Godlywood

Sometimes, you need to expand your horizons. For “Godly” Ken Davison, that meant trying to find other ways to provide for his family. Sitting in his Baltimore home with his brother, Sean Pollux. 

“I can’t keep this up forever, Sean. I have to figure something out. I’m 44 and we’re trying to have kids. I mean, I could just retire, but then what would I do with my time?”

Being stepbrothers, Ken and Sean couldn’t be any more different. Sean was 6’ 4” and even though he was only about 30 pounds heavier than Ken, he was chiseled, despite having walked away from the ring over 15 years ago. Whereas Ken had dedicated his life to his career, Sean had dedicated his life to his family, marrying the first woman he fell in love with and having five amazing children. Until a year ago, it was the life Ken had secretly wanted. Now, even though there was only Adina, it was the life Ken was working towards.

“Well, brohan, going to have to figure out what’s going to give you the most fulfillment in your life. I’m telling you, man, the only person who can figure that out is you.”

“You just walked away,” Ken says with disbelief that he has held onto since Sean left the business. “How?”

“All I wanted was a family. Unlike you, I went to college and got my teaching degree. Besides, you invested your money. You don’t have to work.”

Sean was so chill, even if he was trying to provoke Ken, it wouldn’t be taken that way. Sean was the anti-Ken. Caring and empathetic to everyone. Another clear difference between the two.

“I don’t have to work for the money. I just have to keep my mind busy.”

“What about your school?”

“I help, but it runs itself. Between L.A. handling the training and Julia handling the books, it runs itself, for the most part. I mean, I could be more hands on…”

His voice trails off, making it clear that while he loved his students, the school was not going to provide what was needed the whet his appetite.

“Why don’t you and your lady take up a hobby. I mean, my wife and I have spent like two years building up our islands in Animal Crossing.”

“That’s two years of your life you can never get back.”

“Says the man who has invested ten years into Skyrim.”

Ken shrugs. What could he really say? Sean was making a very valid point. Still, there was no sense of resolution coming to Ken’s mind.

“Hey! I’ve got an idea. What about that audition you had? Have you thought about going into acting? I mean, look at the number of former wrestlers that are making their way into the film industry.”

“Acting?”

“You know. Acting!” Sean does his best impression of Jon Lovitz from the old Saturday Night Live sketch he is referencing. For those who know the sketch, it is painfully obvious that, if anyone, Sean would not be the actor in the family.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Think about it. You could start small. Maybe get in a commercial or maybe one of those celebrity games shows. Something that lets you show you deserve an opportunity.”

Ken puts his hand on his chin contemplatively.

“You know, Sean, you just might be onto something.”

“I’m serious, bro. You could totes pull it off.”

The front door opens and Kyra walks in holding several pizza boxes.

“Feeding time at the zoo,” she bellows as the sound of four pairs of little feet start coming down the stairs like a herd of elephants. Carefully walking down the stairs behind them is Sean’s wife, Julia. Sean pops to his feet to grab one of his newborn twins and uses his free hand to help her down the rest of the stairs.

“Ever the gentleman,” she smiles at Sean.

“So that’s where you learned it from,” Kyra says and she tries to elbow Ken in the ribs, almost losing the pizzas in the process.

“Nah, that’s all him. If he learned it from me, you’d be getting treated even better.”

“If you weren’t holding your kid, I’d whoop your ass.”

“But I am, so you won’t.”

“Enough you two,” Julia interjects. “Let’s go eat some dinner.”

With that, the four adults follow the swarm of tiny humans into the kitchen so they can eat their dinner.

The arena’s full and the crowd is hot. Generic music plays as the spotlight focuses on the entrance as UGWC Cooperative Champion “Godly” Ken Davison comes out in full regalia, championship strapped around his waist. He walks down to the ring to the cheers of the fans, sliding in the ring, walks around, and poses for a bit before finally climbing the turnbuckle closest to the camera and posing for the crowd. Suddenly, he is showered with seemingly thousands of small rainbow-colored candies.

“What the fuck?” Ken yells, having been caught completely off guard. “What the actual fuck? Don’t you CGI this shit?”

There are audible snickers from off-screen as the director yells “Cut!” Davison climbs down from the turnbuckle, shaking the Skittles out of his robe as best he can. The director climbs into the ring and gets in Davison’s face.

“Back off, little man. I didn’t sign on for this.”

“Not only did you sign up for it. You signed up to do it over and over again until you do it right.”

Another man climbs into the ring. He is a smallish man, hiding behind a thick pair of glasses that make him almost look like a mole. He has the UGWC logo emblazoned on the right pocket of his polo.

“Tell this vaginal blood clot that I am NOT going to be subjected to this garbage again.”

“Actually, Mr. Davison, this vagin… Ahem, the director is absolutely correct.”

Davison looks up at the director.

“You just wait a minute there, bitch cakes,” Ken says as he puts his hand up to shoosh the director. “Let me talk to this fine gentleman over here.”

You can sense the sarcasm rolling off the tongue of “Godly” Ken Davison as he wraps his arm around the man’s shoulder.

“So, tell me, who are you?”

“It’s Jason Blau…”

“Really, your first name is enough. Frankly, it’s more than I care to know. Now let me explain something. When I say “Who are you?” I don’t want your name. I want to know what your function is and why in the bluest of blue hells you are here. Is that so hard to comprehend?”

“I work in the marketing department, sir. I was sent here to make sure that you didn’t ruin this for us. It’s a lucrative deal. That’s why we are paying you so well for it. Your whole redemption arc going back to Carnage really has resonated with the fans.”

“First of all, let me make one thing painfully clear. You’re not taking advantage of me. I am doing this because I want to do it. You are not using me. I am using you. Now, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to go back there and we’re going to do this one more time. I’ll give them one good take but that… is… it. And if Der Führer over there has a problem with that, then he can suck my left nut and make the right one jealous.”

Jason looks up at Davison sheepishly. Ken takes a proverbial step back and realizes what’s going on.

“Listen, man. I’m sorry. I’m out of line.”

“Na… na… na… uh… no, sir. You’re fine.”

“No. I’m not. If my wife was here she’d kick my ass for talking to you the way I did, and rightfully so, might I add. This just… well, this isn’t what I had expected. So, maybe I wasn’t handling it the best.”

Ken takes a deep breath and Jason seems to pick up on this, calming his nerves as well.

“Go tell the director we’ll do this right, but make absolutely certain that there aren’t any more surprises. Can you take care of that, kid?

“Yes, sir. Of course, sir.”

“One other thing, stop with this “sir” bullshit. I’m a working man just like you are.”

“Got it, si… Ken.”

Davison turns and walks back behind the curtain, shaking his head as Jason makes his way over to the director.

Well, the commercial was a success, if for no other reason than the fact that Jason hadn’t gone to human resources and caught Ken a hefty fine. It was most certainly not his finest moment, that was certain. Despite this, Ken was going to try to follow Sean’s advice. After sending out numerous emails to as many game shows as he could think of, he was now standing on the set of Family Feud. In order to get enough people, he had pulled some favors with the Sin City Wrestling corporate office, but he was able to assemble a team consisting of himself, Kyra, Chloe Hawkhurst, and Bill and Bea Barnhart. Their episode was pro wrestlers versus former child actors with the proceeds going to charity.

The team of professional wrestlers takes their place, engaging in various poses to look like moves they would use in the ring, Ken, in particular, being placed in a headlock by his wife. The dramatic red backlight comes on behind them, turning the five into silhouettes behind the screen in front of them.

“Tonight on Celebrity Family Feud, we have former child stars playing for A Minor Consideration.” The screen in front of them begins to raise as the announcer continues. “They’re taking on professional wrestlers playing for the Make-a-Wish Foundation. And now, the star of our show, Steve Harvey!”

Right on cue, Steve Harvey walks out, impeccably dressed, as always.

“Well, welcome to Celebrity Family Feud everybody. I’m your man, Steve Harvey.”

Steve pauses as the crowd erupts in applause and cheers.

“Tonight, we’ve got a very special episode and this one is going to be a humdinger. First, we’ve got Jeff Cohen and his team of former child stars playing against “Godly” Ken Davison and his ten-man tag team of professional wrestlers!”

More obligatory applause.

“Team captains, Jeff Cohen, Ken Davison… let’s go!”

Ken walks up to the podium, taking in the surreal moment where is he standing directly across from “Chunk” of ‘The Goonies’ fame. He shakes Cohen’s hand and takes his position at the podium.

“All right. Here we go. We asked 100 people, top five answers are on the board. Name something you do first thing in the morning?”

Cohen is just a little bit quicker than Ken is.

“Brush your hair.”

“What made you think of that? Why would you even say that? You see this?” Steve points to Ken’s head. “You see this?” Steve puts to Cohen’s head. “You see this?” Steve then rubs his own head to get the full reaction from the crowd. Steve then turn to the camera with one of his classic overly reactive faces. Cohen can only shrug. “Show me “brush your hair.”

DING! The answer appears in the third spot with a 20 point value.

“Two answers can top that. If you can guess one of those, you can take control of the board. Ken, names something you do first thing in the morning.”

Ken pauses for a moment as his mind goes blank. Knowing time is running out, he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

“My wife.”

Kyra yells loudly as you can hear Chloe loudly proclaim. “Ew, Ken.”

Without thinking, Ken turns around and yells. “We have sex, goddamn it! Get over it!”

Almost everyone else on set is in hysterics… after almost a full minute, things settle down.

“Okay… you know that’s not going to be up there, so I’m just going to start walking over this way. Give me “My wife.”

BUZZ! Ken can already imagine the large red X being transposed onto the screen. Cohen decides to play and walks over to his team consisting of Aileen Quinn, Jaleel White, Lukas Haas, and Jannette McCurdy. Steve goes through the pleasantries, asking all of the stars what they’ve been up to since their days in the spotlight. They manage to sweep the category, albeit with two strikes.

The rest of the episode is a blur, sometime in one of the later rounds, thanks to Bill Barnhart, the team of professional wrestlers is in control of the board. Steve Harvey walks up to Ken, and gives him the prompt.

“We’ve got two answers left on the board. If your team can sweep this round, you will win the game and move on to Fast Money. Name a place you’ve made love and felt guilty about it.”

“In the same room as the kid.”

Ken is once again met with a deluge of laughter.

“What? She was asleep,” Ken adds.

Steve once again gives that ‘did he really just say that’ face to the camera as though he’s not used to outrageous answers.

“In the same room as the kid?’

“You don’t have much choice when you’re sharing a hotel room,” Kyra quips.

“Uh… uh-uh… uh… hey, man. Sometimes you just gotta take the X, you know. In same room as the kid, but she was sleeping and we felt like she needed a little brother.”

DING! Number two answer, 22 points. Redemption. In the end, Kyra would end up guessing the last answer, ‘in the park.’ for the win. As a team, it was decided to let Bill and Bea Barnhart take the fast money round and they crushed it, clearing the required 200 points on the third question of the second round. Now that his dabbling in acting was finished and he had made some money for charity, it was time to turn his attention to Phrixus and Vespertine.

“Godly” Ken Davison once again sits in the living room of his Baltimore home. Sitting in his favorite recliner, he is wearing a shirt with the UGWC logo, colorized to the Baltimore Elite’s trademark orange. Over his shoulder is his UGWC Cooperative Championship.

“Last week Rogan MacLean was the better man. It pains me to say that, but if I told you anything else, I would be lying to you. Last week I sat here and I espoused the virtues of respect. Rogan, he chose a different route. He chose to treat me the way he would treat any other opponent. Maybe, just maybe, that was my mistake.”

Ken pauses. The words that come so easily are, at this moment, hard to find.

“What Rogan reminded me of is the fact that people don’t believe that I can stand on my own two feet. Rogan reminded me that inside of the ring, you cannot have any friends. I’ve sat here… I have sat here and taken every moment of my spare time wondering if I made a mistake.”

Ken stops again. There are hundreds of thoughts going on in his head and he doesn’t seem to be able to settle on one.

“I cannot, will not, make any excuses. That’s not who I am as a person. That has never been who I am as a person.”

Ken points downward, practically stabbing himself in the leg with his finger to show how adamantly he feels.

“I won’t sit here and pretend that I’m not disappointed. I thought…  I don’t know what I thought… Rogan caused me to do something I’ve not done, professionally speaking, since 1997.”

Ken is doing his best to hold back tears.

“He caused me to doubt myself. He forced me to take them good, long hard look in the mirror and assess everything about my career. I have been forced to take stock of every victory, every loss, every decision that I’ve been involved in. I’ve come to the realization that I am truly at my best when I got my wife on my side. It’s a harsh realization because it wasn’t very long ago that I stood atop the proverbial mountain. Perhaps it’s because I’m getting older. Maybe I’m losing a step. I’ve even realized that perhaps finding happiness in my personal life has caused me to go soft professionally. That leads me to ask, “where do I go from here?”

Ken folds his hands pensively in front of him, his right foot bouncing up and down from the sheer nerves wracking over him.

“The answer is a very clear, resounding, nowhere. I didn’t get to this point by doubting myself. I got to this point the same way I earned my shot at the Conquest Championship. I went out there and I beat how many other people? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that Vespertine was one of them. What matters is that I have defeated Phrixus Deimos each and every time I have faced him. What is it now? Three times?”

“Last week, I made a mistake by showing too much reverence to Rogan. He was the better wrestler last week oh, that does not make him the better man. This week, I need to remind everyone exactly who the fuck I am. Outside of the ring, I do have great respect for my opponents. That having been said, inside of the ring I need to show them every disrespect necessary to come out victorious. I sat there and I walked into a match with little notice. I didn’t announce it. I didn’t plan to be in the match. That’s all been well-documented. What I did was walk in there and make the best of the situation I was in. Yes, I lost last week. I’ve lost a lot in my career. Literally, hundreds of matches. What has defined me as a man, defined me as a wrestler, I don’t think it’s been the wins. I don’t think it’s been the losses. I think it’s how I responded to those losses.”

“Vespertine, Phrixus Deimos, this is just as much about myself as it is about the two of you. I showed not just myself, I showed the world what I am capable of when I won the District Conquest. Maybe I made the mistake of taking it for granted and maybe that is why I lost my opportunity at that championship. What we do now is we move forward. What we do now it’s start leaving a trail of opponents in my wake. What I do now it’s start at the bottom and work myself back up the ladder step, by step, by Goddamn step. I don’t care what titles all of you have held. I don’t care what your records are. I don’t even care what my record is. What I care about is what I do from this point forward and is that means that the two of you must be my sacrificial lambs.”

Ken continues without hesitation, having found his stride.

“At Synergy, this will all come to a head. The words have been spoken and it will be the time for action. I don’t care if I have to take out one of you, both of you, or simply take advantage of an opening. I am one of the most cerebral wrestlers this industry has ever seen and if I can’t overpower you, if I can’t move faster than you, you can be Kendamn sure that I can outsmart you because in that ring, I am God. And when you are God, you don’t have to break the rules. You make them. “

The camera cuts out with a now very confident Davison stopping to take a sip out of his coffee cup that reads “I WISH YOU WERE FLUENT IN SHUTTING THE FUCK UP.”