli.. Because you just don’t see it. You just don’t fucking get it. I’ve walked in the shadows for long enough to realize when someone else is doing the same fucking thing, and honey.. That’s you right now. Only you’re too damn stupid to realize it.

If the shoe fits, Eli… You might as well lace that bitch up and wear it.

But this is just a phase, right? Kyra’s just going through a little rebellious phase and she’ll snap out of it eventually.

You still believe there’s good in me?

What am I Anakin fucking Skywalker? I mean if there IS still good in me, then you must be a saint, right Eli? Tell me something then, where the fuck were you when Paragon was falling apart at the seams? Where were you when Jack and Amber decided Paragon wasn’t as important as the Carnage World Title, or killing one another for that matter?

Who did their damndest to hold the group together while all that was happening? Jack hoped Amber would step up in his absence – Didn’t happen. Did YOU step up and try to keep everyone together? Nah, you were too busy taking face painting lessons from Heath Ledger apparently.

Just remember this, Eli. I was the one holding everything together. I was the one, Eli. Not you. Not Amber and sure as hell not Jack. It’s okay though Eli, you were going through a phase, right? Just going through some crazy shit so that you can get back to some sense of normalcy… huh?

Bitch, please.

I’m beginning to think my stint in Paragon was the ‘phase’, Eli. Kinda like my relationship with Jack and my friendship with you. Just a waste of my fucking time, you know, since I was the only bitch trying to pour bucket after bucket of water out of a ship with a giant hole in the bottom.

Forgive me for the analogy, but if Paragon was the Titantic, Jack would have been the rich guy who snuck aboard the lifeboat with the women and the children.. Amber would have been.. Well she’d of been the fucking iceberg, and me? I’m the one floating away on the door, doing what I gotta do to survive and honey, you’d be the one clinging to that door – to that one final shred of a life you used to know, begging me to let you climb on – but the reality is, there ain’t no room for you.

I tried to save you all. And in the words of our world champion – I tangled myself up in all of your strings for far too fucking long – but now I’m free. I don’t have the weight of a doomed group on my shoulders anymore and it feels good. It feels right.

I’d be sorry, but in all reality – I don’t give a fuck what you think about me and what I’m doing, or who I’m associating with. You keep thinking that I’m just going through some shit and eventually I’ll go back to being the Kyra you knew… Because God knows you only want me to revert back into the same bitch who was blocked by the shadow casted upon all of us because you’re still there… And you’re too damn scared to step out of it. You’re too damn scared of cutting the umbilical cord and stepping up to the challenge without good old Jack to guide your every fucking move.

And that’s gonna be your downfall.

There’s nothing stopping me from my potential now, Eli. I’ve seen the light and there’s no God damned way I’m going back into the darkness… At least not in the way you want me to.

I’m gonna be honest with you Eli… There is no light at the end of the tunnel.

Paragon is dead.

Jack is gone.

Amber’s doing her own thing.

And I’ve obviously moved on to bigger and better things..

I almost feel bad that I’ve gotta be the one to give you the bad news – But it’s never coming back. And what I really hate to have to break to you is that you’re not as ‘Goode’ as you think you are. You’re not as good as Jack said you are because hell, all the potential in the world doesn’t mean a damn thing if you can’t perform.

With Paragon as your crutch and Jack as your cheerleader and coach, there was a time that you were able to be the UV champ. But that time is gone. It’s over. Your best days are behind you and I’d much rather be going through a ‘phase’ where I have enough self respect to be the champion that I always knew I could be instead of being Paragon’s little footnote.

I’m gonna destroy you, Eli. I’m gonna break you down. I’m gonna show you exactly where you stand… And it’ll still be treating you better as a human being than Jack did by pumping you full of false hope and his goody-two-shoes bullshit.

And,if you really have all this potential, you’d come back and face me when you could stand on your own two legs. When you aren’t too pussy to actually fight me instead of offering to lay down and let me pin you like the little bitch you are.

We all know that puppets don’t move on their own, Eli… and your puppet master has left the building.

 

OOC: Excerpt from Ken Davison’s Promo from Underground: Redemption used with permission.