I’ve just returned home after the most recent Synergy, having driven all night from Chicago to get there. It’s been five days since I left, first driving to Las Vegas to get the a show there, then heading from there to Chicago for the UGWC show. I’m lying on my couch when I feel my arm being lifted up from my chest. I groan and try to ignore it, but I feel a familiar sensation under my arm. It is my oldest, most familiar friend. If I’m being honest with myself, in my current mental state has been. I can use the hug. I hear giggling, so I’m able to easily deduce who the perpetrator interrupting my sleep is. I open my eyes as Adina gasps. She should know by now that I am a notoriously light sleeper.

“I know you an’ mama been fightin’. So I brought you Tootoo,” she says with a smile.

In my arms is the aforementioned Tootoo. Tootoo had been my most prized possession. She was given to me when I was a babe of just six months old. Despite having been mostly in my care for the last 44 years, I passed the old girl on to Adina when her mother and I got married. Tootoo was a teddy bear with honey brown fur and black sewn on eyes and nose, that had somehow had stood the test of time. Now, I was sitting up, hugging my oldest friend.

A ding goes off, breaking the fourth wall.

“Thanks, baby girl. But I told you that she’s yours now. Maybe one day, you can pass her down to your children.”

“I don’t care. You need some lovin’. You’ve been sleeping on the couch forever,” she pauses with an unsure look on her face. “Is Mama ever gonna talk to you again?”

“Eventually. Aren’t you the one who pointed out the fact that your mom hasn’t left yet?” I remind her.

“Yeah…”

“Well, okay then. We’ll work through this when your mother is ready.” On cue, I see Kyra appear at the top of the stairs. I hand Tootoo back to Adina and tap her on the shoulder. “Why do you go and watch some Little Mermaid?”

Adina rolls her eyes. “The new Pinochio is on Disney Plus. God, you gotsta keep up!”

She scampers up the stairs and blows past her mother. Kyra peers down to the couch, looking as angry as she was when I first put my foot in my mouth about three weeks ago.

“We need to talk,” she says to me coldly. I know this isn’t going to be a good conversation, but at least it’s going to be A conversation. I miss Kyra. I will take her anyway I can get her.

“Okay… yeah… sure,” I stammer. She methodically walks down the stairs, a woman on a mission. I know about this march. I’m dead. It’s like Carl Denham said in King Kong, “No, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast.”

“What the fuck, Ken? After everything that bitch has put us through, why in bluest of blue hells would you even give that bitch the time of day, let alone ask her to come with you?”

I pull a classic Zach Morris and call, “Time out!” The world around me freezes, allowing me to talk to you, my avid reader.

“I knew there’d be a metric ton of blowback for that one. For those of you who aren’t following my wacky, wild, and often foolhardy adventures, allow me to fill you in. At the last Sin City Wrestling pay-per-event, High Stakes XII, replay available on demand at www.scwrestling.net, the woman who has been tormenting my best friend’s wife, and in turn, tormenting me for defending their honor, finally broke through. What we talked about isn’t important here in UGWC, but it’s important to my wife.”

I let out a huge sigh and turn back to Kyra.

“Time in.”

Kyra looks around, slightly confused. “What was I saying?”

“Masque.”

“Yeah.,” she says, picking up right where she left off. “You want to tell me what’s going on there?”

‘Honestly, no. Do I realize that it’s in my best interest to do so? Yes.” I motion to the couch, trying to get Kyra to sit down. I am met with a stare that would turn me to stone if this were Greek mythology. “Okay, then… I don’t know what I was expecting.”

“An ass whooping if you don’t start talking.”

“I told you, I’m going to tell you everything. Just give me a chance to explain myself.”

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. She’s upset. I fucked up. I have to try and talk about that after I expla…

“Well?” Kyra interrupts my train of thought. Patience is a virtue to which she can only aspire.

“Listen, with all the bullshit, I needed to find a way to stop it. I thought maybe the peaceful route might be the better one.” 

Based on the look I am getting, we’ve gone from being turned to stone to chalk outline. Wonder-freakin-ful.

“Bottom line, Masque de Lune may be on the Mount Rushmore of most dangerous women I have seen in this business along with you and Amber. I’m not afraid of what she could do to me. I am afraid of what she could do to you. You’re right. I should have let that be your decision. I should have. But the “Blood-stained Hurricane” has left me in the middle of a shitstorm. I get that she’s your best friend, and that’s why I stepped up after everything that happened. I wanted to make the effort to make things right between she and I because it would be better for you. I stepped up and what happened? What fucking happened? She disappeared, Mac went silent, and I put my foot in my mouth because I spoke in frustration. I’m responsible for my part of it, but let me tell you, I am about as thrilled with Amber as you are with me.”

I can hear the familiar piano of the old Foreigner song. “You’re as cold as ice,” Lou Gramm’s voice pierces my psyche. “You’re willing to sacrifice our love.” I don’t think Kyra really is, but it feels like it at this moment. I mean, I did unintentionally call her stupid. She’s right to be angry with me. But dear God, why won’t she accept my apology?

“I’m sorry. I’m really truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was doing what I thought was right for the family and that wasn’t right for you. You’ve been acting like an angry bear ever since that fight, and I get it. I really do. But at some point, you need to realize that I thought I was doing the right thing, because a king is supposed to protect his queen. I love you and I want to make this right, but you need to cal…”

‘No, Ken!’ I hear the thought pop into my head. ‘You NEVER tell a woman to calm down.’

‘Thanks, self.’

‘No problem.’

I stop, take a breath, then continue.

“I was wrong. I need you to bring down your defenses and at least give me the chance to make this right. We’ve been through too much to let this come between us. I love you. I need you. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.”

Kyra’s expression contorts into some kind of confused look. I don’t even know how to describe it. ‘Fuck it,’ I think to myself and I step forward.

 “Don’t you fucking dare.”

 “Oh, I fucking dare,” I say as I wrap my arms around her, leaning my head down onto her shoulder.

“You’re not hugging me back.”

“I’m participating.”

I lean in as close to her ear as I can get and softly whisper “I’ll take it.”

My brother Sean and I decided that it would be a good idea for me to get out of the house, possibly for my personal safety. I don’t know. Anyway, Sean’s wife Julia decided to stay back at the house so that she could catch up with Kyra and let the kids play together. Meanwhile, us two men are now miles away from civilization, or even the parking lot.

Sean dragging me out for some ‘brotherly bonding time” was code for him wanting to check in on me. Yet, we’d left the house a couple of hours ago and he has, thus far, said nothing to me. So far we’ve talked about sports, memories of our time together, even the parallels in our lives about how we met our respectives wives while  we worked with them in the same company. Overall, it has been quite enjoyable. But, I know my brother and I know what’s coming. We’re at roughly the midpoint of the hike, meaning his going to hit me with it any second.

“So, uh, brohan, are you sure it was a good idea for my lady and I to come out today? Things between you and Kyra seem… I don’t know, dude. Off?”

BOOM! There it is.

“What the hell do you want, Sean? Do you think that everyone has the perfect marriage like you? This is the real world and not everyone gets written an existence without conflict. Kyra and I are doing the best we can under the circumstances. Okay?”

“Hey, man! I ain’t trying to stir the shit,” he says, putting his hands up defensively. “I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on because I swear to God, bro, if she were any colder towards you, she’d be singing ‘Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?’ What did you do to piss that woman off?”

“What did I do? Why do you always think it’s something that I did?”

“Track record, homie. You got one.”

“What I did was try to protect her. That’s what I did, what any good husband would do. You’d do the same thing.”

“You’re damned right. I would. But I wouldn’t go behind her back to do it. Dick move, bro. Dick move.”

My blood is boiling. I know he’s my family but why does he think he can talk to me this way? I’ve done everything I can to be a better person and he just talks down to me.

“You know what, Sean? I’m tired of the way you talk to me. I’m tired of the holier than thou bullshit. I am tired of you and Kyra and everyone else making me the fucking bad guy. All I wanted to do was be her shield and protect her.”

“First of all, you need to understand that someone here taught me to tell the truth and to be as subtle as a sledgehammer when you do it,” he replies, shoving a finger in my chest as he does. “Second of all, you know how Kyra is. She thinks this is chess and in that game, the queen protects her king. Did you ever think that she wanted to do for you what you thought you were doing for her? Did that thought ever cross your mind, my dude? No, of course not. I love you, bro, and that’s why I shoot straight with you. What you and your wife need to do is stop blaming other people and blame yourselves. You called her stupid…”

“You heard about that?” I interrupt.

“Of course I did. Do you not realize how often our wives talk?”

I don’t answer. The fact that I’m refusing to look him in the eye is probably enough of a giveaway.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, bro. You called her stupid. That’s on you. She won’t talk to you. That’s on her. You are probably the two most stubborn people I have ever met. Not two of, two. Period. End of conversation. So either you swallow your pride and admit you were wrong with how you handled things or your marriage is going to fall to shit.”

Sean and I jump back as an odd screeching sound overtakes our yelling. It is high pitched, shrill, and absolutely deafening. We see a black bear cub in the bushes next to us. It’s like a sitcom. I look back at Sean, we look back at the cub and then we look back at one another.

“Um… what do we do?”

“Run?”

“No, that’s a distress call. Try and call the Park Rangers.”

“No go, bro. We’ve got less bars than an AA meeting.”

The bear turns and scampers off, and despite our better judgment, we decide to follow it. Time flies as the seconds and minutes all melt into one another. I don’t know how long or how far we walked, but we finally get to another cub, this one is underneath an elm tree. Whereas the first cub tried to rupture our eardrums, this one is letting out a low, almost moaning sound.

“I think we can let it loose.”

“I don’t want to be the one to tell you this, but, uh, it’s paw is stuck in that trap. The second we let it go, it’s going to try and chomp our brain pans, man.”

“No,” I say firmly. “I learned about this in school. That sound it’s making means it’s scared, but subdued. I’m telling you, we can set it free.”

“Isn’t this how y’all ended up with Roger?”

“Roger is a kitten, not a bear cub. Come on.”

I take the lead, from the lack of crunching leaves and branches I hear behind me, I can tell Sean is following me, albeit slower than I am.

“So, you gonna grab him, bro?”

“Why the hell would I grab him? You’re bigger. You do it.”

“You know more about them than I do, bro. You’re the man for the job.”

“I already told you, it will be easier for you to constrain the damned thing. It’s easy.”

“If it’s so easy, my dude, you do it. I bet you can’t, bro.”

“I know I can.”

“Don’t trip, homie. If you’re so sure you can do it, brohan, I dare you.”

“Time out!”

Time once again freezes and I turn to you, the reader, once again.

“Hey, it’s alright. I just want to get you out of there.” I know the bear can’t understand my words, but I am praying to God that it can at least understand my tone. “It’s okay, bud.”

I turn back to Sean and calmly tell him, “The trap is on his right hand. I am going to try and get behind it hold it so you can get the trap off.”

“Dude, bears have paws.”

“I know that, but I figured it I said hands you’d know it was one of the front paws. Now lower your tone. I don’t want the bears feeling threatened.”

I slowly try to scoot into position. The bear sits up and I stop, allowing it to sniff my hand. I continue trying to make low, calm, soothing noises as I move closer. Thank God this is a cub, I might have a fighting chance of actually succeeding at this. I get next to it and signal Sean to get its attention. For once in his life, the man listens to me and I am able to grab the bear from behind, wrapping my arms around it’s waist and grabbing it’s free paw.

“It’s alright.We’re gonna help you, buddy. It’s okay.” I continue trying to use the same gentle and calming tone, even though I’m admittedly not sure this was a good idea. I use my head and motion to Sean that now is the time. He reaches forward with both hands and opens the jaws of the trap. I give him a moment to move out of the way and release the cub, who bounds over to its sibling before both of them run off into the woods.

“Man, I can’t wait to go home and tell the kids about this, man. This is so freakin’ awesome!”

“Sure, Sean. Whatever you say.”

I’m tired. I just want to get home. Maybe we can try to have that conversation once Sean, Julia, and the girls leave. But, right now, we’ve got 3.2 miles left to get back to the car.

I stand in front of a generic brick wall, somewhere outside of the arena. I don’t want to go inside and see Kyra. We’re not where we should be and I don’t want to be a distraction. The camera is set and we’re ready to roll. Let’s see how this goes.

“If nothing else, I feel like I need to be honest, not only with myself, but with all of you watching this. When the Baltimore Elite first dropped the UGWC Cooperative Championships, I felt like it was the end of something great. That’s not to say that it wasn’t. It was a huge blow to my self-esteem, to my psyche. I did not handle it well at all. Perhaps I should have taken a little bit of a break to get my head on straight. That might not have been the best thing. I don’t know. Since that night I have questioned every decision that I have made up to this point.”

“Selfishly, I felt as though the Baltimore Elite should have gotten an immediate rematch for the Co-operative Championships. Knowing that my beautiful wife earned her opportunity at Keeper of the Keys, knowing that she could be the champion that I’ve always seen her as, that should have been what my focus was.It should have been my immediate Focus. it wasn’t. I was selfish. I was only thinking about myself and I was wrong for that.”

Deep sigh. You’re okay, Ken. You’re okay.

“After I lost Lucy, my confidence was absolutely shattered. I don’t know if you’re listening, Lucy, but in a way I don’t care. I need to say this to clear my conscience. You showed me respect and because I was hurt, I lashed out at you and I should not have. For that, I am truly sorry. I took that loss, As well as the one against Chuck Rydell, and I allowed them to get to me the way that I never should have. Maybe the years are adding up. Maybe I just don’t have it anymore. I question this each and every day each and every match. Without Kyra, I feel like an island unto myself. I feel less as a person. I feel like I’m not good enough without her.”

“The night before last week’s Synergy, I lost that company’s World Championship. At some point during the drive from Las Vegas to Chicago, I had an epiphany. I was left to my own thoughts and my own devices, and it was in those moments that I had the realization that I am not less without Kyra. Do we make each other better? You are damned right that we do. However, either one of us on our own is still far more dangerous than any other wrestler in this industry. None in this company, in this entire damn business. I could not allow the loss of that championship to prevent me from moving forward. I had to get back on the proverbial horse. I had to get right back to business. I could not allow one setback to derail my entire career.”

“Knowing that my dear friend, and I use that term very loosely, JC was going to be in this match was a very large motivating factor of mine. Phrixus Deimos did what Phrixus Deimos does. He tries to inspire fear when he is truly about as intimidating as a Tickle Me Elmo doll. JC, however, is a different kind of animal. The reason he calls himself The Boogeyman it’s not so much… I need to find them gray way to phrase this. He doesn’t Inspire fear in me. I realize that he is just a man of flesh and blood. He also made it a point to break my fingers and there’s days where my hand hurts and I remember who it was that caused that pain, still causes that pain. Knowing that I was going against such familiar opponents, I knew that I had to fine tune my skills. I knew that I would have to change the way I did certain things. I watched tape. I went back and watched my match against The Boogeyman. I watched all of my matches against Deimos . Not only did I make it a point to look for the things they did habitually, their go to’s, the things they did in desperation.I made it a point to also look at my own habits. When you’ve been at this as long as I have, you know that you need to change the answers before they even read the questions. But it wasn’t just a matter of changing what I did in the ring. That was not going to be enough when you consider the caliber of athlete that JC is. That would not be enough when I could not shake the sickening feeling of Deimos and Orson holding the Cooperative Championships in the air. At that moment, I was a loser. At that moment I was weak. I could not allow myself to return to that moment or my opponents would eat me alive. So I did the single most important thing I could do, the one thing that I needed to do and I didn’t realize that until about 12 hours before that match occurred. Somewhere in the middle of bumfuck Nebraska, driving East on I-80, I realized that if I continued to look at myself as a loser, that I would continue to lose.”

So far so good. Keep going.

“When the bell rang to start that match, I was not the man who had lost his last three matches. I was the man that crushed JC not even 2 years ago. I was the man who had defeated Phrixus Deimos three other times. I was the man who made a 26 hour drive in 21 hours by breaking so many speed limits in the middle of nowhere that he made it to the arena with time to spare. That is how important the Chaos Championship is to me. That is why I made the effort to not only be here, but to take the opportunity afforded to me. Yeah, I’ve lost plenty around here. But one thing I do is I come back time and time and time again. That is who I am and that is what I do. When I lose, I come back more determined. I showed that against my two opponents last week. I am going to show that to Chuck Rydell. He might think he got a leg up on me when he beat me two weeks ago. What he did was he stoke the fire under my ass. He lit the fuse that is going to explode in his face. In the moment, I’m lost never feels good. But there is not a soul in the history of this business that has won every single one of their matches. What is important is that you learned from that loss and you move on from that loss. That is what I have done in order to get where I am today.”

I take another deep breath. I feel something inside, something has changed. I remember who I was two years ago when I was desperate for respect. It’s time to bring everyone else there.

“I know that in spite of this, everyone out there, from the Coalition, to the locker room, to the office is doubting what I am truly capable of. I’m sure that people are doubting what Kyra can do, as well. Each and every person watching this needs to understand why Kyra and I see eye to eye on things. Kyra Johnson and I are winners. She and I have all the traits that a winner should possess. The qualities that Kyra and I possess are the qualities each and every man and woman in this company, no, every man, woman and child should hope to possess in life. That is why our Cooperative Championship was the greatest run the division has seen in over a decade. I made the mistake of forgetting this and now I am going to make it a point to remind you.”

“Kyra and I are two of the hardest working people in this company. It doesn’t matter if you are an athlete or a business person, anyone who is successful in their field will tell you that they work harder than anyone else. When I was a younger man, I wanted more than anything else to become a professional wrestler. I had so many things working against me. When I came into this business I was walking through the land of giants. When over 95% of your competition is six feet six inches tall and you only stand five foot ten inches tall yourself, the odds are against you. Not only that, but how many people actually make it? I didn’t have the advantage of being a giant. But I have the advantage of being a trailblazer. Night after night I honed my craft. I took my beatings. And most importantly, I’ve learned from them. Most people would have chosen to turn down my line of work eventually. One of my old friends, he never made it in this industry. When I asked him why he was quitting he turned me is one of the most serious faces I’ve ever seen on a person’s face and he said to me, and I quote “I like to eat.” That’s why I’m a professional wrestler and he is not: hard work and perseverance.”

I thrust my finger so hard into my chest that I can feel it turning red as it bends awkwardly.

“Another thing I’ve learned is that ego can be a destructive thing. Unfortunately, every time I’ve let my ego get the better of me I have been torn down. Each and every time I have done that I have crashed and burned. I know who Sebastian is and I know that’s what he’s about. I know what that ego will do to him, if not by my hand, than by someone else’s. When I was in those moments, I’ve had friends who are men and women of faith try to tell me that this is God teaching me gracious humility. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I believe in some divine being taking time out of his busy schedule running pandemics and wars to look down and decide to personally teach me a lesson. I am not the kind of man who will sit here and pretend that I am something I am not. Winners can accept losses and winners can overcome it. Chuck Rydell beat me and humbled me just as I beat Kyra Johnson when she was just a seedling, a sweet, ultraviolent seedling. Now, look at the woman she is today. Just as I grew and defeated JC and Phrixus Deimos, just as I need to do again against Chuck and Dumbfuck, Kyra blossomed from that ultra violent seedling into a beautiful, ultraviolent rose with thorns that will tear you apart. In a match against the likes of Tempest, she will need those thorns, but those thorns are another reason why Kyra Johnson and I are winners. We are able to learn from our setbacks.”

“Furthermore, winners maintain a sense of rock solid intensity. And, well, Sebastian may very well have all of the other qualities I’ve listed so far, but this, this is where the boy, as well as Upchuck are lacking. I have never been afraid to be honest about my feelings. I am man who thrives on them. The fact of the matter is that even after our setback, The Baltimore Elite are both chasing tindividual championships. I have not only been truthful about everything throughout this entire journey, but even with the rift between us, I have cheon not to tearing down Kyra Johnson, I have spent my time building her up. Even when she was my opponent, I built her up. This is why Kyra and I are together. This is why I am, and at Keeper of the Keys become your Chaos Champion, because I am a pillar of integrity.”

I pace back and forth for a bit. I place my hands over my mouth and try to center. I need to make my points clearly.

“This next point, this next quality, is one that I share with everyone that I choose to surround myself with, be it my wife, my daughter, or even Chloe Hawkhurst. Whether or not they have any other quality, this is the one allows them to succeed. The point is that most of us in this locker room, hell, in this company, possess. It’s a quality that I have instilled in Kyra by pulling her away from the leeches in she used to surround herself with and it is one she instilled in me by showing how much she loves me. Nobody will ever question the passion that we possess In fact, most of us recognize that the Baltimore Elite are fueled by that passion. We are the type of people who bring it harder the more passionately we feel.”

“Sebastian, you need to understand that I am pissed off about a lot of things. Don’t get me wrong, I think that anger is precious. A silverback uses his anger to maintain order and warn his troop of danger. Of course, you aren’t a silverback and Chuck hardly constitutes a troop. With how I am feeling, with what I have to prove, you need to be at your best.  THAT is why I wanted this match with you, Sebastian. Despite the things I’ve said, all valid points, by the why, I wanted this match for a reason. Believe it or not, it’s because I actually respect you. We have reached the point where no one else is a viable challenger for you. Chuck is only here because he seized his opportunity when I should have had my guard up. But I have to admit, Sebastian, of all the foes I have faced in my career, you are easily one of the most tenacious, most talented and most dangerous opponents to cross my path. In return, what I am is one of the most methodical, intellectual, and indomitable forces you will ever face. I have all the physical and mental tools to eviscerate you. The concern for you is that I lack the remorse to prevent me from doing it.”