A bright white sheet of paper lays on the counter-top, a stark contrast to the slate grey marble that rests below it. An empty piece of paper, with a purple pen set on top, the lid seemingly lost amid the less than stellar organization inside the New York condo that houses one Lucy Wylde and Joseph Lee.

Arranged on the floor beneath the bar-top area were a few bags of various sizes, along with a purse (much nicer than anything Lucy had carried before, thanks to a recent shopping trip with one Eden Morgan) and a set of car keys. The click of a door closing in the distance, followed by the sound of heels clicking on the stairs brings Lucy into the main living area of the condo, carrying another bag on her shoulder.

Moving towards the counter, she lets the bag slip from her shoulder, catching it with her hand and lowering it softly to the floor. Her eyes flicker upward, spotting the pen and paper, right where she’d left it – And she sighs.

This is it she thinks to herself as she plants herself down on the stool, grabbing the pen between her fingertips. She hesitates for a moment, wondering how to begin – Shaking her head mere seconds later, putting ink to paper.

 

     Joe,

          I don’t really know how to do this, and there’s a part of me that isn’t even sure I want to. But a bigger part of me knows that it’s the right thing to do. I know, I should have waited until you got here. This isn’t something anyone should ever have to read in a letter.

          It doesn’t really take a rocket scientist to realize that you and me; we’ve not been okay for a while now. It’s no one’s fault. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I keep remembering back to all those therapy sessions, those people telling us how to solve the problems within our relationship… And how much we both tried to reconcile our differences.

          I just don’t know if there’s any fixing us me. You’ve been there for me through some of the hardest times of my life, and for that I’ll never be able to repay you. I’ll never be able to tell you how much it meant.. How much it still means to me to have had someone like you looking out for me.  It’s just, you deserve better, Joe.  You deserve a lot better than what I’ve been able to give you. 

 

“What are you doing?”

A calm voice startles her, breaking her focus on the letter she’d only just begun. Her eyes move upwards, finding him standing opposite her, across the counter – leaning in to inspect the handwriting on the paper. Instinctively, Lucy covers the paper with her hands, shaking her head.

“What I need to do.”

“Is this really something you should be doing like this?”

He asks, tapping the paper where Lucy’s hands aren’t touching. She glances down at his hand, taking in the details, slowly moving up his arm until she’s again looking into those familiar eyes, their eyebrows raised in question as if they’re awaiting an answer for what she’s doing. She shakes her head again.

“What? Am I supposed to let it happen during a screaming match like I did with y–”

She stops herself, her breath catching in her throat as he looks on – his eyebrows relaxing into a slight furrow.

“Good point.”

Lucy chuckles softly at the response – One she didn’t expect as she watches him, trying to figure out what is going on here. Finally she sighs and recoils, back into her own mind.

“You wouldn’t say that, and you’re not here.”

She responds, looking away from the familiar face staring back at her. Slowly, and after a few moments of silence from her ‘guest’, she pulls her hand away from the page, and places the pen back onto the paper, continuing.

 

          I haven’t been able to talk to you and I don’t know why. I just feel this disconnect between us anymore, and there’s so much inside of me that I wish I could just release, but I just can’t. That’s all you’ve wanted, isn’t it? For me to just tell you how I feel about everything going on, so that we can fix it. My heart is just so… stopped up. My soul feels like it’s being crushed on a near constant basis and I feel alone. Even when you’re here. I feel like I’m living with a stranger.  I feel like a stranger to myself a lot of the time too. 

          And that’s not on you, honey. I know you’re going to read this and I know you’re going to hate yourself and you’re going to rethink every second of us.. And you’re going to wonder what you could have done differently – but the truth is, maybe I’m just meant to be alone.

 

“Do you honestly believe that?”

Lucy looks up again, expecting to see him still leaned across the counter – only to nearly jump out of her skin when she turns her head and sees him peering at the letter over her shoulder.

“Jesus…”

She mutters, shaking her head.

“Well?”

He presses on, moving to her side now – those auburn eyes staring at the side of her head as her eyes move back onto the paper, reading over her messily scrawled words – Finally nodding her head.

“Yeah. I do.”

Silence settles within the condo once more, at least for a few moments – Until he clears his throat.

“Why?”

“Because…”

She responds, not really wanting to go into it further. She brings the pen back onto the paper but something inside her makes her look back up at him. Lucy shrugs her shoulders.

“Because I always put everyone at risk. I’m a fucking mess and no one should have to put up with me.. And what my life has turned into.”

He sets his jaw and she raises her eyebrows.

“You know that that’s not true.”

“Do I? Doesn’t really seem like it from my point of view.”

She doesn’t give him a chance to retort, her eyes falling back to the paper in front of her as she begins scribbling on the paper once more.

 

         My past, my mistakes… They’ve pulled you into so many situations, put you in really bad positions over and over again. It’s not fair to you.  It’s not fair to your family.  That’s never what I wanted.. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted you to be exposed to the life I ran away from and I sure as hell never wanted your family to be put into danger too. I couldn’t live with myself if anything were to happen to you or Lizzie, or Stacy.. Or anyone else.

          I’m tired of being the reason that everyone else is so fucked up. I’m tired of fucking up your life, Joe. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I have to do this, and I’m even more sorry that you’re going to blame yourself for it. But this is for the best. I honestly do believe that.

 

“Was it for the best last time, Lucy?”

“Don’t do this to me. Please.”

Lucy says almost immediately, slamming her other hand down on the counter – The thud echoing throughout the room as if a bomb had went off.

“I’m having a hard enough time dealing with this without thinking about every other relationship I’ve fucked up in my lifetime. And you wonder why I feel like I should be alone?!”

She finishes yelling and glances over, fully expecting to see the stone face of her counterpart – only to find nothing but air. She turns around, scans the entire room before bringing herself back in line with the letter – the silence, the non-response bearing down on her like a two-ton anvil – And for the first time, she feels sick to her stomach now that he’s not here.

Lucy closes her eyes, squeezing them shut as she takes a deep breath. He wasn’t here. He’s never been here… She tells herself over and over until she finally cracks her eyes open – Forcing herself to finish her writing, forcing herself to focus on the paper – Not on someone or something that isn’t real.

 

          I wanted us to be forever. But I can’t let you get yourself hurt, I can’t let you deal with this burden anymore. I can’t let you be burdened by me… anymore. I’ll always be in your corner if you need me, and if you don’t? That’s okay too. But I need this, and I need to be by myself for a while – I hope you understand that, even if I’m not making it very easy to do so right now.  I have to get out of here.  I can’t be here anymore.  So many bad memories, so much shit weighing down on me… And I’ve gotta leave.  I’m sorry. 

          So please, go home to Lizzie. Go home to Stacy. Take care of them, and take care of yourself. I love you. I always will.

                                           Lucy

 

She signs her name and lets the pen fall out of her hand as she rereads what she’s written – nodding her head when she’s done. Well, that’s that, she thinks to herself as she folds the note and scrawls Joe’s name on it.

Moving to get up and grab her bags from the ground at her feet, she catches something out of the corner of her eye – a glint of light – And when she looks down, she sees the engagement ring Joe had given her when he proposed. His mothers ring. A ring he treasures greatly – And cared enough for her to give it to her.

Straightening up, she slides the ring off of her left ring finger and lays it on top of the note – Right where she knows he’ll see it before she turns away – Grabbing her things and heading for the door.

She stops at the door, knowing that this is the last time she’ll ever set foot in this place again, and for the first time, relief washes over her.

“No more bad memories.”

Her eyes fly open at the sound of his voice and a soft smile plays over her lips as she grabs the doorknob – Ready to move on.

“Nope. No more.”

 

Seated in catering about a week later, Lucy sits by herself in the far corner – an untouched plate of food in front of her and a half empty bottle of water to the side of that. She’s sitting back in her chair, one leg propped up on the table in front of her, her phone in her hand as she stares down at it with a smirk on her lips.

“She’s really something else, isn’t she?”

Not really too surprised anymore, Lucy looks up to see him seated in a chair adjacent to the one she’s in. She looks back down at her phone and the tweet she’d stopped on, one from Eden Morgan. As she chuckled to herself, she thought of course. She found herself watching her two closest friends (as odd as that still feels to say) doing their ‘thing’ on the twitter machine – And in those moments, she felt like she belonged.

She felt like the dark clouds had parted and sunshine had finally found its way though the dreariness – And even though she knew the things that were going on in her life weren’t over, she finally felt like she could get through it.

Even if it’s simply through watching her friends enjoy themselves – And enjoying herself while they continually taunt her and say things they know will get under her skin. She knows now that they do it out of love.

“Yeah, they both are.”

“I guess the only thing I can truly ask is why? After everything–”

Lucy nodded her head and laid her phone on the table.

“Yeah, that’s what I ask myself too. But honestly? They’re bad people… Terrible by some people’s standards.”

“Your standards too, at one time.”

Lucy grabs her bottle of water and takes a sip.

“Definitely. But for everything terrible they’ve done to me over the last few years… I don’t know, sometimes I think they’re the most sincere, real people around here. They’re not out there doing stupid little podcasts or television shows… They’re not out there trying to be something they’re not. And while their path might have been a little different than mine…”

He scoffs.

“A little?!”

Lucy laughs and shrugs.

“Yeah, yeah.. I know. But that’s not the point. I’ve made a career of being me – Not being anything but me, regardless of how people perceive that. That’s them.. That’s Gabriel and Eden.. And I respect that. Plus…”

She glances up to see an expectant look in his eyes.

“Plus, they listen to me. Deep down underneath those snide comments and all the shit that gets under my skin – I know they give a shit about me.. But they let me handle it. They don’t force themselves into my problems.. But they’re there when I need them. What more can I ask for?”

She looks up as a few of her coworkers filter into the room, uninterested in her presence in the far corner of the room. As she watches them, she feels the air move around her as her counterpart leans in and sighs.

“I’m glad. Truly.”

“I’m sure you are.”

“But…”

Lucy rolls her eyes.

“I knew that was coming…”

“What about that Cooperative title match you’ve got coming up? What about you and–”

She looks down for a moment, swirling the water around in the bottle.

“I told Joe I’d be in his corner if he needed me and if he wants me to be. But if he wants to find another partner, he’d be perfectly within his rights to do that. I mean, honestly – Everyone and their brother knows that I’m not the reason we’re getting this shot at Eden and Gabriel. I’m not the one that deserves to fight for the belts – He is.”

A moment of silence follows her response and she looks over, making sure he’s still sitting there – Worried that he might have disappeared like he had a week ago – and she’s relieved to see him still there, contemplating her words.

“You’re just as deserving, even if you don’t feel that you are.”

He finally states matter of factly, but Lucy replies by shaking her head.

“I’ve done a lot, but I don’t think title shots are earned on name and accomplishments alone. Joe’s a winner. He’ll continue to be a winner, even while I’m still figuring myself out again. But it’ll be okay.. No matter what. I always figure it out in the end – It’s just taking a little longer than usual.”

Sensing the confidence in her voice, he returns her nod and goes back into contemplation. After a few moments of staring at him, Lucy clears her throat softly.

“What?”

“And what about this week?”

Lucy pulls her leg off the table and sits up, fiddling with the sandwich in front of her.

“What about it? Eden and Montague. Two people I’ve faced before. Montague, I’ll admit – He took me by surprise, and he whipped my ass. Guys good. Just not good enough to beat Eden and Gabriel.”

“But you are.”

Lucy smirks and rips a piece of bread off the sandwich, and eats it.

“Well, yeah. Done it a few times, I think.”

She shrugs her shoulders.

“Besides, last time I faced Monty I was a bit of a bitch and well karma slapped my ass back down to reality real fucking quick, didn’t it?”

“…If you say so.”

Lucy rolls her eyes again and takes another piece of the sandwich, shoving it in her mouth.

“I do. Losing sucks, feeling like people think I don’t care sucks even more… Regardless of what’s going on behind the scenes, I can’t keep going like that. That’s not me. I can’t keep treating people the way I was treated when I got here… Or when I went anyplace else as a new face. I’m better than that. Montague earned the win he got over me. Hell, so did Pierce, even if he is an–”

Another stern look from her companion stops her mid-sentence.

“What?”

He shrugs his shoulders.

“You see, I don’t have to listen to you because you’re not really here…”

Lucy says smugly as she continues picking pieces off of her sandwich.

“He’s an ingrate. But that’s not the point. He beat me and I told him he was lucky that he caught me on an off night or whatever it is that I said. But the reality is, he was better than me.. So was Montague. So was Eden…”

Her voice trails off and they sit in silence for a little while until he finally speaks up.

“And?”

She doesn’t respond right away, taking her time and taking another sip of water.

“Eden’s a force to be reckoned with. We both know that. I’ve beaten her, I know I can beat her – But I don’t know if I can again, not yet. But hey, the only way I’m gonna find out is by going out there and being me. Right now, Montague and Edie have the advantage… I didn’t take Montague seriously. That was my mistake and it’s up to me to rectify that. It’s up to me to get out of my own head and give them both the fight they deserve.”

Stopping once more, she look out at the room around her and guilt fills her gut.

“Instead of pushing through like I always have, I let myself go. I fell into a cycle of bitterness and hatred – Maybe I did stop caring there for a while. Yeah, I think I did. And now I gotta dig myself out of that hole – but that’s okay. I’ve had practice.”

She gives him a glance.

“But you know that.”

“Do I?”

Lucy lets out a laugh.

“Of course you do C–”

She stops, her eyes wide as she turns her head towards him, her cheeks turning a bright shade of pink as those auburn eyes seemingly stare through her.

It feels like an eternity passes as she worries that he’s going to disappear on her again, but instead he rises from the chair, smoothing his hands over the red button up shirt he’s wearing.

“I have to go now.”

He moves closer and leans down, cupping her cheek with his hand as she stares up at him.

“You’re a good person Lucy, a good person that none of us have ever deserved…”

With that, Lucy closes her eyes – almost feeling the warmth of his hand on her cheek – Until she doesn’t and she opens her eyes to find herself once again by herself. She brings her hand up to the same cheek, and sighs.