I’m the type of woman who takes what she’s given and makes the God damned best out of it. I’m the type that looks at every obstacle and every task put before me and I always give one hundred and ten fucking percent. Last week was no different. Last week I walked out there and I reminded everyone that Rogan MacLean isn’t the champion everyone wants him to be… everyone thinks he should be.

And I reminded everyone of where I really belong here in UGWC.

I knocked him down and I beat him literally two weeks after winning the world title.. Literally two weeks after proving that he couldn’t have done it without the element of surprise on his side. I mean lets be real here, Rogan… Without blindsiding your old friend, would you have really had a chance in hell of beating him?

If your answer is ‘hell no‘… then you’d be correct.

If your answer is anything other than the aforementioned ‘hell no’… then you’re a fucking idiot.

You must be thinking that I have a problem with you Rogan. No, no… I don’t have a problem with you, the person. Hell, I wouldn’t even have a problem with you, the champion – except for the whole, earning what you have deal. Sure, you earned your way into the main event… Thanks to you know who. You’re a gifted athlete, I mean hell.. you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.

Then again one look at Dave Rydell says otherwise, wouldn’t you think?

Anyway, back to my point. You’re good at what you do. There’s no question – I just… I don’t like the way you went about your business. A lot of people are saying that you were smart and that you took advantage of a bad situation, turning it in your favor. I think there’s more to it than that. The rest of us fought our asses off while you layed outside with a stick up your ass, waiting for your opportune moment.

That, friend… does not make you a real champion; and pinning you in your first match as the so-called champion proves that.

I never took you for a pussy, Rogan. I never took you for a wimp, but I’ll be damned if you didn’t prove me wrong. My opinion isn’t the most popular one, and lets face it.. you don’t give one flying fuck about what I think of you. I think you’ve proven that in your silence since last week. Embarrassed? Why should you be? I’m only one of the most dominant Cross-Hemisphere Champions to have graced UGWC with her presence. There’s no shame in losing to me.

No the real shame is that had you of actually earned that belt, I might actually respect you a bit more than I already did. You’re better than that. At least I thought so.

 

Date October 9th 2017 / Time Unknown / Status Not Recording
Location UGWC Synergy – Chicago, Illinois

Even with everything going on; how could I not be grinning from ear to ear having just beaten the world champion. Granted, without me – Gabriel probably would still be the world champ and let’s face it.. I wouldn’t have beaten him. But I did just show that Rogan is less than Gabriel.. so that’s something, right?

God, I’m an idiot. I just beat Rogan MacLean… Yet I’m telling myself that I proved that Gabriel is better. In what fucked up universe does that logic even work? I chuckle softly to myself, weaving between the backstage crew as I make my way back to my locker room.

“Lucy!”

How does this fucker keep finding me?

I stop and turn around, knowing that Grey won’t stop until he’s had his interview – and well, I’m in a decent mood this time so why not?

“Grey.. How nice to see you.”

“Could I have a few words?”

I chuckle again, moving towards him and smoothing out a wrinkle in the collar of his suit jacket.

“I just gave you a few words, are we done here?”

He frowns and shakes his head.

“You know what I meant.”

I roll my eyes, pulling my hands through my hair. The sweat on my face hasn’t even dried yet. Give a girl a chance to at least freshen up before an interview…

“I know what you mean, Grey. And yeah, I’ll give you a few minutes of my time.”

His eyes widen, as if he’s surprised that I’m not giving him much of a fight tonight. Could be that I was just in a fight, or it could be that I’m in a good mood. Either way, he’d better take advantage of it while I’m in the giving mood.

“Okay, well… I mean everyone just saw your match, how do you feel about pinning the world champion, Lucy?”

“Seems like you’re always asking me how I feel about these things. How do you feel about it, Grey?”

“What?”

“You heard me. How do you feel? Of course I feel amazing. I just beat our new world champ and notched yet another win. My friend also won earlier tonight, and I’m hoping to get done with you in enough time to go watch my other friend win in tonights main event. So answer me, Grey.. How do YOU feel?”

The look in his eyes tells me that he still doesn’t understand the question. I guess as an interviewer he doesn’t get asked very often about his feelings… As if they really matter. Not to be rude, but I couldn’t care less – I just don’t feel like answering a question that the answer is so obvious to. Why would I feel like shit about beating Rogan? Why wouldn’t I feel like I should be in that number one contendership match instead of in a triple threat that means nothing?

Lacklan gets a shot.

Rydell gets a shot.

Jet gets a shot.

What in the holy hell?

“I think.. You put on a very good showing tonight.”

“That’s it. A good showing? Come on man… gotta give me more than that.”

His eyes dart around at the people moving around us. I lightly grab his chin, bringing his focus back to me – the grin on my face growing as I feel the muscles in his jaw clench with whatever it is… be it fear, or something much grosser.

“Focus, Grey.”

“I mean, you’re great. You’re–”

He stops.

“I’m what? Come on.. Out with it.”

“I’m not supposed to be biased, Lucy. I’m just an interviewer.”

“We’ll just keep it our little secret… Hmm?”

I reply, letting his face go. He moves backwards, turning his head, again looking around to make sure no one is easedropping on us before he speaks again.

“Y-You deserve to be in the world title picture. You always have.”

“Oh really?”

I act surprised, but come on… Who would be? He takes the bait though, his demeanor softening as he thinks he’s really telling me something that I didn’t already think about myself.

“Y-Yes! I feel like you could beat any of them… Even–”

I put my hand up, knowing full well what he’s going to say.

“Don’t say it.”

“Why? I’m just telling the.. I mean you could have totally beaten him at Outlast and…”

“I didn’t want to.”

You know how some people have a ‘resting bitch face’? Well, I’m pretty sure Grey has a resting ‘I don’t understand’ face. Jesus.

“Because–”

“Because I like him.”

“I just.. Oh…..Oh. Oh!”

I shake my head and pat him on the shoulder. I probably shouldn’t have said that, God knows I need more bullshit about that like I need a hole in the head. Not that the knowledge will get me anywhere… I lean in and wipe the shoulder of his jacket off, my face turning more serious.

“Well, it looks like you didn’t really get much of an interview with me here this evening.”

“Wait.. What?”

He looks stunned as I grab the material of his jacket, my eyes focused on the blue material of the suit as he pleads with me.

“No, come on…”

“Nah, Grey. Lets just keep this little conversation between us. Mmkay?”

“I–”

“Great! You have a great night, honey. I have a main event to watch…”

Really, I know I want to come right out and say that I think I should be facing Rogan for that belt over whoever wins tonights main event. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. What I know is right, and Gabriels friendship… well, whatever is left of it after Outlast.

Damned if I do… damned if I don’t.

 

Date October 14th 2017 / Time 5:05PM / Status Not Recording
Location The * New * Wylde Residence – New York City, New York

I’ve got a few hours to kill before heading to the airport. It almost pains me to leave this place. I finally have it mostly the way I want it. Finally had my first house guest last night, Maggie. I picked her up after the shop closed at eleven. I know I probably should have held off until today, because I’m sure she was exhausted but I think she enjoyed herself.

I couldn’t help it – I was just so excited to show someone the new place. I love it. I don’t think I could possibly love anything more. I look around the living area, pleased with all the new furniture that was just delivered the other day. This condo couldn’t be more ‘me’ if I tried. Makes me wonder if that old plantation style house was ever really me.. Or if I just thought it was because I was blinded by love.

Or whatever that was.

I roll my eyes and sit back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. Who am I kidding? Of course it was love. At least I loved him for all those years. I don’t know if he was capable of loving me though… Or that he even wanted to.

Just because everyone and their brother want to tell me that I’m unlovable and forgettable doesn’t mean that I am. Okay so those were pretty much Eden’s words, so why am I taking them to heart? Jesus Christ, she’s Eden fucking Morgan, the greatest liar in the land… If that isn’t enough to make me stop worrying about her opinion then I don’t know what more I can do.

My phone starts ringing in my pocket and I pull it out to see the face of my sister on the screen. After our conversation the other day, and the shit she said on Twitter today… I don’t see any reason why I should answer the phone. She’s been absolutely horrid over the last few days. I’ve almost called her ‘Eden’ a few times, so that should be an indication as to how rude she is on a daily basis.

“What?”

I say, answering the phone, fully prepared to hang it right back up if she says something I don’t like.

“Well that’s not a nice way to talk to your baby sister.”

“After my baby sister publicly dissed me on twitter, what do you expect?”

There’s a short silence followed by a soft chuckle.

“You think it’s funny?”

“Hell yeah I think it’s funny. You’re being stupid as fuck.”

It takes all I have to stay on the line. I’m really and truly not in the mood to listen to more of her bullshit than I’ve already read.

“And I thought that you’d have my back through all this, but I guess I was wrong.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I think you know damn well what that means. I’ve got Eden constantly trying to–”

“Yeah, she’s pretty good – ain’t she?”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

“Are you serious?”

“Of course I’m serious. She’s fucking evil. It’s great.”

I pull the phone away from my ear and hang up. I’m not doing this. What a load of shit. And here I was telling myself that I wasn’t alone, that I was being ridiculous for actually entertaining Eden’s bullshit only to have my own sister take her side.

Wow.

The phone starts ringing again and I send it straight to voicemail. She can’t possibly expect me to answer. After a few minutes, the phone beeps, indicating that I have a new voicemail. I’m not listening to that shit right now.. It’s only going to serve as more of a distraction.

But I really should.

I roll my eyes and dial the voicemail. I should have known that I couldn’t resist.

“Real mature, Lucy. I’d love to sit here and talk on your voicemail for twenty minutes, but you see I have a life.. a husband.. a kid to take care of. You wouldn’t know what that’s like anymore, right? You should be happy to have gotten away from that worthless sack of shit you called ‘the love of your life’. He did nothing for you, and you held yourself back for him. You do realize that, don’t you? You’ve met people that have made you happier than he ever did – yet you always held yourself back for his sake.”

I roll my eyes.

“Don’t you fucking roll your eyes either. You know it’s true. Remember that night you brought that Stewart guy to a Carnage show? The way he looked at you… The way YOU looked at him. And you just let him go because you’re a fucking idiot. And this Gabriel guy? You’ve fucked that up well and good too. No wonder people like that Eden bitch call you out all the time. You’re too fucking stupid to take what you know you want. Quit acting like the victim when you’ve done all of this to yourself. Perfect men for you fall into your fucking lap and you stick with the one motherfucker who couldn’t care less about how much you supposedly love him. You divorced him. Good for you. Now move the fuck on, because you damn well know he has.”

I nod my head as a lump forms in my throat.

“Be the Lucy Johnson you should have always been, not the one that CJ Wylde designed for you.”

 

But time is of the essence, Rogan. I can’t spend this entire time talking about you, considering you can’t extend the same professional courtesy to the woman who showed you up in front of the world last week. But, no hard feelings, hun. I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other again.

Anyway, this week I get to go face to face with the Engine of Calamity himself. Hi Ichabod. I must say, I’m looking forward to this more than any other match I’ve had lately. Maybe that stems from the little meeting we had in my locker room that one night a few months ago when you told me a few things about your friend, Gabriel.

You like chaos. You like creating it, watching it, and you sure as hell don’t like putting an end to it.

I don’t really know if you’ve been a fan of my work lately, I guess to someone like you it seems like I’m just fitting in with the status quo around here, and someone like Miss Morgan would be much more to your liking because well at the moment she kind of personifies chaos, don’t she? She and her little Court continuing the work of the Engine of Chaos, wouldn’t you agree?

My, my how things change in a years time.

Killian and Eden were once the people you hated for being who they were… sheep. Just sheep, following everyone else, doing what everyone else did… while you four.. the mighty Engine of Chaos reigned over the UGWC – changing things.. turning everything on its head. And now? It looks to me like the Engine finally took a shit, and here comes the Court… once again changing what we all thought was the norm around here.

And in the middle of all that is little Ms. Lucy Wylde…

Who am I?

What do I stand for?

Shit, Ichabod… I don’t even know anymore. I’m free, and honestly I haven’t felt that way in a long time. I’ve lived in the shadow of someone else for so long. Even when I thought I was my own person, even when I thought I was blazing my own trail… I did so in the shadow of my former husband. Now that I’m in the sunlight for the first time in a long time – I guess I have some things to figure out, the main one being where I stand amongst the rest of you.

If in your eyes I’m just the new Eden or Killian, someone who has turned herself into a UGWC robot, someone who must be taken care of – that’s fine. Please, come to Synergy and take care of business sweetie. You might be surprised though when you step in here with me… Mr. Chaos Champion. I’ve already beaten your friend Rogan, so what makes you think that I won’t take you to your absolute limit too?

You think I don’t like chaos? I think I’ll learn to love it. You think I don’t like change? I live for it now. Come, Ichabod.. into my world… let’s have some fun.

Let’s discover who in the fuck I am, together.