Date May 14th 2017 / Time 11:49PM / Status RECORDING
Location Unknown – Chicago, Illinois

There’s one thing that I’ve wanted since that night two weeks ago at Seven Deadly Sins. I know a lot of you probably think that I want a shot at Gabriel and the Cross-Hemisphere title, but you’d be wrong. I mean, that’ll be coming soon enough – trust me.. and it won’t disappoint. But what I really want, what I’ve wanted and hoped for is a shot at the son of a bitch who practically singled me out during our match.

How’d that go for you by the way, Zane?

Oh, I know that you’re going to say that I lost too, so I shouldn’t be pointing at the fact that you lost – but guess what? I’m going to do it anyway. You said that you needed to negate my speed and agility, and you did it. I’ll give credit where it’s due – but in the process you made yourself a non factor in the ending of the match and I bet that it eats at you, doesn’t it? It gnaws at you to know that you did the right thing, but in the end, you still weren’t the best.

Truth is, sweetie – you never were going to be a factor.

The only real thing of note that I’ve seen you do since I arrived here in UGWC is attack CJ Wylde, and even that was beating the proverbial dead horse another few times. Did you watch some old OWF footage or something? You gonna go dig up CJ’s first wife and his kids too? You seem to enjoy copying what others have done – good for you. It’s nice to see someone who’s absolutely unashamed to admit that he’s got nothing original to contribute to this sport. No, really. I mean it.

You might as well own up to who you are, even though you’re substandard at best. You’re an imitation wrestler, except when you imitate someone, you’re actually supposed to be good at it. I guess you missed that memo, huh?

On that note, I did love how you brought up OWF for the three-thousandth time since I’ve been here, because you know – If CJ and I were THAT good… then OWF wouldn’t be closed to begin with, and I wouldn’t be here – taunting you with what real talent looks like, right?

Sorry not sorry, hun. You see; I’ve been through this song and dance with Killian, Eden and most recently Jet. You haven’t really insulted me with anything that I haven’t already been insulted with and frankly? After a while that shit just doesn’t even matter anymore. Kind of like you, Zane. You’re boring. The shit you say is boring. You honestly couldn’t come up with any new material on me, so I’m assuming you watched a couple of Eden Morgan interviews, or a Killian King promo and you decided that that’s what you were going to come at me with.

Please.

Spare me.

It’s not nice to plagiarize, Zane. It’s even less nice to do it to such a bad degree. Plus, if you’re going to copy their insults, then maybe you should go for the ‘She looks like a heroin addict’ schtick next. That’s always fun. Then after that you can talk about how I don’t deserve to be here, and then end with some more banter about how ugly I am, and these stupid fucking raccoon eyes of mine.

Fucking stupid, right?

I am everything you say that I am – I am everything that everyone says about me. I am selfish, I am spoiled, I am ungrateful and I am ugly – on the inside as well as the outside. I am fucked up, but the difference between me and you? I KNOW it and I EMBRACE it. So bring it, fuckface. Give me your best impersonation of Eden Morgan – Tell me how bad of a human being I am. It’s not like I haven’t been told before. It’s not like I’ve been programmed this way since fucking birth. But go ahead, hurl your venom in my direction and watch me fucking drink it up and use it as fuel to beat your fucking ass into the ground.

You want to blame me for OWF Closing because I wasn’t good enough? You’re right. My talent obviously wasn’t enough to keep Chase Johnson from closing up his world wide empire and running away like a scared little pussy. My talent wasn’t enough to make him any less the selfish prick that we all see him as, you’re right. If only I were better. But you see, OWF was full of talented fucking people who were left without a home just like I was. People who have more talent in the tip of their pinky finger than you have in your entire body, Zane. People who weren’t good enough to keep the OWF open, just like I wasn’t…

What do you say now, Bitch?

You wanna say that to their faces too? Or how about this, you step up and say it into mine and see what happens.

I can’t help that you feel so inadequate about your own career here in UGWC that you feel the need to bash me and mine. Yeah, OWF closed. Yeah, it was hard. Yeah, I got the fuck over it and now I’m a UGWC superstar… Story was supposed to end there, right?

Wrong.

Because here comes Zane Scott, Captain ‘Six months after the fact’ swooping in to try and reopen a wound that doesn’t exist anymore.

God, you’re pathetic.

How about you swoop in and find yourself a brain, son.

You don’t belong in that ring with me, and come Monday I’m going to prove just that. You think you’re going to take my speed and agility out of the equation a second time, and you think that you’re going to run rampant on me when it’s just you and I inside that ring – but that’s where you’re wrong again, Dipshit. This time around we won’t have two other people to distract us. This time you’re fucked. Even moreso than you were at Seven Deadly sins. I’m going to make you feel like the lame horse that everyone already sees you as… and when I see fit?

I’m going to put you the fuck down.

I’m going to put you out of all our miseries.

Nothing personal, though.

 


If you’re not the one for me
Then how come I can bring you to your knees


Date May 7th 2017 / Time 1:24PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Wylde Residence – Western Maryland

I stare up at the suitcase sitting in front of me on the bed. A few things are already sitting inside, a few other things sitting crumpled up in my lap. I reach down and grab a shirt, carefully folding it – because unlike every other aspect of my life, this doesn’t have to be an absolute mess too. I finish folding the shirt, and I reach out to place it inside the suitcase; and just like with every other article that I’ve put in there – my stomach begins turning in knots.

Can I really be doing this?

I pull in a deep breath and lay the shirt on top of all the others, returning my attention to the pile of clothes in my lap.

Yes. Yes I can.

My hands are shaking, and I can feel the cool breeze floating around me. Either it’s the air conditioning… or it’s one of the spirits that call this house their home trying to tell me something. Or maybe… Maybe it’s him again.

I look up, almost hoping to find those glowing emerald eyes – and I feel the pang of disappointment when I don’t see anything but my things strewn about this room, almost as if I’m packing to move.

Am I really doing this?

He made his choice, and now, I’ve got to make mine. The hardest part about this last (almost) week – it wasn’t losing the Cross-Hemisphere title. Not even a little bit. It wasn’t thinking about that feeling that I was supposed to feel as I pulled myself up from the wreckage of a table after the bell had rung and the thirty minutes were up – knowing that someone else was the champ now.

The hardest part wasn’t dealing with my first real injury. The pain was no where near as bad as what I’m feeling right now. No where near as painful as walking backstage after the match and being alone again – Missing that set of green eyes that was always there to reassure me and comfort me. It felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest to know that he didn’t care.

Not one bit.

A single tear drips from my eye and down onto the next article of clothing in my lap. I reach down and grab it, folding it carefully and laying it in the suitcase. It’s occurred to me in the last few days that I’m just not wanted here anymore. So why stay somewhere where I’m not wanted? Why feel alone when I can just be alone…

I went to the hospital after Seven Deadly Sins – and I went there alone. One of the nurses held my hand; when it should have been his hand squeezing mine in comfort. It should have been his arm wrapped around me, helping me to our car, driving back to our hotel room… but it wasn’t.

We both lost that night – and I couldn’t even comfort him. Although I know that he wasn’t truly in any condition to be competing, It should have been my hand touching his arm gently; telling him that he did great and that he’ll get another chance – even when he says that he thinks he doesn’t have what it takes anymore. It should have been my voice being that of reason, telling him that he’s every bit as good as the rest of them – Better even.

It should have been us going though this together.

But here I sit, folding my things – tucking them away, while listening to him downstairs moving around, unwise to the fact that I’ve made my choice too – Just like he did that day when he told me what he truly felt about me.

“Fuck…”

I mutter to myself, trying to quell these feelings inside my body. I’m doing the right thing. I’m doing what’s best for me, because I can’t live like this. I can’t live with someone who sees Jenova when he looks into my eyes.

Jenova…

The name alone brings a shiver up my spine. A persona. A mask. Someone who I thought I pretended to be when I followed him to the OWF. I never truly was Jenova… I acted like her, I played the part well.. but underneath has always been me – that same scared little girl that he met all those years ago – that same girl who fell for that broken shell of a man who also donned a mask.

We were so perfect for one another.

What happened?

Where do I go now?

Am I making the right choice?

I feel the salty water dripping from my face and I quickly wipe them away and shake my head. No need for this bullshit now. No need to cry for someone who doesn’t even care anymore. No need to cry for something that should have stayed in the past, something that truly ended when I walked out and became Jenova over a year ago – nearly two.

But I can’t help it.

I don’t want to be alone anymore.


If you’re not the one for me
Why do I hate the idea of being free?


Date May 7th 2017 / Time 5:49PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Wylde Residence – Western Maryland

“Hey… Can I talk to you for a minute?”

I say quietly as I walk into the living room; watching his eyes fly open and turn in my direction as he lays on the couch – his arms crossed over his chest. He nods his head as he sits up; moving over on the couch so that I could sit down but I shake my head and put my hands down to my sides; at least momentarily before pulling them back in front of me and fiddling with my wedding ring as I take a deep breath.

He and I haven’t spoken in a week – actually more. Not since that day, standing in the foyer just a few feet away from where I stand right now, trying not to lose my nerve.

“What’s up.”

“I..”

He glances up into my eyes and I look away. I can’t look at him. Not right now. I clamp my hands together, trying to keep them from shaking. But when I do that, I can feel the rest of my body shaking too. The corners of my eyes are stinging and my chest is tightening more the longer I stand in front of him, the expression on his face turning from one of emptiness to confusion.

I step forward and sigh, running my hand through my hair while I look around the room; looking at all our memories that line the walls – All things that truly don’t matter anymore. Finally my focus returns to him and I sigh again.

“You were right the other day…”

I manage to stammer out, watching his expression instantly turn back to that emptiness that I’ve gotten used to lately. Those beautiful auburn eyes that I love so much, those eyes that I used to see so much soul in, so much love.. Now I don’t see anything.

“What good am I to you.. you know? It’s pretty obvious that this… this just isn’t working anymore and I don’t know what I did – How I fucked up somehow to make you hate me, but I’m sorry.”

He opens his mouth to speak, but I put my hand up to cut him off as a single, burning hot tear flows from my eye and down my cheek.

“Please, just let me finish.”

I say, reaching up and slowly sliding my engagement and wedding rings off of my left ring finger and hold them in my hands as he watches me.

“I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’ve never felt more alone, more like a burden.. an annoyance to you, CJ. I-I’m done.”

I reach out and lay my rings on the coffee table in front of him, hearing the dull clang of the metal against the wood and the sound echoes through my head. I shake my head and take a few steps away from him.

“I hope you figure out what you’re looking for CJ. I really do, because I honestly don’t think it’s me anymore.”

I feel another tear blazing a trail down my face, so I turn away from him and start walking away, towards the front door. My heart feels like it’s floating around in pieces inside my chest, ebbing and flowing with my steps. I reach the front door and open it, stopping briefly – trying to decide if I want to look back, wondering if looking back will stop me from leaving…

No. I can’t do that to myself. I can’t keep doing this to myself, as much as it scares me to walk out this door… as much as it scares me to be alone again…

I lean my head against the door, feeling the coolness of the wood against my face as I take a few deep breaths, trying to force myself to take the next step – the one that leads me out the door, and away from my home… and the man I love… again.

“I love you, CJ.”

I whisper into the wood of the door before pushing away from the door, and moving through the threshold – letting the door close softly in my wake…

“Fuck!”

I say harshly, hitting the door of my truck with a closed fist.

What did I do.. I can’t help but to feel like all of this is my fault – Like I did something to make all of this happen again. Last time was different. Last time… I can’t think about last time. After last time, I shouldn’t have even opened up the opportunity for this time to even happen…

But I did.


And if I’m not the one for you
You’ve gotta stop holding me the way you do


Date May 8th 2017 / Time 4:18PM / Status Not Recording
Location The Lee Residence – Jersey City, New Jersey

I don’t know why I made the drive all the way out here; I feel pretty stupid actually – a phone call would have sufficed. It’s not like he’s really expecting me, and it’s not like he… or anyone can always be around to help me fix my problems.

Except there’s really no fixing this one, is there?

So again, I really don’t even know why I’m here. Stacy is probably going to call the police soon because a strange truck has been sitting outside their home for the last half hour at least. I haven’t really been keeping track of the time. I pull myself from the truck and trek up to the front door of their home – silently hoping that maybe they aren’t home and that I can just feel like an idiot alone when I head back to the hotel later.

If no one is home then I can just chalk it up to another failed attempt at human interaction, and I can go on with my life. But before I can reach out and ring the doorbell, the front door opens and I jump backwards.

“Lucy?”

He says, stepping outside and shutting the door behind him. I can see the surprise in his eyes, and immediately feel even more foolish than I did before I walked up here.

“I said you could call, I didn’t expect a visit.”

The heat in my cheeks rises and I nod my head.

“Yeah; I don’t really know what I was thinking…”

Why can’t I just tell him that I needed a friend? Why can’t I just tell him that I left CJ.. That I feel alone and I just needed some kind of human interaction where I didn’t end up feeling like shit about myself. He’d understand, he’s my friend… one of the few. One of the few that I actually trust at this point.

He shakes his head and steps forward, analyzing my face, his stern expression really nothing I haven’t seen before, but not something I really need to see right now. I can tell thought that he’s not exactly in his right frame of mind either; and that worries me too.

Almost as much as my own frame of mind.

His face eventually softens up a bit as he senses my embarrassment and he shrugs his shoulders.

“It’s fine. I’m just surprised to see you.”

I glace up at him and shrug my own shoulders in response.

“Well.. if it makes you feel any better; I feel like an idiot for bothering you like this. Maybe I should just go.”

I try to shake out my arms as I turn to walk back down to my truck, trying to distract my mind from the embarrassment I’m feeling, the shame.. the regret. I’m not one to reach out for help, even in my worst moments, I’d much rather keep it all inside than burden someone else with the emotions or the problems that lie inside of me.

“What did CJ do this time?”

I hear him say from behind me. I stop and turn around, sighing as I do. I can feel my eyes welling up again as I throw my arms up in the air almost as if I’m signaling for my surrender. I can’t hold it in any longer. I take a step forward and look down at my now empty ring finger.

“I-I left him.”

His eyes widen as he follows my gaze down to my hand.

“Let’s go inside.”

(To be Continued)


Oh and if I’m not the one for you
Why have we been through what we have been through?


Date May 15th 2017 / Time 12:12AM / Status RECORDING
Location Unknown – Chicago, Illinois

No, nothing personal at all, Zane.

You see, someone once told me that I was gifted my shot at the Cross-Hemisphere Championship – And I can’t disagree with that sentiment. Don’t get me wrong, taking that belt from Killian was one of the most enjoyable things I’ve done in a while – but looking back, besides wiping that cocky smirk off of his smug little face… that win was kind of hollow for me. I like earning what I have, and I do believe that I earned the Cross-Hemisphere Championship in that first go around, but only because the UGWC brass decided to hand the OWF Network Champion a shot at it.

That doesn’t sit well with me.

So this time? I’m doing things the right way, and I’m putting the rest of you on notice. I’ve got a goal, and that’s to be facing Gabriel Baal at Massive Melee for the Cross-Hemisphere Title. If you think I’m going to be easy pickings because of a little boo boo you gave me on my knee.. You’re going to be really disappointed when this little girl whoops your ass and takes what was never yours to begin with.

Yeah, they put you into the title match at Seven Deadly Sins. Yeah, they put you into the Cross-Hemisphere bracket because I’m assuming that they ‘think’ this is where you belong.. but they’re wrong and I’m sorry that they made you honestly believe that you’re even on my level. Let me put this to you in terms that you’ll understand…

You don’t belong. You’ll never belong. Not as long as I’m around. Not as long as people with actual skill reside in this division you will never belong Zane Scott. All you are is a stepping stone to my next opponent. All you are is a first round bye into the second week of this thing. All you are is a wannabe… well keep wanting because you aren’t getting.

You are the Cleveland Browns and I am the New England Patriots.

I am Tom Brady and you’re Teddy Bridgewaters knee.

No, not the good one either. You’re worthless, Zane. You’re broken and by the end of tonight, you’re going to be beaten. I’m going to send your ass packing faster than Eden can come up with her next passive aggressive response and I won’t feel one bit of remorse because you are scum.

You might be bigger, you might be stronger, hell you might even have a pretty good strategy coming into tonight… but what you don’t have is heart. You don’t have the passion that I do and you sure as hell don’t have my knowledge. So put on your big boy pants and come get your ass beaten like the bitch that you are, because I’m not in the mood to play games. I’m not in the mood to be demeaned and belittled by some bootlegging bully who thinks he’s God’s gift to this sport.

You want to be taken seriously by your peers? Here’s what you can do:

Get some original insults.

Learn how to walk on your own two feet.

Pay the fuck attention to the shit going on around you.

And last but not least, learn how to fucking wrestle and you might… you just might end up in a league with me.

It’s not likely though, because you’d actually have to have a brain to do any of this… and well, ain’t no one going to be able to grow you a brain, Zane. Not even the most gifted farmers can grow you the knowledge to be able to keep up with the likes of me. Not even the smartest mechanics could fix the mess you’ve got between your ears now.

So, just in case I haven’t made it clear up until this point… This really isn’t personal, Zane.

Really.

OOC Notes: CJ Wylde & JC Used with Permission.  Song lyrics are from “Water Under the Bridge” By Adele.