February 20th 2021 – 10:17AM – Not Recording
The Davison Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

“I gotta go back over to the condo to grab a few things..”

I mutter to no one in particular, stepping out of the living room and towards the front door of Ken’s place. I haven’t been back over there since last week when I came home to find the entire house completely destroyed.

I haven’t felt that uneasy in a long, long time.

Being here with Ken though, it’s been great. He’s literally the best. The moment I called him, he opened his home up to me and Adina without a second thought. Of course, I’m grateful. Beyond grateful.

It’s just – I’m feeling a lot of things right now, but hopelessness might be the strongest one right now. Hopeless, upset, betrayed…

Like clockwork, I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist, pulling me in tightly. I can’t help but smirk as I feel his face against my cheek.

Did I mention how grateful I am?

“Do you want me to come with you?”

I sigh and turn my head, pecking him on the lips.

“No, I’ll be fine. I just need to get a few things that I forgot.”

Ken keeps a hold on me for a few more seconds, placing a few kisses on my cheek before letting go.

“I know it isn’t under the best of circumstances… But having you guys here has been great. I just hope you know how much I love having you here.”

I turn around to face him, putting my best smile on.

“I know.”

He tilts his head to the side, eyeing me up before he lets out a sigh.

“Something is bothering you.”

I shrug my shoulders.

“You mean other than my home getting broken into, complete with a threatening note, forcing us out of our home?”

I say with a sarcastic chuckle – Looking down at the floor in front of me, shaking my head. I know damn well I don’t have to deal with this alone. Ken is proof of that but it just kills me that he’s gotta deal with whatever this is.

“Oh, not to mention that my sister neglected to mention this to me until after my daughter got threatened.”

I grit my teeth and shake my head again. I can’t believe Lucy didn’t tell me. It makes me so mad – So God damned disappointed because I honestly thought Lucy and I were making progress in our relationship only to be kept in the dark when she knew it was a possibility that this ‘mystery’ person wasn’t a figment of our mother’s imagination and that something could possibly come of it.

Even if he wasn’t real, at least I’d know.

“While I know that’s foremost on your mind – yeah, I do think something else is bothering you.”

I glance back to see him staring at me both expectantly and like he’s simply taking in the sight of me. I don’t know how he does it, and if I weren’t in such a sour mood, it would probably feel a lot sweeter than it currently does. Regardless, I feel a little bit of heat rising to my cheeks anyway as I slip my jacket on and let out another sigh.

“You might be right.”

“Honey, I’m always right.”

He winks and I can’t help but to let out a bit of a chuckle.

“God damnit, Ken.”

His face relaxes into a grin.

“Made you smile.”

I might not like it, but it’s true. Now I’m standing here with a smile on my face and for a split moment I forget everything that’s going on. Slowly and surely, though, it trickles back into my brain and the smile fades away – Letting dread flood back in.

“Yeah, yeah.. You did. You wanna know what’s bugging me, other than the obvious?”

I ask, already knowing the answer and not bothering to stop and let him reiterate it.

“This whole thing with Trent. I know he and I have rarely gotten along, but damn if I don’t see him bashing me week in and week out. It’s exhausting and I just… I don’t know. I’m not expecting us to be besties after this, or whatever.. But the guy needs help. He needs it bad.”

Ken nods as I speak, waiting until I’ve finished before he lets out a sigh of his own.

“He does.  But unfortunately, with people like him – He’s not going to get help until he’s got nothing else to hate or burn to the ground.” 

I move towards the door and lean against it.

“Maybe kicking my ass will do something. Or maybe it’ll make things worse. But either way, the match is set and I’m sure he’s got a lot to say about me.”

I look down at the floor and shake my head.

“And even more he wants to do to me. It just sucks. I thought we made some headway that night you and I went over to his place, I guess I was wrong. We talked about our kids, we had a few laughs. Maybe I’m romanticising it… But I thought it went as well as it possibly could have, considering the history between us. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve burned too many bridges…”

My voice trails off, and silence falls between us for a few moments.

Burned too many bridges, and now I have no way back.

That’s what I really wanted to say, I just couldn’t. Because if I admit that, then maybe there’s no hope for me to not be the same kind of person I’ve always been, and if there’s no hope? I don’t know, but I’ve lived long enough without it and I can’t bear the thought of trying so hard to do better, only to fail… again.

Ken clears his throat and I see his feet step into view.

“As someone who burnt a hell of a lot of bridges, let me tell you something…”

I feel his finger lightly touch my chin, bringing my eyes up to look into his.

“Somehow, after all the shit I’ve done –  I ended up with you. You came into my life and you saved me.. Me, of all people… If that doesn’t say it all, then I don’t know what will. There’s always hope, Kyra. Even if you don’t always see it.”

“Even for people like Trent?”

He stops for a moment, shrugging his shoulders.

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

My eyebrows raise.

“Is that opinion based on the fact that you don’t like this match and what’s most likely going to happen? Or do you really think there’s no hope for him?”

“I… I don’t know.”

 

February 20th 2021 – 12:02PM – Recording
The Johnson Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

The first thing we see as the camera clicks on, besides Carnage Wrestling’s former Ultraviolent Champion Kyra Johnson – Is the utter chaos around her as she sits in front of an upturned chair inside her Baltimore condo, a broken coffee table in front of her – shards of glass strewn about around her legs. The view is limited, but if the small bit the viewer sees is any indication, to say her home is a wreck is an understatement.

Kyra’s still in her jacket, seated cross-legged – A look of unease in her eyes as she looks around her home, at everything the camera can’t see. It’s pretty clear just from looking at her that she doesn’t feel very comfortable in her current setting, and even more so when those golden eyes of hers turn towards the camera.

“Trent.”

She says, her eyes flickering downwards as her fingertips absentmindedly play with the zipper on her jacket.

“I didn’t really come in here today looking to record this, but here I am, I guess. Looking around at all this.. mess.. It just felt right, you know? There’s nothing about this match coming up that makes me happy. Not one thing do I look forward to. You hate me Trent, you’ve made that much obvious over the last, God knows how long. But I’m not here to defy that. I’m not here to tell you you’re wrong for feeling the way you feel…”

She finally looks back up into the lens, sighing.

“That would be pretty hypocritical of me to do, wouldn’t you think? You have your reasons, and for a while, I wondered why? Up until like an hour or so ago, I couldn’t fathom why you were honing in on me week after week, promo after promo with your little jabs at myself and Ken. But once I walked in here – Once I was faced with the wreckage of my own life – I think I finally get it.”

She nods her head and continues.

“You’re dealing with so much right now, Trent. Honestly? A lot of people probably don’t understand how you’re soldiering on through all this pain – But I do. I’ve been there. Maybe not in the same position as you are right now, but I’d like to think I can understand how you’re feeling. You’re feeling hopeless, you’re feeling angry… So fucking angry that you’d kill anyone who even breathed at you the wrong way. Guilty. You feel guilty too. How could you not? Your friends, your family… Your fucking kids are gone. Gone and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it except suffer.”

She rakes her hands through her long brunette hair and lets her arms fall back down onto her lap.

“And you are suffering, Trent. For all your faults, you don’t deserve this. Your family doesn’t deserve this. But here you are, still coming into work every two weeks – Getting your ass beat and you always come back for more. And you always come back with more anger, more vitrol in your heart because of it. Nothing changes. Nothing’s different. It’s killing you Trent. Slowly, painfully… and it’s difficult to look at. It’s difficult to see someone in so much agony, and know that there’s nothing you can do about it because they don’t want help. They want to continue suffering because that’s what they think they deserve.”

Kyra pulls a larger piece of broken glass off the floor, looking at it as she twists it around in between her fingertips.

“What you think you deserve Trent. And maybe, just maybe you’re zeroing in on me because you know that I, of all people understand that downward spiral. Hell, I nearly killed my own sister because of it. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, I’ve hurt a lot of people in my anger and my resentment. I’ve done a lot of bad things, made a lot of shitty decisions – Yet here I am, trying to make my life better – and actually succeeding. And you hate that, don’t you? I don’t blame you. I’d hate me too if I watched myself nearly marry Jack Michaels one second, join Paragon the next and then find myself with Ken Davison of all people after I broke it off with the supreme hypocrite.”

“From the outside looking in, it does look like I never do learn my lesson. It looks like I’ve traded one asshole for another and for someone like you, Trent.. Someone who’s got nothing – Seeing me make shit decision after shit decision with no consequences.”

She sighs once again, running the glass softly against the skin on her hand.

“But it wasn’t without consequence, Trent. It wasn’t without a lot of pain, and a hell of a lot of guilt that I ended up where I am today. You think I traded one hypocrite for an upgraded model? Let me ask you this… Would Jack ever have admitted his wrong-doing? Has he? To this day, all I see is a stubborn old man who refuses to be anything other than the victim. But Ken? Come on Trent.. Even you have to see the difference. Ken’s not perfect. No one is. But God damnit, he’s trying. He’s trying a hell of a lot more than you’re willing to see… And so am I.”

She stops and lets the glass fall back to the floor as she again looks up into the camera, her eyes glassy. She shakes her head and wipes at her eyes.

“I’ve been the person standing on the outside looking in, Trent. I’ve been exactly where you are now. I’ve hated everyone and everything for no other reason than they aren’t suffering like I am. They didn’t have the same hole in the middle of their chest that I did. They had everything that I ever wanted while I was alone, struggling to figure out a reason for continuing to live. They prospered… While I suffered.”

She pauses for a few moments, a look of pain etched across her face.

“Sound familiar, Trent?”

She finally says, her voice crackling.

“So come out there on the first of March with your hatred, your resentment and your rage. Take it out on me. I can take it, Trent. I will take it because I know who you are. I know that hole in your chest where your heart once sat, I know whomever took everyone you love, they ripped it out and took it too. You look at me, and you see someone who’s had chance after chance… Someone who you probably don’t think deserves all the chances I’ve gotten – And maybe you’re right. Because I’ve squandered most of them. And you, unlike everyone else, you’re not scared to tell me that to my face. I respect that about you, Trent. I respect a lot of things about you.. And that’s why I’m gonna come out there at Act of Defiance and I’m gonna let you do what you gotta do. We’re gonna do what we’re best at, and we’re gonna fight. You’re gonna hurt me. I know that. You’re gonna try to hurt me bad. But I’m gonna take it. I’m gonna take it and I’m gonna dish it right back at you because you wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Kyra clears her throat.

“But afterwards? Afterwards I’m gonna look you in your eyes and I’m gonna tell you the same thing I’m about to tell you – Maybe you’ll believe me, and maybe you won’t.. But that doesn’t change how dead serious I am.”

She pauses again for a few moments, chasing away a tear or two as they try to free themselves from the corners of her eyes.

“You don’t deserve this. You never deserved this. You’ve made mistakes, you’ve done some shit you can never take back – There are things that will haunt you for the rest of your life. But none of that changes the fact that what’s happening to you isn’t right, it isn’t fair and if you need my help, Trent.. If you need anything at all, I’ll be there because I know what it’s like to lose all hope. I know what it’s like to feel exactly the way you’re feeling right now… We’re one in the same, Trent… I don’t wanna let you down like I’ve let myself down so many times.”

“There’s always hope… Even if we don’t see it.”

With those last words, Kyra reaches out and the picture turns suddenly to black.

 

February 20th 2021 – 12:59PM – Not Recording
The Johnson Residence – Baltimore, Maryland

It’s been a few minutes since I turned the camera off. I have yet to move off of the floor, yet to go and gather the things that I came over here to get two hours ago. I’m honestly surprised Ken hasn’t called or messaged me to see if I–

Oh, wait, nevermind.

When I pull my phone from my pocket, I see that he has – A few times. Can’t really blame him. His girl ventured to her house that was recently broken into by some asshole who left a note threatening her and her family, and she ventured there by herself. Probably not the smartest move on her part, I muse to myself as I type a quick message and send it, hopefully easing his worry a little.

Finally I bring myself up off the floor, once again faced with the wreckage that is my condo. My eyes take it all in once more, settling on the shattered coffee table in front of me – Probably the only thing in the entire place that I can’t blame on M. Klauss. Nope, that was all me.

I’d just found out that Lucy knew about this person’s supposed existence for over a month (I’m assuming), and didn’t bother to clue me in before they managed to find and ransack my home. So I put my fist through the table. I screamed. I told her to leave me alone.

I was pissed.

Hell, I still am.

“Shit…”

I whisper to myself, as I pull my gaze away from the table – Feeling the guilt as it creeps into my gut.

Here you are, saying all that shit to Trent – Yet you can’t extend the same courtesy to your own fucking sister.

I ignore the voice in my head and move out of the living room, and towards the bedroom – Where the stuff I wanted to grab is. But I see something out of the corner of my eye as I pass by the table where all the bills and other junk ends up…

The note.

I stop and grab it, reading it once more.

     Dear Kyra

         I’m leaving you this message in hopes that you and your sister will do the right thing. I want what is mine. I want what you stole from me and I’ve waited long enough to get it.

         You have a beautiful family, it would be a shame if something were to happen to them.

         Don’t worry about finding me. I’ve already found you, and I will be back to collect very soon.

              -M. Krauss

I resist the urge to crumple the damn thing up, and instead I fold it back up and stick it into my pocket.

As I continue past the table, and down the hall towards the bedroom, I can’t help but wonder if I was too harsh on Lucy. She should have told me. Even if our mother was just making it up… She should have told me.

But…

“God damnit…”

I hit the doorframe softly with my fist as I stop again, looking into my bedroom.

She should have told me..

But how many times have I done the same exact thing?

How many times have I withheld information, not because I wanted something to happen, but because I was hoping to have more information to share after I tried to figure things out on my own? Jesus Christ, we are sisters. We do the same stupid shit and I pushed her away because I’m a stubborn, angry, vengeful fuck.

I can’t very well tell Trent Steel that there’s hope and that I’m gonna be there for him if I can’t do the same for Lucy.

Everything is a mess… And I don’t know what’s going to happen…

I have to let people in, I have to be… better.

I have to have hope.